Question:
When all the advice and the books start to drive you crazy just try and take the advice of Spock "Trust yourself, you know more than you think you do!" It’s my motto and my favorite sentence in the book. When all else fails I trust my instincts that only I know what’s best for my babies. M&D
Response:
> For someone who reaches for Ferber first, there is nothing in that book that > says what to do if the method doesn’t work. So for a lot of parents > (especially new ones like me) the question becomes "What am I doing wrong?" > instead of "What other ways are there?"
Guess I didn’t get that out of the book (then again, as I said, we never really had to use the method). > Also, Mike, there really is no need to keep repeating yourself. Those of us > following a particular thread know what everyone is saying and we are just > providing our experiences, not necessarily questioning what you have to say. > The great thing about NG is that issues can be talked about at all angles.
Yes, true. I guess I’m more talking to a bunch of jerks who e-mailed me on this with anonymous addresses. ??? But you’re right, and I’ll leave it now. To those who e-mailed me – leave it alone. What is the point of arguing with me, especially when I can’t respond? It’s dumb…. Mike — From Seattle, WA – Seahawks, cinema, science and more at http://kohary.simplenet.com Seahawks: http://kohary.simplenet.com/hawks.htm Cinema: http://kohary.simplenet.com/movies.htm Science: http://kohary.simplenet.com/science.htm
Response:
(Major snip) >Get a grip people – Ferber works for some, and not for others.
What is>the problem with that???? >Mike
For someone who reaches for Ferber first, there is nothing in that book that says what to do if the method doesn’t work. So for a lot of parents (especially new ones like me) the question becomes "What am I doing wrong?" instead of "What other ways are there?" Ferber talks about two methods–his or crying it out. He actually criticizes the other very valid method, and that is the family bed. The impression from the book is truly that if this method doesn’t work, there’s no help for you. Parents need to be assured again and again that what works for some doesn’t work for others and they need to have all the options laid out for them. There is a book of which I don’t recall the name that does just that regarding sleep. It covers the gamut from crying it out, to the timed crying (my words), to the family bed to doing nothing. I recommend it to everyone having sleep issues since it gives a much broader view of the alternative. I’m so sorry I can’t remember the name, but it’s at most libraries. Also, Mike, there really is no need to keep repeating yourself. Those of us following a particular thread know what everyone is saying and we are just providing our experiences, not necessarily questioning what you have to say. The great thing about NG is that issues can be talked about at all angles. Elena, mom to Dana (27 mos.)
Response:
How true. People who love the ferber method say that the child is not left alone to cry it out because you go in to check on the at periodic intervals. The problem is that babies really can’t telll time. I tried the ferber method when my son was one. I did it exactly like the book and I must say it took him a long time to get over what I did to him. If it works for other people, especially in just a few days, great, but don’t tell me it works for everyone! I gave up on the fifth day because we hadn’t slept at all in that five days. It just got worse, and I was having to leave him for something like 45 minutes before going in. I couldn’ take that anymore, and the sleep specialist we were working with said it was also best to just quit. Amanda – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Babies are different! Ferber might have just the right ideas to help >some children, but exactly the WRONG suggestions for others. Your child >may have responded well to his techniques, but that doesn’t make them >necessarily right for mine. >Donna
Response:
I don’t know; is it just me, or is it common for people who disagree to misrepresent each other’s thoughts on this group? I know this is repeatedly happening with me, on this issue and others; don’t you all know a straw man when you see one? Or formulate one? > How true. People who love the ferber method say that the child is not left > alone to cry it out because you go in to check on the at periodic intervals. > The problem is that babies really can’t telll time.
??? And….??? > I tried the ferber > method when my son was one. I did it exactly like the book and I must say it > took him a long time to get over what I did to him. If it works for other > people, especially in just a few days, great, but don’t tell me it works for > everyone!
Jeez, this is what I’m talking about! If there is one thing that *all* of us Ferber advocates have stated at one time or another, it’s that the FM does NOT work for everyone! Let me spell it out: THE FERBER METHOD DOES NOT WORK FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!! I believe that everyone here who advocates the method will concede this, myself included. We have already willingly conceded this many times; how many times do we have to repeat it?!? > I gave up on the fifth day because we hadn’t slept at all in that > five days. It just got worse, and I was having to leave him for something > like 45 minutes before going in. I couldn’ take that anymore, and the sleep > specialist we were working with said it was also best to just quit.
Great, that’s exactly what you should have done, and what Ferber would have you do. So, what are you harping about? Get a grip people – Ferber works for some, and not for others. What is the problem with that???? Mike — From Seattle, WA – Seahawks, cinema, science and more at http://kohary.simplenet.com Seahawks: http://kohary.simplenet.com/hawks.htm Cinema: http://kohary.simplenet.com/movies.htm Science: http://kohary.simplenet.com/science.htm
Response:
> Mike–Believe it or not, the Ferber method does not work for some children and > in fact does make matters worse.
This is the second post now (I wasn’t going to respond to just one) that has said this in response to my post. Guess you guys don’t read entire posts, as I said this very same thing – and pointed out that Ferber himself says it – myself. > This is not defaming a method that admittedly has worked for many parents. But > like everything else, this is not a cure-all and everyone will have a > different experience.
Again, I said that myself. I said that if it didn’t work for you, you shouldn’t do it, and my concern was that some parents might be doing what they *thought* was the Ferber method, letting them "cry it out", when that’s not really the method. I was also concerned about the posters who called it "cruel"; I don’t believe they really know what it is. Of course it doesn’t work for everyone, and you should do what works for you. For the record, we were lucky, and never had to use any method at all. Our baby slept twelve hours through the night at two months, and easily puts herself to sleep (shielding myself from eggs and shouts of jealousy 
. Mike — From Seattle, WA – Seahawks, cinema, science and more at http://kohary.simplenet.com Seahawks: http://kohary.simplenet.com/hawks.htm Cinema: http://kohary.simplenet.com/movies.htm Science: http://kohary.simplenet.com/science.htm
Response:
We used Ferber on our daughter. We’ll probably try it on our next (if there is one) if it’s needed. But we realize that what worked for one child, may not work for the other. It’s kind of like the phonics/whole language debate going on in schools. What will teach one kid to read won’t teach another beans. Teachers, like parents, have to figure out what works best with each child. That’s what it’s all about. sasha, mom to Keya (3.5 years) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I keep reading these posts about how horrible some people think the >Ferber Method is, and I get the idea from every one of them that those >people think FM is letting them cry it out. One poster said she left >her baby in the crib until the baby barfed from crying so much – >definitely NOT Ferber!!!! :) I guess I’m just hoping you people know >what you’re talking about when you defame the method so strongly….. >Mike > Mike–Believe it or not, the Ferber method does not work for some children and > in fact does make matters worse. I read Ferber twice and we tried on two > occasions, following the exact method he described in his book. Each time > we tried for a week. There are some kids who will not lessen in crying with > each step, and in fact ours cried harder and harder. Like the others, she was > so upset that it took her longer to calm down than it would have to put her to > sleep another way. > This is not defaming a method that admittedly has worked for many parents. But > like everything else, this is not a cure-all and everyone will have a > different experience. > Elena, mom to Dana (27 mos.)
– THE PHILLIPS THREE http://www.mountain.net/~sasha "Viruscan Report: Windows 95 found – remove it? [Y/Y]" "Eagles may soar, but FERRETS don’t get sucked into jet engines."
Response:
>Elena, >What is attachment parenting? I am interested in ALL the alternatives I can >find. >Thanks! >Kristen
It’s good to see you are interested in all the ways there are to parent. Attachment parenting is a high-touch style of parenting, usually including such practices as wearing your baby for hours a day, extended breastfeeding on demand, a family bed and always responding quickly and adequately to your baby’s cries. Currently, the main authored proponents are Dr. William Sears and his wife (whose name escapes at the moment), who wrote "The Baby Book" and "Nighttime Parenting." Ferber didn’t work for us for two reasons: our daughter never did diminish her crying and we could not stand the fact that she was crying so hard. To us that meant that she needed us and we felt that we could not deny someone who worked so hard (cried) to have her needs met. Attachment parenting basically said to us that it was alright to sleep with her and that answering cries did not mean spoiling a child. The paybacks, some of which are finally being realized in our family, is a child who feels so secure in her relationship with parents that she doesn’t cry much (no need to worry whether her needs will be met), explores a great deal (doesn’t need to worry whether mom will always be there), tries very hard to please parents (because her own needs are met, she can focus on meeting the needs of others), and independence (because she knows she can do things in her own time, not someone else’s). Our daughter still sleeps with us and we are only starting some concerted weaning from nursing. Sometimes I wish Ferber did work because attachment parenting is an awful lot of work. But obviously, it was what our daughter needed and I’m so glad we were able to find the right parenting style. Elena, mom to Dana (27 mos.)
Response:
Elena, What is attachment parenting? I am interested in ALL the alternatives I can find. Thanks! Kristen
Response:
>I keep reading these posts about how horrible some people think the >Ferber Method is, and I get the idea from every one of them that those >people think FM is letting them cry it out. One poster said she left >her baby in the crib until the baby barfed from crying so much – >definitely NOT Ferber!!!! :) I guess I’m just hoping you people know >what you’re talking about when you defame the method so strongly….. >Mike
Mike–Believe it or not, the Ferber method does not work for some children and in fact does make matters worse. I read Ferber twice and we tried on two occasions, following the exact method he described in his book. Each time we tried for a week. There are some kids who will not lessen in crying with each step, and in fact ours cried harder and harder. Like the others, she was so upset that it took her longer to calm down than it would have to put her to sleep another way. This is not defaming a method that admittedly has worked for many parents. But like everything else, this is not a cure-all and everyone will have a different experience. Elena, mom to Dana (27 mos.)
Response:
> I keep reading these posts about how horrible some people think the > Ferber Method is, and I get the idea from every one of them that those > people think FM is letting them cry it out. One poster said she left > her baby in the crib until the baby barfed from crying so much – > definitely NOT Ferber!!!!
On the contrary. Ferber addresses this issue specifically in his book – suggesting that the parent clean the mess up as quickly as possible, put the baby back down in the crib, and proceed with the timed intervals. This is exactly why some people object to Ferber. Children are different. Some adapt very easily to being left alone in their cribs, but others (many? most?) DO NOT. I had a baby who was NOT going to adapt to these routines until she was MUCH older (like 2 to 4 years). Faced with what she perceived as abandonment, this child would scream herself sick in an attempt to get some help from an adult who could protect her and keep her safe. It was vitally necessary for her health and mine that we find some way of dealing with this OTHER than those methods which Ferber suggests. Ferber does NOT recognize the fact that some children need a different style of night-time parenting. Incidentally, my oldest is grown now, but we are still very close, even though she is a bright, charming, independent young woman. Babies who WON’T go to sleep alone at night DO NOT necessarily have ANY sort of long-term problems. Babies are different! Ferber might have just the right ideas to help some children, but exactly the WRONG suggestions for others. Your child may have responded well to his techniques, but that doesn’t make them necessarily right for mine. Donna
Response:
> I tried the "Ferber Method". I followed it well. It didn’t work for us. > Sydney was terrified. She was so worked up afterward that there was no way > she was going to sleep, especially alone in her crib. > I do understand what all of you are saying, but the point I am trying to > make is that just because it worked for you does not mean that I did > something wrong. You all either assumed that I didn’t know what the method > was or that I did it wrong or that my daughter was too young. Well, that is > not the case. It simply was not the solution for us.
Oh, ok. Then disregard my previous post; I thought you must have tried something that wasn’t really Ferber. Of course, Ferber himself says this method will not work for everyone, and if it doesn’t work out, not to force the issue. Also, I never meant to say you did anything wrong; sounds like you did the best you could do. I guess I just wanted to pipe up before someone came along with the old "Ferber/crying it out is cruel to children blah blah blah…." ;) Mike — From Seattle, WA – Seahawks, cinema, science and more at http://kohary.simplenet.com Seahawks: http://kohary.simplenet.com/hawks.htm Cinema: http://kohary.simplenet.com/movies.htm Science: http://kohary.simplenet.com/science.htm
Response:
> I’m really glad to hear of someone who thought that was terrible. I never > tried the Ferber method, it just sounded so awful.(snip) > — > Dawn (Taylor & Mackenzie’s mom) >Well, I gave it a try. BIG MISTAKE!! It was horrible, not only for her, but >for me too. She got SO upset there was NO WAY she was going to sleep after >that. She just sat with me and whimpered for a while and then didn’t want > to >get back in her crib at all. She was terrified. I felt so bad. I promised >her I would NEVER do that to her again.
What exactly did you do, Kristen, and what do you think it is, Dawn? The Ferber Method is NOT the "let them cry it out" method. If it was horrible, I assume you left them in there by themselves for a long time – that’s not Ferber. I keep reading these posts about how horrible some people think the Ferber Method is, and I get the idea from every one of them that those people think FM is letting them cry it out. One poster said she left her baby in the crib until the baby barfed from crying so much – definitely NOT Ferber!!!! :) I guess I’m just hoping you people know what you’re talking about when you defame the method so strongly….. Mike — From Seattle, WA – Seahawks, cinema, science and more at http://kohary.simplenet.com Seahawks: http://kohary.simplenet.com/hawks.htm Cinema: http://kohary.simplenet.com/movies.htm Science: http://kohary.simplenet.com/science.htm
Response:
While I didn’t have to use the Ferber method I do know many parents who used some variation on it and it worked well for them. I think as long as the child is at least 6 months old and preferably more than 8 months it is a sound method. Is it really healthy to have a baby that is so needy that they wake up a dozen times a night? And you either spend all night rocking them to sleep or put them in your bed? Eventually they have to get out of your bed anyway and it’s much harder on them later. It’s not so awful to fall asleep in your own bed unassisted. My kids did it without the Ferber method and I think they are more independent and less fearful for it. It all depends on the parent. If you are willing to be up all night rocking them or if you didn’t mind them in your bed then you don’t have to use the Ferber method. However, I don’t think someone can be called a "bad" parent if they’d like a little down time and shut eye sans kids. We all need to recharge our batteries. I’m a stay at home mom and I know that I REALLY look forward to that time when they are all in bed so I can relax and yes, sleep in my own bed without them. I admit it I’m selfish. I love my sleep! That way i can wake up refreshed and enjoy my kids. I love to see them in the morning when they are sleeping on those rare occasions when I wake up before them! M&D
Response:
Once again, for anyone who wants more information on the Ferber method, please read the book, "Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber, MD (Simon and Schuster, 1985). Dr. Ferber is the Director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders of Children’s Hospital in Boston, MA. Please, please READ the book before you judge the method. By the way, it also deals with nightmares, night terrors, sleepwalking, etc. –Ivy
Response:
(snip) >If you are willing to be up all night rocking >them or if you didn’t mind them in your bed then you don’t have to use the >Ferber method. However, I don’t think someone can be called a "bad" parent >if they’d like a little down time and shut eye sans kids. (snip)
I also want to add that someone shouldn’t be called a "bad" parent if they decide they want to sleep with their child in their bed. The whole idea of all these books and methods is to find the one that works for you. There are no right or wrong ways. And there are no failures in one method or another. After all, it’s all up to the child–he or she usually isn’t telling us how to care for them, so we just have to make our way the best we can. For our personal experience–Ferber also didn’t work for us and fortunately we discovered attachment parenting, which fits our personalities all away around. Elena, mom to Dana (27 mos.)
Response:
<snip> – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I too missed the beginning of this topic, so I have no idea how old the >child in question was when Ferberizing was attempted. Many people mistakenly >associate the Ferber method with the "cry it out" theory of getting a child >to sleep. This is NOT Ferber. >In a nutshell, Ferber says that babies who sleep in their own cribs at some >point need to learn how to fall asleep in their own beds. If they are always >put to sleep by nursing, being rocked, or walked, then each time they awaken >at night, they must be nursed, rocked, or walked back to sleep. If a parent >doesn’t mind doing this for the foreseeable future, it’s no problem, but >some babies (like mine) will get into the habit of waking up and crying for >a parent as much as 6 times per night. That gets totally exhausting. >Ferber’s solution is for you to get your child to associate falling asleep >with being in his or her bed, rather than with being nursed, rocked, etc. >The only way to do this is to put the baby down while still awake, so that >she falls asleep in her own bed. Most babies protest this treatment by >crying. Ferber suggests that you go back into the room to reassure the child >on intervals. Most people quote the 5, 10, and 15 minute intervals, but >Ferber is frankly pretty clear that one minute is long enough if that’s what >you feel is right. The idea is to keep going back to reassure the baby that >you haven’t abandoned him, but not get him out of bed. In the words of >Penelope Leach, your goal is to convince him that you are reliable but very, >very boring. Ferber also stresses that the method can be tailored to your >child. >I must admit that I thought Ferberizing was cruel until I tried it. After a >cold at 7 mos., Julian reached the point where the only place he could sleep >was in someone’s arms. He wouldn’t even sleep in our bed with us. We were >operating on less than 3 hours of sleep per night. It simply couldn’t go on. >So, we tried it. I nursed Julian as I always do before bed, but I put him >down in his crib when he was very, very sleepy. We went into his room to >reassure him based not on time but on the urgency of his cries. The first >night, it took 30 minutes. The second, it took only 15. And the third, it >was less than 5. >In addition to getting him to go to sleep on his own, his night waking >pattern greatly improved. He is still up once or twice per night, but goes >right back to sleep after nursing and no longer protests being put in his >crib. >We occasionally have to reFerberize after a cold or other disturbance in his >sleeping patterns, but it never takes more than one night and it has saved >our sanity. Now he goes to bed asleep sometimes and awake other times. If >he’s awake, he protests a little, but usually not for more than 15 minutes >at the very most (and usually less). >Anyway, I think the biggest mistakes people make when Ferberizing are either >to put the baby down before she is truly tired or that they try it on babies >that are too young (anything under 6 months, IMO, and Julian wasn’t ready >until 7 mos.) >All that said, Ferber’s not for everyone. But it certainly worked for us.
Hi Barbara: Thanks for the clarification. It’s hard to summarize a 200+ page book in a short post.. I also like your comments on Penelope Leach. She’s my most-quoted source, as I love her baby-centered approach. Your comments are always thought-provoking and appreciated. Best wishes. Ivy
Response:
Yes, this method worked for me and my baby. But it wasn’t till he was a year old that I tried it – he’s 15 mos old now. It might seem cruel to others but in my opinion it was the best thing that I "taught" my son. I didn’t mind waking up every night for a year, or feeding or rocking him. I’m a SAHM and I had all the time in the world to do so. But I knew that my son needed more sleep – he woke up 6 times a night, he would wake up crying from his nap and nothing I did made him go back to sleep during the day, he was always cranky and unhappy . He was getting dark rings around his eyes. Now, after "Ferberizing" him, he takes healthy 2 hour naps twice a day. He sleeps soundly at night for 10-12 hours. There are still times that he wakes up, but he just looks for his pacifier pops it in his mouth and hugs his baby pillow and he’s off to dreamland again. The best part is, when he wakes up, he wakes up with a smile! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I too missed the beginning of this topic, so I have no idea how old the >child in question was when Ferberizing was attempted. Many people mistakenly >associate the Ferber method with the "cry it out" theory of getting a child >to sleep. This is NOT Ferber. >In a nutshell, Ferber says that babies who sleep in their own cribs at some >point need to learn how to fall asleep in their own beds. If they are always >put to sleep by nursing, being rocked, or walked, then each time they awaken >at night, they must be nursed, rocked, or walked back to sleep. If a parent >doesn’t mind doing this for the foreseeable future, it’s no problem, but >some babies (like mine) will get into the habit of waking up and crying for >a parent as much as 6 times per night. That gets totally exhausting. >Ferber’s solution is for you to get your child to associate falling asleep >with being in his or her bed, rather than with being nursed, rocked, etc. >The only way to do this is to put the baby down while still awake, so that >she falls asleep in her own bed. Most babies protest this treatment by >crying. Ferber suggests that you go back into the room to reassure the child >on intervals. Most people quote the 5, 10, and 15 minute intervals, but >Ferber is frankly pretty clear that one minute is long enough if that’s what >you feel is right. The idea is to keep going back to reassure the baby that >you haven’t abandoned him, but not get him out of bed. In the words of >Penelope Leach, your goal is to convince him that you are reliable but very, >very boring. Ferber also stresses that the method can be tailored to your >child. >I must admit that I thought Ferberizing was cruel until I tried it. After a >cold at 7 mos., Julian reached the point where the only place he could sleep >was in someone’s arms. He wouldn’t even sleep in our bed with us. We were >operating on less than 3 hours of sleep per night. It simply couldn’t go on. >So, we tried it. I nursed Julian as I always do before bed, but I put him >down in his crib when he was very, very sleepy. We went into his room to >reassure him based not on time but on the urgency of his cries. The first >night, it took 30 minutes. The second, it took only 15. And the third, it >was less than 5. >In addition to getting him to go to sleep on his own, his night waking >pattern greatly improved. He is still up once or twice per night, but goes >right back to sleep after nursing and no longer protests being put in his >crib. >We occasionally have to reFerberize after a cold or other disturbance in his >sleeping patterns, but it never takes more than one night and it has saved >our sanity. Now he goes to bed asleep sometimes and awake other times. If >he’s awake, he protests a little, but usually not for more than 15 minutes >at the very most (and usually less). >Anyway, I think the biggest mistakes people make when Ferberizing are either >to put the baby down before she is truly tired or that they try it on babies >that are too young (anything under 6 months, IMO, and Julian wasn’t ready >until 7 mos.) >All that said, Ferber’s not for everyone. But it certainly worked for us. >Be well, Barbara (Julian’s mom) >"Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not >put." – Winston Churchill >Guess I’ve missed out on this topic….What is the Ferber method???? >> Well, I gave it a try. BIG MISTAKE!! It was horrible, not only for her, >but >> for me too. She got SO upset there was NO WAY she was going to sleep >after >> that. She just sat with me and whimpered for a while and then didn’t want >to >> get back in her crib at all. She was terrified. I felt so bad. I promised >> her I would NEVER do that to her again. >> Thanks anyway, guys. I am glad it worked for you, but it is definately >not >> the solution for us. >> Sincerely, >> Kristen
Response:
ditto, ditto, ditto. Ferber’s method is usually misinterpreted by misinformed people as "let them cry". The point is to teach them to put themselves to sleep, AND Ferber does not recommend this for children under 8 months. AND, Ferber himself says this is not for everyone. This is exclusively for the infants 8 months+ who cannot but themselves back to sleep. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I too missed the beginning of this topic, so I have no idea how old the > child in question was when Ferberizing was attempted. Many people mistakenly > associate the Ferber method with the "cry it out" theory of getting a child > to sleep. This is NOT Ferber. > In a nutshell, Ferber says that babies who sleep in their own cribs at some > point need to learn how to fall asleep in their own beds. If they are always > put to sleep by nursing, being rocked, or walked, then each time they awaken > at night, they must be nursed, rocked, or walked back to sleep. If a parent > doesn’t mind doing this for the foreseeable future, it’s no problem, but > some babies (like mine) will get into the habit of waking up and crying for > a parent as much as 6 times per night. That gets totally exhausting. > Ferber’s solution is for you to get your child to associate falling asleep > with being in his or her bed, rather than with being nursed, rocked, etc. > The only way to do this is to put the baby down while still awake, so that > she falls asleep in her own bed. Most babies protest this treatment by > crying. Ferber suggests that you go back into the room to reassure the child > on intervals. Most people quote the 5, 10, and 15 minute intervals, but > Ferber is frankly pretty clear that one minute is long enough if that’s what > you feel is right. The idea is to keep going back to reassure the baby that > you haven’t abandoned him, but not get him out of bed. In the words of > Penelope Leach, your goal is to convince him that you are reliable but very, > very boring. Ferber also stresses that the method can be tailored to your > child. > I must admit that I thought Ferberizing was cruel until I tried it. After a > cold at 7 mos., Julian reached the point where the only place he could sleep > was in someone’s arms. He wouldn’t even sleep in our bed with us. We were > operating on less than 3 hours of sleep per night. It simply couldn’t go on. > So, we tried it. I nursed Julian as I always do before bed, but I put him > down in his crib when he was very, very sleepy. We went into his room to > reassure him based not on time but on the urgency of his cries. The first > night, it took 30 minutes. The second, it took only 15. And the third, it > was less than 5. > In addition to getting him to go to sleep on his own, his night waking > pattern greatly improved. He is still up once or twice per night, but goes > right back to sleep after nursing and no longer protests being put in his > crib. > We occasionally have to reFerberize after a cold or other disturbance in his > sleeping patterns, but it never takes more than one night and it has saved > our sanity. Now he goes to bed asleep sometimes and awake other times. If > he’s awake, he protests a little, but usually not for more than 15 minutes > at the very most (and usually less). > Anyway, I think the biggest mistakes people make when Ferberizing are either > to put the baby down before she is truly tired or that they try it on babies > that are too young (anything under 6 months, IMO, and Julian wasn’t ready > until 7 mos.) > All that said, Ferber’s not for everyone. But it certainly worked for us. > Be well, Barbara (Julian’s mom) > "Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not > put." – Winston Churchill >Guess I’ve missed out on this topic….What is the Ferber method???? >> Well, I gave it a try. BIG MISTAKE!! It was horrible, not only for her, > but >> for me too. She got SO upset there was NO WAY she was going to sleep > after >> that. She just sat with me and whimpered for a while and then didn’t want > to >> get back in her crib at all. She was terrified. I felt so bad. I promised >> her I would NEVER do that to her again. >> Thanks anyway, guys. I am glad it worked for you, but it is definately > not >> the solution for us. >> Sincerely, >> Kristen
Response:
I’m really glad to hear of someone who thought that was terrible. I never tried the Ferber method, it just sounded so awful. Why put a child through that? (I’m sure there are a lot of reasons for some people, I’m just not one of them). My kids sleep with me to a certain age, whenever they’re ready then they’re ready. I can handle a kid in my bed over a crying terrified child/infant ANY day!! Good luck to you, though, Kristen, I hope you find a method that does work for you. Not everyone wants their kids sleeping with them like I do!! — Dawn (Taylor & Mackenzie’s mom) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Well, I gave it a try. BIG MISTAKE!! It was horrible, not only for her, but >for me too. She got SO upset there was NO WAY she was going to sleep after >that. She just sat with me and whimpered for a while and then didn’t want to >get back in her crib at all. She was terrified. I felt so bad. I promised >her I would NEVER do that to her again. >Thanks anyway, guys. I am glad it worked for you, but it is definately not >the solution for us. >Sincerely, >Kristen
Response:
Guess I’ve missed out on this topic….What is the Ferber method???? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Well, I gave it a try. BIG MISTAKE!! It was horrible, not only for her, but > for me too. She got SO upset there was NO WAY she was going to sleep after > that. She just sat with me and whimpered for a while and then didn’t want to > get back in her crib at all. She was terrified. I felt so bad. I promised > her I would NEVER do that to her again. > Thanks anyway, guys. I am glad it worked for you, but it is definately not > the solution for us. > Sincerely, > Kristen
Response:
I too missed the beginning of this topic, so I have no idea how old the child in question was when Ferberizing was attempted. Many people mistakenly associate the Ferber method with the "cry it out" theory of getting a child to sleep. This is NOT Ferber. In a nutshell, Ferber says that babies who sleep in their own cribs at some point need to learn how to fall asleep in their own beds. If they are always put to sleep by nursing, being rocked, or walked, then each time they awaken at night, they must be nursed, rocked, or walked back to sleep. If a parent doesn’t mind doing this for the foreseeable future, it’s no problem, but some babies (like mine) will get into the habit of waking up and crying for a parent as much as 6 times per night. That gets totally exhausting. Ferber’s solution is for you to get your child to associate falling asleep with being in his or her bed, rather than with being nursed, rocked, etc. The only way to do this is to put the baby down while still awake, so that she falls asleep in her own bed. Most babies protest this treatment by crying. Ferber suggests that you go back into the room to reassure the child on intervals. Most people quote the 5, 10, and 15 minute intervals, but Ferber is frankly pretty clear that one minute is long enough if that’s what you feel is right. The idea is to keep going back to reassure the baby that you haven’t abandoned him, but not get him out of bed. In the words of Penelope Leach, your goal is to convince him that you are reliable but very, very boring. Ferber also stresses that the method can be tailored to your child. I must admit that I thought Ferberizing was cruel until I tried it. After a cold at 7 mos., Julian reached the point where the only place he could sleep was in someone’s arms. He wouldn’t even sleep in our bed with us. We were operating on less than 3 hours of sleep per night. It simply couldn’t go on. So, we tried it. I nursed Julian as I always do before bed, but I put him down in his crib when he was very, very sleepy. We went into his room to reassure him based not on time but on the urgency of his cries. The first night, it took 30 minutes. The second, it took only 15. And the third, it was less than 5. In addition to getting him to go to sleep on his own, his night waking pattern greatly improved. He is still up once or twice per night, but goes right back to sleep after nursing and no longer protests being put in his crib. We occasionally have to reFerberize after a cold or other disturbance in his sleeping patterns, but it never takes more than one night and it has saved our sanity. Now he goes to bed asleep sometimes and awake other times. If he’s awake, he protests a little, but usually not for more than 15 minutes at the very most (and usually less). Anyway, I think the biggest mistakes people make when Ferberizing are either to put the baby down before she is truly tired or that they try it on babies that are too young (anything under 6 months, IMO, and Julian wasn’t ready until 7 mos.) All that said, Ferber’s not for everyone. But it certainly worked for us. Be well, Barbara (Julian’s mom) "Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." – Winston Churchill – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Guess I’ve missed out on this topic….What is the Ferber method???? > Well, I gave it a try. BIG MISTAKE!! It was horrible, not only for her, but > for me too. She got SO upset there was NO WAY she was going to sleep after > that. She just sat with me and whimpered for a while and then didn’t want to > get back in her crib at all. She was terrified. I felt so bad. I promised > her I would NEVER do that to her again. > Thanks anyway, guys. I am glad it worked for you, but it is definately not > the solution for us. > Sincerely, > Kristen
Response:
Well, I gave it a try. BIG MISTAKE!! It was horrible, not only for her, but for me too. She got SO upset there was NO WAY she was going to sleep after that. She just sat with me and whimpered for a while and then didn’t want to get back in her crib at all. She was terrified. I felt so bad. I promised her I would NEVER do that to her again. Thanks anyway, guys. I am glad it worked for you, but it is definately not the solution for us. Sincerely, Kristen
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.