Question:
Judgements It seems that you make so many. The largest truth you made was that these girls have not known or understood it differently. They to received such treatment, if not worse from their parents. This does not make them less responsible for the actions, yet to make judgements is also not useful. all of us have much to learn and understand about parenthood and OURSELVES. The world would be adifferent place if rather than make judgements, we felt compassion for these humans. Obviously you have a greater level of awareness, and information at hand, is there some way, rather than judging these people that you can assist in educating, enlightening them, after all, all of society pays the consequences of such parenting. Until society as a whole recognizes that judgements are of no value, and decide to consciously make a difference, children will brought into our world experiencing the consequences of our society. That is Your society and Mine. Each of us has accepted this and judging it will definitely no make the difference.
Response:
I’m sorry; you read my post in a little different tone than I intended. I was basically just verbalizing the justifications I have heard from some other mothers. They are not evil or bad people and they love their children. They’re just not driven to change anything because they think that what they have been told or what their mothers or grandmothers did is all right. Sometimes it is just right, but times change and we learn some new and different things. I thought the OP was just right in wanting to be cautious about how she approached her friend so she didn’t seem threatening. Heck, we could all use improvement, and we all believe some things that aren’t the best. I admire her for wanting to help. Lynne * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
Well, I certainly understand. I thought you had planned it that way- and it sounded so tuff I was wondering why. J Before you buy.
Response:
I want to thank everyone who offered advice on the newsgroup and via private email. I wanted to let everyone know what I’ve decided to do. First of all, Dawn didn’t bowl with us this past Sunday. She had to work, so they bowled earlier that day. So, I won’t see them again for 2 more weeks. I stopped at our Health Department today and talked to a nurse from the prenatal/neonatal clinic about my concerns. (I didn’t give her Dawn’s name.) I requested some pamphlets and/or literature regarding the issues I am concerned about. The nurse was so helpful. She even gave me her card and said that Dawn could contact her if she had any questions or wanted a nurse to stop by and help them out. I decided to write them a letter outlining my concerns and enclosing the pamphlets. This will give them about 1-1/2 weeks to review the items before we see them again. The letter is not accusing or belittling. It just states my concerns about some things they may have been "misinformed" about. I offered to be available if they want to talk or have any questions. I just hope they don’t become offensive. I’ll let you all know what happens. Tina – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My husband bowls every other Sunday in a very casual league. I bowled with > him last year, kinda as a couple’s night out. I sat out this year since our > youngest (Keiran) was 1 month old at the beginning of the season and I am > breastfeeding. There is a young couple that has bowled in the same league > these last 2 seasons. They have a daughter (Bailey) that is 3 weeks younger > than Keiran. I’m not sure how old this couple is, but I believe the mother > (Dawn) is barely out of high school and the father (Jim) is a few years > older. Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling alley. She > tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She never asks > questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from me. (Her > mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly misinformed or > she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would like to offer > her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without offending > or "mothering" her. I am only 28, but Keiran is my 4th child. I had my 1st > when I was 18, but I was fortunate to have my mother by my side the whole > time. > I’m really concerned about some of the things she tells me. For example: > 1. I wanted to nurse Bailey, but I was slightly anemic so my doctor told me > I had to put her on formula. > 2. Bailey (6 mos old) seemed bored in her infant car seat. So, we put her > in a regular car seat so she can sit facing forward and see where we are > going. > 3. Bailey can hold her bottle by herself now. I’m so happy because I can > put her to bed with her bottle. > 4. I watched Bailey drink her bottle and I noticed that the formula ran > down the side of her cheek. It’s not actually running into her ear, so why > is she getting so many ear infections? > 5. Bailey has had either an ear infection, bronchiolitis, or RSV ever since > she was born. (They smoke and blow it right in her face while they are > feeding her.) > 6. The doctor says that Bailey has asthma. (I asked her what tests they > ran and what meds she’s on.) They didn’t run any tests and she’s on that > pink bubble gum antibiotic. > 7. We don’t like to hold Bailey very much so she doesn’t get spoiled. > (She’s 7 months old and can barely sit with support and she’s not rolling > over.) > I would love to offer her some suggestions, without sounding bossy. For > example: > 1. I wish I would have told her that she could have taken iron supplements > and continued to breastfeed. > 2. I’d love to tell her that Bailey still needs to be in a rear facing car > seat until she’s 20 lbs and 1 year old. > 3. I’d like to tell her about the oral surgery my oldest son had when he > was 3 years old because he took a bottle to bed. He had to be put under > general anesthesia for 6 root canals. > 4. I’d like to tell her how children really get ear infections. > 5. I’d love to tell her the dangers of cigarette smoke and the connection > to upper respiratory infections. > 6. I’d like to tell her about the test that our son (Bailey also) had run > to diagnose his asthma and the meds that he is taking. > 7. I’ve tried to show Dawn, but I’d like to sit down and explain the > importance of stimulating her daughter. Keiran is rolling over, crawling, > pulling himself up on furniture, and walking around furniture. I talk to > him constantly and am very "hands on" with him. I didn’t force him to do > these things, I just provided the stimulation and encouragement for him to > explore his surroundings. > Should I try to casually mention these things? If so, how do I not sound so > bossy or like I’m telling her how to raise her child? > Thanks for any suggestions. > Tina > Cameron (7/17/90), Caleb (7/22/91), Bailey (11/19/97), Keiran (7/18/99)
Response:
Failed birth control…or should I say…user error. I did not know that I had to take the Pill at the same time every day. One day I’d take it when I woke up, the next day I’d take it before I went to bed, etc. However, when I was 25, I got pregnant with my 3rd son while I had Norplant. That is truly failed birth control. But, I love all of my sons and am so glad I have them! Tina Cameron (7/17/90), Caleb (7/22/91), Bailey (11/19/97), Keiran (7/18/99) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Im not trying to sound jugemental. Why did you guys have your kids so > young? > J > My oldest was born when I was 18. She was due the day > before my h.s. graduation and she came 2 weeks later. > I’ll admit, I was not a good mother. I didn’t know what > I was doing, and I stopped breastfeeding because of > mastitis and I didn’t know what to do about it. All > formula caused her to spit up really badly after every > meal. She never stopped until she was off formula. When > she was 6 weeks old, I was in college 8AM-5PM every day > then work whenever I could at night and weekends. She > was in daycare all the damn time and was sick with > infections every week it seemed. The weekends I didn’t > work all freaking day, my baby was at my aunt’s house > overnight, and I’d get her the next morning so I could > get some sleep. I was a very awful mother. My child > wasn’t neglected, not in the sense that she didn’t get > fed and clothed, but I sure didn’t have much to do with > her. I didn’t know WHAT to do. I know it wasn’t my > mom’s job, but she wouldn’t help me or even give me > advice on how to take care of my daughter. I quit > college when she was 6 months old and went to work > full-time, second shift. So she was at my mom’s while I > worked, asleep when I picked her up after work, and she > slept until it was time for me to get ready for work > the next day. > The nights I didn’t work, I did hold her all the time, > and I sang to her and played with her. > When she was almost a year old, I changed completely. I > had just gotten pregnant again. I miss her being a baby > so much because I wasn’t there and I caused her to be > sick so much b/c of daycare and not breastfeeding. I do > feel like total shit and it’s so hard to sleep at night > because I think about when I was not there most of the > time. I cry about it and I go and get my daughter and > hold her. It gets unbearable, sometimes. > Now, I’m pretty much a SAHM but I am in college 2-4 > nights a week while DH stays with the kids(and I kept > with it, this time,I’ll graduate this June). I am so > happy now and I got to see my younger daughter growing > and I get to be here all the time with them. > I am so lucky that I have my oldest daughter, she is so > loving to me. She is a little Marie. I only wish it > hadn’t taken me until she was almost a year old to grow > up and be a mother. > Marie > http://www.freeyellow.com/members6/mommydowis > >Jenn, > >I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I, too, was a young > mother…TWICE. My > >oldest was born 6 weeks after I graduated high school > and my 2nd was born 1 > >year 5 days later. I was just fortunate enough to > have my mom there by my > >side. > Before you buy.
Response:
I was young and stupid. I was 17 and this was the first guy I had fallen in love with. I had been drinking alot of vodka so I wasn’t thinking. I should not have taken a drink of vodka. But I did. And I made mistakes. Marie
>Im not trying to sound jugemental. Why did you guys have your kids so >young? >J >In article
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My oldest was born when I was 18. She was due the day > before my h.s. graduation and she came 2 weeks later. > I’ll admit, I was not a good mother. I didn’t know what > I was doing, and I stopped breastfeeding because of > mastitis and I didn’t know what to do about it. All > formula caused her to spit up really badly after every > meal. She never stopped until she was off formula. When > she was 6 weeks old, I was in college 8AM-5PM every day > then work whenever I could at night and weekends. She > was in daycare all the damn time and was sick with > infections every week it seemed. The weekends I didn’t > work all freaking day, my baby was at my aunt’s house > overnight, and I’d get her the next morning so I could > get some sleep. I was a very awful mother. My child > wasn’t neglected, not in the sense that she didn’t get > fed and clothed, but I sure didn’t have much to do with > her. I didn’t know WHAT to do. I know it wasn’t my > mom’s job, but she wouldn’t help me or even give me > advice on how to take care of my daughter. I quit > college when she was 6 months old and went to work > full-time, second shift. So she was at my mom’s while I > worked, asleep when I picked her up after work, and she > slept until it was time for me to get ready for work > the next day. > The nights I didn’t work, I did hold her all the time, > and I sang to her and played with her. > When she was almost a year old, I changed completely. I > had just gotten pregnant again. I miss her being a baby > so much because I wasn’t there and I caused her to be > sick so much b/c of daycare and not breastfeeding. I do > feel like total shit and it’s so hard to sleep at night > because I think about when I was not there most of the > time. I cry about it and I go and get my daughter and > hold her. It gets unbearable, sometimes. > Now, I’m pretty much a SAHM but I am in college 2-4 > nights a week while DH stays with the kids(and I kept > with it, this time,I’ll graduate this June). I am so > happy now and I got to see my younger daughter growing > and I get to be here all the time with them. > I am so lucky that I have my oldest daughter, she is so > loving to me. She is a little Marie. I only wish it > hadn’t taken me until she was almost a year old to grow > up and be a mother. > Marie > http://www.freeyellow.com/members6/mommydowis > >Jenn, > >I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I, too, was a young > mother…TWICE. My > >oldest was born 6 weeks after I graduated high school > and my 2nd was born 1 > >year 5 days later. I was just fortunate enough to > have my mom there by my > >side. >Before you buy.
Response:
> Im not trying to sound jugemental. Why did you guys have your kids so > young? > J
Sometimes babies are not planned. Even if birth control is used its not 100% effective and babies happen.
Response:
> Im not trying to sound jugemental. Why did you guys have your kids so > young? > J
It was a miricle I even had her. I was using the pill, condom and have a birth defect that the doctor (specialist) told me would never ever allow me to have kids. I thought I was protected. I was wrong. I was taking something that affected the pill (and smoking too), condoms break (or aren’t put on right), and they were wrong. I guess I am 1 in a million. Ask anything you want, and I won’t think your being judgemental. It’s better you have an explantion instead of a stereotype (as alot of people think we are stupid, open legged, etc.) jenn – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My oldest was born when I was 18. She was due the day > before my h.s. graduation and she came 2 weeks later. > I’ll admit, I was not a good mother. I didn’t know what > I was doing, and I stopped breastfeeding because of > mastitis and I didn’t know what to do about it. All > formula caused her to spit up really badly after every > meal. She never stopped until she was off formula. When > she was 6 weeks old, I was in college 8AM-5PM every day > then work whenever I could at night and weekends. She > was in daycare all the damn time and was sick with > infections every week it seemed. The weekends I didn’t > work all freaking day, my baby was at my aunt’s house > overnight, and I’d get her the next morning so I could > get some sleep. I was a very awful mother. My child > wasn’t neglected, not in the sense that she didn’t get > fed and clothed, but I sure didn’t have much to do with > her. I didn’t know WHAT to do. I know it wasn’t my > mom’s job, but she wouldn’t help me or even give me > advice on how to take care of my daughter. I quit > college when she was 6 months old and went to work > full-time, second shift. So she was at my mom’s while I > worked, asleep when I picked her up after work, and she > slept until it was time for me to get ready for work > the next day. > The nights I didn’t work, I did hold her all the time, > and I sang to her and played with her. > When she was almost a year old, I changed completely. I > had just gotten pregnant again. I miss her being a baby > so much because I wasn’t there and I caused her to be > sick so much b/c of daycare and not breastfeeding. I do > feel like total shit and it’s so hard to sleep at night > because I think about when I was not there most of the > time. I cry about it and I go and get my daughter and > hold her. It gets unbearable, sometimes. > Now, I’m pretty much a SAHM but I am in college 2-4 > nights a week while DH stays with the kids(and I kept > with it, this time,I’ll graduate this June). I am so > happy now and I got to see my younger daughter growing > and I get to be here all the time with them. > I am so lucky that I have my oldest daughter, she is so > loving to me. She is a little Marie. I only wish it > hadn’t taken me until she was almost a year old to grow > up and be a mother. > Marie > http://www.freeyellow.com/members6/mommydowis > >Jenn, > >I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I, too, was a young > mother…TWICE. My > >oldest was born 6 weeks after I graduated high school > and my 2nd was born 1 > >year 5 days later. I was just fortunate enough to > have my mom there by my > >side. > Before you buy.
Response:
Im not trying to sound jugemental. Why did you guys have your kids so young? J – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My oldest was born when I was 18. She was due the day > before my h.s. graduation and she came 2 weeks later. > I’ll admit, I was not a good mother. I didn’t know what > I was doing, and I stopped breastfeeding because of > mastitis and I didn’t know what to do about it. All > formula caused her to spit up really badly after every > meal. She never stopped until she was off formula. When > she was 6 weeks old, I was in college 8AM-5PM every day > then work whenever I could at night and weekends. She > was in daycare all the damn time and was sick with > infections every week it seemed. The weekends I didn’t > work all freaking day, my baby was at my aunt’s house > overnight, and I’d get her the next morning so I could > get some sleep. I was a very awful mother. My child > wasn’t neglected, not in the sense that she didn’t get > fed and clothed, but I sure didn’t have much to do with > her. I didn’t know WHAT to do. I know it wasn’t my > mom’s job, but she wouldn’t help me or even give me > advice on how to take care of my daughter. I quit > college when she was 6 months old and went to work > full-time, second shift. So she was at my mom’s while I > worked, asleep when I picked her up after work, and she > slept until it was time for me to get ready for work > the next day. > The nights I didn’t work, I did hold her all the time, > and I sang to her and played with her. > When she was almost a year old, I changed completely. I > had just gotten pregnant again. I miss her being a baby > so much because I wasn’t there and I caused her to be > sick so much b/c of daycare and not breastfeeding. I do > feel like total shit and it’s so hard to sleep at night > because I think about when I was not there most of the > time. I cry about it and I go and get my daughter and > hold her. It gets unbearable, sometimes. > Now, I’m pretty much a SAHM but I am in college 2-4 > nights a week while DH stays with the kids(and I kept > with it, this time,I’ll graduate this June). I am so > happy now and I got to see my younger daughter growing > and I get to be here all the time with them. > I am so lucky that I have my oldest daughter, she is so > loving to me. She is a little Marie. I only wish it > hadn’t taken me until she was almost a year old to grow > up and be a mother. > Marie > http://www.freeyellow.com/members6/mommydowis >Jenn, >I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I, too, was a young > mother…TWICE. My >oldest was born 6 weeks after I graduated high school > and my 2nd was born 1 >year 5 days later. I was just fortunate enough to > have my mom there by my >side.
Before you buy.
Response:
My oldest was born when I was 18. She was due the day before my h.s. graduation and she came 2 weeks later. I’ll admit, I was not a good mother. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I stopped breastfeeding because of mastitis and I didn’t know what to do about it. All formula caused her to spit up really badly after every meal. She never stopped until she was off formula. When she was 6 weeks old, I was in college 8AM-5PM every day then work whenever I could at night and weekends. She was in daycare all the damn time and was sick with infections every week it seemed. The weekends I didn’t work all freaking day, my baby was at my aunt’s house overnight, and I’d get her the next morning so I could get some sleep. I was a very awful mother. My child wasn’t neglected, not in the sense that she didn’t get fed and clothed, but I sure didn’t have much to do with her. I didn’t know WHAT to do. I know it wasn’t my mom’s job, but she wouldn’t help me or even give me advice on how to take care of my daughter. I quit college when she was 6 months old and went to work full-time, second shift. So she was at my mom’s while I worked, asleep when I picked her up after work, and she slept until it was time for me to get ready for work the next day. The nights I didn’t work, I did hold her all the time, and I sang to her and played with her. When she was almost a year old, I changed completely. I had just gotten pregnant again. I miss her being a baby so much because I wasn’t there and I caused her to be sick so much b/c of daycare and not breastfeeding. I do feel like total shit and it’s so hard to sleep at night because I think about when I was not there most of the time. I cry about it and I go and get my daughter and hold her. It gets unbearable, sometimes. Now, I’m pretty much a SAHM but I am in college 2-4 nights a week while DH stays with the kids(and I kept with it, this time,I’ll graduate this June). I am so happy now and I got to see my younger daughter growing and I get to be here all the time with them. I am so lucky that I have my oldest daughter, she is so loving to me. She is a little Marie. I only wish it hadn’t taken me until she was almost a year old to grow up and be a mother. Marie http://www.freeyellow.com/members6/mommydowis >Jenn, >I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I, too, was a young mother…TWICE. My >oldest was born 6 weeks after I graduated high school
and my 2nd was born 1 >year 5 days later. I was just fortunate enough to
have my mom there by my – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->side.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling > > alley. She > > >tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She > > never asks > > >questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from > > me. (Her > > >mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly > > misinformed or > > >she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would > > like to offer > > >her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without > > offending > > >or "mothering" her. > > I think you are very kind to want to help. She sounds less like > > someone who can’t be bothered than someone who is really young, > > ignorant, and maybe not too bright. Her family is likely to be > > the same — Koolaid in the bottle types — and she is just doing > > what everyone else around her has done. > > I know some of these young women, and just want to scream. They > > don’t breastfeed because no one they know does, and everyone, > > including their mothers, thinks it’s nasty. I’ll bet you money > > there is no way she would have even tried. They probably don’t > > have much money and no decent relationship, which bodes ill for > > the baby. (And I’ll bet you even more money that she uses > > disposables and will use exclusively prepared baby foods. Those > > and the cigarettes should take up most of their disposable > > income.) > > They really do feel good about anything that gets the baby to > > sleep — cereal in the formula, bottle propping, bottle in bed — > > you name it. If you can manage this, you are a successful > > parent. They expect babies to be sick a lot, so aren’t driven to > > question why this should be happening. And they measure success > > by the fact that the kid is alive. I mean, it worked on them; why > > shouldn’t it work on their own kid? > > (A young mother I know, older and college educated, was recently > > explaining to me that her newborn seemed to get gassy and throw > > up with each type of formula they were trying. So far, she seemed > > to respond best the most expensive brand. What do you say? She > > hadn’t tried breastfeeding at all. This baby has had several URIs > > and been in the hospital with pneumonia and she’s less than 4 > > months old.) > > Sorry to be so long-winded. Suggestions: if she is likely to > > listen to what a doctor says, you might mention that your doctor > > says ______ when she tells you something. Even, "Oh, I’ve heard > > of a child care book, by all means give or lend it to her. You > > might even invent a far-away relative who has a similar problem > > (I don’t usually encourage lying but if it helps get the message > > across to her in a nonthreatening way, this is one type that > > would be worth it.) I’d definitely try to think of some way to > > bring up the smoking. > > Good luck to you. That kid — and her mother — sure need some > > help. > > Lynne > > * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion > Network * > > The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free! > Speaking up for some of the young mothers here. I agree w/ alot of what > you > said. I am a young mother (I’m 20 my baby’s 2), and I see alot of that in > some > of the other’s my age. I would just like to add that not all of us Younger > mothers are ignorant. I quit smoking when I was pregnant and just weaned > my > daughter. I also graduated high school w/ honours, as did two other > younger moms > in my class. > I’ve found lending my books out to the ones who don’t know (and that’s > usually > what it is, they don’t know anybetter) works. And I never pressure them > about > returning them. (I’d rather them have them to learn) > Jenn > Jenn, > I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I, too, was a young mother…TWICE. My > oldest was born 6 weeks after I graduated high school and my 2nd was born 1 > year 5 days later. I was just fortunate enough to have my mom there by my > side.
No offense taken. just adding to the ownderful things said
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling > alley. She > >tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She > never asks > >questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from > me. (Her > >mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly > misinformed or > >she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would > like to offer > >her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without > offending > >or "mothering" her. > I think you are very kind to want to help. She sounds less like > someone who can’t be bothered than someone who is really young, > ignorant, and maybe not too bright. Her family is likely to be > the same — Koolaid in the bottle types — and she is just doing > what everyone else around her has done. > I know some of these young women, and just want to scream. They > don’t breastfeed because no one they know does, and everyone, > including their mothers, thinks it’s nasty. I’ll bet you money > there is no way she would have even tried. They probably don’t > have much money and no decent relationship, which bodes ill for > the baby. (And I’ll bet you even more money that she uses > disposables and will use exclusively prepared baby foods. Those > and the cigarettes should take up most of their disposable > income.) > They really do feel good about anything that gets the baby to > sleep — cereal in the formula, bottle propping, bottle in bed — > you name it. If you can manage this, you are a successful > parent. They expect babies to be sick a lot, so aren’t driven to > question why this should be happening. And they measure success > by the fact that the kid is alive. I mean, it worked on them; why > shouldn’t it work on their own kid? > (A young mother I know, older and college educated, was recently > explaining to me that her newborn seemed to get gassy and throw > up with each type of formula they were trying. So far, she seemed > to respond best the most expensive brand. What do you say? She > hadn’t tried breastfeeding at all. This baby has had several URIs > and been in the hospital with pneumonia and she’s less than 4 > months old.) > Sorry to be so long-winded. Suggestions: if she is likely to > listen to what a doctor says, you might mention that your doctor > says ______ when she tells you something. Even, "Oh, I’ve heard > of a child care book, by all means give or lend it to her. You > might even invent a far-away relative who has a similar problem > (I don’t usually encourage lying but if it helps get the message > across to her in a nonthreatening way, this is one type that > would be worth it.) I’d definitely try to think of some way to > bring up the smoking. > Good luck to you. That kid — and her mother — sure need some > help. > Lynne > * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * > The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free! > Speaking up for some of the young mothers here. I agree w/ alot of what you > said. I am a young mother (I’m 20 my baby’s 2), and I see alot of that in some > of the other’s my age. I would just like to add that not all of us Younger > mothers are ignorant. I quit smoking when I was pregnant and just weaned my > daughter. I also graduated high school w/ honours, as did two other younger moms > in my class. > I’ve found lending my books out to the ones who don’t know (and that’s usually > what it is, they don’t know anybetter) works. And I never pressure them about > returning them. (I’d rather them have them to learn) > Jenn
Jenn, I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I, too, was a young mother…TWICE. My oldest was born 6 weeks after I graduated high school and my 2nd was born 1 year 5 days later. I was just fortunate enough to have my mom there by my side.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling > alley. She >tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She > never asks >questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from > me. (Her >mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly > misinformed or >she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would > like to offer >her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without > offending >or "mothering" her. > I think you are very kind to want to help. She sounds less like > someone who can’t be bothered than someone who is really young, > ignorant, and maybe not too bright. Her family is likely to be > the same — Koolaid in the bottle types — and she is just doing > what everyone else around her has done. > I know some of these young women, and just want to scream. They > don’t breastfeed because no one they know does, and everyone, > including their mothers, thinks it’s nasty. I’ll bet you money > there is no way she would have even tried. They probably don’t > have much money and no decent relationship, which bodes ill for > the baby. (And I’ll bet you even more money that she uses > disposables and will use exclusively prepared baby foods. Those > and the cigarettes should take up most of their disposable > income.) > They really do feel good about anything that gets the baby to > sleep — cereal in the formula, bottle propping, bottle in bed — > you name it. If you can manage this, you are a successful > parent. They expect babies to be sick a lot, so aren’t driven to > question why this should be happening. And they measure success > by the fact that the kid is alive. I mean, it worked on them; why > shouldn’t it work on their own kid? > (A young mother I know, older and college educated, was recently > explaining to me that her newborn seemed to get gassy and throw > up with each type of formula they were trying. So far, she seemed > to respond best the most expensive brand. What do you say? She > hadn’t tried breastfeeding at all. This baby has had several URIs > and been in the hospital with pneumonia and she’s less than 4 > months old.) > Sorry to be so long-winded. Suggestions: if she is likely to > listen to what a doctor says, you might mention that your doctor > says ______ when she tells you something. Even, "Oh, I’ve heard > of a child care book, by all means give or lend it to her. You > might even invent a far-away relative who has a similar problem > (I don’t usually encourage lying but if it helps get the message > across to her in a nonthreatening way, this is one type that > would be worth it.) I’d definitely try to think of some way to > bring up the smoking. > Good luck to you. That kid — and her mother — sure need some > help. > Lynne > * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * > The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Speaking up for some of the young mothers here. I agree w/ alot of what you said. I am a young mother (I’m 20 my baby’s 2), and I see alot of that in some of the other’s my age. I would just like to add that not all of us Younger mothers are ignorant. I quit smoking when I was pregnant and just weaned my daughter. I also graduated high school w/ honours, as did two other younger moms in my class. I’ve found lending my books out to the ones who don’t know (and that’s usually what it is, they don’t know anybetter) works. And I never pressure them about returning them. (I’d rather them have them to learn) Jenn
Response:
I agree with the post about the playdate, or a playgroup if you attend one, invite her to come over or to tag along to the group. Some of those things might not be "changeable" on such a short interaction that you are having now, but I would definitely say something about the immediate dangers, like the car seat thing. Maybe if you addressed her as someone who knows as much as you, with a ‘just sharing a different pov’ type of conversation, it wouldn’t be offensive. As someone who looks much younger than I am, I am used to hearing random (unfortunatly "old school")advice as I am sure she is as well ( such as let him cry it out, or my favorite "if you don’t put earmuffs on him when he’s at the beach (due to the wind and sand, she said), he’ll get ear infections" rofl) ,. So I doubt she would find it some information invasive… Good luck, I hope you can help.. — <end> PGunn Before you buy.
Response:
Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling alley. She >tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She never asks >questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from me. (Her >mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly misinformed or >she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would like to offer >her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without offending >or "mothering" her.
I think you are very kind to want to help. She sounds less like someone who can’t be bothered than someone who is really young, ignorant, and maybe not too bright. Her family is likely to be the same — Koolaid in the bottle types — and she is just doing what everyone else around her has done. I know some of these young women, and just want to scream. They don’t breastfeed because no one they know does, and everyone, including their mothers, thinks it’s nasty. I’ll bet you money there is no way she would have even tried. They probably don’t have much money and no decent relationship, which bodes ill for the baby. (And I’ll bet you even more money that she uses disposables and will use exclusively prepared baby foods. Those and the cigarettes should take up most of their disposable income.) They really do feel good about anything that gets the baby to sleep — cereal in the formula, bottle propping, bottle in bed — you name it. If you can manage this, you are a successful parent. They expect babies to be sick a lot, so aren’t driven to question why this should be happening. And they measure success by the fact that the kid is alive. I mean, it worked on them; why shouldn’t it work on their own kid? (A young mother I know, older and college educated, was recently explaining to me that her newborn seemed to get gassy and throw up with each type of formula they were trying. So far, she seemed to respond best the most expensive brand. What do you say? She hadn’t tried breastfeeding at all. This baby has had several URIs and been in the hospital with pneumonia and she’s less than 4 months old.) Sorry to be so long-winded. Suggestions: if she is likely to listen to what a doctor says, you might mention that your doctor says ______ when she tells you something. Even, "Oh, I’ve heard of a child care book, by all means give or lend it to her. You might even invent a far-away relative who has a similar problem (I don’t usually encourage lying but if it helps get the message across to her in a nonthreatening way, this is one type that would be worth it.) I’d definitely try to think of some way to bring up the smoking. Good luck to you. That kid — and her mother — sure need some help. Lynne * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
I’ve thought about inviting her over. Her SO is verbally abusive toward her. I look at them and I see me 10 years ago. I think that’s why I want to "take her under my wing" and mother her. I just don’t want to do anything to anger her SO and have him take it out on her or Bailey. I really like the "What to Expect…" series of books. I’ll probably get a copy for her.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Would you be comfortable putting together a little package for her. If it > was nearer to Christmas I’d suggest using that as an excuse…….anyhow, > get a copy of Dr. Spock or some type of child care video (since she’s > younger she may be more likely to watch a video than read a book), maybe > some stimulating toys for the baby, maybe a packet of brochures from the > local hospital or doctor or social services agency with info not just about > child care but about where to find things in the community. If you’re up > for it maybe even invite her and the baby over for a "playdate" so that she > has an example of more active parenting. Invite a couple of other mothers > if you know any with babies so it doesn’t seem geared so much to just her > (and so she sees you’re not the only one doing this type of stuff). > Good luck > My husband bowls every other Sunday in a very casual league. I bowled > with > him last year, kinda as a couple’s night out. I sat out this year since > our > youngest (Keiran) was 1 month old at the beginning of the season and I am > breastfeeding. There is a young couple that has bowled in the same league > these last 2 seasons. They have a daughter (Bailey) that is 3 weeks > younger > than Keiran. I’m not sure how old this couple is, but I believe the > mother > (Dawn) is barely out of high school and the father (Jim) is a few years > older. Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling alley. She > tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She never asks > questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from me. (Her > mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly misinformed > or > she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would like to > offer > her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without offending > or "mothering" her. I am only 28, but Keiran is my 4th child. I had my > 1st > when I was 18, but I was fortunate to have my mother by my side the whole > time. > I’m really concerned about some of the things she tells me. For example: > 1. I wanted to nurse Bailey, but I was slightly anemic so my doctor told > me > I had to put her on formula. > 2. Bailey (6 mos old) seemed bored in her infant car seat. So, we put > her > in a regular car seat so she can sit facing forward and see where we are > going. > 3. Bailey can hold her bottle by herself now. I’m so happy because I can > put her to bed with her bottle. > 4. I watched Bailey drink her bottle and I noticed that the formula ran > down the side of her cheek. It’s not actually running into her ear, so > why > is she getting so many ear infections? > 5. Bailey has had either an ear infection, bronchiolitis, or RSV ever > since > she was born. (They smoke and blow it right in her face while they are > feeding her.) > 6. The doctor says that Bailey has asthma. (I asked her what tests they > ran and what meds she’s on.) They didn’t run any tests and she’s on that > pink bubble gum antibiotic. > 7. We don’t like to hold Bailey very much so she doesn’t get spoiled. > (She’s 7 months old and can barely sit with support and she’s not rolling > over.) > I would love to offer her some suggestions, without sounding bossy. For > example: > 1. I wish I would have told her that she could have taken iron > supplements > and continued to breastfeed. > 2. I’d love to tell her that Bailey still needs to be in a rear facing > car > seat until she’s 20 lbs and 1 year old. > 3. I’d like to tell her about the oral surgery my oldest son had when he > was 3 years old because he took a bottle to bed. He had to be put under > general anesthesia for 6 root canals. > 4. I’d like to tell her how children really get ear infections. > 5. I’d love to tell her the dangers of cigarette smoke and the connection > to upper respiratory infections. > 6. I’d like to tell her about the test that our son (Bailey also) had run > to diagnose his asthma and the meds that he is taking. > 7. I’ve tried to show Dawn, but I’d like to sit down and explain the > importance of stimulating her daughter. Keiran is rolling over, crawling, > pulling himself up on furniture, and walking around furniture. I talk to > him constantly and am very "hands on" with him. I didn’t force him to do > these things, I just provided the stimulation and encouragement for him to > explore his surroundings. > Should I try to casually mention these things? If so, how do I not sound > so > bossy or like I’m telling her how to raise her child? > Thanks for any suggestions. > Tina > Cameron (7/17/90), Caleb (7/22/91), Bailey (11/19/97), Keiran (7/18/99)
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My husband bowls every other Sunday in a very casual league. I bowled with > him last year, kinda as a couple’s night out. I sat out this year since our > youngest (Keiran) was 1 month old at the beginning of the season and I am > breastfeeding. There is a young couple that has bowled in the same league > these last 2 seasons. They have a daughter (Bailey) that is 3 weeks younger > than Keiran. I’m not sure how old this couple is, but I believe the mother > (Dawn) is barely out of high school and the father (Jim) is a few years > older. Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling alley. She > tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She never asks > questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from me. (Her > mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly misinformed or > she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would like to offer > her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without offending > or "mothering" her. I am only 28, but Keiran is my 4th child. I had my 1st > when I was 18, but I was fortunate to have my mother by my side the whole > time. > I’m really concerned about some of the things she tells me. For example:
Here’s what she actually is thinking: > 1. I wanted to nurse Bailey, but I was slightly anemic so my doctor told me > I had to put her on formula.
I thought of a reason later so I could say that to women who made me feel guilty. I’m too embarrassed to BF and afraid I’d look different. > 2. Bailey (6 mos old) seemed bored in her infant car seat. So, we put her > in a regular car seat so she can sit facing forward and see where we are > going.
We’re too poor to buy the car seat, they cost too much and the baby screams when we want to go bowling. > 3. Bailey can hold her bottle by herself now. I’m so happy because I can > put her to bed with her bottle.
Kids really bore me but I feel guilty so I invent reasons why I try to ignore them as much as possible. > 4. I watched Bailey drink her bottle and I noticed that the formula ran > down the side of her cheek. It’s not actually running into her ear, so why > is she getting so many ear infections?
I’m afraid later after I forget to wash her for a week or two other than spills. Kids are so much trouble. > 5. Bailey has had either an ear infection, bronchiolitis, or RSV ever since > she was born. (They smoke and blow it right in her face while they are > feeding her.)
Classic. They want to still be cool, that’s all they’ve got left. > 6. The doctor says that Bailey has asthma. (I asked her what tests they > ran and what meds she’s on.) They didn’t run any tests and she’s on that > pink bubble gum antibiotic.
They gave her that once and she thinks that’s used for everything, even asthma, which her brother had that sounded like that. They didn’t actually go to the doctor, she had some left from last time… > 7. We don’t like to hold Bailey very much so she doesn’t get spoiled. > (She’s 7 months old and can barely sit with support and she’s not rolling > over.)
We really hate having kids, don’t you? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I would love to offer her some suggestions, without sounding bossy. For > example: > 1. I wish I would have told her that she could have taken iron supplements > and continued to breastfeed. > 2. I’d love to tell her that Bailey still needs to be in a rear facing car > seat until she’s 20 lbs and 1 year old. > 3. I’d like to tell her about the oral surgery my oldest son had when he > was 3 years old because he took a bottle to bed. He had to be put under > general anesthesia for 6 root canals. > 4. I’d like to tell her how children really get ear infections. > 5. I’d love to tell her the dangers of cigarette smoke and the connection > to upper respiratory infections. > 6. I’d like to tell her about the test that our son (Bailey also) had run > to diagnose his asthma and the meds that he is taking. > 7. I’ve tried to show Dawn, but I’d like to sit down and explain the > importance of stimulating her daughter. Keiran is rolling over, crawling, > pulling himself up on furniture, and walking around furniture. I talk to > him constantly and am very "hands on" with him. I didn’t force him to do > these things, I just provided the stimulation and encouragement for him to > explore his surroundings. > Should I try to casually mention these things? If so, how do I not sound so > bossy or like I’m telling her how to raise her child? > Thanks for any suggestions. > Tina > Cameron (7/17/90), Caleb (7/22/91), Bailey (11/19/97), Keiran (7/18/99)
Whether you need to buy the kind of trouble you might receive is the reason I won’t tell you that you have to, but if you can’t tell that poor girl what you’ve been thinking at least get away from them and stop being tortured. Actually I think you should show her these posts!! Steve
Response:
Would you be comfortable putting together a little package for her. If it was nearer to Christmas I’d suggest using that as an excuse…….anyhow, get a copy of Dr. Spock or some type of child care video (since she’s younger she may be more likely to watch a video than read a book), maybe some stimulating toys for the baby, maybe a packet of brochures from the local hospital or doctor or social services agency with info not just about child care but about where to find things in the community. If you’re up for it maybe even invite her and the baby over for a "playdate" so that she has an example of more active parenting. Invite a couple of other mothers if you know any with babies so it doesn’t seem geared so much to just her (and so she sees you’re not the only one doing this type of stuff). Good luck – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My husband bowls every other Sunday in a very casual league. I bowled with > him last year, kinda as a couple’s night out. I sat out this year since our > youngest (Keiran) was 1 month old at the beginning of the season and I am > breastfeeding. There is a young couple that has bowled in the same league > these last 2 seasons. They have a daughter (Bailey) that is 3 weeks younger > than Keiran. I’m not sure how old this couple is, but I believe the mother > (Dawn) is barely out of high school and the father (Jim) is a few years > older. Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling alley. She > tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She never asks > questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from me. (Her > mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly misinformed or > she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would like to offer > her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without offending > or "mothering" her. I am only 28, but Keiran is my 4th child. I had my 1st > when I was 18, but I was fortunate to have my mother by my side the whole > time. > I’m really concerned about some of the things she tells me. For example: > 1. I wanted to nurse Bailey, but I was slightly anemic so my doctor told me > I had to put her on formula. > 2. Bailey (6 mos old) seemed bored in her infant car seat. So, we put her > in a regular car seat so she can sit facing forward and see where we are > going. > 3. Bailey can hold her bottle by herself now. I’m so happy because I can > put her to bed with her bottle. > 4. I watched Bailey drink her bottle and I noticed that the formula ran > down the side of her cheek. It’s not actually running into her ear, so why > is she getting so many ear infections? > 5. Bailey has had either an ear infection, bronchiolitis, or RSV ever since > she was born. (They smoke and blow it right in her face while they are > feeding her.) > 6. The doctor says that Bailey has asthma. (I asked her what tests they > ran and what meds she’s on.) They didn’t run any tests and she’s on that > pink bubble gum antibiotic. > 7. We don’t like to hold Bailey very much so she doesn’t get spoiled. > (She’s 7 months old and can barely sit with support and she’s not rolling > over.) > I would love to offer her some suggestions, without sounding bossy. For > example: > 1. I wish I would have told her that she could have taken iron supplements > and continued to breastfeed. > 2. I’d love to tell her that Bailey still needs to be in a rear facing car > seat until she’s 20 lbs and 1 year old. > 3. I’d like to tell her about the oral surgery my oldest son had when he > was 3 years old because he took a bottle to bed. He had to be put under > general anesthesia for 6 root canals. > 4. I’d like to tell her how children really get ear infections. > 5. I’d love to tell her the dangers of cigarette smoke and the connection > to upper respiratory infections. > 6. I’d like to tell her about the test that our son (Bailey also) had run > to diagnose his asthma and the meds that he is taking. > 7. I’ve tried to show Dawn, but I’d like to sit down and explain the > importance of stimulating her daughter. Keiran is rolling over, crawling, > pulling himself up on furniture, and walking around furniture. I talk to > him constantly and am very "hands on" with him. I didn’t force him to do > these things, I just provided the stimulation and encouragement for him to > explore his surroundings. > Should I try to casually mention these things? If so, how do I not sound so > bossy or like I’m telling her how to raise her child? > Thanks for any suggestions. > Tina > Cameron (7/17/90), Caleb (7/22/91), Bailey (11/19/97), Keiran (7/18/99)
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You could just let her know that you’re available if she has any questions > about baby safety and illnesses and that you have a few suggestions that > might help her if she’s interested and to let you know. > Your local hospital or maternity ward may also have brochures on baby > safety > and illness that you could give her as well. My fav’d book for these > things > is Dr. Spocks Baby and Childcare and I have loaned/given away many copies > (as close to the original edition as you can find. The new one has been > completely altered by others and is full of pop child rearing). > Good luck! > This might be a good way to approach her as it is not likely to be perceived > as meddling or controlling. You could also try being proactive by picking a > topic and approaching her to say something along the lines of "Hey, did you > hear about…." and feeding her some info that way, sounding something like > you just heard it and just had to share it because it was so interesting or > applied to her or whatever. > I am concerned about her child’s degree of milestone achievement. Not > rolling over and just barely sitting up at that age could be due to low > social stimulation from mom and dad, but I am more than somewhat concerned > that there is a physical reason for this and it should be explored. If she > starts comparing her baby’s progress to another’s and wonders why he lags > behind you might ask if she has discussed this with the pediatrician/if she > goes to the pediatrician etc. > Good luck. I would be interested to hear how things work out. > – Aula
I am absolutely "in love" with my pediatrician. My 2nd son was a preemie. My ped checked on him every day and then called me and explained everything to me. My well-child appointments are scheduled for an hour so he can go over everything. He is always available if I need him and never makes me feel like I am a bother. Dawn, on the other hand, takes Bailey to the clinic. From what I’ve heard, they just prescribe antibiotics and send them on their way. At well-child visits, they just give shots and send them on their way again. They don’t explain milestones, feeding schedules, safety, etc. I’ve told her about my pediatrician, but she doesn’t seem interested.
Response:
I would also lend her a copy of your favorite baby care/parenting book. I think she’s probably *looking* for advice, so I wouldn’t be too afraid to give it, but it should of course be done gently and in small but effective doses. Sounds like she’s parenting as she was parented or has seen people around her do it – many of the things you listed sounds like the methods of a generation ago. So she’s a motivated parent, just badly informed. But another reason to be gentle about advice – you don’t want to disparage those close to her who might be giving her outdated advice. Good luck, Banty – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > You could just let her know that you’re available if she has any questions > about baby safety and illnesses and that you have a few suggestions that > might help her if she’s interested and to let you know. > Your local hospital or maternity ward may also have brochures on baby safety > and illness that you could give her as well. My fav’d book for these things > is Dr. Spocks Baby and Childcare and I have loaned/given away many copies > (as close to the original edition as you can find. The new one has been > completely altered by others and is full of pop child rearing). > Good luck! > My husband bowls every other Sunday in a very casual league. I bowled > with > him last year, kinda as a couple’s night out. I sat out this year since > our > youngest (Keiran) was 1 month old at the beginning of the season and I am > breastfeeding. There is a young couple that has bowled in the same league > these last 2 seasons. They have a daughter (Bailey) that is 3 weeks > younger > than Keiran. I’m not sure how old this couple is, but I believe the > mother > (Dawn) is barely out of high school and the father (Jim) is a few years > older. Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling alley. She > tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She never asks > questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from me. (Her > mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly misinformed > or > she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would like to > offer > her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without offending > or "mothering" her. I am only 28, but Keiran is my 4th child. I had my > 1st > when I was 18, but I was fortunate to have my mother by my side the whole > time. > I’m really concerned about some of the things she tells me. For example: > 1. I wanted to nurse Bailey, but I was slightly anemic so my doctor told > me > I had to put her on formula. > 2. Bailey (6 mos old) seemed bored in her infant car seat. So, we put > her > in a regular car seat so she can sit facing forward and see where we are > going. > 3. Bailey can hold her bottle by herself now. I’m so happy because I can > put her to bed with her bottle. > 4. I watched Bailey drink her bottle and I noticed that the formula ran > down the side of her cheek. It’s not actually running into her ear, so > why > is she getting so many ear infections? > 5. Bailey has had either an ear infection, bronchiolitis, or RSV ever > since > she was born. (They smoke and blow it right in her face while they are > feeding her.) > 6. The doctor says that Bailey has asthma. (I asked her what tests they > ran and what meds she’s on.) They didn’t run any tests and she’s on that > pink bubble gum antibiotic. > 7. We don’t like to hold Bailey very much so she doesn’t get spoiled. > (She’s 7 months old and can barely sit with support and she’s not rolling > over.) > I would love to offer her some suggestions, without sounding bossy. For > example: > 1. I wish I would have told her that she could have taken iron > supplements > and continued to breastfeed. > 2. I’d love to tell her that Bailey still needs to be in a rear facing > car > seat until she’s 20 lbs and 1 year old. > 3. I’d like to tell her about the oral surgery my oldest son had when he > was 3 years old because he took a bottle to bed. He had to be put under > general anesthesia for 6 root canals. > 4. I’d like to tell her how children really get ear infections. > 5. I’d love to tell her the dangers of cigarette smoke and the connection > to upper respiratory infections. > 6. I’d like to tell her about the test that our son (Bailey also) had run > to diagnose his asthma and the meds that he is taking. > 7. I’ve tried to show Dawn, but I’d like to sit down and explain the > importance of stimulating her daughter. Keiran is rolling over, crawling, > pulling himself up on furniture, and walking around furniture. I talk to > him constantly and am very "hands on" with him. I didn’t force him to do > these things, I just provided the stimulation and encouragement for him to > explore his surroundings. > Should I try to casually mention these things? If so, how do I not sound > so > bossy or like I’m telling her how to raise her child? > Thanks for any suggestions. > Tina > Cameron (7/17/90), Caleb (7/22/91), Bailey (11/19/97), Keiran (7/18/99)
Response:
Stop stop!!! I can’t stand it! You are breaking my heart. Maybe if you asked her questions- Like "oh I didn’t know you could put the baby in the car seat this early- what did your doctor say?" Also- maybe you could tell her about someone else – Say my SIL’s baby was having lots of ear infections and her doctor said not to smoke in the house with her etc… Could you give her some Parenting magazines tell her you are finished with them? It sounds like you are a good parent maybe she will learn some things by just being around you. I understand that parenting is subjective- and we don’t all do things the same way- but this girl sounds like she really needs some help. J – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My husband bowls every other Sunday in a very casual league. I bowled with > him last year, kinda as a couple’s night out. I sat out this year since our > youngest (Keiran) was 1 month old at the beginning of the season and I am > breastfeeding. There is a young couple that has bowled in the same league > these last 2 seasons. They have a daughter (Bailey) that is 3 weeks younger > than Keiran. I’m not sure how old this couple is, but I believe the mother > (Dawn) is barely out of high school and the father (Jim) is a few years > older. Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling alley. She > tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She never asks > questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from me. (Her > mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly misinformed or > she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would like to offer > her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without offending > or "mothering" her. I am only 28, but Keiran is my 4th child. I had my 1st > when I was 18, but I was fortunate to have my mother by my side the whole > time. > I’m really concerned about some of the things she tells me. For example: > 1. I wanted to nurse Bailey, but I was slightly anemic so my doctor told me > I had to put her on formula. > 2. Bailey (6 mos old) seemed bored in her infant car seat. So, we put her > in a regular car seat so she can sit facing forward and see where we are > going. > 3. Bailey can hold her bottle by herself now. I’m so happy because I can > put her to bed with her bottle. > 4. I watched Bailey drink her bottle and I noticed that the formula ran > down the side of her cheek. It’s not actually running into her ear, so why > is she getting so many ear infections? > 5. Bailey has had either an ear infection, bronchiolitis, or RSV ever since > she was born. (They smoke and blow it right in her face while they are > feeding her.) > 6. The doctor says that Bailey has asthma. (I asked her what tests they > ran and what meds she’s on.) They didn’t run any tests and she’s on that > pink bubble gum antibiotic. > 7. We don’t like to hold Bailey very much so she doesn’t get spoiled. > (She’s 7 months old and can barely sit with support and she’s not rolling > over.) > I would love to offer her some suggestions, without sounding bossy. For > example: > 1. I wish I would have told her that she could have taken iron supplements > and continued to breastfeed. > 2. I’d love to tell her that Bailey still needs to be in a rear facing car > seat until she’s 20 lbs and 1 year old. > 3. I’d like to tell her about the oral surgery my oldest son had when he > was 3 years old because he took a bottle to bed. He had to be put under > general anesthesia for 6 root canals. > 4. I’d like to tell her how children really get ear infections. > 5. I’d love to tell her the dangers of cigarette smoke and the connection > to upper respiratory infections. > 6. I’d like to tell her about the test that our son (Bailey also) had run > to diagnose his asthma and the meds that he is taking. > 7. I’ve tried to show Dawn, but I’d like to sit down and explain the > importance of stimulating her daughter. Keiran is rolling over, crawling, > pulling himself up on furniture, and walking around furniture. I talk to > him constantly and am very "hands on" with him. I didn’t force him to do > these things, I just provided the stimulation and encouragement for him to > explore his surroundings. > Should I try to casually mention these things? If so, how do I not sound so > bossy or like I’m telling her how to raise her child? > Thanks for any suggestions. > Tina > Cameron (7/17/90), Caleb (7/22/91), Bailey (11/19/97), Keiran (7/18/99)
Before you buy.
Response:
> You could just let her know that you’re available if she has any questions > about baby safety and illnesses and that you have a few suggestions that > might help her if she’s interested and to let you know. > Your local hospital or maternity ward may also have brochures on baby safety > and illness that you could give her as well. My fav’d book for these things > is Dr. Spocks Baby and Childcare and I have loaned/given away many copies > (as close to the original edition as you can find. The new one has been > completely altered by others and is full of pop child rearing). > Good luck!
This might be a good way to approach her as it is not likely to be perceived as meddling or controlling. You could also try being proactive by picking a topic and approaching her to say something along the lines of "Hey, did you hear about…." and feeding her some info that way, sounding something like you just heard it and just had to share it because it was so interesting or applied to her or whatever. I am concerned about her child’s degree of milestone achievement. Not rolling over and just barely sitting up at that age could be due to low social stimulation from mom and dad, but I am more than somewhat concerned that there is a physical reason for this and it should be explored. If she starts comparing her baby’s progress to another’s and wonders why he lags behind you might ask if she has discussed this with the pediatrician/if she goes to the pediatrician etc. Good luck. I would be interested to hear how things work out. – Aula
Response:
You could just let her know that you’re available if she has any questions about baby safety and illnesses and that you have a few suggestions that might help her if she’s interested and to let you know. Your local hospital or maternity ward may also have brochures on baby safety and illness that you could give her as well. My fav’d book for these things is Dr. Spocks Baby and Childcare and I have loaned/given away many copies (as close to the original edition as you can find. The new one has been completely altered by others and is full of pop child rearing). Good luck! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My husband bowls every other Sunday in a very casual league. I bowled with > him last year, kinda as a couple’s night out. I sat out this year since our > youngest (Keiran) was 1 month old at the beginning of the season and I am > breastfeeding. There is a young couple that has bowled in the same league > these last 2 seasons. They have a daughter (Bailey) that is 3 weeks younger > than Keiran. I’m not sure how old this couple is, but I believe the mother > (Dawn) is barely out of high school and the father (Jim) is a few years > older. Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling alley. She > tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She never asks > questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from me. (Her > mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly misinformed or > she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would like to offer > her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without offending > or "mothering" her. I am only 28, but Keiran is my 4th child. I had my 1st > when I was 18, but I was fortunate to have my mother by my side the whole > time. > I’m really concerned about some of the things she tells me. For example: > 1. I wanted to nurse Bailey, but I was slightly anemic so my doctor told me > I had to put her on formula. > 2. Bailey (6 mos old) seemed bored in her infant car seat. So, we put her > in a regular car seat so she can sit facing forward and see where we are > going. > 3. Bailey can hold her bottle by herself now. I’m so happy because I can > put her to bed with her bottle. > 4. I watched Bailey drink her bottle and I noticed that the formula ran > down the side of her cheek. It’s not actually running into her ear, so why > is she getting so many ear infections? > 5. Bailey has had either an ear infection, bronchiolitis, or RSV ever since > she was born. (They smoke and blow it right in her face while they are > feeding her.) > 6. The doctor says that Bailey has asthma. (I asked her what tests they > ran and what meds she’s on.) They didn’t run any tests and she’s on that > pink bubble gum antibiotic. > 7. We don’t like to hold Bailey very much so she doesn’t get spoiled. > (She’s 7 months old and can barely sit with support and she’s not rolling > over.) > I would love to offer her some suggestions, without sounding bossy. For > example: > 1. I wish I would have told her that she could have taken iron supplements > and continued to breastfeed. > 2. I’d love to tell her that Bailey still needs to be in a rear facing car > seat until she’s 20 lbs and 1 year old. > 3. I’d like to tell her about the oral surgery my oldest son had when he > was 3 years old because he took a bottle to bed. He had to be put under > general anesthesia for 6 root canals. > 4. I’d like to tell her how children really get ear infections. > 5. I’d love to tell her the dangers of cigarette smoke and the connection > to upper respiratory infections. > 6. I’d like to tell her about the test that our son (Bailey also) had run > to diagnose his asthma and the meds that he is taking. > 7. I’ve tried to show Dawn, but I’d like to sit down and explain the > importance of stimulating her daughter. Keiran is rolling over, crawling, > pulling himself up on furniture, and walking around furniture. I talk to > him constantly and am very "hands on" with him. I didn’t force him to do > these things, I just provided the stimulation and encouragement for him to > explore his surroundings. > Should I try to casually mention these things? If so, how do I not sound so > bossy or like I’m telling her how to raise her child? > Thanks for any suggestions. > Tina > Cameron (7/17/90), Caleb (7/22/91), Bailey (11/19/97), Keiran (7/18/99)
Response:
My husband bowls every other Sunday in a very casual league. I bowled with him last year, kinda as a couple’s night out. I sat out this year since our youngest (Keiran) was 1 month old at the beginning of the season and I am breastfeeding. There is a young couple that has bowled in the same league these last 2 seasons. They have a daughter (Bailey) that is 3 weeks younger than Keiran. I’m not sure how old this couple is, but I believe the mother (Dawn) is barely out of high school and the father (Jim) is a few years older. Dawn comes and talks to me quite a bit at the bowling alley. She tells me what Bailey is doing, what her doctor says, etc. She never asks questions, it seems more like she’s trying to gain approval from me. (Her mother isn’t around.) However, I feel she is either greatly misinformed or she just hasn’t done any "research" about parenting. I would like to offer her some advice, but don’t know how to go about doing it without offending or "mothering" her. I am only 28, but Keiran is my 4th child. I had my 1st when I was 18, but I was fortunate to have my mother by my side the whole time. I’m really concerned about some of the things she tells me. For example: 1. I wanted to nurse Bailey, but I was slightly anemic so my doctor told me I had to put her on formula. 2. Bailey (6 mos old) seemed bored in her infant car seat. So, we put her in a regular car seat so she can sit facing forward and see where we are going. 3. Bailey can hold her bottle by herself now. I’m so happy because I can put her to bed with her bottle. 4. I watched Bailey drink her bottle and I noticed that the formula ran down the side of her cheek. It’s not actually running into her ear, so why is she getting so many ear infections? 5. Bailey has had either an ear infection, bronchiolitis, or RSV ever since she was born. (They smoke and blow it right in her face while they are feeding her.) 6. The doctor says that Bailey has asthma. (I asked her what tests they ran and what meds she’s on.) They didn’t run any tests and she’s on that pink bubble gum antibiotic. 7. We don’t like to hold Bailey very much so she doesn’t get spoiled. (She’s 7 months old and can barely sit with support and she’s not rolling over.) I would love to offer her some suggestions, without sounding bossy. For example: 1. I wish I would have told her that she could have taken iron supplements and continued to breastfeed. 2. I’d love to tell her that Bailey still needs to be in a rear facing car seat until she’s 20 lbs and 1 year old. 3. I’d like to tell her about the oral surgery my oldest son had when he was 3 years old because he took a bottle to bed. He had to be put under general anesthesia for 6 root canals. 4. I’d like to tell her how children really get ear infections. 5. I’d love to tell her the dangers of cigarette smoke and the connection to upper respiratory infections. 6. I’d like to tell her about the test that our son (Bailey also) had run to diagnose his asthma and the meds that he is taking. 7. I’ve tried to show Dawn, but I’d like to sit down and explain the importance of stimulating her daughter. Keiran is rolling over, crawling, pulling himself up on furniture, and walking around furniture. I talk to him constantly and am very "hands on" with him. I didn’t force him to do these things, I just provided the stimulation and encouragement for him to explore his surroundings. Should I try to casually mention these things? If so, how do I not sound so bossy or like I’m telling her how to raise her child? Thanks for any suggestions. Tina Cameron (7/17/90), Caleb (7/22/91), Bailey (11/19/97), Keiran (7/18/99)
Response:
I love how these right-wingers are trying to blame this on the Democrat’s. I love how Drudge tries to blame this on the young boy’s. Republicans = slime balls. Mr Soul 
Posted in Parenting Book | 
No Comments » | 
I think, since it isn’t your baby, you should just be open and tell the mom and let her handle it… that way you can watch her methods or whatever and not feel so pressured by the situation… you can also put her more at ease about the "esteem" and "tone" issues. HTH — Pastequesorte "Jesus don’t want me for a sunbeam sunbeams are not made like me…" http://spinning_plates.tripod.com 
lee 