Pure Parents

Question:

Have you explored home educating your child?  I am researching that option even as we speak.  I’ve experienced the boredom of a "gifted" child, now I’m experiencing the unmotivated yet quite capable middle schooler. I’m being enlightened to the possibility that public school does something (or rather does nothing) to our kids’ minds. If HS is an option, check out the sites.

Response:

<Original post below reply> Oh, boy, does this sound familiar. My son is now in 4th grade, and I have now had 5 (count ‘em) 5 what I call ‘typical Sean parent- teacher conferences’. Also, numerous calls and notes from his various teachers which basically go the same way: <Paraphrased teacher comments:> ‘Sean is a very bright boy. Aca- demically, he is advanced. We need to find a way to focus his energy on his schoolwork and his grades will reflect his intelligence, instead of his social skills/attention span.’ His teacher this year even went so far as to say that Sean is a typical videogame kid. And it is true. He is a video game freak. I think most everyone will agree that it is very difficult to compete with the action, and the fun of video games. What did we do? Actually, it’s more what we are still doing. We are still working on this problem. His teacher this year is very helpful and here is what we are doing to try to work this out (and it is working very good so far.) First, (this rule has applied since kindergarten, it is not new) video games and computers (except for homework) are not allowed from 5pm Sunday night until after school Friday. (Although, as a special treat, if he has been very diligent at doing his homework/chores, I will occassionally, very occassionally, allow him to play for an hour or so. As in, I think since the beginning of the school year, I have let him play during the week 3 or 4 times.) Second, homework is to be done every day immediately after school. When he walks through the door, I ask him what he has to do for homework, he tells me, gets a snack and drink, and goes upstairs to do it. No TV, no radio, no distractions. If he needs help or some more explanation concerning the directions, I help out. Third, every Friday, he writes a note saying how he did in school that week in regards to his homework. (For example, ‘I completed and turned in all of my schoolwork’, or ‘I did not complete 2 assignments’ and his teacher initials it.) This is HIS responsibility. We do not remind him, his teacher does not. If the note is not written/signed, he is grounded from the video games/computer until the next weekend. Fourth, after a period of time in which he has done well (in everything, schoolwork, chores, manner, etc.,) we do something ’special’ with him/for him. For example, over Christmas break, we rented a Nintendo 64 for him to play. We make sure he realizes that we do these things for him because he is doing so well. I realize that the quick outline I gave will not work for everyone, but it is working for us. The first half of the semester, Sean had failed to complete 19 of 34 homework assignments. Since we began this policy, he has not missed any. Your son is younger than mine and may not be as interested in video games as mine, but maybe you can think of something that can be substituted for the games. I believe that teaching children that there are things that MUST be done before they can do the things they WANT to do is crucial. Now, before anyone brings up Pavlov’s dogs <grin>, I just want to clarify a few things. We DO NOT do the equivalent of giving him a ‘treat’ every time he ‘does the right thing.’ Nor do we ground him for one or two simple slips. Consistency is what we are trying to teach him, not perfectionism. No one is perfect, and to try to force a child to BE perfect tends to lead them to lie when they aren’t.   Also, take care in how much is taken away from the child. I remember getting VERY upset and grounding Sean from everything. In effect, I just punished myself because he drove me CRAZY. Hope that something in this muddle helps you out. Tracey – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I am the parent of what I would call a pretty average active 7 year old. >I have had numerous notes from his teacher over the last few weeks and he >just >doesnt’ concentrate in class, and takes forever to get his work done.  He is >easily distracted, and is a very sociable child, so it is easy for him to >want >to talk and laugh, instead of doing his work.  I am concerned that this may >result in his repeating grade 2.   >Has anyone had this problem?  What did you do? >He is a bright boy, excelling in math and science, with a bit of a reading >block.  Otherwise, normal kid. >He often gets stuck on an excercise in class, and doesn’t ask for help. >Result – his work is never done. >I feel that the school system isn’t helping much, and I’ve done everything I >can to talk to him about it. >Any helpful suggestions would be greatly appreciated. >P.S.  I cannot afford private school, so this is not an option.

Response:

I am the parent of what I would call a pretty average active 7 year old. I have had numerous notes from his teacher over the last few weeks and he just doesnt’ concentrate in class, and takes forever to get his work done.  He is easily distracted, and is a very sociable child, so it is easy for him to want to talk and laugh, instead of doing his work.  I am concerned that this may result in his repeating grade 2.   Has anyone had this problem?  What did you do? He is a bright boy, excelling in math and science, with a bit of a reading block.  Otherwise, normal kid. He often gets stuck on an excercise in class, and doesn’t ask for help. Result – his work is never done. I feel that the school system isn’t helping much, and I’ve done everything I can to talk to him about it. Any helpful suggestions would be greatly appreciated. P.S.  I cannot afford private school, so this is not an option.

Response:

>I am the parent of what I would call a pretty average active 7 year old. >I have had numerous notes from his teacher over the last few weeks and he just >doesnt’ concentrate in class, and takes forever to get his work done.  He is >easily distracted, and is a very sociable child, so it is easy for him to want >to talk and laugh, instead of doing his work.  I am concerned that this may >result in his repeating grade 2.   >Has anyone had this problem?  What did you do?

Try getting him/her assessed for dyslexia.  Your child may not be dyslexic, but it would be useful to eliminate that as a possible cause.  Alternatively, he/she might simply have a highly social personality type (eg: Myers Briggs ESFP – read http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/tt/h-articl/mb-simpl.htm if you need an explanation of this term). Steve Myers http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk Note: my email address has been altered to reduce ’spam’ emails. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

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