Question:
Does the child speak so that you can understand him? If not, he should have his hearing checked. Overall, it seems as if this child needs to be evaluated. I agree with the other comments. You said you don’t want to end the friendship, but you may have to. If your child is not comfortable around this child, then he may not want to play him. I wish I had good answers! Best of luck- Amy
Response:
My advice… loose the friend and find some more. You sound like a wonderful person and you shouldn’t have difficulty finding someone who will listen to you when you have a concern to share. I support your instincts on this one… the boy is being neglected. That doesn’t mean you have to be a hero here. You have yourself to take care of. You don’t need to be in a situation where this child is hitting you. That is proposterous!! And if your child sees this other kid hitting you, this does not pass a good message. I’d say abandon ship and find another one. Good luck!! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii > Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit > Hi everybody! I have never written to a news group before, but I have > such a dilemma that I am kind of desperate. My friend has a child that > is almost four years old. My son is 21 months. I was approached by her > to baby-sit one afternoon and found his behavior incredibly disturbing. > He was hitting me, my husband and son, as well as literally flipping out > when I attempted to use Time-out with him. I pride myself on being > particularly patient, but this child brought out the worst in me. He was > intentionally breaking my son’s toys and items around my home, screaming > and running from room to room when I even spoke to him, and > uncommunicative when I tried to understand his behavior. My son’s > behavior is different than this, I would even say that he is borderline > docile, although I realize this may change considering my son’s age. I > know that my friend works at home so she does not spend much time with > him playing and interacting, he cannot talk at almost four. His father > is a computer addict that goes straight to his computer when he comes > home from work, completely ignoring his child, as well. When I spoke > with my friend about what a hard time I had with her child, she said, > "He’s just a brat. He never listens." My question is this, I really like > this woman and hate so much to be the judgmental parent, but I see her > child suffering and "acting out" because of how often they ignore him. > Anytime he hits me, my son, or his mother, he only has to say sorry and > all is forgotten. He doesn’t even look at the person when he says sorry. > Aside from keeping my son far away from this child (I have seen him > narrow his eyes and look at my son with such hatred that it really > scared me), what can I do? I have also witnessed this child playing on > his own computer for an entire day, consuming breakfast, lunch, and > dinner while "vegging" on this computer. He seems so anti-social and his > mother has even been asked by a preschool teacher to not bring him back > to class because she could not handle him. He is not even potty trained, > his mother allows him to go potty in his pants and then punishes him. I > don’t want to lose this friendship because I have moved to a new area > and have very few friends, but I don’t know how I can be friends with > this family when I am afraid their child will really hurt mine. I know > that I should really terminate the friendship, but I really hate to do > that. Any suggestions? I really like the little boy, but he scares me. > Bear in mind that this other mother is not open to any suggestions, I > tried to encourage her with potty training and she offered an excuse why > everything I read and suggested would not work. I fear that I may have > to end the friendship but, I reiterate, I really don’t want to do that. > HELP! > Content-Type: text/html; charset=us-ascii > Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit > <!doctype html public "-//w3c//dtd html 4.0 transitional//en"> > <html> > Hi everybody! I have never written to a news group before, but I have such > a dilemma that I am kind of desperate. My friend has a child that is almost > four years old. My son is 21 months. I was approached by her to baby- sit > one afternoon and found his behavior incredibly disturbing. He was hitting > me, my husband and son, as well as literally flipping out when I attempted > to use Time-out with him. I pride myself on being particularly patient, > but this child brought out the worst in me. He was intentionally breaking > my son’s toys and items around my home, screaming and running from room > to room when I even spoke to him, and uncommunicative when I tried to understand > his behavior. My son’s behavior is different than this, I would even say > that he is borderline docile, although I realize this may change considering > my son’s age. I know that my friend works at home so she does not spend > much time with him playing and interacting, he cannot talk at almost four. > His father is a computer addict that goes straight to his computer when > he comes home from work, completely ignoring his child, as well. When I > spoke with my friend about what a hard time I had with her child, she said, > "He’s just a brat. He never listens." My question is this, I really like > this woman and hate so much to be the judgmental parent, but I see her > child suffering and "acting out" because of how often they ignore him. > Anytime he hits me, my son, or his mother, he only has to say sorry and > all is forgotten. He doesn’t even look at the person when he says sorry. > Aside from keeping my son far away from this child (I have seen him narrow > his eyes and look at my son with such hatred that it really scared me), > what can I do? I have also witnessed this child playing on his own computer > for an entire day, consuming breakfast, lunch, and dinner while "vegging" > on this computer. He seems so anti-social and his mother has even been > asked by a preschool teacher to not bring him back to class because she > could not handle him. He is not even potty trained, his mother allows him > to go potty in his pants and then punishes him. I don’t want to lose this > friendship because I have moved to a new area and have very few friends, > but I don’t know how I can be friends with this family when I am afraid > their child will really hurt mine. I know that I should really terminate > the friendship, but I really hate to do that. Any suggestions? I really > like the little boy, but he scares me. Bear in mind that this other mother > is not open to any suggestions, I tried to encourage her with potty training > and she offered an excuse why everything I read and suggested would not > work. I fear that I may have to end the friendship but, I reiterate, I > <i>really </i>don’t want to do that. HELP!</html>
Before you buy.
Response:
Hi everybody! I have never written to a news group before, but I have such a dilemma that I am kind of desperate. My friend has a child that is almost four years old. My son is 21 months. I was approached by her to baby-sit one afternoon and found his behavior incredibly disturbing. He was hitting me, my husband and son, as well as literally flipping out when I attempted to use Time-out with him. I pride myself on being particularly patient, but this child brought out the worst in me. He was intentionally breaking my son’s toys and items around my home, screaming and running from room to room when I even spoke to him, and uncommunicative when I tried to understand his behavior. My son’s behavior is different than this, I would even say that he is borderline docile, although I realize this may change considering my son’s age. I know that my friend works at home so she does not spend much time with him playing and interacting, he cannot talk at almost four. His father is a computer addict that goes straight to his computer when he comes home from work, completely ignoring his child, as well. When I spoke with my friend about what a hard time I had with her child, she said, "He’s just a brat. He never listens." My question is this, I really like this woman and hate so much to be the judgmental parent, but I see her child suffering and "acting out" because of how often they ignore him. Anytime he hits me, my son, or his mother, he only has to say sorry and all is forgotten. He doesn’t even look at the person when he says sorry. Aside from keeping my son far away from this child (I have seen him narrow his eyes and look at my son with such hatred that it really scared me), what can I do? I have also witnessed this child playing on his own computer for an entire day, consuming breakfast, lunch, and dinner while "vegging" on this computer. He seems so anti-social and his mother has even been asked by a preschool teacher to not bring him back to class because she could not handle him. He is not even potty trained, his mother allows him to go potty in his pants and then punishes him. I don’t want to lose this friendship because I have moved to a new area and have very few friends, but I don’t know how I can be friends with this family when I am afraid their child will really hurt mine. I know that I should really terminate the friendship, but I really hate to do that. Any suggestions? I really like the little boy, but he scares me. Bear in mind that this other mother is not open to any suggestions, I tried to encourage her with potty training and she offered an excuse why everything I read and suggested would not work. I fear that I may have to end the friendship but, I reiterate, I really don’t want to do that. HELP!
Response:
A child who is not potty trained AND who doesn’t talk by age 4 has some serious problems in addition to the behavior you described. I really believe he needs help from the medical/psychological community, but given your description of the parents, I have no idea how to get them to consider solutions for their son.
Response:
I work at home and am on the computer quite a bit and my children don’t seem to have this problem. My sister’s youngest, on the other hand, is a year younger but seems like the same child. My nephew (3yo) doesn’t speak hardly at all. He has only just started to use action verbs, no adjectives, no pronouns, no full sentences. He is very destructive and is unable to concentrate for any length of time. He is fascinated by the opening and closing of doors and drawers. Though he has never been to a sitter or daycare. His parents really only focus on him when he is being destructive or to over compensate and baby him. They have just entered him in a state funded Learning Disability preschool. The child development specialist they went to diagnosed him with Opposition Deviant Disorder and speech delayed. They said in his case it is a combination of chronic ear infections in early infancy (not being able to hear), inability to communicate, high intelligence, parenting techniques and borderline autism (due to all of the above.) I think with how you described the little boy, that it is not solely the parents problem. That there is some underlying problems as well, but the parents indifference to the child is magnifying the problem. Our state (Virginia) occasionally offers free child development testing. Maybe you could invite this mother to a free testing somewhere and then a playdate afterwards at McDonald’s or the park. Let an expert tell her there is a problem and a solution and maybe she will be more open to it. — Would you like a home-based business? Ask me what is working for me and my family. Hi everybody! I have never written to a news group before, but I have such a dilemma that I am kind of desperate. My friend has a child that is almost four years old. My son is 21 months. I was approached by her to baby-sit one afternoon and found his behavior incredibly disturbing. He was hitting me, my husband and son, as well as literally flipping out when I attempted to use Time-out with him. I pride myself on being particularly patient, but this child brought out the worst in me. He was intentionally breaking my son’s toys and items around my home, screaming and running from room to room when I even spoke to him, and uncommunicative when I tried to understand his behavior. My son’s behavior is different than this, I would even say that he is borderline docile, although I realize this may change considering my son’s age. I know that my friend works at home so she does not spend much time with him playing and interacting, he cannot talk at almost four. His father is a computer addict that goes straight to his computer when he comes home from work, completely ignoring his child, as well. When I spoke with my friend about what a hard time I had with her child, she said, "He’s just a brat. He never listens." My question is this, I really like this woman and hate so much to be the judgmental parent, but I see her child suffering and "acting out" because of how often they ignore him. Anytime he hits me, my son, or his mother, he only has to say sorry and all is forgotten. He doesn’t even look at the person when he says sorry. Aside from keeping my son far away from this child (I have seen him narrow his eyes and look at my son with such hatred that it really scared me), what can I do? I have also witnessed this child playing on his own computer for an entire day, consuming breakfast, lunch, and dinner while "vegging" on this computer. He seems so anti-social and his mother has even been asked by a preschool teacher to not bring him back to class because she could not handle him. He is not even potty trained, his mother allows him to go potty in his pants and then punishes him. I don’t want to lose this friendship because I have moved to a new area and have very few friends, but I don’t know how I can be friends with this family when I am afraid their child will really hurt mine. I know that I should really terminate the friendship, but I really hate to do that. Any suggestions? I really like the little boy, but he scares me. Bear in mind that this other mother is not open to any suggestions, I tried to encourage her with potty training and she offered an excuse why everything I read and suggested would not work. I fear that I may have to end the friendship but, I reiterate, I really don’t want to do that. HELP!
Response:
I work at home also and have a 7, 4 and 2 yr and none of my children act like this. I also have a nephew who is 4, who does. I tried to babysit him while my sister works, but couldn’t because of his behavior and the way he treated my kids. I suspect that my nephew has ADHD. He is in a preschool, but they complain about him as well, but so far has been able to stay. While your friend is not open to suggestions and you don’t want to end the friendship, the only thing you can do is not watch the child and only let him come over when the mom comes with him. You may have to tell her that he is so destructive that you need her there with him. My sister knows of my feelings of her son, but is not willing to do anything about it, so he does not come over unless she is with him. Good luck. Sue
Response:
This is probably a long shot, but I just read in today’s newspaper about young children who suffer from sleep apnea, an inability to breath properly while sleeping which wakes them repeatedly during the night and thus keeps them from getting a restful night’s sleep even though they spend plenty of time in bed. They get up exhausted in the morning, and their behavior is similar to what has been described in this thread, often mistaken for ADD. What are preschoolers commonly like when they’ve missed their naps? Cranky, mean-tempered, and hyperactive. These kids are like this every day because they don’t get sufficient rest at night. According to the article, once the child has been diagnosed and treated (sometimes removal of the tonsils and adenoids is needed to clear the airway), his behavior improves radically. Perhaps the mother of that little boy could ask her pediatrician about sleep apnea.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I work at home also and have a 7, 4 and 2 yr and none of my children act > like this. I also have a nephew who is 4, who does. I tried to babysit him > while my sister works, but couldn’t because of his behavior and the way he > treated my kids. I suspect that my nephew has ADHD. He is in a preschool, > but they complain about him as well, but so far has been able to stay. While > your friend is not open to suggestions and you don’t want to end the > friendship, the only thing you can do is not watch the child and only let > him come over when the mom comes with him. You may have to tell her that he > is so destructive that you need her there with him. My sister knows of my > feelings of her son, but is not willing to do anything about it, so he does > not come over unless she is with him. Good luck. > Sue
Response:
I would agree that this child’s behavior should not be taken so lightly. A child who is unable to speak by 4 should be examined by a doctor or speach therapist. As for the hitting, his aggressiveness should be under control. It is not normal for any child to be so aggressive all the time, for no apparent reasons. I would think that his behaviour is due to wanting attention. Whether he wants it from his Mom or Dad or whoever. Playing on the computer is not bad, as long as it is equally balanced with other activities such as outdoor play and reading, free play etc. He is crying out for attention. In my opinion, he needs to be evaluated by a professional . I am not sure if the parents would be up to it, and I am at a loss on how to get them to consider it. There are plenty wonderful family counsellors out there. As for ending the friendship. That may not be necessary. I would not suggest you ever leave your child alone with him. Nor would I allow him to visit their home unsupervised. Maybe your friend needs your encouragement. She might not know how to be a good parent, if she has no example. You can be that example. If this child gets totally out of control and you suspect child abuse, or neglect, you are obligated under the law to report this to Social Services. I wish all the best for you. Let us know. zipper – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >A child who is not potty trained AND who doesn’t talk by age 4 has some >serious problems in addition to the behavior you described. I really >believe he needs help from the medical/psychological community, but >given your description of the parents, I have no idea how to get them to >consider solutions for their son.
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.