Pure Parents

Question:

As the parent of a gift child, I enjoyed reading this thread.  As stated earlier, we often need the support just to keep up with the child. They are challenging.  But so great! We recently met with a "professional" to "review our child’s situation" (i.e. what to do now.)  After the testing,etc. this wonderful person said "He is a challenging child, but such a delight.  You are great parents and are doing so much.  Keep it up."  What great words!  Others had told us what was wrong with our child and how things should be.  This was the first one who acknowledged us and our efforts!!!!! BTW, we are in Atlanta if anyone needs a referral. We are fortunte to have a great public school nearby that will work with us. At least they have so far..we take it month by month. Sending hugs to all parents! Susan Owner, Parent’s Pal Source for slings, kidslings, nursing clothes http://www.parentspal.com

Response:

writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->[snip] >>One suggestion I have is NOT to do too much for gifted kids.  All kids, but >>especially gifted ones, need to be able to depend on their own resources. >They >>need to be able to think, dream, imagine, and act on their own.  Give them >the >>raw materials, but let them figure out what they want to do with it.  The >more >>self-sufficient they are, the better off they are in the long run. >>Also, gifted kids need to learn to play with other children.  Rent the >movie >>"Searching for Bobby Fischer" about a family with a child who is gifted in >>chess and how they made sure he was also a "kid." >>Hope that makes sense! >>Denise >This is part of the rationale public schools use to avoid using any >money for gifted programs. "The gifted can take care of themselves – >otherwise they aren’t gifted." In actuality gifted children need more >attention than average children.  It’s just a different kind of >attention. >Terri

I’m sorry.  I wasn’t clear.  Yes, I think gifted children should be supported and challenged.  And I agree–most schools do better helping slow learners than helping gifted children.  When I was growing up in the ’60’s, summer school included enrichment programs as well as remedial, which is hardly the case now, at least in California. However, sometimes I think that we, as parents, try to do too much for our children instead of letting them do it on their own.  And I think there is a very real danger of too much academic stuff too early to the detriment of social skills.  This could be a misapprehension of mine because I teach pre-school and I see a lot of kids who can read but can’t play.  They truly don’t know how.  IMHO, there is nothing sadder than a 4-y.o. who can’t lose him/herself in dress up or building a block city or join in a game out in the playyard. Denise …who, of course, thinks all of her children are gifted!  <G>…

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I am very glad to know there is a future for gifted children. Things look bleak now for my youngest.  This highly gifted child is taking a break from HS.  I fear he will not get into a competitive college for this reason. I found only one city public elementary school that met my children’s needs (a very special school).  They were in 3 city and 1 suburban elementary schools at a time of deep budget cuts and an egalitarian attitude.  One child spent two years in a private school to save him with the help of a benefactor. Upstate NY Mom

[snip] – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Not quite sure who you’re responding to or which message.  I have >posted before that when my children were in school I found three >distinctly different ways publics schools handle the gifted. One >rejoiced in the abilities of these kids and went out of their way to >make sure their needs were met. A second would meet your child’s needs >in some way if you pressed hard enough and demanded it. The third was >actively and openly hostile towards gifted children.Their father and I >spent a great deal of time working with our two so that they got an >education beyond that available in the public schools. >They are now both finished college, out on their own and in grad >school – my son is working on his PhD, my daughter will receive her MA >this spring. >Terri

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>Wow, If I squint, you are calling  the public schools "the ignorant, (who) >wishes their (gifted) child to be an average >neurotic when they could be happy and productive?" >That is calling a spade a spade.  My HS counselor said the public schools >mission was to hurry up the slow child and slow down the quick child and >push out an average product.  He said to get a better outcome, people had to >use the private schools. >Being a democrat and liberal-minded, I used the public schools to the near >destruction of my gifted offspring. >I do a lot of compensatory mothering.

Not quite sure who you’re responding to or which message.  I have posted before that when my children were in school I found three distinctly different ways publics schools handle the gifted. One rejoiced in the abilities of these kids and went out of their way to make sure their needs were met. A second would meet your child’s needs in some way if you pressed hard enough and demanded it. The third was actively and openly hostile towards gifted children.Their father and I spent a great deal of time working with our two so that they got an education beyond that available in the public schools. They are now both finished college, out on their own and in grad school – my son is working on his PhD, my daughter will receive her MA this spring. Terri – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>Yes, it makes sense.  As in all parenting, it is a balancing act.  Doing >too >>little with gifted children results in their being deprived of >stimulation, >>their intellectual development is retarded and their emotional development >>is stunted.  Who, but the ignorant, wishes their child to be an average >>neurotic when they could be happy and productive? >>Be sure to give all of your children plenty of BLANK SHEETS OF PAPER!  My >>mom always gave us (and her grandchildren) coloring books.  Then she stood >>over us (she tried to do this to our children) giving directions and >telling >>us not to color outside the lines or scribble.  This was NO FUN! >>Upstate NY Mom >>[snip] >>>One suggestion I have is NOT to do too much for gifted kids.  All kids, >but >>>especially gifted ones, need to be able to depend on their own resources. >>They >>>need to be able to think, dream, imagine, and act on their own.  Give >them >>the >>>raw materials, but let them figure out what they want to do with it.  The >>more >>>self-sufficient they are, the better off they are in the long run. >>>Also, gifted kids need to learn to play with other children.  Rent the >>movie >>>"Searching for Bobby Fischer" about a family with a child who is gifted >in >>>chess and how they made sure he was also a "kid." >>>Hope that makes sense! >>>Denise >This is part of the rationale public schools use to avoid using any >money for gifted programs. "The gifted can take care of themselves – >otherwise they aren’t gifted." In actuality gifted children need more >attention than average children.  It’s just a different kind of >attention. >Terri

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Wow, If I squint, you are calling  the public schools "the ignorant, (who) wishes their (gifted) child to be an average neurotic when they could be happy and productive?" That is calling a spade a spade.  My HS counselor said the public schools mission was to hurry up the slow child and slow down the quick child and push out an average product.  He said to get a better outcome, people had to use the private schools. Being a democrat and liberal-minded, I used the public schools to the near destruction of my gifted offspring. I do a lot of compensatory mothering. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Yes, it makes sense.  As in all parenting, it is a balancing act.  Doing too >little with gifted children results in their being deprived of stimulation, >their intellectual development is retarded and their emotional development >is stunted.  Who, but the ignorant, wishes their child to be an average >neurotic when they could be happy and productive? >Be sure to give all of your children plenty of BLANK SHEETS OF PAPER!  My >mom always gave us (and her grandchildren) coloring books.  Then she stood >over us (she tried to do this to our children) giving directions and telling >us not to color outside the lines or scribble.  This was NO FUN! >Upstate NY Mom >[snip] >>One suggestion I have is NOT to do too much for gifted kids.  All kids, but >>especially gifted ones, need to be able to depend on their own resources. >They >>need to be able to think, dream, imagine, and act on their own.  Give them >the >>raw materials, but let them figure out what they want to do with it.  The >more >>self-sufficient they are, the better off they are in the long run. >>Also, gifted kids need to learn to play with other children.  Rent the >movie >>"Searching for Bobby Fischer" about a family with a child who is gifted in >>chess and how they made sure he was also a "kid." >>Hope that makes sense! >>Denise >This is part of the rationale public schools use to avoid using any >money for gifted programs. "The gifted can take care of themselves – >otherwise they aren’t gifted." In actuality gifted children need more >attention than average children.  It’s just a different kind of >attention. >Terri

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>Parents of the gifted run out of ideas as to what to do next and need >support.  The children gobble up games (too easy), books (memorize all of >them) and activities (Let’s go again?) and clamor for more. >IMHO, parents of gifted little ones become overwhelmed and cannot think >straight anymore. >"Now, what do we do?", the parents ask each other and anyone who will >listen.  The parents need a support group to help them survive.

One suggestion I have is NOT to do too much for gifted kids.  All kids, but especially gifted ones, need to be able to depend on their own resources.  They need to be able to think, dream, imagine, and act on their own.  Give them the raw materials, but let them figure out what they want to do with it.  The more self-sufficient they are, the better off they are in the long run. Also, gifted kids need to learn to play with other children.  Rent the movie "Searching for Bobby Fischer" about a family with a child who is gifted in chess and how they made sure he was also a "kid." Hope that makes sense! Denise

Response:

Yes, it makes sense.  As in all parenting, it is a balancing act.  Doing too little with gifted children results in their being deprived of stimulation, their intellectual development is retarded and their emotional development is stunted.  Who, but the ignorant, wishes their child to be an average neurotic when they could be happy and productive? Be sure to give all of your children plenty of BLANK SHEETS OF PAPER!  My mom always gave us (and her grandchildren) coloring books.  Then she stood over us (she tried to do this to our children) giving directions and telling us not to color outside the lines or scribble.  This was NO FUN! Upstate NY Mom

[snip] – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->One suggestion I have is NOT to do too much for gifted kids.  All kids, but >especially gifted ones, need to be able to depend on their own resources. They >need to be able to think, dream, imagine, and act on their own.  Give them the >raw materials, but let them figure out what they want to do with it.  The more >self-sufficient they are, the better off they are in the long run. >Also, gifted kids need to learn to play with other children.  Rent the movie >"Searching for Bobby Fischer" about a family with a child who is gifted in >chess and how they made sure he was also a "kid." >Hope that makes sense! >Denise

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Yes, it makes sense.  As in all parenting, it is a balancing act.  Doing too >little with gifted children results in their being deprived of stimulation, >their intellectual development is retarded and their emotional development >is stunted.  Who, but the ignorant, wishes their child to be an average >neurotic when they could be happy and productive? >Be sure to give all of your children plenty of BLANK SHEETS OF PAPER!  My >mom always gave us (and her grandchildren) coloring books.  Then she stood >over us (she tried to do this to our children) giving directions and telling >us not to color outside the lines or scribble.  This was NO FUN! >Upstate NY Mom >[snip] >One suggestion I have is NOT to do too much for gifted kids.  All kids, but >especially gifted ones, need to be able to depend on their own resources. >They >need to be able to think, dream, imagine, and act on their own.  Give them >the >raw materials, but let them figure out what they want to do with it.  The >more >self-sufficient they are, the better off they are in the long run. >Also, gifted kids need to learn to play with other children.  Rent the >movie >"Searching for Bobby Fischer" about a family with a child who is gifted in >chess and how they made sure he was also a "kid." >Hope that makes sense! >Denise

This is part of the rationale public schools use to avoid using any money for gifted programs. "The gifted can take care of themselves – otherwise they aren’t gifted." In actuality gifted children need more attention than average children.  It’s just a different kind of attention. Terri

Response:

From reading the threads about gifted children, it seems that people seem to think that gifted children need different parenting from normal kids, especially under 5 years old. Why is that? Why wouldn’t you do the same things with any kid to help them reach their full potential? I almost get the feeling that if parents don’t think their kids are very bright, they feel they don’t need the same enrichment that a gifted child does.

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>From reading the threads about gifted children, it seems that people >seem to think that gifted children need different parenting from normal >kids, especially under 5 years old. Why is that? Why wouldn’t you do the >same things with any kid to help them reach their full potential? I >almost get the feeling that if parents don’t think their kids are very >bright, they feel they don’t need the same enrichment that a gifted >child does.

Well….. (That is a deep subject) Of course you do the same activities with any child, just a lot more of them when they are gifted.  The children demand it of you. How can I explain this?  It is a different experience raising a gifted child.  You know something is going on here.  They were just different than my adored, younger twin brothers that I helped my mom to raise. "Am I a bad parent because they are so enthusiastic about life?"  I asked myself constantly. They are not bad children.  The gifted can be just too active, sing too loud, too happy, too many deep questions, hardly ever sleep, run or skip instead of walk and are just too too much!  They overwhelm their age mates at times.  You have to live with gifted kids to believe it. Parents of the gifted run out of ideas as to what to do next and need support.  The children gobble up games (too easy), books (memorize all of them) and activities (Let’s go again?) and clamor for more. IMHO, parents of gifted little ones become overwhelmed and cannot think straight anymore. "Now, what do we do?", the parents ask each other and anyone who will listen.  The parents need a support group to help them survive. Infancy and toddler years were the easy ones compared to the school years (now) and the wringer our former school system put me through. Mental illness is inherited.  You get it from your children.

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