Pure Parents

Question:

What about taking a penny walk with her. You get to a corner and flip the penny heads, you go right, tails you go left (or whatever rules you want to make up). That would at least get her out of the house doing something that shouldn’t scare her. You can also make up a list of things to look for on the way – a person walking a dog, pink flowers,s a pine cone, an empty soda can, etc. If you have a dog, take her along and walk the dog. Or if you are interested in nature, birds, plants, etc, try a walk at a park.

Response:

Great!  I am a firm believer that soccer is a GREAT thing for kids!  My daughter is not an athlete at all.  (I wasn’t either.)  But she played this past fall and had a BLAST!!  By the end of the season, she was getting pretty good too and could keep up with the kids that had been playing for two years.  Not too shabby! One thing that we discovered part way into the season is that kids this age don’t understand how shin guards work.  lol  They have to have them in order to play in our league.  (which is a good thing!)  They aren’t very expensive.  If you have a Wal-Mart, they carry them for under $10.  When you first get them, put them on her and then have her pound on her shin with her fist.  That way, she will see how it doesn’t hurt.  And explain to her that if (when) she gets kicked in the shin, it WON’T HURT!!  That will save her some anxiety down the road.  :-} Atta girl! for the willingness to do something she wants to do!!  It’s hard when the kids don’t like the things you would like to do with them.  But just remember how amazingly wonderful it is to a child to do ANYTHING with their parent, but especially the stuff they like.  It’s like chocolate, diamonds, and romance novel sex all rolled into one would be for us.  ;-}   I think once she starts soccer, the TV watching will fall by the wayside.  It sure did with Anna. She was so revved to get to practice/games that she didn’t care about watching TV.  And this is a kid that would sit there till her eyeballs glazed over and fell out if I let her.  lol  I think it will probably all work out.  Once she gets to the point that she isn’t leery of stuff so much, I bet she will be more adventurous.  Anna has gotten to be that way.  She will even go sit on the bike now, as long as we don’t seem to notice.  And that’s just been since we said that she didn’t ever have to ride it, we would even give it away if she wanted.   Let us know how she does! Sharon – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Thanks for the advice so far!  I am not pushing her to ride her bike, but it is > an activity I enjoy doing so I have been trying to encourage her to join me on > short rides.  She starts soccer next month and she is really looking forward to > that.  In the summer it is not as much of an issue as she is in the pool most > of the time.  I just had the backyard landscaped (we just moved in about 9 > months ago and here in Las Vegas they are postage stamp sized yards!!!!) so she > now goes in the yard and plays. > I guess I want to nip the habit of watching TV so much in the bud.   I do limit > her time in front of the TV and it is not my favorite past time, so she doesn’t > see me plopped in front of the TV all the time. > do something outside that SHE wants to do….. > Jackie > "Single parent…..who not only is happy about it, but proud of it…."

Response:

Jackie, A couple of suggestions come to mind, for what they’re worth…. Try getting someone else to take her out to the playground or other outside activity. I suggest this because I had a friend who’s son was overly cautious and fearful about the playground. In my friend’s case (and I’m not suggesting this is your case – doesn’t sound like it), she was highly overprotective and I think it rubbed off on him. So one day I took him to the playground without his mom. He was still fearful, but I coaxed him into going down the giant slide with me…. by the end of the day he was running around like a little daredevil! I know I can be a wimp when it comes to sports – which is why I am content to hand over the iceskating, skiing, and especially swimming lessons to my ex. I don’t want my fear of water to rub off on the kids. Of course, maybe you are the farthest thing from overprotective – maybe your child tends to be fearful and cautious, while you’re the exact opposite, active, risk-taking, fearing nothing? In that case, it would probably help to find someone who is more on the cautious side, who can help your child by coaxing her along at her own pace, not yours. Anyway, my point here is that sometimes a parent is the *last* person to break through to a child and help them conquer fears. There are just too many underlying expectations involved. On a more practical note, why don’t you ease her into the outdoors by suggesting you just hang out instead of filling the time with an activity like bike riding? How about getting her some sidewalk chalk? Or having her help you outdoors with the gardening, shoveling, etc.? Or just take a nice liesurely stroll? Can you make a habitat (a jar with holes in the lid, filled with soil, plants and a few rocks), then send her outdoors to collect critters to live in it? When I was a kid, I took horseback riding. I fell off my horse the first time we tried jumping. The instructor forced me to get back on and immediately try jumping again. I know he was well-intentioned, but I was a fearful, cautious kid to begin with. Yes, I got back on. But I’ve never forgotten that incident and am anxious just thinking about it. This may work with other kids, but with someone like me, it backfired big time. I won’t get near a horse. I may have, if I had been allowed to do so at my own pace, and not pushed into it before I was ready. If your child is anything like me, the more you push, the more she’ll fear, and the higher her anxiety will go. Let her set her own pace. Encourage her outdoors – but for nonthreatening activities, no pressure. When she’s ready to try again, she will, at her own pace. jen * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My almost 7 year old will not go out and play.  She screams if I want to ride > bikes, go rollerblading etc.   She fell off the monkey bars last year and broke > her arm and since then she doesn’t want to do anything outside.  She still has > training wheels and screams if the bike wobbles slightly. Attempts to get her > outside and doing something usually end up with kicking, screaming and crying. > She actually refuses to go to birthday parties that involve roller or ice > skating.   She is not allowed to watch TV if she chooses not to go outside. > She is of normal weight. > I would appreciate any suggestions…… > Jackie > "Single parent…..who not only is happy about it, but proud of it…."

You will probably have to revamp family life to change this kid’s behavior ie. get rid of the TV altogether — or put it in the closet in your bedroom and watch it when they are in bed.  Organize free family time around activities you all do together — and make some of them outdoors or active. everything active isn’t outdoors — working around the house – dusting while you vacuum, carrying out the garbage, helping put the dishes away is also ‘active’ compared to sitting around.  Get her engaged in doing things with you — and move in the direction of some of those things being more strenuous. Lots of 7 year olds can’t ride a bike — can you de-emphasize pushing and work more on pulling i.e. involve her in what you all are doing rather than push her to do thiings? It is always harder to turn stuff around than to prevent it in the first place — but she is still young.

Response:

Thanks for the advice so far!  I am not pushing her to ride her bike, but it is an activity I enjoy doing so I have been trying to encourage her to join me on short rides.  She starts soccer next month and she is really looking forward to that.  In the summer it is not as much of an issue as she is in the pool most of the time.  I just had the backyard landscaped (we just moved in about 9 months ago and here in Las Vegas they are postage stamp sized yards!!!!) so she now goes in the yard and plays. I guess I want to nip the habit of watching TV so much in the bud.   I do limit her time in front of the TV and it is not my favorite past time, so she doesn’t see me plopped in front of the TV all the time. do something outside that SHE wants to do….. Jackie "Single parent…..who not only is happy about it, but proud of it…."

Response:

I can relate to this one.  My almost 8 year old won’t ride bikes either.  She fell once.  It scared her.  She won’t do it any more.  *sigh*  So much for that bike we bought her, huh?  It still has the training wheels and we explained, till we were blue in the face, that she would learn to get better on the bike if she practiced.  DH and I have bikes too.  And I have a trailer that hooks to my bike for my son to ride in.  But alas, our dreams of family biking have not been realized. I’m thinking it’s that fear that is stopping your daughter too.  I’m sure it hurt like crazy when she broke her arm.  And I am sure it scared the stuffing out of her.  My advice is to not push. We all learn things in our own time.  Start little and work up.  Something my daughter thinks is a ton of fun is hop scotch.  Maybe not the most strenuous exercise, but it’s not sitting on the couch either.  You might give that a go.  It’s something the two of you could do together.  And if she likes it, she could play it by herself too.  And all you need is some sidewalk chalk and something to throw to mark the squares.  :-}  Then you could work up to things like freeze tag (another fav around here.  Remember that one? When you get tagged you turn yourself into the best statue you can think of and stay that way till the game is over.)   Just don’t push her to do the more extreme stuff. If you insist that she ride the bike, etc. it will only make it a bigger deal.  It makes sense if you think about it.  Here’s Mom the one person you trust most to keep you safe insisting that you do something that scares the pants off of you.  Never a fun thing for anyone involved.  As for the birthday parties, you could work up on those too. You could let her know that it would be fine for her to go, but that she doesn’t have to skate. Talk with the parent hosting the party and I am sure they would understand.  But make it a choice type thing for your daughter.  Let her know that she can still go, and no one will force her to do something she doesn’t care to.  But she could still go to celebrate with her friend.   Start little and just get her outside.  You can explain to her at this age, that it is important for children to get fresh air and sunshine.  There are times when my DD and her little pals just play barbies outside.  Or they take their paints out there and paint.  (Believe me I would rather see 4 of them outside painting in the grass than on my carpet!!!  lol)  But they’re outside.  I think that needs to be the first step with your daughter.  Once she realizes that she can go outside and do something and not get hurt, she might be more open to it.   It’s hard to deal with stuff like this.  (Shoot, it’s hard to deal with a lot of parenting.)  You can see that she isn’t going to break bones every time she goes out to play.  You know that she would be perfectly safe riding the bike, carefully with her helmet on.  But SHE doesn’t know any of that stuff.  And until she learns it, she isn’t going to be willing to do any of that stuff.  And I know you don’t want her to miss out on the fun. Just be patient.  You will have to have many talks with her and with yourself.  (Don’t worry. We all have to talk to ourselves a lot to raise babies!) But this too shall pass.   Hope that helps Sharon – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My almost 7 year old will not go out and play.  She screams if I want to ride > bikes, go rollerblading etc.   She fell off the monkey bars last year and broke > her arm and since then she doesn’t want to do anything outside.  She still has > training wheels and screams if the bike wobbles slightly. Attempts to get her > outside and doing something usually end up with kicking, screaming and crying. > She actually refuses to go to birthday parties that involve roller or ice > skating.   She is not allowed to watch TV if she chooses not to go outside. > She is of normal weight. > I would appreciate any suggestions…… > Jackie > "Single parent…..who not only is happy about it, but proud of it…."

Response:

My almost 7 year old will not go out and play.  She screams if I want to ride bikes, go rollerblading etc.   She fell off the monkey bars last year and broke her arm and since then she doesn’t want to do anything outside.  She still has training wheels and screams if the bike wobbles slightly. Attempts to get her outside and doing something usually end up with kicking, screaming and crying. She actually refuses to go to birthday parties that involve roller or ice skating.   She is not allowed to watch TV if she chooses not to go outside. She is of normal weight. I would appreciate any suggestions…… Jackie "Single parent…..who not only is happy about it, but proud of it…."

Response: