Question:
> LOL, Vicki!!! Boy can I identify with just about everything you wrote > here!!! >Watch out though because he could also start helping himself to things >you don’t want him to do himself (see, mom – I can cut the skin off the >apple with the sharp knife all by myself! EEEEK!). > My 3 yr old has done this exactly… were you spying into my kitchen?
Hehehe… yeah, that was me. I noticed you sprouted a few more gray hairs with that one! 
> I "KNOW" EEEEEEEKKKK!! "but mommy, I’m I’m big enough now, it’s not too > big for me!" Yeesh!! Teaching them the difference between being a "Big > boy" and a grown-up is a hard one for me.
If you find the answer, you have to promise to share! Jenny told me today she was moving out to live at a place where they train kids for the olympics (over my dead body!). Fortunately, she agreed she’d wait until she was finished growing up. And it seems like only yesterday she was crying in my car when she first discovered she would grow up and move away from me one day. She promised she would live with me *forever*! How quickly they change! >I have found, with my older daughter, that it takes about 4,392,766,301 >recordings of "don’t interrupt me when I’m on the phone" > Just wondering if this was an exact count… ;)
Almost… I lost count a couple of times when the kids were in their two’s. I’ve told my hubby I wanted to get a tape recorder and just press different buttons to say the things I’ve said a million times, but he said it wouldn’t work. For some reason it seems they want to see my lips move when I tell them. Geeez… I guess a mother’s work is never done. Take Care! Vicki Surratt Proud Mom of Kathy (6) and Jenny (9)! 
Response:
Well you certainly need to get a copy of "Raising a Thinking Child". That should help shed some light on how to react during different situations. I’ve written a book that may help in some ways, too. One of the main themes of my book is to empower kids to make good choices and be responsible for their decisions. Check it out at http://summerkids.findhere.com Good Luck! Marty – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hello, group! > I have been lurking on and off for quite a while and just recently > jumped in with some posts. I am a thirtyish mother and am stumped as to > how to kindly deal with my 4YO son’s *constant* talking. I get to the > point where I have to snap at him to get him to not interrupt his father > and I talking, or to let me focus on a task (fixing dinner), or read for > myself (after we have had our playtime together). Also, he is very > dependent and wants to have everything done for him. Are there any ways > I can encourage him to want to learn and do for himself? Can anyone > suggest some good parenting books that deal with his age group? Thanks. > third sister
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> Sounds like he might benefit from a part-day pre-school program where he > can’t interrupt all the time and where he can’t ask you to do things for > him. Also, if he has more interaction with other kids, he may focus less > on you.
Actually, he does attend a program that’s run through the vocational school in our area (Careers in Early Childhood Development – they run a "playgroup" and a "preschool" for two hours three days a week). Unfortunately, the schedule has been very erratic this year due to changes in the high school scheduling. However, you make a good point. On days that he attends the program he spends a lot more time at independent play. I am currently looking for a more consistent program (maybe the Y??) Thanks for the input! third sister
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> If you’ve been lurking for quite a while, surely you recognize that your > child is probably gifted. There’s a post with all the gifted sites that > will provide you with all you need to know.
Hmm, well, I do think my child is a bright and interesting boy, but whether or not he’s outstandingly intelligent certainly remains to be seen. I think a lot more children are chatty and dependent than are "gifted". All children are gifted in some way. I didn’t see any thread about gifted children. (Although I’ve been lurking a while I guess I have not been lurking that often – only skimming and then reading the posts that seem to apply to me. My husband and I have to compete for computer time, so sometimes I go a week between reading posts <g>.) I tried to find the thread at dejanews, but I get a headache wading around over there! Could you specifically reference a good sight for more information? Thanks! third sister
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<snip> LOL! Humor is the best parenting tool of all… Thx- third sister
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<snip for space> > 2. Buy a cheap (used?) tape recorder so that, when you are reading or > cooking, he can leave you messages to play back later.
That’s a great idea! He does have a tape recorder that his grandmother gave him – so far we really only use it to play music. We’ll have to try out the recording stuff. (I’ll bet he will be fascinated at the sound of his voice on tape.) <snip> >4. Don’t allow him to interrupt conversations. Tell him beforehand that > you will not allow him to interrupt unless it’s with a polite ‘excuse > me’ (at which point you can ask him to leave a message on the tape > recorder or give him a definite time that you’ll be able to talk to > him) or if it’s an emergency. > Let him know that you’ll ignore him if he rudely interrupts. Then be > consistent and follow up. Leave the room if you have to. ALWAYS go > back and see what he wanted/needed from you. This way, he’ll learn to > be patient because he will have learned that you will always respond > even if your response is delayed.
He does say "excuse me" – over and over about twenty times, LOL. I try to explain about waiting for a lull in the conversation, but he doesn’t get it. It’s hard for me to remember that when you’re four everything you want to say is very important. He does have an 1.5 YO sister…Her language is coming very quickly now and it does remind me of when he was learning to speak. (I’m looking forward to them having conversations with each other!) third sister
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<snip> > A couple different things. We all try to teach our children good manners. > And interrupting is rude. I am still working on this one so don’t look for > it to work over night. But explain to him that it is rude to interrupt and > that he wouldn’t want someone to interrupt him. Like others have said it’s > a constant battle. But someday, it will sink in.
I know you’re right…but kids do think differently sometimes. Just yesterday my son had watched a show on TV and was getting ready to beg for another one. He said, "But, Mama, I wanted to watch X…" I said, "Now it’s my turn to interrupt you to talk to you!" He gave me a huge smile and said, "Oh, Mama! I’ve been waiting all day for that!" LOL! third sister
Response:
LOL, Vicki!!! Boy can I identify with just about everything you wrote here!!! >Watch out though because >he could also start helping himself to things you don’t want him to do >himself (see, mom – I can cut the skin off the apple with the sharp >knife all by myself! EEEEK!).
My 3 yr old has done this exactly… were you spying into my kitchen? I "KNOW" EEEEEEEKKKK!! "but mommy, I’m I’m big enough now, it’s not too big for me!" Yeesh!! Teaching them the difference between being a "Big boy" and a grown-up is a hard one for me. >I have found, with >my older daughter, that it takes about 4,392,766,301 recordings of >"don’t interrupt me when I’m on the phone"
Just wondering if this was an exact count… ;) Krystal
Response:
> Look for a book titled "Martha Speaks." In it, Martha the dog eats alphabet > soup one day. Instead of the letters going down to her stomach, they go up > to her brain and she starts talking. She talks so much that her people get > annoyed with her. They yell at her and hurt her feelings. So she stops > talking till a burglar breaks into the house. She eats some more soup, > calls 911 and saves the day. Then her people are happy with her. And she > uses good manners from then on and doesn’t talk so much or when other people > are talking. We got that one for my daughter. Whenever she is chattering > on and on and on about nothing much and I feel my nerves beginning to fray, > I tell her "honey, you are talking more than Martha and I don’t want to hurt > your feelings but I need you to be quiet." And she usually says "sorry Mom. > And is quiet for a while."
Oh my gosh, we have that book! We’ve had it for so many years, I completely forgot about it. I think I’ll have some Mommy and Kathy time with that book and see if it does any good. It’s almost like a game to her. When she knows she’s getting on your nerves, she doubles her efforts. She then laughs and giggles about it all. I’m sure it’s a way for her to gain attention, but it’s not as if she’s ignored around here. What’s really funny is that she does not over talk at school. She will barely talk with her piano teacher (she acts shy, but she’s NOT shy!). If she really has something to say, she won’t say it. But then she’ll chatter away about nothing. I’m still trying to figure out what makes her tick! Take Care! Vicki Surratt Proud Mom of Kathy (6) and Jenny (9)!
Response:
A tape recorder!! I would’ve never thought of that!! I have a 4 year old that can talk your ear off too. I agree with the "excuse me" part, I was going to say that, but you got it covered! Leslie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I’ll say it again, 4 years old is the worst age! But, it does get better. > Some suggestions that might help… > 1. Make a 3x rule. This means he can only repeat something 3 times. This rule > has saved my sanity! 2. Buy a cheap (used?) tape recorder so that, when you > are reading or cooking, he can leave you messages to play back later. 3. Get > a timer and give him some small reward (sticker or whatever) when he leaves > you in peace for whatever amount of time (half an hour? you might want to > start of with 15 minutes so that he can get used to succeeding at this). 4. > Don’t allow him to interrupt conversations. Tell him beforehand that you will > not allow him to interrupt unless it’s with a polite ‘excuse me’ (at which > point you can ask him to leave a message on the tape recorder or give him a > definite time that you’ll be able to talk to him) or if it’s an emergency. > Let him know that you’ll ignore him if he rudely interrupts. Then be > consistent and follow up. Leave the room if you have to. ALWAYS go back and > see what he wanted/needed from you. This way, he’ll learn to be patient > because he will have learned that you will always respond even if your > response is delayed. > Good luck! > -Alexis > p.s. Remember when he was a little baby and just learning how to talk? Try and > think of that when you get really annoyed. > Hello, group! > I have been lurking on and off for quite a while and just recently > jumped in with some posts. I am a thirtyish mother and am stumped as to > how to kindly deal with my 4YO son’s *constant* talking. I get to the > point where I have to snap at him to get him to not interrupt his father > and I talking, or to let me focus on a task (fixing dinner), or read for > myself (after we have had our playtime together). Also, he is very > dependent and wants to have everything done for him. Are there any ways > I can encourage him to want to learn and do for himself? Can anyone > suggest some good parenting books that deal with his age group? Thanks. > third sister
Response:
My daughter started talking in simple sentences around 18 months. She is now 7 yrs old. She hasn’t ever really stopped. She even talks in her sleep. (Really, she does!) So I can understand how the chatter can make your hair stand up on end. A couple different things. We all try to teach our children good manners. And interrupting is rude. I am still working on this one so don’t look for it to work over night. But explain to him that it is rude to interrupt and that he wouldn’t want someone to interrupt him. Like others have said it’s a constant battle. But someday, it will sink in. Look for a book titled "Martha Speaks." In it, Martha the dog eats alphabet soup one day. Instead of the letters going down to her stomach, they go up to her brain and she starts talking. She talks so much that her people get annoyed with her. They yell at her and hurt her feelings. So she stops talking till a burglar breaks into the house. She eats some more soup, calls 911 and saves the day. Then her people are happy with her. And she uses good manners from then on and doesn’t talk so much or when other people are talking. We got that one for my daughter. Whenever she is chattering on and on and on about nothing much and I feel my nerves beginning to fray, I tell her "honey, you are talking more than Martha and I don’t want to hurt your feelings but I need you to be quiet." And she usually says "sorry Mom. And is quiet for a while." Good luck!! Sharon
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hello, group! >I have been lurking on and off for quite a while and just recently >jumped in with some posts. I am a thirtyish mother and am stumped as to >how to kindly deal with my 4YO son’s *constant* talking. I get to the >point where I have to snap at him to get him to not interrupt his father >and I talking, or to let me focus on a task (fixing dinner), or read for >myself (after we have had our playtime together). Also, he is very >dependent and wants to have everything done for him. Are there any ways >I can encourage him to want to learn and do for himself? Can anyone >suggest some good parenting books that deal with his age group? Thanks. >third sister
Response:
Actually, the talking a lot and interrupting are two different things. All kids interrupt. It takes a long time for them to learn to not interrupt. They don’t take the extra moment to see what’s going on before they blurt out what they have to say. We’re still working on this with Kathy. My husband and I have problems carrying on a conversation that lasts more than 2 sentences when she’s around. The other day we really needed to talk (he was leaving town – we couldn’t talk later). Kathy wouldn’t stop interrupting us. Finally, after several requests that we not be interrupted, my hubby asked her if she was going to play outside (we were all outside). When she said yes, he said great, we’ll go inside to do our talking. A minute later she came inside and interrupted us. My hubby asked if she was coming inside now. When she said yes, he said great, we’ll go outside to do our talking. We must have switched from inside to outside and back about 5 times. *FINALLY* she got the message! We were allowed to finish our conversation (which only took about 10 minutes once we got a chance to talk!). Now… if you can figure out a way to get a talkative kid to stop talking, let me know. We can bottle it and be rich! Kathy is my talker. If anyone asks her to stop talking, she’ll sing. If we ask her to stop that, she’ll hum. Then she’ll tap her hands on the table or click her tongue. ANYTHING to make noise. It is actually far beyond just talking. It is her *negative* way of getting attention which I think started because she talked so much that we began to ignore her somewhat. She talks so much we actually get tired of hearing her voice at times. And if you’ve ever read my messages (like this one), you’ll know where she got her talkative personality. <sigh> I have not found a solution to the talking. As she gets older, I’m beginning to help her learn to "read" when people aren’t listening to her anymore. I’m trying to get her to understand if she talks all the time, people tune her voice out. Not that this is helping. But I’m hoping it will help as she gets older and has more self-discipline. I’ll be listening to what others suggest for you to see if it might help me with Kathy as well. About the dependency problem… you’re smart to do something about it now. I allowed it to continue with Jenny, and it has been very difficult to get her to do things for herself. A couple of things I’ve learned. First, when he does do something for himself, be very careful to not be critical. What might appear to be a suggestion to you may appear to be a criticism to him. I finally realized we had done this with Jenny. Even last night, she was cleaning up some crumbs she made on the table (we had to remind her to clean them up), my hubby jumped in and started telling her a *better* way to do the job. I jokingly told him that he was welcome to do the job himself! He caught the hint and walked away (still mumbling that he could show her a better way). The point is, be sure to let him do things his way and praise him for it no matter how poorly the job was done. I believe now it is FAR more important that he *is* doing it than how well he does it. Also ask him to do things for you. Busy in the kitchen? Ask him if he’d get the ketchup out of the fridge for you. If he doesn’t, don’t make a fuss about it. But if he does, now’s your chance to lay on the praise for helping and how big he’s getting that he can now do so many things himself! When he wants you to do something that he is perfectly capable of doing, agree to do it – but not right away. Just be busy a lot. (ie, Sure, I’ll get the xx for you… just as soon as I’ve finished working on this 2-hour long project!). Eventually he’ll get tired of waiting on you. He’ll do it himself. After a while, he’ll just start doing it without asking you first. Watch out though because he could also start helping himself to things you don’t want him to do himself (see, mom – I can cut the skin off the apple with the sharp knife all by myself! EEEEK!). A lot of these things will work themselves out as he gets older. I wouldn’t worry about any of it too much right now. I have found, with my older daughter, that it takes about 4,392,766,301 recordings of "don’t interrupt me when I’m on the phone" before they catch on – but they do catch on! It just takes time. Take Care! Vicki Surratt Proud Mom of Kathy (6) and Jenny (9)! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hello, group! > I have been lurking on and off for quite a while and just recently > jumped in with some posts. I am a thirtyish mother and am stumped as to > how to kindly deal with my 4YO son’s *constant* talking. I get to the > point where I have to snap at him to get him to not interrupt his father > and I talking, or to let me focus on a task (fixing dinner), or read for > myself (after we have had our playtime together). Also, he is very > dependent and wants to have everything done for him. Are there any ways > I can encourage him to want to learn and do for himself? Can anyone > suggest some good parenting books that deal with his age group? Thanks. > third sister
Response:
Sounds like he might benefit from a part-day pre-school program where he can’t interrupt all the time and where he can’t ask you to do things for him. Also, if he has more interaction with other kids, he may focus less on you. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hello, group! > I have been lurking on and off for quite a while and just recently > jumped in with some posts. I am a thirtyish mother and am stumped as to > how to kindly deal with my 4YO son’s *constant* talking. I get to the > point where I have to snap at him to get him to not interrupt his father > and I talking, or to let me focus on a task (fixing dinner), or read for > myself (after we have had our playtime together). Also, he is very > dependent and wants to have everything done for him. Are there any ways > I can encourage him to want to learn and do for himself? Can anyone > suggest some good parenting books that deal with his age group? Thanks. > third sister
Response:
I’ll say it again, 4 years old is the worst age! But, it does get better. Some suggestions that might help… 1. Make a 3x rule. This means he can only repeat something 3 times. This rule has saved my sanity! 2. Buy a cheap (used?) tape recorder so that, when you are reading or cooking, he can leave you messages to play back later. 3. Get a timer and give him some small reward (sticker or whatever) when he leaves you in peace for whatever amount of time (half an hour? you might want to start of with 15 minutes so that he can get used to succeeding at this). 4. Don’t allow him to interrupt conversations. Tell him beforehand that you will not allow him to interrupt unless it’s with a polite ‘excuse me’ (at which point you can ask him to leave a message on the tape recorder or give him a definite time that you’ll be able to talk to him) or if it’s an emergency. Let him know that you’ll ignore him if he rudely interrupts. Then be consistent and follow up. Leave the room if you have to. ALWAYS go back and see what he wanted/needed from you. This way, he’ll learn to be patient because he will have learned that you will always respond even if your response is delayed. Good luck! -Alexis p.s. Remember when he was a little baby and just learning how to talk? Try and think of that when you get really annoyed. > Hello, group! > I have been lurking on and off for quite a while and just recently > jumped in with some posts. I am a thirtyish mother and am stumped as to > how to kindly deal with my 4YO son’s *constant* talking. I get to the > point where I have to snap at him to get him to not interrupt his father > and I talking, or to let me focus on a task (fixing dinner), or read for > myself (after we have had our playtime together). Also, he is very > dependent and wants to have everything done for him. Are there any ways > I can encourage him to want to learn and do for himself? Can anyone > suggest some good parenting books that deal with his age group? Thanks. > third sister
Response:
Hello, group! I have been lurking on and off for quite a while and just recently jumped in with some posts. I am a thirtyish mother and am stumped as to how to kindly deal with my 4YO son’s *constant* talking. I get to the point where I have to snap at him to get him to not interrupt his father and I talking, or to let me focus on a task (fixing dinner), or read for myself (after we have had our playtime together). Also, he is very dependent and wants to have everything done for him. Are there any ways I can encourage him to want to learn and do for himself? Can anyone suggest some good parenting books that deal with his age group? Thanks. third sister
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