Question:
Yet another parenting challenge! Our 2YO (26 months) daughter is a fairly atypical kid in several respects, many of which are good. She’s very quiet, neat, likes things to be orderly (attributes we’re *still* wondering about the origin of!), empathetic, etc. The problem is in playing with kids hew own age. Another kid will do a typical 2YO thing – like take away a toy she’s holding – and she is just crushed. We’ve tried modelling for her some other responses (take it back, play with another toy, act like it’s not a big deal, etc), and she can do it OK with my wife & I, but not when the chips are down. We’re starting to get concerned a bit – often, in situations where there are a lot of little kids around, Katie (our kid) will hang back, often hanging around one of us, and not interacting with other kids as much as we’d like. Any words of wisdom out there? I’m starting to think that she’s going to be a very quiet type of person, and there may not be a whole heck of a lot we’re going to do about it! — "The speed of time is one second per second"
Response:
> Yet another parenting challenge! > Our 2YO (26 months) daughter is a fairly atypical kid in several > respects, many of which are good. She’s very quiet, neat, likes > things to be orderly (attributes we’re *still* wondering about the > origin of!), empathetic, etc.
Your daughter sounds like a wonderful kid. In my non-expert opinion, two year olds do not have the best social interaction with one another. My daughter is a year older than yours and has been getting together with kids her own age since birth. I think age 2 was probably the hardest. The kids were old enough to know exactly what they wanted but too young to share. > The problem is in playing with kids hew own age. Another kid will > do a typical 2YO thing – like take away a toy she’s holding – and > she is just crushed.
What does the other parent do when this happens? This is inappropriate behavior and should be discouraged. >We’ve tried modelling for her some other responses (take it back, >play with another toy, act like it’s not > a big deal, etc), and she can do it OK with my wife & I, but not > when the chips are down.
I really feel that at this age, a child shouldn’t have to "deal" with another child taking away her toy. If she is holding it and playing with it, no one has the right to just grab it out of her hands. I think that it is OK (in fact necessary) for the parent to step in and say, I’m sorry Jodi, but Ella was playing with that right now; please give it back to her. Likewise, if another child is holding something that your child wants, you can say that Joey is having a turn with it and when he’s finished it will be your turn. Even if the toy actually belongs to your child, she shouldn’t be allowed to just grab it away from someone else. This is what I did with Emma and at three she is incredibly good at sharing. Even if a kid pulls a toy out of her hands, she won’t grab it back — but now *she* says, "please can I have that back, I’m not finished with it." Most kids will actually give it back! If they don’t, she knows she can tell me and I’ll try to help her work something out. She will offer a toy she is playing with to another child if she sees that the child is interested. I think this is because she has developed confidence in knowing that everyone is supposed to play fair and if they don’t, a grownup will help take care of it. So she can give up a toy for now and know that she’ll get a turn later. > We’re starting to get concerned a bit – often, in situations where > there are a lot of little kids around, Katie (our kid) will hang back, > often hanging around one of us, and not interacting with other kids > as much as we’d like.
She may be hanging back because she is not ready to "stick up for herself" yet. At two, I don’t think she needs to be. > Any words of wisdom out there? I’m starting to think that she’s going > to be a very quiet type of person, and there may not be a whole heck > of a lot we’re going to do about it!
She may very well be a quiet type person, but that doesn’t mean she has to be non-assertive. For right now, I think she needs a parent’s safety net while learning how to interact with other children. Ileen
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Yet another parenting challenge! > Our 2YO (26 months) daughter is a fairly atypical kid in several > respects, many of which are good. She’s very quiet, neat, likes > things to be orderly (attributes we’re *still* wondering about the > origin of!), empathetic, etc. > The problem is in playing with kids hew own age. Another kid will > do a typical 2YO thing – like take away a toy she’s holding – and > she is just crushed. We’ve tried modelling for her some other > responses (take it back, play with another toy, act like it’s not > a big deal, etc), and she can do it OK with my wife & I, but not > when the chips are down. > We’re starting to get concerned a bit – often, in situations where > there are a lot of little kids around, Katie (our kid) will hang back, > often hanging around one of us, and not interacting with other kids > as much as we’d like. > Any words of wisdom out there? I’m starting to think that she’s going > to be a very quiet type of person, and there may not be a whole heck > of a lot we’re going to do about it! > — > "The speed of time is one second per second"
Next time a kid takes a toy away from your daughter, take it back and say"katie was playing with that toy, when she is done you can play with it" (and the same to the other kid if Katie swipes a toy). Maybe she can learn to be more agressive through you "modeling" the behavior. Patty
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