Pure Parents

Question:

I think you should head straight for some parenting classes and quickly.  I sense in your post that you are at the end of your rope and it is so easy to loose your temper.  I know how you feel.  Now I can understand why my mom would just say sometimes "because I said so".  You get tired of always having to justify everything to the child.  Hang in there and get help learning some tools to cope. — – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> We are the mentally and physically fatigued parents of a just turned > three year old.  Our son has always been a bit more demanding, a bit > more intelligent, a bit more this and that – than we anticipated when we > decided that we were ready to be parents and all that it meant. But > lately we find that there is little quality control happening in our > household and the hostility and anger is mounting as we watch ourselves > slowly but surely lose control of our son.  Don’t get me wrong – it’s > not that I want an obedient little introverted "lap dog".  I want an > enthusiastic, inquisitive child.  It’s just that I’m so tired of the > battles that gone on constantly throughout the day to get the basic > stuff done, like getting dressed, putting on a seatbelt, brushing teeth, > eating dinner…you name it.  And I find that this frustration is > growing into anger and hostility on my part as the constant battles are > inevitably causing conflict to extend to my husband and I.  We’ve always > had the usual marital tensions but this parenting thing has added so > much stress and especially in the last year that we often feel we’re on > a sinking ship.  I think what really concerns me to is that I often feel > really guilty when I end up getting so angry with my son that I yell at > him and say things that are not necessary and probably only aggravate > the problem.  He’s also a really sensitive little guy and I think I’ve > hurt his feelings more than once.  Anyway, I’m not looking for your > sympathies or anything to ease my guilt – just some practical ways to > cope – other than to hop on a plane on friday and return monday. > Anita

Response:

>We are the mentally and physically fatigued parents of a just turned >three year old.  Our son has always been a bit more demanding, a bit >more intelligent, a bit more this and that – than we anticipated when we >decided that we were ready to be parents and all that it meant. But >lately we find that there is little quality control happening in our >household and the hostility and anger is mounting as we watch ourselves >slowly but surely lose control of our son.  Don’t get me wrong – it’s >not that I want an obedient little introverted "lap dog".  I want an >enthusiastic, inquisitive child.  It’s just that I’m so tired of the >battles that gone on constantly throughout the day to get the basic >stuff done, like getting dressed, putting on a seatbelt, brushing teeth, >eating dinner…you name it.

I am the mother of a very spirited 2 yr old and a spirited/ADHD 6yr old, both boys.  I have learned to be consistant-very consistant-even when I am too tired to be consistent.  My lack of inconsistency was behind many battles in my home.  I still have battles but I now choose which one’s are worth the effort.  Examples: what they where as long as it is somewhat appropriate does not matter, wearing a seat belt does and if I must I take charge and put the seat belt on a kicking-screaming child.  Brushing teeth, as long as it is done at least once a day am happy sometimes I must do this myself other times they will do it.   Eating dinner, if they are not hungry fine, but nothing else to eat until the next meal unless I know it is something they really don’t like then I will make a PBJ sandwich, heck I don’t eat what I don’t like.  I know raising a spirited child is hard and you don’t want to squash his spirit, but you must take charge and let him know who is the parent and who makes the rules.  Just make sure the rules are rule’s you will enforce and strictly so he does not get mixed messages.   > And I find that this frustration is >growing into anger and hostility on my part as the constant battles are >inevitably causing conflict to extend to my husband and I.  We’ve always >had the usual marital tensions but this parenting thing has added so >much stress and especially in the last year that we often feel we’re on >a sinking ship.  I think what really concerns me to is that I often feel >really guilty when I end up getting so angry with my son that I yell at >him and say things that are not necessary and probably only aggravate >the problem.  He’s also a really sensitive little guy and I think I’ve >hurt his feelings more than once.  Anyway, I’m not looking for your >sympathies or anything to ease my guilt – just some practical ways to >cope – other than to hop on a plane on friday and return monday. >Anita

Taylor

Response:

We are the mentally and physically fatigued parents of a just turned three year old.  Our son has always been a bit more demanding, a bit more intelligent, a bit more this and that – than we anticipated when we decided that we were ready to be parents and all that it meant. But lately we find that there is little quality control happening in our household and the hostility and anger is mounting as we watch ourselves slowly but surely lose control of our son.  Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I want an obedient little introverted "lap dog".  I want an enthusiastic, inquisitive child.  It’s just that I’m so tired of the battles that gone on constantly throughout the day to get the basic stuff done, like getting dressed, putting on a seatbelt, brushing teeth, eating dinner…you name it.  And I find that this frustration is growing into anger and hostility on my part as the constant battles are inevitably causing conflict to extend to my husband and I.  We’ve always had the usual marital tensions but this parenting thing has added so much stress and especially in the last year that we often feel we’re on a sinking ship.  I think what really concerns me to is that I often feel really guilty when I end up getting so angry with my son that I yell at him and say things that are not necessary and probably only aggravate the problem.  He’s also a really sensitive little guy and I think I’ve hurt his feelings more than once.  Anyway, I’m not looking for your sympathies or anything to ease my guilt – just some practical ways to cope – other than to hop on a plane on friday and return monday. Anita

Response: