Question:
It’s ironic that you should reply to this now, as it has been on my mind again lately. My boys are adjusting to life without PreS just fine, although I must truthfully admit that I miss those few free hours each month. Anyway, I watched T.B.Brazelton on the satelite yesterday and the topic was JD boys (Juv. Delinquents). They discussed normal male aggresive behavior, fathers roles, early intervention for problem kids, etc. It was a bit frightening to hear another doc talk about very early warning signs, some of which this child displayed. I also had thoughts about that Sensory problem. I did finally make an anonymous call to Health Services yesterday, just to get some info – I didn’t tell them who I was or who I was calling about. Anyway, I was told that they will screen automatically on entering K, which is 2 years away. They said I could call CPS if I thought the boy was in danger, but I really don’t have any knowledge of this and I am hesitant to release the CPS wolves if it’s not called for. Her comment about the Dad was third or fourth hand to me and she has already reneged on other comments she has made. I think I will just keep in touch with my friends in the school and keep an ear to the ground and see what develops. It’s also kinda funny (well, maybe not), but the teacher firmly thinks that I pulled my kids because she refused to expel the little boy – absolutely false! – she has no clue that it was her own behaviors that caused my action!! Oh well, live and learn!!
Response:
>It’s ironic that you should reply to this now, as it has been on my mind >again lately. My boys are adjusting to life without PreS just fine, although >I must truthfully admit that I miss those few free hours each month. Anyway, >I watched T.B.Brazelton on the satelite yesterday and the topic was JD boys >(Juv. Delinquents). They discussed normal male aggresive behavior, fathers >roles, early intervention for problem kids, etc. It was a bit frightening >to hear another doc talk about very early warning signs, some of which this >child displayed.
Yeah, it is scary. > I also had thoughts about that Sensory problem. I did >finally make an anonymous call to Health Services yesterday, just to get >some info – I didn’t tell them who I was or who I was calling about. >Anyway, I was told that they will screen automatically on entering K, which >is 2 years away.
If you have any contact with the mother, perhaps you can suggest that she read something? Or one of the other moms who is friendly with her can? The Out of Sync Child by Carol Stock Kranowitz is a start. It could be that this mom is frightened and doesn’t know what to do herself. If she is approachable in friendship, maybe that would be the best intervention anyone could take. > They said I could call CPS if I thought the boy was in >danger, but I really don’t have any knowledge of this and I am hesitant to >release the CPS wolves if it’s not called for. Her comment about the Dad >was third or fourth hand to me and she has already reneged on other comments >she has made.
Yes, I agree. I wouldn’t wish a CPS investigation on anyone since I know too many cases where they don’t help. And certainly since you have no direct knowledge, hearsay isn’t a good reason to get the government involved in this. > I think I will just keep in touch with my friends in the >school and keep an ear to the ground and see what develops. It’s also kinda >funny (well, maybe not), but the teacher firmly thinks that I pulled my kids >because she refused to expel the little boy – absolutely false! – she has no >clue that it was her own behaviors that caused my action!! Oh well, live >and learn!!
Good luck. This little boy has my sympathy and you have my admiration for the way in which you handled this. Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. source unknown
Response:
You aren’t kidding. I too work in childcare and cannot imagine taking any animosity toward a parent our on a child. If you cannot separate the child from his parents in your heart, you shouldn’t be teaching at all, imo. Dorothy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->More than anything else, the two comments below would make me pull my >children. I work in child care, and I have had many parents I didn’t like, >but I have *never* NEVER taken it out on the kids! That is unprofessional >and to me, uncomprehensible. Anyone capable of treating a child like that >should not be working with children! >Tara P > After that, things went from bad to worse. The teacher was noticably cool > to my sons when we left preschool that day. On >When the meeting was over, the > teacher basically ignored my boys as we were leaving (the kids play with a > sitter in another room of the building during the meetings) and just went > off into her own little world. They kept trying to say goodbye to her and > she would not acknowledge them – I didn’t want to push it so we just left. > I did see her pull child "a’s" mom aside, and they were talking when I >left.
There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. source unknown
Response:
<snip> >As a new parent, I am surprised by how this situation played out. We will >probably be homeschooling our kids, for educational reasons, but I can now >imagine how hard it is for good parents to go up against a bureacracy like a >school system. This teacher didn’t seem to understand that the whole >purpose of the co-op was to be directly involved, and she really resented >our interference even on behalf of our kids. In a regular school setting, I >could imagine the control issues being magnified and it is potentially >frightening. Well, thanks for all of your good advice on this issue last >week. I really wish it could have turned out better but my boys are doing >just fine!!
Wow, this is really hard and all I can say is you did your very best only to be slapped down. One possible thing I got from what you said about the boys behavior, I cannot obviously diagnose from one snippet over the internet, but the sensifivity to noise along with some of the other behaviors you noted may be an indication of Sensory Integration Disorder. If anyone does intervene, this is another possibility to check. While this is actually relatively new as a diagnosis, treatment involves occupational therapy (strange name for somethng to do with a four year old, but that’s the name). This involves working with the child to better integrate his sensory input allowing him to learn ways to cope. It’s a neurological wiring disorder, but there are no medicines that treat it. Hope that this little boy does get real help because he does need it and soon. >STRANGE SIDEBAR: The teacher, all along, has been talking about child "A"’s >home being "Unsafe" and school was his only "safe" place. Since this issue >has been raised, she mentioned to another mother (THIS IS TOTAL HEARSAY!!) >that she doesn’t want to say anything to the mother because if the mother >tells the father, he will beat the boy!! That, supposedly, is why she is >being so protective of this child, who is not yet 4 years old. Now keep in >mind, this is total Gossip at this point, I did NOT hear this comment, but >it seems that, if this is true, wouldn’t she have an even more Urgent need >to bring this family to professional help???
If she does have any suspicion, she is mandated to report such a thing to the child-protective-services and if she doesn’t do so, she is in violation of both law and her contract if this center is licensed. Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. source unknown
Response:
More than anything else, the two comments below would make me pull my children. I work in child care, and I have had many parents I didn’t like, but I have *never* NEVER taken it out on the kids! That is unprofessional and to me, uncomprehensible. Anyone capable of treating a child like that should not be working with children! Tara P
> After that, things went from bad to worse. The teacher was noticably cool > to my sons when we left preschool that day. On
When the meeting was over, the > teacher basically ignored my boys as we were leaving (the kids play with a > sitter in another room of the building during the meetings) and just went > off into her own little world. They kept trying to say goodbye to her and > she would not acknowledge them – I didn’t want to push it so we just left. > I did see her pull child "a’s" mom aside, and they were talking when I
left.
Response:
I agree completely. Regardless of the situation with Child "A" (as long as there was no more physical contact) I had no intention of pulling my boys out until I witnessed her behavior toward my boys. I could care less what she thinks of me, but my sons are very aware (aren’t all kids!) of people’s feelings and I didn’t want them to pick up any negativity directed toward them. It’s sad, but as DH says, every change happens for a good reason!
Response:
Thanks Annemarie! This group has been very supportive through this. We live in the boonies, so adult interaction is sometimes hard to come by, especially in wide variety of opinions!! It’s rather interesting now that the boys have spent some time in school, we are filling the calendar in their room with a special event each week (zoo, kids museum, etc.) and we will add activities that support that event. I’m really beginning to look forward to the next 6 months before the other school starts. Also, the feeling of peace from our decision is abundant – I know we did the right thing! Thanks again, L
Response:
I think you are 100% right Jaquie. In addition, I think that a co-op school would be the most difficult to run, because you need such strong people skills to handle the parents and be a diplomat in tough situations. I had originally thought I would like this job as a career, but I think now that I will stick to my class of two, at least until they are well grown and no longer need my full attention!! Then maybe I’ll take another look. Thanks, L
Response:
Twinmom – I believe teachers, doctors, healthcare workers, social workers are all under legal obligation to report suspicion of child abuse. jen
Response:
> Twinmom – > I believe teachers, doctors, healthcare workers, social workers are all > under legal obligation to report suspicion of child abuse. > jen
I was thinking the same. At least that is true in every state I have lived in in the US – and it is the "suspicion" of child abuse. You don’t have to be sure before you are legally obligated to report it if you are in one of the above professions.
Response:
You have been through a very difficult time. I am in some ways not supprised at the outcome. I suggested approaching the teacher as a group, because I wondered about the effect of sticking your neck out on your own too much. Should have warned you I guess (sorry) I think that in the long run having your boys away from this teacher is preferable though, she sounds completely unprofessional to me and appears to have a huge inferiority complex, or she would not have reacted so defensively. Don’t give up on the school systems completely though. I’m sure its the same there as here in New Zealand, There are some really terrible teachers, but there are also some very wonderful teachers, that bring such richness to our childrens lives. Thats my experience anyway. Goodluck for the future. Annemarie
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Well, I took the good advice of most of the folks who responded and spoke to > the teacher, not as the representative of a group, but as a single concerned > parent. I had discussed this with my friend (from before preschool) who is > also a parent there and we thought that it might make her defensive to "gang > up" on her, so I would try to open the door to discussion and get a feel for > her level of awareness of the problem. I went in very early last Tuesday, > on my official workday, to give us a chance to discuss this without other > parents or kids around. Well, things didn’t go very well, to put it mildly. > I told her about Ian’s bloody nose, and both my sons nightmares and pretend > play fending off this boy, their comments to their Ped. etc. The teacher > claimed to not see any big problem and got Extremely defensive about even > speaking to the parents about some of his behaviors. It went from bad to > worse, with the teacher going to great lengths to "protect" this child, at > least in her mind. Personally, I don’t think it’s protecting him, I think it > is doing him more harm, especially if his behaviors have any biological > causes like ADD, ADHD, epilespy, audio nerve problems, ‘jeez the potential > list is huge. She stuck to her POV that she could solve it all with > behavioral modifications. (For those who missed the original post, this is > the teacher’s First Class in her career, so there is a lack of experience in > dealing with these situations.) She even mentioned that she had been > discussing this child at length with a colleague, well versed in behavior > disorders, who offered to sit in on the class and observe him anonymously – > she even refused that help. I just don’t get it. I Never asked her to > remove this child from the school, I just wanted the parents and somebody > else to be aware that there is a problem that needs looking in to. My > greatest fear, and I shared this with the teacher, was that he would spend > the summer months with NO support system of any kind and come back in > September bigger, stronger and meaner – and I Would pull my boys at that > point. Anyway, the morning did not go well, with the teacher continuing to > interject comments in her defense (in front of the children!) at the start > of the class. As is happened, I ended up spending quite a bit of time with > the child in question at the beginning of the day. What I saw was kind of > interesting. He and I started out sitting on the floor doing some color > sorting work. He was attentive, polite, communicative, even sweet – just a > regular kid. We were having such a nice little time together. Then the room > noise (ambient) got louder as more kids arrived (there are only 10 in the > class) and he got more agitated and distracted. Finally, he stood up and > literally vibrated from his shoulders up – his hands were at his ears, but > not touching them and he just sort of shivered violently for about 5-6 > seconds, mumbling incoherently and then he took off – physically and > mentally – he ran off, shouting about Medusa (?) and some other stuff I > couldn’t make out. We weren’t able to get his attention back for a while > after that. I looked at the teacher and mouthed "What was THAT?" and she > just shrugged. I’m not an expert, but it really looked like a little > seizure of some sort! I’ve heard before from parents whose kids were > suspect for ADD and it turned out to be this Auditory Nerve thing, where it > gets overstimulated and the signals don’t process well. It’s just a > maturity thing – they grow out of it pretty soon and a little sound therapy > helps, it’s just the nerve hasn’t grown as fast as the body (or something > like that). Anyway, it confirmed (in my mind) that this child needs some > sort of professional evaluation, even if it’s just a REALLY thorough exam by > his Ped! > After that, things went from bad to worse. The teacher was noticably cool > to my sons when we left preschool that day. On the way home, I stopped at > the other co-op program and picked up applications for next year. I > described a hypothetical situation to this other instructor to see how they > would handle it. I was very calmed to hear that they had the tools needed > to help not only the child, if it is biological, but the parents, if it is > behavioral. There are mandatory parenting classes and a resource of > counselors, etc through the college to help identify problems. Basically, I > was leaning toward changing schools in Sept at this point. I also spoke to > my friend about my unsuccessful conversation with the teacher. We decided > to bring the matter up at the Board Meeting the next night and we both > informed the Pres of the Board that we would be discussing the matter, not > just of this child, but the general procedures for handling children that > were out of control. > Well, if things could go from worse to worser, they did at the meeting! > When the Pres brought up the subject, she did it without mentioning names > and wanted to discuss the procedures – were their any in place and how > should they be implimented. Immediately the teacher jumped on me for > bringing this to the Board about child "A". Fortunately, my friend is also > on the board and came to my defense, telling the teacher that it was not > just me, but that I had volunteered to be the "mouthpiece" instead of having > all the moms gang up. The whole discussion was heated and not pleasant. > The teacher finally agreed to discuss his behavior with his parents, but > only because we "bullied her" into it. She again claimed to be unaware of > any real problem and had never taken any notes on any of the problems, (the > hitting, the aggression, the verbal disruptions). Basically, this child can > NOT be left within reach of any other child without Constant eyes on > supervision. You just cannot turn your back to even help another child > because he will use that opportunity to hurt someone. I brought up the > little temor thing the past morning and she had no response. The other mom > reminded her that they had had an impromptu meeting just a month earlier, > when the other three moms approached the teacher after class one day. Child > "A" had been sick that day and they were commenting on the peace in the > classroom. The parents had gone into great detail with her and the teacher > had Promised, at that time, to discuss his behavior with the parents. > Nothing was ever said to them, and now it was a month later and nothing was > getting better. When the Board meeting was over, all the other parents > arrived for the regular monthly meeting and the teacher just pouted through > the whole meeting, making it very obvious to everyone that she was not > happy. My friend was so upset with the events that she left as soon as the > business was done, before the speaker started. (This woman is very reserved > and it takes A LOT to make her that upset!) When the meeting was over, the > teacher basically ignored my boys as we were leaving (the kids play with a > sitter in another room of the building during the meetings) and just went > off into her own little world. They kept trying to say goodbye to her and > she would not acknowledge them – I didn’t want to push it so we just left. > I did see her pull child "a’s" mom aside, and they were talking when I left. > DH and I discussed this until midnight that night and we decided to pull the > boys out of the preschool. It really has very little to do with child "A" > at this point. All we ever asked is to have his parents made aware that his > behavior was causing a problem for the other kids. Believe it or not, we (I > anyway) really wanted to get this kid some help – he obviously needs > something!! The main reason we pulled the boys is that the teacher’s > attitude was just not right. In trying to protect our kids, we became the > enemy, and the teacher was completely unable to control her feelings toward > us around our own kids. The comments to me in the classroom, her obvious > coolness when the boys were leaving the class and later at the meeting. She > is still making comments to the other class’s Moms as of yesterday, trying > to start discussion about the issue and generate some support for her views. > We just decided it was silly to pay $400 for three more months of potential > problems. The Board supports my advocacy of my own children and understands > our desire to pull out. On the other side of the coin, the teacher now > refuses to renew her contract and will also not be back next year (she said > she would walk now if she could). With no teacher, there may very well be > no next year for that little preschool. It’s sad, but it’s out of my hands > now. The Board did ask me to consider returning to the Board next year, and > hiring a new teacher of our own choosing, but DH & I decided we did not need > to take on a project like this. It probably sounds selfish, but we don’t > think it’s our job to "save the school". We did NOT tell the
… read more »
Response:
Although my kids aren’t in a pre-school or anything yet I think you have acted in the best possible way. My initial thoughts are that because this is the first contract of the teacher’s she is too afraid to ask for help in case they think she isn’t capable due to her inexperience. I wish you all the best. — Jaquie, Mom to Hollie & Harry "My purse may be empty of cash, but my heart’s full of love"
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Well, I took the good advice of most of the folks who responded and spoke to > the teacher, not as the representative of a group, but as a single concerned > parent. I had discussed this with my friend (from before preschool) who is > also a parent there and we thought that it might make her defensive to "gang > up" on her, so I would try to open the door to discussion and get a feel for > her level of awareness of the problem. I went in very early last Tuesday, > on my official workday, to give us a chance to discuss this without other > parents or kids around. Well, things didn’t go very well, to put it mildly. > I told her about Ian’s bloody nose, and both my sons nightmares and pretend > play fending off this boy, their comments to their Ped. etc. The teacher > claimed to not see any big problem and got Extremely defensive about even > speaking to the parents about some of his behaviors. It went from bad to > worse, with the teacher going to great lengths to "protect" this child, at > least in her mind. Personally, I don’t think it’s protecting him, I think it > is doing him more harm, especially if his behaviors have any biological > causes like ADD, ADHD, epilespy, audio nerve problems, ‘jeez the potential > list is huge. She stuck to her POV that she could solve it all with > behavioral modifications. (For those who missed the original post, this is > the teacher’s First Class in her career, so there is a lack of experience in > dealing with these situations.) She even mentioned that she had been > discussing this child at length with a colleague, well versed in behavior > disorders, who offered to sit in on the class and observe him anonymously – > she even refused that help. I just don’t get it. I Never asked her to > remove this child from the school, I just wanted the parents and somebody > else to be aware that there is a problem that needs looking in to. My > greatest fear, and I shared this with the teacher, was that he would spend > the summer months with NO support system of any kind and come back in > September bigger, stronger and meaner – and I Would pull my boys at that > point. Anyway, the morning did not go well, with the teacher continuing to > interject comments in her defense (in front of the children!) at the start > of the class. As is happened, I ended up spending quite a bit of time with > the child in question at the beginning of the day. What I saw was kind of > interesting. He and I started out sitting on the floor doing some color > sorting work. He was attentive, polite, communicative, even sweet – just a > regular kid. We were having such a nice little time together. Then the room > noise (ambient) got louder as more kids arrived (there are only 10 in the > class) and he got more agitated and distracted. Finally, he stood up and > literally vibrated from his shoulders up – his hands were at his ears, but > not touching them and he just sort of shivered violently for about 5-6 > seconds, mumbling incoherently and then he took off – physically and > mentally – he ran off, shouting about Medusa (?) and some other stuff I > couldn’t make out. We weren’t able to get his attention back for a while > after that. I looked at the teacher and mouthed "What was THAT?" and she > just shrugged. I’m not an expert, but it really looked like a little > seizure of some sort! I’ve heard before from parents whose kids were > suspect for ADD and it turned out to be this Auditory Nerve thing, where it > gets overstimulated and the signals don’t process well. It’s just a > maturity thing – they grow out of it pretty soon and a little sound therapy > helps, it’s just the nerve hasn’t grown as fast as the body (or something > like that). Anyway, it confirmed (in my mind) that this child needs some > sort of professional evaluation, even if it’s just a REALLY thorough exam by > his Ped! > After that, things went from bad to worse. The teacher was noticably cool > to my sons when we left preschool that day. On the way home, I stopped at > the other co-op program and picked up applications for next year. I > described a hypothetical situation to this other instructor to see how they > would handle it. I was very calmed to hear that they had the tools needed > to help not only the child, if it is biological, but the parents, if it is > behavioral. There are mandatory parenting classes and a resource of > counselors, etc through the college to help identify problems. Basically, I > was leaning toward changing schools in Sept at this point. I also spoke to > my friend about my unsuccessful conversation with the teacher. We decided > to bring the matter up at the Board Meeting the next night and we both > informed the Pres of the Board that we would be discussing the matter, not > just of this child, but the general procedures for handling children that > were out of control. > Well, if things could go from worse to worser, they did at the meeting! > When the Pres brought up the subject, she did it without mentioning names > and wanted to discuss the procedures – were their any in place and how > should they be implimented. Immediately the teacher jumped on me for > bringing this to the Board about child "A". Fortunately, my friend is also > on the board and came to my defense, telling the teacher that it was not > just me, but that I had volunteered to be the "mouthpiece" instead of having > all the moms gang up. The whole discussion was heated and not pleasant. > The teacher finally agreed to discuss his behavior with his parents, but > only because we "bullied her" into it. She again claimed to be unaware of > any real problem and had never taken any notes on any of the problems, (the > hitting, the aggression, the verbal disruptions). Basically, this child can > NOT be left within reach of any other child without Constant eyes on > supervision. You just cannot turn your back to even help another child > because he will use that opportunity to hurt someone. I brought up the > little temor thing the past morning and she had no response. The other mom > reminded her that they had had an impromptu meeting just a month earlier, > when the other three moms approached the teacher after class one day. Child > "A" had been sick that day and they were commenting on the peace in the > classroom. The parents had gone into great detail with her and the teacher > had Promised, at that time, to discuss his behavior with the parents. > Nothing was ever said to them, and now it was a month later and nothing was > getting better. When the Board meeting was over, all the other parents > arrived for the regular monthly meeting and the teacher just pouted through > the whole meeting, making it very obvious to everyone that she was not > happy. My friend was so upset with the events that she left as soon as the > business was done, before the speaker started. (This woman is very reserved > and it takes A LOT to make her that upset!) When the meeting was over, the > teacher basically ignored my boys as we were leaving (the kids play with a > sitter in another room of the building during the meetings) and just went > off into her own little world. They kept trying to say goodbye to her and > she would not acknowledge them – I didn’t want to push it so we just left. > I did see her pull child "a’s" mom aside, and they were talking when I left. > DH and I discussed this until midnight that night and we decided to pull the > boys out of the preschool. It really has very little to do with child "A" > at this point. All we ever asked is to have his parents made aware that his > behavior was causing a problem for the other kids. Believe it or not, we (I > anyway) really wanted to get this kid some help – he obviously needs > something!! The main reason we pulled the boys is that the teacher’s > attitude was just not right. In trying to protect our kids, we became the > enemy, and the teacher was completely unable to control her feelings toward > us around our own kids. The comments to me in the classroom, her obvious > coolness when the boys were leaving the class and later at the meeting. She > is still making comments to the other class’s Moms as of yesterday, trying > to start discussion about the issue and generate some support for her views. > We just decided it was silly to pay $400 for three more months of potential > problems. The Board supports my advocacy of my own children and understands > our desire to pull out. On the other side of the coin, the teacher now > refuses to renew her contract and will also not be back next year (she said > she would walk now if she could). With no teacher, there may very well be > no next year for that little preschool. It’s sad, but it’s out of my hands > now. The Board did ask me to consider returning to the Board next year, and > hiring a new teacher of our own choosing, but DH & I decided we did not need > to take on a project like this. It probably sounds selfish, but we don’t > think it’s our job to "save the school". We did NOT tell the boys anything > about the situation, we simply told them that school was over and they would > have a new school in September. They are taking it in stride. > (Interestingly, they have not mentioned child "A" since we told them school > was over. Before that, he seemed to be a daily visitor in their minds.) I > will miss my 3 or 4 mornings each month of time to myself, but that’s just > the way it goes.
… read more »
Response:
Well, I took the good advice of most of the folks who responded and spoke to the teacher, not as the representative of a group, but as a single concerned parent. I had discussed this with my friend (from before preschool) who is also a parent there and we thought that it might make her defensive to "gang up" on her, so I would try to open the door to discussion and get a feel for her level of awareness of the problem. I went in very early last Tuesday, on my official workday, to give us a chance to discuss this without other parents or kids around. Well, things didn’t go very well, to put it mildly. I told her about Ian’s bloody nose, and both my sons nightmares and pretend play fending off this boy, their comments to their Ped. etc. The teacher claimed to not see any big problem and got Extremely defensive about even speaking to the parents about some of his behaviors. It went from bad to worse, with the teacher going to great lengths to "protect" this child, at least in her mind. Personally, I don’t think it’s protecting him, I think it is doing him more harm, especially if his behaviors have any biological causes like ADD, ADHD, epilespy, audio nerve problems, ‘jeez the potential list is huge. She stuck to her POV that she could solve it all with behavioral modifications. (For those who missed the original post, this is the teacher’s First Class in her career, so there is a lack of experience in dealing with these situations.) She even mentioned that she had been discussing this child at length with a colleague, well versed in behavior disorders, who offered to sit in on the class and observe him anonymously – she even refused that help. I just don’t get it. I Never asked her to remove this child from the school, I just wanted the parents and somebody else to be aware that there is a problem that needs looking in to. My greatest fear, and I shared this with the teacher, was that he would spend the summer months with NO support system of any kind and come back in September bigger, stronger and meaner – and I Would pull my boys at that point. Anyway, the morning did not go well, with the teacher continuing to interject comments in her defense (in front of the children!) at the start of the class. As is happened, I ended up spending quite a bit of time with the child in question at the beginning of the day. What I saw was kind of interesting. He and I started out sitting on the floor doing some color sorting work. He was attentive, polite, communicative, even sweet – just a regular kid. We were having such a nice little time together. Then the room noise (ambient) got louder as more kids arrived (there are only 10 in the class) and he got more agitated and distracted. Finally, he stood up and literally vibrated from his shoulders up – his hands were at his ears, but not touching them and he just sort of shivered violently for about 5-6 seconds, mumbling incoherently and then he took off – physically and mentally – he ran off, shouting about Medusa (?) and some other stuff I couldn’t make out. We weren’t able to get his attention back for a while after that. I looked at the teacher and mouthed "What was THAT?" and she just shrugged. I’m not an expert, but it really looked like a little seizure of some sort! I’ve heard before from parents whose kids were suspect for ADD and it turned out to be this Auditory Nerve thing, where it gets overstimulated and the signals don’t process well. It’s just a maturity thing – they grow out of it pretty soon and a little sound therapy helps, it’s just the nerve hasn’t grown as fast as the body (or something like that). Anyway, it confirmed (in my mind) that this child needs some sort of professional evaluation, even if it’s just a REALLY thorough exam by his Ped! After that, things went from bad to worse. The teacher was noticably cool to my sons when we left preschool that day. On the way home, I stopped at the other co-op program and picked up applications for next year. I described a hypothetical situation to this other instructor to see how they would handle it. I was very calmed to hear that they had the tools needed to help not only the child, if it is biological, but the parents, if it is behavioral. There are mandatory parenting classes and a resource of counselors, etc through the college to help identify problems. Basically, I was leaning toward changing schools in Sept at this point. I also spoke to my friend about my unsuccessful conversation with the teacher. We decided to bring the matter up at the Board Meeting the next night and we both informed the Pres of the Board that we would be discussing the matter, not just of this child, but the general procedures for handling children that were out of control. Well, if things could go from worse to worser, they did at the meeting! When the Pres brought up the subject, she did it without mentioning names and wanted to discuss the procedures – were their any in place and how should they be implimented. Immediately the teacher jumped on me for bringing this to the Board about child "A". Fortunately, my friend is also on the board and came to my defense, telling the teacher that it was not just me, but that I had volunteered to be the "mouthpiece" instead of having all the moms gang up. The whole discussion was heated and not pleasant. The teacher finally agreed to discuss his behavior with his parents, but only because we "bullied her" into it. She again claimed to be unaware of any real problem and had never taken any notes on any of the problems, (the hitting, the aggression, the verbal disruptions). Basically, this child can NOT be left within reach of any other child without Constant eyes on supervision. You just cannot turn your back to even help another child because he will use that opportunity to hurt someone. I brought up the little temor thing the past morning and she had no response. The other mom reminded her that they had had an impromptu meeting just a month earlier, when the other three moms approached the teacher after class one day. Child "A" had been sick that day and they were commenting on the peace in the classroom. The parents had gone into great detail with her and the teacher had Promised, at that time, to discuss his behavior with the parents. Nothing was ever said to them, and now it was a month later and nothing was getting better. When the Board meeting was over, all the other parents arrived for the regular monthly meeting and the teacher just pouted through the whole meeting, making it very obvious to everyone that she was not happy. My friend was so upset with the events that she left as soon as the business was done, before the speaker started. (This woman is very reserved and it takes A LOT to make her that upset!) When the meeting was over, the teacher basically ignored my boys as we were leaving (the kids play with a sitter in another room of the building during the meetings) and just went off into her own little world. They kept trying to say goodbye to her and she would not acknowledge them – I didn’t want to push it so we just left. I did see her pull child "a’s" mom aside, and they were talking when I left. DH and I discussed this until midnight that night and we decided to pull the boys out of the preschool. It really has very little to do with child "A" at this point. All we ever asked is to have his parents made aware that his behavior was causing a problem for the other kids. Believe it or not, we (I anyway) really wanted to get this kid some help – he obviously needs something!! The main reason we pulled the boys is that the teacher’s attitude was just not right. In trying to protect our kids, we became the enemy, and the teacher was completely unable to control her feelings toward us around our own kids. The comments to me in the classroom, her obvious coolness when the boys were leaving the class and later at the meeting. She is still making comments to the other class’s Moms as of yesterday, trying to start discussion about the issue and generate some support for her views. We just decided it was silly to pay $400 for three more months of potential problems. The Board supports my advocacy of my own children and understands our desire to pull out. On the other side of the coin, the teacher now refuses to renew her contract and will also not be back next year (she said she would walk now if she could). With no teacher, there may very well be no next year for that little preschool. It’s sad, but it’s out of my hands now. The Board did ask me to consider returning to the Board next year, and hiring a new teacher of our own choosing, but DH & I decided we did not need to take on a project like this. It probably sounds selfish, but we don’t think it’s our job to "save the school". We did NOT tell the boys anything about the situation, we simply told them that school was over and they would have a new school in September. They are taking it in stride. (Interestingly, they have not mentioned child "A" since we told them school was over. Before that, he seemed to be a daily visitor in their minds.) I will miss my 3 or 4 mornings each month of time to myself, but that’s just the way it goes. We are going to spend this month’s tuition on some preschool song books and I will use the teacher’s methods of bringing new subjects to the boys until next Sept. Our first big one will be lizards, then next month we’re going to discover tide pools. As a new parent, I am surprised by how this situation played out. We will probably be homeschooling our kids, for educational reasons, but I can now imagine how hard it is for good parents to go up against a bureacracy like a school system. This teacher didn’t seem to understand that the whole purpose of the co-op was to be directly involved, and she really resented our interference even on behalf of our kids. In a regular school setting, I could imagine the control issues being … read more »
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