Pure Parents

Question:

Dawn, first – relax. Almost everything in almost every child evans out by the time they start school. I have a 5 yr. old boy, Ian and a 2 yr. old girl, Rachel. >1) She has a habit of sucking on her middle two fingers on her hands. I

have tried putting ‘yucky’ tasting stuff on her fingers to get her to stop, but she hasn’t yet. Have you talked to her Dr.? Unless he/she thinks it is causing problems, I wouldn’t worry too much. Ian had a pacifier until after Rachel was born – he was almost 3.  The last six months or so he only had it at nap time & bed time, then just bedtime, and then one night we both forgot it and the binkie is history. Now Rachel has a towel (our version of a blanket) and sucks her thumb. Except for fear of dental bills in the future, I’m really not too worried. Children use different ways to get comfort. Let’s face it – it may look like fun and games but being 2 yrs. old can be pretty overwhelming! 2) Potty training. Again, Ian was 3 when he was finally trained. Rachel has shown interest for months. She often is successful but she much prefers to wear a diaper over pull ups. I think she likes the security of knowing she won’t have to stop what she’s doing to go pee. I understand that it’s a help to have her out of diapers by the time #2 arrives but at this point I would think that Dec. is so close that the chance of regression with a new baby in the house is very possible. If you can hang in there at first, I wonder if when she sees a diaper being changed she’ll understand better why she should go potty.  I think that’s what did it for Ian. He didn’t want to be a baby like Rachel. #3. Not eating. Ian eats cereal, PBJ sandwiches, an occasional banana, macaroni and cheese, at that’s about it except that he NEVER refuses a snack. Rachel eats everything offered her. If there is meat on the plate, she’ll eat it all plus two or three more helpings. Both kids are healthy and both are in the 75% or higher for height and 50% or higher for weight. I once heard a song by Bill Morrissey called "Daughters" and there is a line that says something like "she lives on air and noodles" in reference to a toddler/preschooler. Again, talk to your Dr. Is she on vitamins? #4 – Definately talk to your Dr. IMHO, any questions about speech developent should be discussed with a professional. But again – Ian was late in talking (2 yrs. 6 months or so). When he did, he did! It’s like he was just waiting to be able to do it right. Very soon after talking he learned his ABC’s. (He’s been reading since he was 3 1/2) Good luck and keep us posted! Nina

Response:

>1) She has a habit of sucking on her middle two fingers on her hands. I >have tried putting ‘yucky’ tasting stuff on her fingers to get her to stop, >but she hasn’t yet.

I’m not sure there is much you can do, or even *should* do for this problem. Obviously, it is a source of comfort for her and even if you succeed in stopping the behaviour, chances are it will return when the new baby comes. You might want to check with a doctor or dentist to make sure that she isn’t ruining her teeth. >2) We are trying to get her potty trained before our second baby arrives in >early December. She was doing pretty good, until just a couple of weeks >ago. She was to the point at one time that she would let us know when she >had to go, and then she started telling us when she had already gone in her >diaper, and now she doesn’t even tell us at all.

I have a 3-year-old who still isn’t trained.  This is one area of their lives where the child has complete control.  Once the baby arrives she may have more interest in becoming a "big girl".  I really wouldn’t worry about it yet. >3) She doesn’t eat very much at all during the day. She is not malnurished >or anything like that. But she just doesn’t eat. Maybe she will eat a bite >or two of cereal in the morning, she won’t eat lunch, and she might eat a >bite or two of her dinner. She snacks very little during the day, usually a >snack when she gets up from her nap in the afternoon.

My 3-yr-old was the same way but seems to be going thru a growth spurt and his appetite has greatly increased.  My 22-month-old used to be a wonderful eater but has lately become very picky and hardly eats anything.  I think all 2 year olds go thru this process and eventually come out of it.  Just keep an eye on her weight, make sure her snacks are healthy, and maybe cut back on the juice.  Too much juice can really dampen the appetite. >4) I am also a bit concerned about her speech development. She gets her >point across by either whinning or trying to drag one of us out of our >chair. She hears well, and understands when we tell her to do something, so >I don’t think it is her hearing. Her vocabulary is limited, but she does >have a few words to let us know kinda what she wants. (I think this is >where the overly concerned part comes in.)

Once again, my 3-year-old barely said 20 words when he was 2.  Don’t worry, the language skills will come. Hope this is of some help to you Stephanie Elzinga – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I think that is all for right now. Sorry for the spam. Any and all help >will be greatly appreciated. Replys either here on the newsgroup or via >e-mail are fine. >Thanks in advance. >Dawn >mother of Krystin and #2 on the way.

Response:

my son sucks his fingers quite a bit (he’s 23 months), and its usually associated with teething for him.  in any case, i figure if he can find a safe way to comfort himself, that’s a good sign of him learning to take care of himself.  and it’s a lot better than a plastic sucking toy! tova

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I think you are an overly worried parent. I am the mother of a 27-month old and a 6-month old.  My advice…don’t worry about the potty training.  My pediatrician advised me not to even start before the baby came because she would probably regress to her "baby days" of wearing diapers when she saw the attention that the new baby gets when it has a messy diaper. Also, my dentist assures me that there is no problem with thumb (finger sucking) at this age.  She’ll stop when she goes to pre-school and notices nobody else does it. I also have the eating problem with my 2-year old.  I just leave healthy snacks on her little table all day long.  The pediatrician says that children will not starve themselves. Just don’t give in and give her cookies just to get her to eat. Isn’t parenting wonderful:)

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>I might just be an overly worried parent, but I have a couple of concerns >about my 2 year old daughter that I am hoping someone out there might be >able to help me with. >1) She has a habit of sucking on her middle two fingers on her hands. I >have tried putting ‘yucky’ tasting stuff on her fingers to get her to stop, >but she hasn’t yet.

I would like to know why you are concerned about her sucking her fingers. If she is only two, she is obviously in need of this kind of comfort and is responding accordingly. If you are concerned about how this appears to other people or something like that, then please realize this reflects *your* needs and not hers. You need to examine your own motivation for wanting her to quit and find out if its for you or for her. When she is older she will either outgrow it or will feel the pressure of her preschool peers to stop the finger sucking. If the pressure comes from you via "yucky" stuff on the fingers or through other methods such as pinning socks on the hands or spankings or "thumb inspections" (these were all techniques used by my own father, the tyrant! it will only lead to rebellion and prolonged sucking. This comes from personal experience. I sucked my thumbs at night and at home (the right one when the left got too sore) until I was 6 YEARS OLD!! I honestly believe if the pressure was let off, I would have not been so insistent. I speak from personal experience, but I’ve seen studies that indicate that 1) sucking is a need, not a method to drive you crazy; 2) kids outgrow it, usually by seeing other children their age not sucking; 3) parental interference exacerbates the problem. IMHO, Stacy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Thanks in adance. >Dawn >mother of Krystin and #2 on the way.

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> 1) She has a habit of sucking on her middle two fingers on her hands.> > 2) We are trying to get her potty trained before our second baby arrives > 3) She doesn’t eat very much at all during the day.> > 4) I am also a bit concerned about her speech development.

Well, IHMO 2 is kind of young to be trying to get her to stop sucking her finger and/or potty training. Even you succsssfully train her, she might regress when #2 arrives. Then again #2 just might inspire her ot get out of diapers.When I brought home a newborn my almost 3 yr old took 1 look and said "ohhh, no more diapers for me!" and that was that. If she gets comfort from sucking her fingers, why make her stop? WOuld you be happier if it was her thumb? Having a new baby coming can be stressful for kids too! Let her handle this stress by sucking on her fingers if she wants to. Try writing down everything she eats during 2 or 3 days. You might surprised what goes into that body. If she’s growing and the DR isn’t concerned than I wouldn’t worry either. Most speech pathologists (at least the one’s I’VE dealt with) consider 3 the be the age to start worrying about speech. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::: ::::::::::::::::::::: email me for information regarding the program PCX2CCS or the Mommy Forum on Delphi (plus 10 MB for a web page) Come see for yourself http://www.delphi.com HOME & HOBBIES

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How often are you there with her?  Kids are extrmely smart and at 2 years old not being fully able to express themselves they have a tendency to manipulate by behavior patterns.  we, parents, don;t quite understand it and expect the kid to just act fine and "normal". Potty training is I think  a very personnal and whimsical thing.  Ican understand that with # 2 on its way, you would like at least to get one out of diapers (your need).  Right now your child seems to crave for attention and will get it by not following instructions.  Potty trining somehow, requires lots of attention, patience and empathy.  No more comfortable feeling (and security) of the diaper.  With my son I often had to demonstrate how to do it.  It wasn’t smooth and somehow I had the feeling that he lost some control over the action of listening to the parent to go on the stall.  Reward system is OK when not abused.  GOing onthe potty should be a natural thing not subjected to bribes. Help your child, assist her, encourage her and be patient.  No overnight formula   But boy when it happens, what a relief! Speechwise, sounds like again whining and so on is attention getting.   Kids pick up while they are around you.  Educational TV programs worked on my son.  good luck.and please be patient.

Response:

I might just be an overly worried parent, but I have a couple of concerns about my 2 year old daughter that I am hoping someone out there might be able to help me with. 1) She has a habit of sucking on her middle two fingers on her hands. I have tried putting ‘yucky’ tasting stuff on her fingers to get her to stop, but she hasn’t yet. 2) We are trying to get her potty trained before our second baby arrives in early December. She was doing pretty good, until just a couple of weeks ago. She was to the point at one time that she would let us know when she had to go, and then she started telling us when she had already gone in her diaper, and now she doesn’t even tell us at all. 3) She doesn’t eat very much at all during the day. She is not malnurished or anything like that. But she just doesn’t eat. Maybe she will eat a bite or two of cereal in the morning, she won’t eat lunch, and she might eat a bite or two of her dinner. She snacks very little during the day, usually a snack when she gets up from her nap in the afternoon. 4) I am also a bit concerned about her speech development. She gets her point across by either whinning or trying to drag one of us out of our chair. She hears well, and understands when we tell her to do something, so I don’t think it is her hearing. Her vocabulary is limited, but she does have a few words to let us know kinda what she wants. (I think this is where the overly concerned part comes in.) I think that is all for right now. Sorry for the spam. Any and all help will be greatly appreciated. Replys either here on the newsgroup or via e-mail are fine. Thanks in advance. Dawn mother of Krystin and #2 on the way.

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