Question:
I thought this news group was to talk about the problems we have with our children. This sounds more like a forum for adults to bash each other!! The world is already full of this! So people that would like to talk kids please post and the "bashers" I’m sure there are many other groups to carry-on in so find them.
Response:
> I thought this news group was to talk about the problems we have with our > children. This sounds more like a forum for adults to bash each other!! The > world is already full of this! So people that would like to talk kids please > post and the "bashers" I’m sure there are many other groups to carry-on in > so find them.
Go someplace where you know what’s going on, and stay there! Steve
Response:
wrotc: >I thought this news group was to talk about the problems we have with our >children. This sounds more like a forum for adults to bash each other!! The >world is already full of this! So people that would like to talk kids please >post and the "bashers" I’m sure there are many other groups to carry-on in >so find them.
Hey we are all parents here – you ever been to a little league game? Why should this here be any different. At least we don’t shoot each other here or beat each other senseless Free Spirit DD(4) DS(7)
Response:
>wrotc: >I thought this news group was to talk about the problems we have with our >children. This sounds more like a forum for adults to bash each other!! The >world is already full of this! So people that would like to talk kids please >post and the "bashers" I’m sure there are many other groups to carry-on in >so find them. >Hey we are all parents here – you ever been to a little league game? >Why should this here be any different. At least we don’t shoot each >other here or beat each other senseless
In some cases, not for lack of trying, though. — "Who we are and who we become depends, in part, on who we love." — _A_General_Theory_Of_Love_ Thanks, Mom
Response:
This is a forum for parents – but Steve loves to turn it into a personal bashing program. Just ignore it. Go to the threads where discussion is taking place in a civil manner and just duck out when it degenerates into screaming. That’s what most of us do – however, a lot of us have ducked out pretty much due to the above. Try Delphi. They have a wonderful "parenting of adolescents board". – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I thought this news group was to talk about the problems we have with our > children. This sounds more like a forum for adults to bash each other!! The > world is already full of this! So people that would like to talk kids please > post and the "bashers" I’m sure there are many other groups to carry-on in > so find them.
Response:
> I beg to differ with this statement.
You don’t have to beg, just run your mouth. > Get your facts straight before you > give advice.
There are no "facts" we can agree upon. Just TRY people, they’ll prove that to you! I don’t think you wrote the book on parenting Steve, There is no "the book on parenting", it’s ALL vicious rumor. > so don’t > start shooting your mouth off as if your way is the only way.
PART of myt opinion *IS* that my way is the only way. Just like yours. > We are all > here to give open, honest advice that we feel works for us.
That’s the only thing you’ve said of worth so far. > Lose the attitude.
No, you lose yours! > It’s bad enough that you’re crass to total strangers,
You don’t know ME and you’re an asshole to me! So how is that different again???? > I would > hate to see the way you are in your own home with your own children.
You’ll say absolutely anything to be deprecatory. You don’t know a thing about it. > On the > topic of potty fear, most parents have no choice but to bring their children
Some of them hide it or never point out what is going on. Others distract them, keep them turned away or hide what they’re doing. Buy one of those hidden camera tapes out of magazines and watch people in restrooms. They’re amazingly stupid. > I > find it difficult to believe that a small child could never have seen
Some have, but even with them the message is not often specifically positive or supportive! And the rest haven’t at all. > Give > the kids some credit. They know what pooh is, they know that it’s theirs.
When adults act hinky about nudity and poop and pee it has an affect on kids’ take on all this kind of stuff. And kids are VERY able to fill any info-vacuum with superstitions of their own. > You just have to tell them where to put it. I know many, many children who > have seen people pooh in a toilet a hundred times and have had it explained > to them and given the opportunity to do it themselves; they still do not > want to part with it.
That’s lunacy. > It is a possesion even after the fear of the toilet > is gone.
Ignorance. > Tell me this: why will a child pee in a toilet/potty and not pooh?
They see or hear it and that informs them better.
So why isn’t pee also one of your "prized possessions" then?? You see, you’re unable to make sense. > Give the child time.
AND information! Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > I don’t know if you have heard this or not but I have heard that > children > > who are starting to potty train feel territorial about their bowel > > movements. It is a posession and part of them that they do not want to > > release and give away. That is why some children hold it in or choose > to do > > it in their pants, this way it remains their own. Usually, talking your > > child through these situations help. And believe it or not I think > Steve’s > > advice was good for once: Let him see you do a bowel movement and talk > to > > him about it. > Actually the whole anal possession theory was invented before someone > realized that most kids of whom it was demanded that they poop in the > pot had NEVER EVEN SEEN ANYONE ELSE DO THAT! They thought they were > being singled out!! The "poop as precious possession" theory falls into > a pile of manure in front of the obvious defect of a child never seeing > anyone do what is being required of him. > Steve
Response:
I don’t know if you have heard this or not but I have heard that children who are starting to potty train feel territorial about their bowel movements. It is a posession and part of them that they do not want to release and give away. That is why some children hold it in or choose to do it in their pants, this way it remains their own. Usually, talking your child through these situations help. And believe it or not I think Steve’s advice was good for once: Let him see you do a bowel movement and talk to him about it.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I got a call from my sons preschool today saying he had a bowel movement > (#2) in his shorts. This is a major setback since we had worked so hard > to get him to pee in the potty. He gets stickers when he pees in the > potty, but he is scared of the bowel movement. The preschool he is in > is not setup for this and I will need to ensure either he wears shorts > and doesn’t do it again or goes back in diapers. I don’t know whether > to keep him out of school until he is unafraid of the bowel part or to > give him a natural laxative to ensure he goes at home instead of school. > It will be difficult either way and I am perplexed as to what to do. I > don’t want my son to be teased by other kids (as he is now) at this > age.Please help. > zeno
Response:
> I don’t know if you have heard this or not but I have heard that children > who are starting to potty train feel territorial about their bowel > movements. It is a posession and part of them that they do not want to > release and give away. That is why some children hold it in or choose to do > it in their pants, this way it remains their own. Usually, talking your > child through these situations help. And believe it or not I think Steve’s > advice was good for once: Let him see you do a bowel movement and talk to > him about it.
Actually the whole anal possession theory was invented before someone realized that most kids of whom it was demanded that they poop in the pot had NEVER EVEN SEEN ANYONE ELSE DO THAT! They thought they were being singled out!! The "poop as precious possession" theory falls into a pile of manure in front of the obvious defect of a child never seeing anyone do what is being required of him. Steve
Response:
I beg to differ with this statement. Get your facts straight before you give advice. I don’t think you wrote the book on parenting Steve, so don’t start shooting your mouth off as if your way is the only way. We are all here to give open, honest advice that we feel works for us. Lose the attitude. It’s bad enough that you’re crass to total strangers, I would hate to see the way you are in your own home with your own children. On the topic of potty fear, most parents have no choice but to bring their children into the washroom with them whether they are using the toilet or not. I find it difficult to believe that a small child could never have seen someone defecate before it is their turn to try in a potty or toilet. Give the kids some credit. They know what pooh is, they know that it’s theirs. You just have to tell them where to put it. I know many, many children who have seen people pooh in a toilet a hundred times and have had it explained to them and given the opportunity to do it themselves; they still do not want to part with it. It is a possesion even after the fear of the toilet is gone. Tell me this: why will a child pee in a toilet/potty and not pooh? Give the child time.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I don’t know if you have heard this or not but I have heard that children > who are starting to potty train feel territorial about their bowel > movements. It is a posession and part of them that they do not want to > release and give away. That is why some children hold it in or choose to do > it in their pants, this way it remains their own. Usually, talking your > child through these situations help. And believe it or not I think Steve’s > advice was good for once: Let him see you do a bowel movement and talk to > him about it. > Actually the whole anal possession theory was invented before someone > realized that most kids of whom it was demanded that they poop in the > pot had NEVER EVEN SEEN ANYONE ELSE DO THAT! They thought they were > being singled out!! The "poop as precious possession" theory falls into > a pile of manure in front of the obvious defect of a child never seeing > anyone do what is being required of him. > Steve
Response:
See? And there was almost hope, you having agreed with him before. But, with all things, there must be some sort of conflict. Rock on.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I beg to differ with this statement. Get your facts straight before you > give advice. I don’t think you wrote the book on parenting Steve, so don’t > start shooting your mouth off as if your way is the only way. We are all > here to give open, honest advice that we feel works for us. Lose the > attitude. It’s bad enough that you’re crass to total strangers, I would > hate to see the way you are in your own home with your own children. On the > topic of potty fear, most parents have no choice but to bring their children > into the washroom with them whether they are using the toilet or not. I > find it difficult to believe that a small child could never have seen > someone defecate before it is their turn to try in a potty or toilet. Give > the kids some credit. They know what pooh is, they know that it’s theirs. > You just have to tell them where to put it. I know many, many children who > have seen people pooh in a toilet a hundred times and have had it explained > to them and given the opportunity to do it themselves; they still do not > want to part with it. It is a possesion even after the fear of the toilet > is gone. Tell me this: why will a child pee in a toilet/potty and not pooh? > BECAUSE THE POOH IS A POSSESION THAT THEY DO NOT WISH TO PART > Give the child time. > > I don’t know if you have heard this or not but I have heard that > children > > who are starting to potty train feel territorial about their bowel > > movements. It is a posession and part of them that they do not want to > > release and give away. That is why some children hold it in or choose > to do > > it in their pants, this way it remains their own. Usually, talking your > > child through these situations help. And believe it or not I think > Steve’s > > advice was good for once: Let him see you do a bowel movement and talk > to > > him about it. > Actually the whole anal possession theory was invented before someone > realized that most kids of whom it was demanded that they poop in the > pot had NEVER EVEN SEEN ANYONE ELSE DO THAT! They thought they were > being singled out!! The "poop as precious possession" theory falls into > a pile of manure in front of the obvious defect of a child never seeing > anyone do what is being required of him. > Steve
Response:
> I got a call from my sons preschool today saying he had a bowel movement > (#2) in his shorts. This is a major setback since we had worked so hard > to get him to pee in the potty. He gets stickers when he pees in the > potty, but he is scared of the bowel movement. The preschool he is in > is not setup for this and I will need to ensure either he wears shorts > and doesn’t do it again or goes back in diapers. I don’t know whether > to keep him out of school until he is unafraid of the bowel part or to > give him a natural laxative to ensure he goes at home instead of school. > It will be difficult either way and I am perplexed as to what to do. I > don’t want my son to be teased by other kids (as he is now) at this > age.Please help.
You’re getting some good ideas on the attire so I will pass on discussing that. You should know that frequent/regular use of laxatives can lead to dependence on them. I doubt you want to foster that! Increased consumption of fiber and fluids [particularly water] is a real help in moving things through regularly. You can also add some wheat germ [I think, if I remember rightly!] to things like yogurt and applesauce and pancakes to increase the fiber as well. -Aula
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi > I know a couple of 3 year old boys who could pee in the potty, but had a > fear of bowel movements > in the potty. (make sure the potty is a chairlike one for bigger boys) > My son was one of them. (and, he had seen someone doing a bowel movement, so > that wasn’t the source of his fear) I think that they have some fear in > their minds. > Time will work for them. Don’t rush it. > Sit with them, read to them(try everything). > A common thing that also occurs, is that they have a fear of it, so they > tend to hold it in. Eventually it hardens a bit more and hurts them, and > this worsens the fear. I solved this by giving my son more liquids, this > loosened the stool and was easier for him to push(excuse the graphic > description..) > The actual breakthrough came when he was about 3 years 11 months. He spent a > weekend with his cousins . I don’t know what happened in his mind, but it
Maybe they all shit in the woods together! Maybe he finally saw somebody else do it! If a kid has never seen somebody else do something then kids’ natural tendency to invent superstition comes into play. Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > I got a call from my sons preschool today saying he had a bowel movement > > (#2) in his shorts. This is a major setback since we had worked so hard > > to get him to pee in the potty. He gets stickers when he pees in the > > potty, but he is scared of the bowel movement. The preschool he is in > > is not setup for this and I will need to ensure either he wears shorts > > and doesn’t do it again or goes back in diapers. I don’t know whether > > to keep him out of school until he is unafraid of the bowel part or to > > give him a natural laxative to ensure he goes at home instead of school. > > It will be difficult either way and I am perplexed as to what to do. I > > don’t want my son to be teased by other kids (as he is now) at this > > age.Please help. > > zeno > If he’s three then he is about ready, but doing it elsewhere than home > has to be difficult, the moreso if there aren’t supportive people around > to say the right things to your child. I would avoid trying to give > laxatives, if the child figures out what you’re giving him he may feel > sabotaged, so if you do make it his choice. If he is really phobic then > I’d keep him home or you’re setting him up to fail, but again, ask him > what he wants to do and make it plain to his caregivers that you are to > be called if he wants you to be, and that might be enough comfort to > your child to keep him from being afraid. If he can’t manage it on his > own then let him stay home and don’t try to rush him. He might > incorporate abandonment issues in this kind of situation, so you can > prevent that by telling him that you’ll go as slowly as he needs to. > Have you ever defecated in front of him?? I have never seen a kid be > afraid of a bowel movement unless they had never seen someone else do > it. Makes sense when you think about it. So that can actually help if > you describe what you’re feeling rectally and then follow through and > demonstrate. Some people can’t do that, but they’re the ones whose kids > learn to act hinky about it too, and that must be how they learn that!! > Classic. > Steve
Response:
Hi I know a couple of 3 year old boys who could pee in the potty, but had a fear of bowel movements in the potty. (make sure the potty is a chairlike one for bigger boys) My son was one of them. (and, he had seen someone doing a bowel movement, so that wasn’t the source of his fear) I think that they have some fear in their minds. Time will work for them. Don’t rush it. Sit with them, read to them(try everything). A common thing that also occurs, is that they have a fear of it, so they tend to hold it in. Eventually it hardens a bit more and hurts them, and this worsens the fear. I solved this by giving my son more liquids, this loosened the stool and was easier for him to push(excuse the graphic description..) The actual breakthrough came when he was about 3 years 11 months. He spent a weekend with his cousins . I don’t know what happened in his mind, but it – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I got a call from my sons preschool today saying he had a bowel movement > (#2) in his shorts. This is a major setback since we had worked so hard > to get him to pee in the potty. He gets stickers when he pees in the > potty, but he is scared of the bowel movement. The preschool he is in > is not setup for this and I will need to ensure either he wears shorts > and doesn’t do it again or goes back in diapers. I don’t know whether > to keep him out of school until he is unafraid of the bowel part or to > give him a natural laxative to ensure he goes at home instead of school. > It will be difficult either way and I am perplexed as to what to do. I > don’t want my son to be teased by other kids (as he is now) at this > age.Please help. > zeno > If he’s three then he is about ready, but doing it elsewhere than home > has to be difficult, the moreso if there aren’t supportive people around > to say the right things to your child. I would avoid trying to give > laxatives, if the child figures out what you’re giving him he may feel > sabotaged, so if you do make it his choice. If he is really phobic then > I’d keep him home or you’re setting him up to fail, but again, ask him > what he wants to do and make it plain to his caregivers that you are to > be called if he wants you to be, and that might be enough comfort to > your child to keep him from being afraid. If he can’t manage it on his > own then let him stay home and don’t try to rush him. He might > incorporate abandonment issues in this kind of situation, so you can > prevent that by telling him that you’ll go as slowly as he needs to. > Have you ever defecated in front of him?? I have never seen a kid be > afraid of a bowel movement unless they had never seen someone else do > it. Makes sense when you think about it. So that can actually help if > you describe what you’re feeling rectally and then follow through and > demonstrate. Some people can’t do that, but they’re the ones whose kids > learn to act hinky about it too, and that must be how they learn that!! > Classic. > Steve
Response:
Why don’t you have him wear pullups in school and underpants at home. Lots of boys are late in training to go potty in the potty. The thing is not to punish him, but encourage him to go in the potty. If a too- big-a-thing is made of it, he will be afraid. This is not uncommon. Also, some children prefer a potty on the floor, while training, instead of the high potty seat. The fact that he is not fully potty trained does not mean anything. Encourange but don’t pressure. — Pat http://home.ici.net/~pfoley/pfoley.html – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I got a call from my sons preschool today saying he had a bowel movement > (#2) in his shorts. This is a major setback since we had worked so hard > to get him to pee in the potty. He gets stickers when he pees in the > potty, but he is scared of the bowel movement. The preschool he is in > is not setup for this and I will need to ensure either he wears shorts > and doesn’t do it again or goes back in diapers. I don’t know whether > to keep him out of school until he is unafraid of the bowel part or to > give him a natural laxative to ensure he goes at home instead of school. > It will be difficult either way and I am perplexed as to what to do. I > don’t want my son to be teased by other kids (as he is now) at this > age.Please help. > zeno
Response:
I got a call from my sons preschool today saying he had a bowel movement (#2) in his shorts. This is a major setback since we had worked so hard to get him to pee in the potty. He gets stickers when he pees in the potty, but he is scared of the bowel movement. The preschool he is in is not setup for this and I will need to ensure either he wears shorts and doesn’t do it again or goes back in diapers. I don’t know whether to keep him out of school until he is unafraid of the bowel part or to give him a natural laxative to ensure he goes at home instead of school. It will be difficult either way and I am perplexed as to what to do. I don’t want my son to be teased by other kids (as he is now) at this age.Please help. zeno
Response:
> I got a call from my sons preschool today saying he had a bowel movement > (#2) in his shorts. This is a major setback since we had worked so hard > to get him to pee in the potty. He gets stickers when he pees in the > potty, but he is scared of the bowel movement. The preschool he is in > is not setup for this and I will need to ensure either he wears shorts > and doesn’t do it again or goes back in diapers. I don’t know whether > to keep him out of school until he is unafraid of the bowel part or to > give him a natural laxative to ensure he goes at home instead of school. > It will be difficult either way and I am perplexed as to what to do. I > don’t want my son to be teased by other kids (as he is now) at this > age.Please help. > zeno
If he’s three then he is about ready, but doing it elsewhere than home has to be difficult, the moreso if there aren’t supportive people around to say the right things to your child. I would avoid trying to give laxatives, if the child figures out what you’re giving him he may feel sabotaged, so if you do make it his choice. If he is really phobic then I’d keep him home or you’re setting him up to fail, but again, ask him what he wants to do and make it plain to his caregivers that you are to be called if he wants you to be, and that might be enough comfort to your child to keep him from being afraid. If he can’t manage it on his own then let him stay home and don’t try to rush him. He might incorporate abandonment issues in this kind of situation, so you can prevent that by telling him that you’ll go as slowly as he needs to. Have you ever defecated in front of him?? I have never seen a kid be afraid of a bowel movement unless they had never seen someone else do it. Makes sense when you think about it. So that can actually help if you describe what you’re feeling rectally and then follow through and demonstrate. Some people can’t do that, but they’re the ones whose kids learn to act hinky about it too, and that must be how they learn that!! Classic. Steve
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