Pure Parents

Question:

In response to this popular parenting dilemma, I feel for your uncertainty and frustrations.  Because this happens to so many parents, one would think that there is an easy solution to the problem.  Not so, as there is no exact science to parenting, especially in dealing with an infant. However, there are experts out there who may provide some good insight. I am currently working with an online parenting advice group called ParentTime. In your case, there is an article featured on the "Baby" page of the ParentTime website entitled, "Should I Expect My Baby to Sleep Through the Night."  The article offers general advice and provides associated hyperlinks for more specific questions related to the seemingly inevitable sleeping problems of infants.  It also allows browsers the option of asking their own questions.  It is a multifaceted interactive site that deals with almost all areas of parenting.  It’s worth a look and it may provide some answers. URL is below (make sure to copy both lines into your browser): http://www.pathfinder.com/r0/ParentTime/ngs/in?/ParentTime/homepage/h… page.baby.html

Response:

I agree Liv.  The point is to teach the child to get his/herself back to sleep.  This is a lifelong skill that each baby has to discover for itself. I have to admit, I’ve done it the way my pediatrician recommended with all three and it works.  My daughter gave me a hard time the first couple of nights and I simply set a time limit.  I told myself that if she was still crying in 20 minutes, I’d get her up.  Then, I did what another poster suggested and took a shower.  The first night, no luck, but the second she only cried for 10 minutes.  Now, when she wakes up, I hear her chatting or cooing, but she gets herself back to sleep.  Of course I made sure she was warm/dry/etc, and she knew I was there. To the original poster of the question:  Hang in there.  Give it just one week of letting him cry it out.  One week.  (that one week of crying will not damage him permanently) — As ever, Dana If I had a brontosaurus, I would name him Horace or Morris. But if  suddenly one day he had A lot of little brontosauri – I would change his name To Laurie. ——-Shel Silverstein – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->SHE CRIES BECAUSE SHE CANT TALK,AND BECAUSE SHE HAS NEEDS THAT NEED TO BE >MET >First I would like to say we all have needs, desires and wants. Sometimes I >think we confuse needs with wants. At some point in life, we all learn to >control ourselves rather than selfishly expect someone to drop everything and >come at our beck and call. Where do you think this process might have begun?  I >too had a son aged 10 months (only 2 months short of a year) who got me up 3-4 >times a night just because he wanted attention. I loved that little guy, still >do , but know what? I started having grand mall seizures because my own body >couldn’t take being up most of every night and most of every day. Now this >little bundle of joy had wants at night. He "needed" mom to check on him when >she heard him crying, to be sure his needs were met (no poopy diapers, no >owies, no bad dreams) But beyone that were his "wants" not "needs". He >absolutely did not need to play at 1,3,5 a.m. I absolutely needed a certain >amount of rest in order to take care of all 3 of my children none of whom were >school age. I couldn’t just sacrifice my sleep and the well-being of everyone >just to go into my 10 month’s room 3-4 times a night.  Guess what, after >checking on him to be sure he was ok, I left him to cry (never longer than 20 >minutes) and within a few weeks, my oh so needy child decided he didn’t need my >attention several times a night if he had to work so hard for my attention. >Then  you wrote the following: >.>>Let me dissent: go to your child and comfort her. She’s only 10 months >>old! All she understands is that she’s lonely and wants her mom and/or >>dad for comfort. Consider letting her sleep with you; you’ll probably >>all get more sleep. >   I respond to this, that balance is the key. You can’t fall apart physically >just so your child feels comforted and loved during the middle of the night. >Habit patterns can be taught, and while teaching my son that it was not ok, to >scream for me several times a night, I was kind and sweet to him, giving him a >kiss and telling him it was nighty night time, and mommy needed to get some >sleep so we could play tomorrow, etc.  He learned in a short time that sleeping >was fine, and his need to play with mom during the middle of the night ceased, >to my relief.

Response:

Excellent Response! Eric

Response:

>SHE CRIES BECAUSE SHE CANT TALK,AND BECAUSE SHE HAS NEEDS THAT NEED TO BE >MET

First I would like to say we all have needs, desires and wants. Sometimes I think we confuse needs with wants. At some point in life, we all learn to control ourselves rather than selfishly expect someone to drop everything and come at our beck and call. Where do you think this process might have begun?  I too had a son aged 10 months (only 2 months short of a year) who got me up 3-4 times a night just because he wanted attention. I loved that little guy, still do , but know what? I started having grand mall seizures because my own body couldn’t take being up most of every night and most of every day. Now this little bundle of joy had wants at night. He "needed" mom to check on him when she heard him crying, to be sure his needs were met (no poopy diapers, no owies, no bad dreams) But beyone that were his "wants" not "needs". He absolutely did not need to play at 1,3,5 a.m. I absolutely needed a certain amount of rest in order to take care of all 3 of my children none of whom were school age. I couldn’t just sacrifice my sleep and the well-being of everyone just to go into my 10 month’s room 3-4 times a night.  Guess what, after checking on him to be sure he was ok, I left him to cry (never longer than 20 minutes) and within a few weeks, my oh so needy child decided he didn’t need my attention several times a night if he had to work so hard for my attention.   Then  you wrote the following: .>>Let me dissent: go to your child and comfort her. She’s only 10 months >old! All she understands is that she’s lonely and wants her mom and/or >dad for comfort. Consider letting her sleep with you; you’ll probably >all get more sleep.

   I respond to this, that balance is the key. You can’t fall apart physically just so your child feels comforted and loved during the middle of the night. Habit patterns can be taught, and while teaching my son that it was not ok, to scream for me several times a night, I was kind and sweet to him, giving him a kiss and telling him it was nighty night time, and mommy needed to get some sleep so we could play tomorrow, etc.  He learned in a short time that sleeping was fine, and his need to play with mom during the middle of the night ceased, to my relief.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> Our 10 month old wakes up in the middle of the night (sometimes several >> times), stands up in her crib and cries. >> Nothing abnormal there. Everyone it seems, including our doctor, tells us >> to let her cry herself back to sleep. >> Maybe go in once or twice to reassure her. >What does your heart and your gut say?  I say follow that more than your >doctor, your relatives, friends, or posters.  It seems that when I follow >others’ advice and ignore my heart…I do a great injustice to me or my loved >ones. >~debra~

When my son wouldn’t sleep I tried everything. But he really got to liking my coming in, and finally at 10 months, I was so tired all the time, that I decided he needed to get used to sleeping thru the night. So since I couldn’t bear to hear him crying for me to come cuddle with him (physically I just couldn’t take it anymore), I would go into his room, tell him I loved him, kiss him, say goodnight, and leave. Then I’d go take a long hot shower(I could never bear to listen to my children cry) when the hot water ran out, (20 min), I’d go back in, pick him up cuddle him and put him to sleep. He finally decided it wasn’t worth the effort it took to get picked up.  After about 3 weeks, he began to sleep all night.  But I agree you have to decide what’s best for you, all kids are different as are all parents. I couldn’t take getting up 3 times a night for almost a year. Good luck!

Response:

>> Our 10 month old wakes up in the middle of the night (sometimes several > times), stands up in her crib and cries. > Nothing abnormal there. Everyone it seems, including our doctor, tells us > to let her cry herself back to sleep. > Maybe go in once or twice to reassure her.

What does your heart and your gut say?  I say follow that more than your doctor, your relatives, friends, or posters.  It seems that when I follow others’ advice and ignore my heart…I do a great injustice to me or my loved ones. ~debra~

Response:

SHE CRIES BECAUSE SHE CANT TALK,AND BECAUSE SHE HAS NEEDS THAT NEED TO BE MET.  EVERYONE DEVELOPS AT THEIR OWN PACE, AND SHE’LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN THAT IS.  MY DAUGHTER SLEPT  AT 6WEEKS , MY SON AT 3YRS.  IF YOUR BABY IS COMFORTED BY NURSING OR SLEEPING WITH YOU AND YOU RESPOND TO THAT , YOU WILL CREATE A BOND OF TRUST AND LOVING SO  STRONG IT’LL BRING TEARS TO YOUR EYES. (AND IF THOSE TEARS WAKE YOU UP AT NIGHT, MAY SOMEONE COMFORT YOU TOO!!!!) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Our 10 month old wakes up in the middle of the night (sometimes several > times), stands up in her crib and cries. > Nothing abnormal there. Everyone it seems, including our doctor, tells us > to let her cry herself back to sleep. > Maybe go in once or twice to reassure her. >Let me dissent: go to your child and comfort her. She’s only 10 months >old! All she understands is that she’s lonely and wants her mom and/or >dad for comfort. Consider letting her sleep with you; you’ll probably >all get more sleep.

Response:

> Our 10 month old wakes up in the middle of the night (sometimes several > times), stands up in her crib and cries. > Nothing abnormal there. Everyone it seems, including our doctor, tells us > to let her cry herself back to sleep. > Maybe go in once or twice to reassure her. > Well, like they used to say on Rocky and Bullwinkle "that trick never works.