Pure Parents

Question:

    My neighbor had the same problem and refused to utilize similar suggestions you have been given on this site.  They still have problems with their children’s sleepping habits, while ours nap and go to sleep at night on their own.  It is tough to do at first, but your child will love you for it.  They will be much happier after having a good nights rest!     I’ve been there and I know it’s hard, but we started a routine with our son when he was 8 months old.  I feed him and keep him awake, then I sing a goodnight song that I made up, and hand him to his father.  His father sings and hugs him as he walks him to his room.  He says goodnight, lays him down, covers him up, and walks out humming the song.  At first Ryan cried for about 30 minutes. Each night after that it was less and less.  It only took a few days and now he cries for 3-5 minutes and falls asleep.     He now sleeps through the night, but if he wakes up and cries for more than 4 minutes I go and get him, but those nights are rare.  He usually goes back to sleep on his own.  He naps better and more regularly now too.     Good luck -it’s hard to listen to your little babv cry for over 5 minutes, but I can’t imagine getting up as often as I did before.  Ryan is happier and so am I:) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Our 9 month old Baby still will not sleep through the night or go to sleep >by himself.  It is not uncommon for him to wake up more than  5 times in the >night and the only way he will go back to sleep is if he is picked up and >nursed for a few minutes.  He must be asleep when we put him back in the >crib or he starts screaming. >We have always had to nurse him to sleep and his crib is still in our room. >I know we very well may have caused this serious problems ourselves by not >training him to go to sleep on his own but whatever the reason we need a >solution ASAP.  your help and experiences will be greatly appreciated. >Manoj Sood

Response:

>The Ferber method is actually just a method of teaching your children not to >trust in his/her parents to come to his/her assisstance when they cry.

THIS IS A JOKE!  YOU MUST BE A PARENT WHO DOES FAMILY BED AND BELIEVES IN SACRIFICING SLEEP FOR SOME ODD BELIEF THAT CHILDREN NEED THEIR PARENTS 24/7. Babies >wake up alone, scared and communicate this by crying.

OF COURSE THEY DO – ESPECIALLY IF THEY HAVEN’T BEEN TAUGHT HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO GET A GOOD NIGHTS REST! By ignoring these cries >you are effectively telling your child they shouldn’t trust the world (parents) >to respond to their needs. Please don’t abandon the child you probably so >fervently desired to conceive.

THAT IS RIDICULOUS!  THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ABANDONING A CHILD DURING THE DAY AND TRAINING THEM TO SLEEP AT NIGHT. Parenting doesn’t stop just because the night >falls. Let’s remember that these babies are people just like ourselves…would >you like to be ignored and told to learn to comfort yourself when you were >alone and afraid or hurt or hungry? Little things matter alot. Actually >sleeping with you actually reduces the chances of SIDS ( your baby is a little >old for that but still) It short, I recommend reading "NIghttime Parenting" by >Dr Sears and a book called "The Family Bed" by Tine Thevinin. >Please listen to your children! They are not evil forces to be conquered, they >are people who want to be with the people they love the most.

YOU ARE WAY TOO DRAMATIC.  YOU ALMOST SEEM LIKE A FAMILY BED FANATIC!  HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR BED?????

Response:

IF you read what I actually wrote, rather than just seeing Ferber & immediately thinking "sadist", you will see that part of the Ferber method includes going into your child and comforting them. The Ferber method does NOT mean you shut the door and walk away for the rest of the night. Heidi

Response:

Oh boy…here we go again. You’ve got to be joking right?  Abandoning them?  Please!  Letting them cry for 5-10 minutes is not abandoning them. I’m glad I had to learn to comfort myself when I was alone, afraid, and hungry.  Means I’m self-sufficient.  I’m 23 years old…I don’t expect my mother to come running if I’m alone, afraid or hungry. Lisa Mom to Kelsey (2)

Response:

I’m so happy to hear from others with the same problem.  My nine month old daughter also gets up about five times a night.  I don’t generally nurse her each time but by the third or fourth wakening my  resistance is down and I opt for the easiest out.  I did try Ferber and the first night she cried for forty-five minutes (I went in every five minutes and consoled her and picked her up–this was suggested by my pediatrician).  During the night was tougher– she woke up and was up crying for one and a half hours.  The second night she cried for ten minutes and everytime she woke during the night she put herself back to sleep.  I was very excited!  Unfortunately, the next couple of nights were reminiscent of the first and then she came down with a stomach virus — so there went the sleep training.  That is one of the problems with Ferber,  you ocassionally have to repeat the training.  My friends have used Ferber and all have succeeded.  I have seen dramatic changes in their children— much happier, calmer, very little crying.  I’m not sure if I’m going to Ferberize or not — during the day when I’m semi coherent I tend to think maybe she’ll grow out of it — but at night when my defenses are down and I find myself getting angry and frustrated I think I’m going to bite the bullet and do it.  Let me know how you do. Mo92666              GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Response:

This is my idea of Ferber: IF you can really stick with it, it really works with almost any child (I’m sure there are exceptions). However, it’s very, very difficult for the parent to hear their child crying & not stop the ferberizing right then & there. The way I got myself to follow through with Ferber was thinking of it as a lifetime immunization against bad sleep habits. If there was a vaccine that would prevent my child from cancer for the rest of his life, but it puts him in extreme discomfort for a period of time (let’s say 12 hours), I would get it in a second. Good luck whatever you decide – you might want to research non Ferber methods too. Heidi

Response:

I have two kids who’s sleep habits as babies were completely different (as most are). With my older daughter, she wanted to nurse or be held around the clock.  Even during the day, it was hard to find a chance to even go to the bathroom.  Finally, I decided I needed SOME chance to eat, drink something, etc. so I decided I would take 10 minutes out of every hour.  After holding/nursing/playing with her for 50 minutes, I would put her in her bassinet (that’s how young she was) for 10 minutes.  Even if she cried, I needed the 10 minutes.  And guess what – after a couple of minutes crying, she stopped and went to sleep!  By accident, I found out that I was responding to her crying far too quickly when all she really needed was a chance to unwind so she could fall asleep. Sooo… having all this great knowledge, I decided I would use this wonderful skill with my second child.  Oh boy, did that not work.  The first time I tried, she cried… and cried… and cried… and… well, after 45 minutes, I knew I was in trouble.  Her crying didn’t mean she wanted to unwind before falling asleep. It meant she did not have any intentions on falling asleep!  What I finally found out was she needed VERY LITTLE sleep.  If she fell asleep in the car for as much as 10 minutes, that was the end of all possibilities of a nap that day.  10 minutes was sufficient for her.  And whenever she did get a real nap, she literally couldn’t fall asleep until 10:00 or 11:00 p.m.  Before her 1st birthday, we stopped naps completely.  She was then able to fall asleep around 8:30 p.m. To this day, the kids have very different sleep needs.  They are now 5 and 9, and the younger daughter still needs much less sleep than her older sister.  My older daughter is sound asleep while her younger sister is still up, quietly reading books in bed. Some kids go to sleep easily and some not so easy.  Try different things until you find the one that works best for your daughter and for you.  It might be crying to sleep, having them sleep with you, or something less conventional like we did by discontinuing naps at a very young age.  Just remember, they all put themselves to bed by collage. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I’m so happy to hear from others with the same problem.  My nine month old > daughter also gets up about five times a night.  I don’t generally nurse her > each time but by the third or fourth wakening my  resistance is down and I opt > for the easiest out.  I did try Ferber and the first night she cried for > forty-five minutes (I went in every five minutes and consoled her and picked > her up–this was suggested by my pediatrician).  During the night was tougher– > she woke up and was up crying for one and a half hours.  The second night she > cried for ten minutes and everytime she woke during the night she put herself > back to sleep.  I was very excited!  Unfortunately, the next couple of nights > were reminiscent of the first and then she came down with a stomach virus — so > there went the sleep training.  That is one of the problems with Ferber,  you > ocassionally have to repeat the training.  My friends have used Ferber and all > have succeeded.  I have seen dramatic changes in their children— much > happier, calmer, very little crying.  I’m not sure if I’m going to Ferberize or > not — during the day when I’m semi coherent I tend to think maybe she’ll grow > out of it — but at night when my defenses are down and I find myself getting > angry and frustrated I think I’m going to bite the bullet and do it.  Let me > know how you do. > Mo92666              GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Response:

As I was told by many people, it’s possible that you are the reason that he’s waking up.  First, people do not sleep uietly and the sound of your rolling over at night can be just as loud to him as someone snoring Second, since you’re nursing, it’s possible that once he’s up, he smells food, and thinks "As long as I’m up, I might as well eat" This might be the time to move him to his own room.  I know, I know, Highly Inconvenient, if he does continue to wake We moved my daughter into her own room because of the sameproblem and she began sleeping through right away.  of course, now that she’s teething (whihc might be another cause of the Night-Wake-Ups) she’s up at least once a night Hope this helps. — Paige GO LEAFS!!! proud to be Outlandish I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a  vegetarian. (to e-mail double the p and take out the "reston") – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Our 9 month old Baby still will not sleep through the night or go to sleep > by himself.  It is not uncommon for him to wake up more than  5 times in the > night and the only way he will go back to sleep is if he is picked up and > nursed for a few minutes.  He must be asleep when we put him back in the > crib or he starts screaming. > We have always had to nurse him to sleep and his crib is still in our room. > I know we very well may have caused this serious problems ourselves by not > training him to go to sleep on his own but whatever the reason we need a > solution ASAP.  your help and experiences will be greatly appreciated. > Manoj Sood

Response:

Sounds exactly like the problem I had with my son at that age. I used the book "solve your childs’ sleep problem" by Dr. Ferber. You need to read the entire book & then decide if it’s for you or not. Basically, the premise is that your child needs to learn to fall asleep on his own, under conditions he can reestablish by himself when he wakes up at night. In other words, right now, he falls asleep nursing & every time he wakes up, the only thing that feels right to fall back asleep is to nurse again. The technique involves putting the baby down & then going to him at specific intervals (while he’s howling his head off) to comfort him – not nursing him, but letting him know he’s not been abandoned. It’s a somewhat brutal, but very effective method. If you can tough out the crying (sometimes for several nights), it will work. If you don’t like the Ferber method, then try reading other books – there are many books out there on solving sleep problems in children. Your Library probably has several. Good Luck Heidi

Response:

It’s never too late to start lettin him learn to comfort himself to sleep. Be prepared to hear some crying.  When he wakes up at night give him his passy (if he uses one) and let him try to comfort himself.  Don’t pick him up.  Just rub his back and reassure him.  Have you tried putting him in bed with you?  He might sleep better that way.  But, only if you don’t mind him being there. Lisa Mom to Kelsey (2)

Response:

The Ferber method is actually just a method of teaching your children not to trust in his/her parents to come to his/her assisstance when they cry. Babies wake up alone, scared and communicate this by crying. By ignoring these cries you are effectively telling your child they shouldn’t trust the world (parents) to respond to their needs. Please don’t abandon the child you probably so fervently desired to conceive. Parenting doesn’t stop just because the night falls. Let’s remember that these babies are people just like ourselves…would you like to be ignored and told to learn to comfort yourself when you were alone and afraid or hurt or hungry? Little things matter alot. Actually sleeping with you actually reduces the chances of SIDS ( your baby is a little old for that but still) It short, I recommend reading "NIghttime Parenting" by Dr Sears and a book called "The Family Bed" by Tine Thevinin. Please listen to your children! They are not evil forces to be conquered, they are people who want to be with the people they love the most.

Response:

Don’t you think this is a bit harsh?  Where are your cites?  Many people believe the Ferber method is a caring way to teach your child to fall asleep without help.  I have read the Ferber book, and although I don’t have it in front of me I do seem to recall that you are incorrect about one point at least: Ferber does not encourage "ignoring" your baby’s cries.  What is recommended is that you go in to comfort every few minutes, so that your child knows you are still there and responding, but that you leave again before the baby falls asleep.  I don’t feel it’s fair to judge this as "abandoning" your child.  And I’m particularly interested in what sources you have for the statement that co-sleeping reduces SIDS risk.  AFAIK, this is a hotly contested issue and no concrete conclusions have been drawn to date. Jen

>The Ferber method is actually just a method of teaching your children not to >trust in his/her parents to come to his/her assisstance when they cry. Babies >wake up alone, scared and communicate this by crying. By

ignoring these cries – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->you are effectively telling your child they shouldn’t trust the world (parents) >to respond to their needs. Please don’t abandon the child you probably so >fervently desired to conceive. Parenting doesn’t stop just because the night >falls. Let’s remember that these babies are people just like ourselves…would >you like to be ignored and told to learn to comfort yourself when you were >alone and afraid or hurt or hungry? Little things matter alot. Actually >sleeping with you actually reduces the chances of SIDS ( your baby is a little >old for that but still) It short, I recommend reading "NIghttime Parenting" by >Dr Sears and a book called "The Family Bed" by Tine Thevinin. >Please listen to your children! They are not evil forces to be conquered, they >are people who want to be with the people they love the most.

Response:

Our 9 month old Baby still will not sleep through the night or go to sleep by himself.  It is not uncommon for him to wake up more than  5 times in the night and the only way he will go back to sleep is if he is picked up and nursed for a few minutes.  He must be asleep when we put him back in the crib or he starts screaming. We have always had to nurse him to sleep and his crib is still in our room. I know we very well may have caused this serious problems ourselves by not training him to go to sleep on his own but whatever the reason we need a solution ASAP.  your help and experiences will be greatly appreciated. Manoj Sood

Response: