Question:

;What I meant to say, and obviously didn’t put into words well, is that some ;children take longer than others (and although you are dead set on not ;hearing it, it is not unusual for a child to not be potty trained by 3 ;1/2…especially boys).  Additionally, if they are going to the potty and ;using it on a regular basis without accidents, then all of the sudden they ;start having frequent accidents…well something has to have caused that. I agree about some children (mostly boys) not being ready much before 3, 3 1/2 being a bit over to me. However, boys have a harder time with bladder control than do girls and _that_ is the reason why we use pull-ups at nights and on drives to/from my inlaws house (3 hours), although I wouldn’t use them on the drive but it was my wife’s call since it was she driving them down. The reason for the pull-ups at night is that, like most boys, he doesn’t have full control of his bladder while sleeping. However, in deference to walker, we’ve (being all of us) set a goal of waking up with dry pants. He’s already achieved this during naps for the most part, having accidents only when he’s in a very deep sleep. Caleb, BTW, got through the first day back to preschool without incident, and there’s not been another accident since the one of the deck, bu

Question:

I tried putting my son on Similac, he reacted horribly to it, projectile vomiting it all back up.   I think each baby is different.  You should consult your pediatrician though.  Mine said the barley formula I make is fine (it doesn’t contain solids though) and my baby loves it and I still alternate it with breastfeeding. A good book for this kind of stuff is also "What to Expect The First Year" by Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi E. Murkoff & Sandee E. Hathaway, B.S.N. According to this book it depends on your baby and it has a very enlightening section regarding research on solids in babies and how to test if your baby is ready.  Age is not the only determining factor.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Are you saying you fed your daughters cereal when the were one week old? >Is this now or 30 years age? > They are 6 and 4. And when I did it, I did "some" research on it. In other > countries where formula and the such is not so available and in cases when the > birth moms cannot breastfeed, this practice is done. As far as for me, I went > to my doctor for her checkups and both were not satisfied and he suggested > water, which really did not do any good. And then he suggested smaller feedings > more frequently and again this did nothing….so I checked out a few books from > the library and, yes, time ago this was the way that some remedied their > situations. I aksed my mother and she said that all of us kids were on cereal > at one to two weeks and none of us with allergies, etc. SO I decided to give it > a try. Voila…great results. It is not for everybody and this is just my > opinion, but I think what is good for the goose is not always good for the > gander. This pertaining to either side. Was just my opinion and I did toil and > look into it very keenly before trying. I will say and this is not to refute > anyone, because God knows I am a mistake making mother….but sometimes I do go > against what my doctor says because quite frequently what is bad for my child > one week becomes the miracle answer the next according to media and medical > findings. What’s a mom to do? > Cathy

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>You day your child is 4 wks old and you’re feeding her already? This is >definately way too soon.

I hope I do not get bombarded for this, but I have to disagree…..my daughters both were not getting enough from formula and I fed them cereal both from a week on and neither has <knock on wood> allergies or medical related problems. They slept better and longer and were more alert throughout the day when they had a little bit more in their tummies. Cathy

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> >You day your child is 4 wks old and you’re feeding her already? This is >definately way too soon. > I hope I do not get bombarded for this, but I have to disagree…..my daughters > both were not getting enough from formula and I fed them cereal both from a > week on and neither has <knock on wood> allergies or medical related problems. > They slept better and longer and were more alert throughout the day when they > had a little bit more in their tummies.

Don’t know whether you’ll think this is ‘bombarding’…I’ll try to be gentle. A *week*? Wow. Did a doctor advise this or did you decide to try this on your own? Do you know that the current recommendation of the American Academy of Pediatrics is that solids shouldn’t be given before 4-6 *months*? Research has shown that babies that young are physically unable to digest cereal until around 4 months, so giving cereal before then just replaces the digestible calories provided by breastmilk or formula with the equivalent of ‘junk food’ (Actually, worse than junk food, since junk food does provide calories!). Early exposure to solids increases the *risk* of developing allergies, so the fact that your kids haven’t yet developed allergies isn’t really counter-evidence. I’m glad that the early solids seemed to help your kids, but *please* do some research before recommending it to other parents…there is no evidence that early introduction of  solids is beneficial, and there *is* evidence that it can be detrimental. Laura Uerling

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>Are you saying you fed your daughters cereal when the were one week old?   >Is this now or 30 years age?

They are 6 and 4. And when I did it, I did "some" research on it. In other countries where formula and the such is not so available and in cases when the birth moms cannot breastfeed, this practice is done. As far as for me, I went to my doctor for her checkups and both were not satisfied and he suggested water, which really did not do any good. And then he suggested smaller feedings more frequently and again this did nothing….so I checked out a few books from the library and, yes, time ago this was the way that some remedied their situations. I aksed my mother and she said that all of us kids were on cereal at one to two weeks and none of us with allergies, etc. SO I decided to give it a try. Voila…great results. It is not for everybody and this is just my opinion, but I think what is good for the goose is not always good for the gander. This pertaining to either side. Was just my opinion and I did toil and look into it very keenly before trying. I will say and this is not to refute anyone, because God knows I am a mistake making mother….but sometimes I do go against what my doctor says because quite frequently what is bad for my child one week becomes the miracle answer the next according to media and medical findings. What’s a mom to do? Cathy

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: I hope I do not get bombarded for this, but I have to disagree…..my : daughters both were not getting enough from formula and I fed them : cereal both from a week on and neither has <knock on wood> allergies or : medical related problems.  They slept better and longer and were more : alert throughout the day when they had a little bit more in their tummies. : Cathy Cathy, Are you saying you fed your daughters cereal when the were one week old?   Is this now or 30 years age?  I ask because although I know that early solids were commonly recommended many years ago, I’m not aware of a single reputable source that recommends this today.  In fact, most sources recommend no solids at all until at least 4 months and I believe that current thinking suggests that it is best to wait until 6 months.   Cathy – Mom to Conor and Liam (4/23/94)

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Well I didn’t see the original post (messed up with the synchronization thingy and lost it!) but I just wanted to inform everyone that it is a medically proven fact that the longer you wait to give your child solids, the better.  If you feed them solids too soon your child could develop allergies (among other things).  I would talk to a doctor prior to giving your child any solids.  I made the mistake with my daughter of giving her solids too soon (was told it would help her sleep through the night…what a crock!) but with my next child I’m going to ‘tough it out’.  It also helps that I will know more of what to expect next time. Good luck! Annie Single Parent Support Group http://www.SingleParents.net

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I can’t believe how much pressure there is out there to feed solids foods > to very young babies.  With my second, I was pretty adamant that she was > not to have anything other than breast milk for the first 6 months (she > was growing great and having plenty of wet and messy diapers on breast > milk–so why do more???)–and the baby sitter snuck her baby food.  Really > irked me.  With my first, my parents got out the baby book and showed me > where I ate baby food at 3 weeks, as did my brother, and insinuated that > it wasn’t normal not to do so.  I can’t imagine why you would feed solids > to a little person that can’t even sit up on their own and often doesn’t > know how to eat without spitting 95% of it right back out!  I know it > "fills them up more"–it certainly isn’t the best fod for them at that > age. > I know a lot of people–including two of my sister-in-laws–that say they > quit nursing because they "couldn’t produce enough milk."  Come to find > out, when questioning them, that they thought they weren’t producing > enough because their baby wanted to nurse every two hours.  Apparently, no > one told them this was the way breastfeding works–or they didn’t want the > hassle of unbuttoning their shirt so often.  Breastfeeding takes a certain > amount of dedication–but if you choose to follow through with it (and not > succomb to pressure to supplement too early with solids)–it is certainly > the best choice for mom and baby (and society if you look at the bigger > picture).  I nursed Josie all the way to the table–she never had any baby > food or formula–and she is the best little athlete I have ever > encountered.  Was it easy?  No.  Would I do it again?  In an instant. > kendra > mom to cody, almost 6; josie, 22 months; and patrick, brand new (and > crying to be breastfed right now!)

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You day your child is 4 wks old and you’re feeding her already? This is definately way too soon. You shouldn’t start introducing foods until she’s 3 months old. If she needs something more, trying a little water. She definately doesn’t need anything else right now. Studies have proven that when a child is introduced to solid foods too early, they develope more allergies and have a harder time with their digestion of foods. Please try to have a little patience and lay off the rice. HAVE A GREAT DAY!! ;-) http://community.webtv.net/Spyro4me/Justalittleaboutme

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She doesn’t need water either — that can kill. Breast or [formula] bottle.  Period. –Janet Elliot, Hanna, Connor  (10/21/96)

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You day your child is 4 wks old and you’re feeding her already? This is > definately way too soon. You shouldn’t start introducing foods until > she’s 3 months old. If she needs something more, trying a little water. > She definately doesn’t need anything else right now. Studies have proven > that when a child is introduced to solid foods too early, they develope > more allergies and have a harder time with their digestion of foods. > Please try to have a little patience and lay off the rice. > HAVE A GREAT DAY!! ;-) > http://community.webtv.net/Spyro4me/Justalittleaboutme

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Ok Folks her is the biz :) > I have had two previous children both boys and have never seen this from a > child. Our newborn daughter now 5 1/2 Lbs was gaining weight so fast she > sometimes looked as though she were swollen. Doctor visits confirmed she was > healthy happy and content. There is nothing wrong with this baby. In the > past week alone she has grown two inches. Here is our theory. She has > nothing to poop. She is feeding evey 1 1/2 Hrs now Urinating constantly. She > doesnt have that puffy look anymore as she is now streching out. WE have > taken her off the pablum and started her on formula to help mom. She still > has pooped but she shows no signs of being uncomfortable and is very happy. > The Hospital said after three days to come in and they will give her a > suppository but we decided to wait and see what happens.

I can’t quite tell from the above, but it sounds like the sole problem is that she hasn’t pooped in a couple of days? That is absolutely *not* a reason to worry, unless it goes on for a long time (say a week or more), or if the baby seems uncomfortable or is not producing urine. Newborns *usually* poop several times a day until they are few weeks old, at which time they start pooping one a day or once every couple of days. Some babies go the once-every-few-days route from birth. When my son went several days without pooping, my doc, as well as telling me what I wrote above, recommended putting a teaspoon or so of corn syrup into some formula or EBM. Worked great, though it might have just been time for him to ‘go’ anyway. When the poop does come, as long it’s not really hard constipation-type stool, she should be fine. By the way, I agree 100% with what Barbara wrote below. As long as your baby is healthy and energetic and producing lots of wet diapers, she is *fine* and your wife does *not* have a supply problem. I’m happy to hear that you discontinued the pablum, since it’s *much* too early for that. I would also recommend trying to eliminate all the formula supplementation too, since there doesn’t seem to be any reason for it, and going with exclusive breastfeeding gives babies the maximum health benefit. One last thing, like Barbara, I would recommend that you look into getting a new pediatrician, since the ones that gave the advice to supplement with solids at 4 weeks are at least 10 years out of date. Good luck! Laura Uerling – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> personally think starting small amounts of solid food at four weeks is >>appropriate. >The American Academy of Pediatrics disagrees with you, and I’d take their >advice over a layperson’s any day. The current recommendation is for babies >to have nothing but breastmilk or formula until at least 4 months of age and >ideally until 6 months. >>I was started on strained bananas at 4 weeks >And my mom switched me from breastmilk to whole cow’s milk at 20 weeks. Does >that mean it was the best, healthiest thing for me? >>and my kids were >>started on rice cereal.  This was done because my doctor recommended it. >Then your doctor was almost certainly not following the pediatric guidelines >for solid food introduction, because it’s been at least 4 months of age for >quite some years now. >>My children were born nine and ten pounders and had big appetites. >My son was 8 lbs. at birth. On breastmilk alone, he went to 11 lbs. at one >month, 14 at two months, and 17 at 3 months. He ate a lot during those >months. The notion that big babies need something other than breastmilk is >not supported by the evidence. >>In the olden days, children always ate solid foods early. >Which "olden days" are we talking about? ‘Cuz I’m betting your average cave >baby didn’t eat solids until he or she was 6 months or older. After all, >Gerber wasn’t making easy-to-mix rice cereal back in those days! >>It helps fill them up for longer periods of time. >While this may be true, early solids fill babies up with empty calories. >Breastmilk is the perfect food for a newborn infant; solid foods are not >nearly as complete in the nutrients newborns need for healthy development. >When you feed a small baby solid foods, you’re simply filling the baby with >relatively empty calories which can also be difficult for baby to digest, >leading to bowel troubles. >>I would think the doctors advice is appropriate. >But the AAP says it isn’t. Some doctors are old-fashioned and out-of-touch >with current guidelines. That’s why it behooves parents to know what the >current guidelines are for such things so they can evaluate their doctors >against standard of care. >– >Be well, Barbara (Julian [7/22/97] and Aurora’s [7/19/99] mom)

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I am not trying to fight with you but my third child weighed 12lbs and he ate alot of formula but their digestive systems can be damaged eating too soon because they are not developed enough to handle solid foods. You are very lucky that nothing happened. Please understand I am not trying to fight with you and you have your opinion and I respect that. thanks barb

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I can’t believe how much pressure there is out there to feed solids foods to very young babies.  With my second, I was pretty adamant that she was not to have anything other than breast milk for the first 6 months (she was growing great and having plenty of wet and messy diapers on breast milk–so why do more???)–and the baby sitter snuck her baby food.  Really irked me.  With my first, my parents got out the baby book and showed me where I ate baby food at 3 weeks, as did my brother, and insinuated that it wasn’t normal not to do so.  I can’t imagine why you would feed solids to a little person that can’t even sit up on their own and often doesn’t know how to eat without spitting 95% of it right back out!  I know it "fills them up more"–it certainly isn’t the best fod for them at that age. I know a lot of people–including two of my sister-in-laws–that say they quit nursing because they "couldn’t produce enough milk."  Come to find out, when questioning them, that they thought they weren’t producing enough because their baby wanted to nurse every two hours.  Apparently, no one told them this was the way breastfeding works–or they didn’t want the hassle of unbuttoning their shirt so often.  Breastfeeding takes a certain amount of dedication–but if you choose to follow through with it (and not succomb to pressure to supplement too early with solids)–it is certainly the best choice for mom and baby (and society if you look at the bigger picture).  I nursed Josie all the way to the table–she never had any baby food or formula–and she is the best little athlete I have ever encountered.  Was it easy?  No.  Would I do it again?  In an instant. kendra mom to cody, almost 6; josie, 22 months; and patrick, brand new (and crying to be breastfed right now!)

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Ok Folks her is the biz :) I have had two previous children both boys and have never seen this from a child. Our newborn daughter now 5 1/2 Lbs was gaining weight so fast she sometimes looked as though she were swollen. Doctor visits confirmed she was healthy happy and content. There is nothing wrong with this baby. In the past week alone she has grown two inches. Here is our theory. She has nothing to poop. She is feeding evey 1 1/2 Hrs now Urinating constantly. She doesnt have that puffy look anymore as she is now streching out. WE have taken her off the pablum and started her on formula to help mom. She still has pooped but she shows no signs of being uncomfortable and is very happy. The Hospital said after three days to come in and they will give her a suppository but we decided to wait and see what happens.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> personally think starting small amounts of solid food at four weeks is >appropriate. >The American Academy of Pediatrics disagrees with you, and I’d take their >advice over a layperson’s any day. The current recommendation is for babies >to have nothing but breastmilk or formula until at least 4 months of age and >ideally until 6 months. >I was started on strained bananas at 4 weeks >And my mom switched me from breastmilk to whole cow’s milk at 20 weeks. Does >that mean it was the best, healthiest thing for me? >and my kids were >started on rice cereal.  This was done because my doctor recommended it. >Then your doctor was almost certainly not following the pediatric guidelines >for solid food introduction, because it’s been at least 4 months of age for >quite some years now. >My children were born nine and ten pounders and had big appetites. >My son was 8 lbs. at birth. On breastmilk alone, he went to 11 lbs. at one >month, 14 at two months, and 17 at 3 months. He ate a lot during those >months. The notion that big babies need something other than breastmilk is >not supported by the evidence. >In the olden days, children always ate solid foods early. >Which "olden days" are we talking about? ‘Cuz I’m betting your average cave >baby didn’t eat solids until he or she was 6 months or older. After all, >Gerber wasn’t making easy-to-mix rice cereal back in those days! >It helps fill them up for longer periods of time. >While this may be true, early solids fill babies up with empty calories. >Breastmilk is the perfect food for a newborn infant; solid foods are not >nearly as complete in the nutrients newborns need for healthy development. >When you feed a small baby solid foods, you’re simply filling the baby with >relatively empty calories which can also be difficult for baby to digest, >leading to bowel troubles. >I would think the doctors advice is appropriate. >But the AAP says it isn’t. Some doctors are old-fashioned and out-of-touch >with current guidelines. That’s why it behooves parents to know what the >current guidelines are for such things so they can evaluate their doctors >against standard of care. >– >Be well, Barbara (Julian [7/22/97] and Aurora’s [7/19/99] mom) >Michelle…mommy of 3

Response:

Hi!  I can agree on it being too soon to feed the baby solids.  I use a barley water formula for my 1 month old.  There’s no solids in it, it’s simply the water from boiling barley wrapped in muslin for 6 1/2 hours (there’s more to it than that though) and it’s very high in protein and builds really strong bones.  (Let me know if you’re interested in the recipe, it’s really a relief for breastfeeding constantly). But he sometimes gets constipated.  I just console him when he screams and I give him a sterilized bottle with distilled water and within an hour or two he has a full diaper.  On the one occasion that this did not work, I gave him warm distilled water with a tablespoon of light corn syrup (Karo brand) and he produced two full diapers in a row.  Check with your doc before doing this though.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> We just had a wonderful Baby girl 4 weeks ago and she is growing right > before my eyes. She started at 7lbs 13oz and she is now 12 1/2 lbs. My > problem is this because she is growing so fast she was overwhelming my wife > with the number of feedings( a full 20 minute feed every two hours) we > started giving her small amounts of rice pablum to supplement the breast > milk and give her something more solid to digest. We started with a teaspoon > every night feeding to about a tablespoon. Now she seems to be constipated > she hasent had a bowel movement in a day and a half. She seems ok except for > periods where she screams for an hour and nothing you do will stop her. The > doctors say wait three days and see but I don’t want to leave it that long. > Is this normal when the child has a small change of diet. is there a way to > prevent it and what can I do for her now. > Any advice would be appretiated

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We just had a wonderful Baby girl 4 weeks ago and she is growing right before my eyes. She started at 7lbs 13oz and she is now 12 1/2 lbs. My problem is this because she is growing so fast she was overwhelming my wife with the number of feedings( a full 20 minute feed every two hours) we started giving her small amounts of rice pablum to supplement the breast milk and give her something more solid to digest. We started with a teaspoon every night feeding to about a tablespoon. Now she seems to be constipated she hasent had a bowel movement in a day and a half. She seems ok except for periods where she screams for an hour and nothing you do will stop her. The doctors say wait three days and see but I don’t want to leave it that long. Is this normal when the child has a small change of diet. is there a way to prevent it and what can I do for her now. Any advice would be appretiated

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Did your doctor recommend the rice?  I would try to not feed the solids to a baby so young . . . I nursed my son every 1.5 hours, around the clock.  He was about three months old before he went down to two feedings during the night. I was completely exhausted.  He was very healthy, and the breast milk kept his bowels regular, and his stomach settled.  I’d think hard about staying on the rice – exhaustion is just part of the price you pay for parenthood! Isa Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and good with ketchup.

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>Did your doctor recommend the rice?  I would try to not feed the solids to a >baby so young . . .

Interesting the Doctor suggested we start the pablum as she was overeating and this would help curb the hungry feeling that brought on the feedings. We thought she was comfort nursing but colleen cant produce enough milk to keep up with her. Confused

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I would have a big problem with a Doctor who says to feed a 4 weeks old baby cereal. Their systems can not handle it and is it any wonder she is having bowel problems. I would suppilment with formula before I would consider giving a child that young solid food. Is your wife producing enough milk that at the end of the feeding the baby is satisfied?? Have you tried not feeding the baby right away?? Maybe try rocking or soft singing or just cuddling. Sometimes babies especially that age cry and they are not hungry but will feed for the sucking motion. Hope this helps barb mom of Meghan 8, Joey 6 and Tommy 3.

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>I would have a big problem with a Doctor who says to feed a 4 weeks old >baby cereal. Their systems can not handle it and is it any wonder she is >having bowel problems. I would suppilment with formula before I would >consider giving a child that young solid food. Is your wife producing >enough milk that at the end of the feeding the baby is satisfied?? Have >you tried not feeding the baby right away?? Maybe try rocking or soft >singing or just cuddling. Sometimes babies especially that age cry and >they are not hungry but will feed for the sucking motion. >Hope this helps >barb >mom of Meghan 8, Joey 6 and Tommy 3.

http://www.angelfire.com/ab/adoptbs  personally think starting small amounts of solid food at four weeks is appropriate.  I was started on strained bananas at 4 weeks and my kids were started on rice cereal.  This was done because my doctor recommended it.  My children were born nine and ten pounders and had big appetites.  In the olden days, children always ate solid foods early.  It helps fill them up for longer periods of time.  I would think the doctors advice is appropriate. Michelle…mommy of 3

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The recipe would be great. She still hasnt filled her diaper but her mood is great. She only complains once or twice a day. We called another doctor about the pablum and she says it should be fine. By the way she was up on her hands and knees last night while I was playing with her. Is this normal for a 5 week old baby cause it sure freaked me out :) Daddy going WOW – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Hi!  I can agree on it being too soon to feed the baby solids.  I use a >barley water formula for my 1 month old.  There’s no solids in it, it’s >simply the water from boiling barley wrapped in muslin for 6 1/2 hours >(there’s more to it than that though) and it’s very high in protein and >builds really strong bones.  (Let me know if you’re interested in the >recipe, it’s really a relief for breastfeeding constantly).

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>>Did your doctor recommend the rice?  I would try to not feed the solids to >a >baby so young . . . >Interesting the Doctor suggested we start the pablum as she was overeating >and this would help curb the hungry feeling that brought on the feedings.

I am looking for the moment like the person in Edvard Munch’s _The Scream. Two-hourly, 20 minute feeding are NORMAL, and TO BE EXPECTED for a breastfed newborn (yes, I am yelling). My 7 week old still eats *at least* that often, and she’s hardly overfed. This is absolutely TERRIBLE advice from your pediatrician. He/she doesn’t understand breastfeeding and the current AAP recommendations if he/she told you this. Based on this, I would be looking for another pediatrician NOW! >We >thought she was comfort nursing but colleen cant produce enough milk to keep >up with her.

Your wife will almost certainly be able to produce enough milk *if* she nurses your baby whenever your baby wants for as long as she wants. At around 3-4 weeks, many babies experience a growth spurt, during which time they seem to nurse constantly. They do so because breastfeeding is a demand and supply system — that is, the more the baby demands, the more supply there will be. Please, please, please give up on the supplements, whether pablum or formula. Unless your baby is dehydrated or gaining weight very poorly, there’s simply no reason to give her anything but breastmilk. — Be well, Barbara (Julian [7/22/97] and Aurora’s [7/19/99] mom)

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> personally think starting small amounts of solid food at four weeks is >appropriate.

The American Academy of Pediatrics disagrees with you, and I’d take their advice over a layperson’s any day. The current recommendation is for babies to have nothing but breastmilk or formula until at least 4 months of age and ideally until 6 months. >I was started on strained bananas at 4 weeks

And my mom switched me from breastmilk to whole cow’s milk at 20 weeks. Does that mean it was the best, healthiest thing for me? >and my kids were >started on rice cereal.  This was done because my doctor recommended it.

Then your doctor was almost certainly not following the pediatric guidelines for solid food introduction, because it’s been at least 4 months of age for quite some years now. >My children were born nine and ten pounders and had big appetites.

My son was 8 lbs. at birth. On breastmilk alone, he went to 11 lbs. at one month, 14 at two months, and 17 at 3 months. He ate a lot during those months. The notion that big babies need something other than breastmilk is not supported by the evidence. >In the olden days, children always ate solid foods early.

Which "olden days" are we talking about? ‘Cuz I’m betting your average cave baby didn’t eat solids until he or she was 6 months or older. After all, Gerber wasn’t making easy-to-mix rice cereal back in those days! >It helps fill them up for longer periods of time.

While this may be true, early solids fill babies up with empty calories. Breastmilk is the perfect food for a newborn infant; solid foods are not nearly as complete in the nutrients newborns need for healthy development. When you feed a small baby solid foods, you’re simply filling the baby with relatively empty calories which can also be difficult for baby to digest, leading to bowel troubles. >I would think the doctors advice is appropriate.

But the AAP says it isn’t. Some doctors are old-fashioned and out-of-touch with current guidelines. That’s why it behooves parents to know what the current guidelines are for such things so they can evaluate their doctors against standard of care. — Be well, Barbara (Julian [7/22/97] and Aurora’s [7/19/99] mom) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Michelle…mommy of 3

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Did your doctor recommend the rice?  I would try to not feed the solids to >a >baby so young . . . >Interesting the Doctor suggested we start the pablum as she was overeating >and this would help curb the hungry feeling that brought on the feedings. We >thought she was comfort nursing but colleen cant produce enough milk to keep >up with her. >Confused

Infants this age do not overfeed, imo.  When they are going through growth spurts they nurse a lot in order to increase your supply.  Try a lactation consultant and see what she says. Generally, peds here are not recommending solids until 4 to 6 months. Dorothy

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What does the pediatrician say about giving a baby this young rice pablum? I think that I would stop this if it is causing her a problem.  Rice cereal is constipating and little ones do not need it at this age, imo.  Check with your doctor, but it seems to me that going back to breastmilk only is the best answer.  The nursing will be a lot for a while until the baby builds the supply back up, but which would you rather have, a bit of exhaustion for a while or a constipated baby? Dorothy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >We just had a wonderful Baby girl 4 weeks ago and she is growing right >before my eyes. She started at 7lbs 13oz and she is now 12 1/2 lbs. My >problem is this because she is growing so fast she was overwhelming my wife >with the number of feedings( a full 20 minute feed every two hours) we >started giving her small amounts of rice pablum to supplement the breast >milk and give her something more solid to digest. We started with a teaspoon >every night feeding to about a tablespoon. Now she seems to be constipated >she hasent had a bowel movement in a day and a half. She seems ok except for >periods where she screams for an hour and nothing you do will stop her. The >doctors say wait three days and see but I don’t want to leave it that long. >Is this normal when the child has a small change of diet. is there a way to >prevent it and what can I do for her now. >Any advice would be appretiated

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>Does anyone have any suggestions?

Hmm . . . I’m from the States, and here we have a wonderful parent support group for tough children . . . it’s called Tough Love . . .  it’s everywhere . . . do you have a group like this, or this group, in England? Isa If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.

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Dawn, I really feel for you.  It must feel like you are in a real no-win situation.  I am in the US and do not know your social services system at all. But, I do know ours and I can tell you one way to get everyone’s attention over here if nothing else seems to be working:  write everybody in political office you can think of, and especially your representatives in the House of Commons [I think that's the right one, isn't it?].  Give them all the dirty details of how you have asked for help, how you don’t seem to be getting effective help and *especially* mention the fire-setting both your son and daughter are doing.  That is a significant red flag that there are real problems. If you were over here I’d strongly suggest that you get all the children full psychological evaluations that are based on personality and projective testing, that includes a diagnosis on all five axies and has recommendations for treatment.  Then, I would use those evals. to badger everybody in the whole of Gt. Britian to get exactly what they recommend and nothing less. If you jump up and down loudly enough you ought to get action.  Don’t give up, drive them up a wall with your incessant requests.  Don’t take no no or platitudes for answers.  Go for everything you need like a mother bear fights for her cubs. Good luck.  Let us know how things go, too. – Aula

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Hi Dawn, My first thought was to wonder about sending what you just sent us to some politicians or even the media.  (I know I’ve said in other threads about the media being sensationalized hyenas but this is one thing that they are very good at, bringing a story to people’s attention.)  The only big problem with this is the fact that your kids may react strongly to it.  Then again, from what you wrote, it seems like you’re at the end of the road anyway and a new avenue may be your only course of action now.  I really feel for your situation.  From what I hear public services, especially the health related ones, in most countries are very sub-standard. Case in Point: We had a mother here in New Zealand in the news a couple of years back who strangled her autistic daughter because none of the appropriate care givers were giving her the help and support she needed to look after her.  The story is not that simple of course but it was very interesting.  Basically this daughter was way out of control, and the mother had been told to keep her at home as she was too destructive for other patients to stay in the proper mental hospitals.  This mother also had two pre-schoolers (the autistic daughter was in her early twenties) and was basically driven to dire straits hence the strangulation.  She served 18 months of a life sentence I think, the court recognized that she was unnecessarily put under too much stress by an incompetent mental health system. Anyway, that was just an example of the poor health systems in place in the world today, but also I think that you can’t let it get any further out of hand.  Your son seemed to confess that he was scared for his life or for someone else’s at his hands, that is a huge red flashing light. All I can say is that you may need to take this up to the people on the next level.  Don’t stop until someone listens to you and understands that you need their help.  Exaggerate the truth a little if it gets your story heard. Case in Point #2: I have suffered from sometimes crippling pain in my lower right abdomen ever since I had a succession of ovarian cysts.  For three years many doctors told me the same thing: "Take some panadol for the pain".  No-one tried to diagnose me as that would mean they have to actually do their job.  I was banging my head against brick walls. Finally I had enough and went to a doctor for the pain but confessed that it was getting too much for me and I wanted some information on a hysterectomy.  I was 23!  He suddenly started listening to me and immediately wrote a referral letter to a specialist about my pain.  The specialist agreed that I needed exploratory surgery to find out what the problem is and referred me to the hospital who also agreed and put me on the waiting list.  I got my surgery a year later but had to postpone due to pregnancy.  I now am expecting the letter about my surgery anyday.  I didn’t exaggerate about wanting a hysterectomy but the doctor thought I was.  It made him listen to me and that’s what was important.  I just found the road I had to take to achieve this somewhat interesting. Anyway, I wish you good luck for whatever you decide to do.  I hope I have helped in some small way, take care – of you and those children of yours, Leonie. Ps.  Your husband sounds like a jerk and it’s great that you have finally realized this.  I hope after you mend your children’s hearts you can mend your own and make a happier life for yourself.

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Hello everyone I  am relatively new to this group but I am writing to you in desperation!. I must admit to feeling very strange doing this, exposing myslf for all to see and awaiting the response and criticism.  However I suppose I have nothing to lose so I will go ahead. Firstly its going to be hard to condense the information but I will do my best. I have four children 19,16,13 and 11.  I have been married for 22 years to a man who I was totally in love and obbsessed with until about two years ago when I suddenly realise what a shit head he was!  He has treated me badly all our married life but as I say I was either too in love or too stupid to see before.  Again without going into reams of information, lets just say that he is totally selfish and thinks only of himself. He cant settle in one place and likes to move around a lot: we have moved to Wales, then back to Essex, then to Wales again, then to Essex, then to Wales again etc this has gone on on and on several times.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  I hate moving but always went along with it because he would get really fed up where he was and assure me that things would be different when we moved, or we would have more room, more work, more money etc.  Sometimes I objected strongly but usually I gave him and we moved.  So the children have moved about a bit and gone to various schools in England and Wales. My 19 year old seemed to go through it ok and ended up with lots of qualifications.  She is now living with her boyfriend in another part of England and we talk every day and see each other every other week or so, we have a great relationship and she is a lovely and caring girl.  However my son who is 16 in a couple of weeks was a different matter,  He suffered badly at school in wales because of the welsh language and not paying attention.  When we came back to England when he was 8 he couldnt read at all and I end up sending him to a private tutor to bring him up to date, luckily in 6 months she got him up to his mental age.  Then we went back to Wales again and stayed there for about four years.  He hated it there and kept saying he wanted to go back to Essex.  He started saying he was ill and wouldnt go to school.  We moved back here and he had a friend he went around with, stayed out all night (at 13 and without permission) started drinking, going to parties and taking drugs : cannabis speed etc I believe but I only found out a bout this much later.  He eventually fell out with the friend and a major fall out was present, this other boy started bullying my son Dean to the extent that he didnt want to go to school,  We insisted that he went and then one day he lost his cool and punched this other boy and knocked him out!  This didnt improve things and then all the other boys friends also picked on Dean.  One night the police brought him home and said 10 boys were trying to get him and push him in the road outside the school. he wouldnt go back to school after that and eventually after a long wait he was referred to a child psychologist.  This went on for about two years and was not really a great deal of help.  We got a 20 min appointment about once a month which just skimmed on the outside of it all.  They did get him into another school but after a few months he just refused to go again saying people were getting him. In the end he wasnt going to school and if he ever went out with me on public transport we would see one of the boys or their friends and they would laugh at him, put fingers up, try and trip him up etc.  It got to the stage that once Dean ran out of the house with a kitchen knife and said he was going to wait for the boy and kill him.    so he wouldnt go out of the house and he wouldnt go on public transport at all, not even with me in the end.  We told the police and they spoke to people, we also sa some of the parents  but nothing really got any better My husband move back to wales.  by this time the marriage was getting worse so I didnt go back.  Dean went with him for a while and stayed ther.  But all the time he wanted me to go back there too.  I was a bit vague about it because I didnt want to go back but at the same time I dint want him to feel I had abandoned him. Then he  went around with a friend in Wales and started a fire on an old bus.  the fire spread and the whole bus ended up in flames.  The police went to see my husband and arrested Dean.  Dean told them it was an accident and they didnt know it would spread, they just lit a match and it all went up. It ended up causing

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I am sorry that I can not give you good news, but I can tell you what I did.  My sister-in-law(who lives two states away) called my husband up and was crying that her children(at the time they were 12, 11, 10, 9, & 7) never listen to her and were little terrors.  We invited the children to our house, on one condition, our house meant our rules. My sister in law believes that yelling and screaming are in order for children to hear her, she lets them do anything, say anything they want. When they came to our house, they were expected to do chores and respect themselves and others around them, if they didn’t there were consequences, and the consequences were enforced (unlike their mother who said no tv for a week, it meant for one hour, at the most). It did not take them very long to figure out what was expected from them at our house, we had one week of consequences and six weeks of fun and laughter. When we took them back to my sister in law(which they didn’t want to go back yet) she was amazed at their behavior and that they listened to me and my husband.  We told her how and why and have been telling her ever since then, she will not listen or change. So my advice to you is if you keep watching her children, your house means your rules, and let her know that. As far as giving her advice, well the best advice you can give her is showing her by example, otherwise you may be talking into thin air. Please Email me if you would like. Kari(proud mom to Kristopher 3/29/95) In Him we are All Related And let us consider how we may Spur one another on toward Love and Good Deeds. Love Conquers All

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Krista,    Boy can I relate to your posting. I have a SIL that I babysit for often.   The first times I had her children (she has 4) they were horrible.  The next time I explained to them the rules of behavior at our house.  Since then when I keep them they are wonderful.  Sometimes I have some or all of them for 2-4 weeks in the winter and we never have a problem.  She will come to the house and ask me why they are so good at my house.  It’s because I set limits for them and they know that.  I also have 4 of my own children and it wouldn’t be fair to them to have different rules for them then for their cousins.  I do not have her babysit for me because our parenting styles are so different (didn’t I put that nicely).         Good luck!!!!            Deb

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> One potential problem may occur… the children’s parents may decide that > they do not like their children being punished by you.  At this point, > I would draw the line.  If they won’t allow you to enforce your rules > for their children, I would not watch the children.

This potential problem of the parents not wanting you to discipline their kids could be a blessing.  YOu can just say "This is how it is at our house.  If you don’t like it, don’t ask me to watch them anymore." Presto–you’re free of babysitting duty! Kelly

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I feel for you.  It’s a sticky situation, but someone has to take control.  If YOU don’t, the situation will continue to control you.  You can’t change the way someone else chooses to raise their children.  But you can choose to do what’s best for your family.  Your husband can either talk to them himself (probably with no results), or you can remove yourself from the situation…maybe just honestly tell your SIL that watching that many kids at one time has become too much for you.   If she asks why, then continue to honestly tell her that they don’t listen to you, or respect your rules at your house (minding, language, etc.) and that you have a problem with that….so you won’t be able to watch them anymore.  Your husband will get over it eventually.  And the child the two of you share will be better off.  Hopefully there’s a parent support group, a babysitting co-op, or some recource in your town that you can tap into.  It seems like a hassle at first, but once you establish a couple good relationships it will all be worth it.  Good luck. Karen (mom of Miles 7, Chloe 2)

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writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My sister-in-law and I trade off babysitting duties for each other every >other weekend.  She has three kids, seven, four and 2 mos, all girls; my >husband and I have one, a  5 mo daughter.   >My husband and I are having a conflict now because I don’t want to take >care of those children ever again, nor do I want our child anywhere near >them.  My SIL refuses to discipline her children and basically lets them >run wild.  She swears that she doesn’t understand why they act the way >they do (example:  The seven year old was caught stealing out of her >teacher’s(!!!!) desk at school.  She and her husband decided that she >wouldn’t be allowed to watch tv for a week as punishment (she let us know >this by phone).  Two hours later, my husband and I come over to find her >watching tv!!).  Also, the children have NO respect for adults and have >horrible language. >I can obviously see that my sil and her husband need to use some >discipline and ENFORCE it.  However, they find it just hilarious that >their four year old daughter uses the f- word and their seven year old is >teaching her!  So you can see why I want my child nowhere near them? My >husband doesn’t want to lose our babysitting co-op (since we don’t really >know anyone else in town) and is encouraging ME to talk to my >sister-in-law about her parenting skills (or lack thereof) .  I really >don’t see it as my place; I feel that if anyone should talk to them, it >should be him or their mother, NOT ME! >Can anyone empathize/give advice in this situation?  I would certainly >appreciate it! >Thanks in advance, >Krista (mom to Sarah, 12/2/95)

I doubt anything your mother-in-law or your husband could say would make any difference, and could actually cause a big rift in your family.  My advice would be to find another babysitter.  Ask for recommendations from other Moms and Dads in your neighborhood.  Maybe you won’t be able to go out as much if the money is tight and sitters are expensive, but you would have peace of mind knowing that your baby is in good hands and you are not obligated to reciprocate sitter services.  If I were you, I’d make up some reasonable excuse for the change so your sister-in-law is not offended.  Perhaps you could say since your own daughter is becoming more active, you are just not up to taking care of four children at a time.  Another excuse that you could give (if you have been taking your daughter to your sister-in-law’s home for sitting) is that now your daughter is older you want her to be cared for in your own home where she can fall asleep in her own bed at night.  Good luck.     Margaret

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Hi!         It sounds like this is a horrible situation!!  I don’t blame you in the least for not wanting to watch these kids ever again.  For starters, it sounds like you had the short end of the stick anyway, because you watched three active independent kids, and she watched one baby who can’t get around yet!  But if this is what those kids are like, I wouldn’t even try to salvage it.  Even if you talk to your sister-in-law, those kids won’t become angels overnight.  You have to look out for yourself and your child.  At this point, your baby hasn’t picked any of this behaviour up, but wait until she starts to talk and starts to develop her own independence and the "no" attitude that goes with it (which in itself is totally normal).  If that is her example,   you couldn’t blame her for following it.  If it were my child (and by all means, it isn’t) I wouldn’t agree to the babysitting co-op anymore, and would not have those kids back in my house.  You can try contacting a local church or daycare center to get lists of potential babysitter’s names to substitute for the co-op, or maybe to get list of other co-ops.   Or maybe you know someone else at work, or where ever who might be interested in starting a new co-op. Good Luck!! Jennifer Newton Mother to Jessica, 16 months

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snip   My >husband doesn’t want to lose our babysitting co-op (since we don’t really >know anyone else in town) and is encouraging ME to talk to my >sister-in-law about her parenting skills (or lack thereof) .  I really >don’t see it as my place; I feel that if anyone should talk to them, it >should be him or their mother, NOT ME! >Can anyone empathize/give advice in this situation?  I would certainly >appreciate it!

Children CAN adapt to "different house – different rules".  It is NOT easy, but children who are undisciplined and act like animals at home can be disciplined and act like children in your home. We have nieces/nephews like this.  We have found that getting parents to "parent" the way we would, is almost impossible (and, who knows, maybe not desirable!)  However, if you and your husband agree on *The Rules*, and on the punishments, set up an explicit structure for the children. Then treat them just like you would treat your children… EVERY time they break a rule, they receive the punishment.  It is hard, and you’ll get a lot of "but my mommy lets me…", but they learn that they must behave according to the rules when they are at your house. One potential problem may occur… the children’s parents may decide that they do not like their children being punished by you.  At this point, I would draw the line.  If they won’t allow you to enforce your rules for their children, I would not watch the children. for what its worth shanna

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snip   My >husband doesn’t want to lose our babysitting co-op (since we don’t really >know anyone else in town) and is encouraging ME to talk to my >sister-in-law about her parenting skills (or lack thereof) .  I really >don’t see it as my place; I feel that if anyone should talk to them, it >should be him or their mother, NOT ME! >Can anyone empathize/give advice in this situation?  I would certainly >appreciate it! >Thanks in advance, >Krista (mom to Sarah, 12/2/95)

This situation is obviously not good for you.  Does your husband help take care of these brats or are you left alone with them with no ability to discipline them?   I understand how it is when you have no one to watch your own child. We live in a city with no relatives, and are the only ones of our friends with children. For the  salke of your marriage, mental health and child, I would reccomend stopping this.  If you have one baby, and she has 3 kids (movable and verbal, no less) this is NOT an equitable situation. Check your local library for support groups for new parents.  You might go to a meeting or two, and find another couple you could share babysitting with.  Also, contact a  local school and ask the principal for the names of students that babysit.  That worked for me.  Paying a student to watch your child is well worth not watching those other children. Good luck.. Susan

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My sister-in-law and I trade off babysitting duties for each other every other weekend.  She has three kids, seven, four and 2 mos, all girls; my husband and I have one, a  5 mo daughter.   My husband and I are having a conflict now because I don’t want to take care of those children ever again, nor do I want our child anywhere near them.  My SIL refuses to discipline her children and basically lets them run wild.  She swears that she doesn’t understand why they act the way they do (example:  The seven year old was caught stealing out of her teacher’s(!!!!) desk at school.  She and her husband decided that she wouldn’t be allowed to watch tv for a week as punishment (she let us know this by phone).  Two hours later, my husband and I come over to find her watching tv!!).  Also, the children have NO respect for adults and have horrible language. I can obviously see that my sil and her husband need to use some discipline and ENFORCE it.  However, they find it just hilarious that their four year old daughter uses the f- word and their seven year old is teaching her!  So you can see why I want my child nowhere near them?  My husband doesn’t want to lose our babysitting co-op (since we don’t really know anyone else in town) and is encouraging ME to talk to my sister-in-law about her parenting skills (or lack thereof) .  I really don’t see it as my place; I feel that if anyone should talk to them, it should be him or their mother, NOT ME! Can anyone empathize/give advice in this situation?  I would certainly appreciate it! Thanks in advance, Krista (mom to Sarah, 12/2/95) When wives and children and their sires are one, ’tis like the harp and lute in unison. -Confucius What the mother sings to the cradle goes all the way to the coffin. -Henry Ward Beecher

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Question:

Would anyone like to share experiences on how to handle a difficult teen?  I run a parent support group in my area and am very involved with parents who are having problems with their kids.  We try to find effective ways to remedy difficult situations.

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You might find some helpful information (free) at http://ditell.com/~aspen Dr. Lee Burnham Rocky Mountain Center for Human Development Web Site:   http://www.ditell.com/~aspen Free Web Page at: http://w3.servint.com/cognigen/f/fci.cgi?bu9542467.html

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