Pure Parents

Question:

Hi Daric, My sympathies go out to you.  I lost a childhood friend who is also manic depressive and didn’t have the guts or the sympathy to even speak to me when I needed her most. It hurt alot to have her refuse to return phonecalls and cut me off without any real explanation, but I’ve accepted it now as her problem and not mine.  I’m not even sure I’d want to talk to her now, or re-establish a friendship with her.  The kind of bond we once had is gone. Take care, friend – LilySue

Response:

Hi daric, > It’s been quite a week. > I lost a friend. One I grew up with; we met about age 6. We were > inseparable as boys, were split between schools in our adolescence, and > came together in later life on a number of occasions, more like brothers > than old friends, excited and eager to catch up.

I am so sorry for your loss. > Somewhere between then and now his boyish enthusiasm dissipated; actually > it was slowly drowned in beer. But mine raged on, under the definition of > hypomania. He slowed. I sped up. A bit faster than drifting apart. > A couple of years ago, he disappeared. He didn’t even check in with his > mother for Christmas. Nor for the next. Last week I found out he had been > back at his parent’s home since May. I called immediately. He would not > come to the phone. He did not want to talk to me.

Perhaps it was because he was ill. > At first I was stunned and hurt. But after about an hour, I EXPLODED. I > mean, I’ve acted out before, but this was like an exorcism. My wife > handled it well. After about an hour’s catharsis I was tired but okay. > I wonder if anyone here can relate to what I went through during that > hour.

Yes I can understand as I have had similar experiences. >It was like dominoes. One video tape after another of scenes of my past >where I was asked to leave a shared living situation or to just go >away. Sometimes I had an idea of why; often I did not. It all kept >coming back to me, the associations linking a lifetime of rejections >together into a massive chain. > Crushing me.

Daric, I hope you will tesolve your grief soon. Peace, —

Response:

Hi Klaas, Welcome to ASDM. > I just subscribed to this newsgroup a few days ago. I am Dutch, bipolar I, > but fortunately a good lithium responder. Need only that (1200 mg) and > sometime small amounts of benzodiazepines.

I am glad your med combination is effective for you. > To me it sounds like agitation, a not so uncommon symptom of (hypo)mania. > I had it in many occasions, even at work. I work as a Data Base > Administrator at an ICT company.

Dysphoric hypomania….I have experienced episodes many times but not recently. > You must be happy with a wife like that. Ladies: I am single…

I am married…33 years this September! Please post again. Peace,

Response:

hi dp, well i can really relate to that experience, i know what you went through.  perhaps your friend is very ill in some way?  even so i know you never thought he would not confide in you. maybe you can find out more about it from his family.  maybe he is not lost forever.

Response:

>I’m surprised to find myself in a >silver-lining frame of mind here but, Mimi, I see a 6-year >old having the insight and guts to ask for stability in her >life as nothing less than miraculous. There’s no way she >could have developed such healthy self-esteem without some >damn good parenting.

Thanks dp..I do see the silver lining and I thank you for the compliment.  It really helps me to remember that I always want her to know who she is and what she wants and needs.  Thank you for reminding me that so far I have been successful, despite my pain. :) mimi

Response:

Daric, I could imagine how hurt you must have felt. I too have been rejected like that. By many people. To think, I didn’t even know that I was suffering from BP Disorder until the age of 36, and I always wondered what was wrong with me. Why my friends slowly left me and never kept in contact with me from school. That’s why I am still single. So, believe me Daric, I understand your grief. Hang in there, and least you have your wife to help you there, but I know I have my friends in the Newsgroups and the ALL MIGHTY BP CAFE to support me! LOL. You do have friends. I know how crushed you may feel. Daric, I care. We understand, because we are bi-polar. bon – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > It’s been quite a week. > I lost a friend. One I grew up with; we met about age 6. We > were inseparable as boys, were split between schools in our > adolescence, and came together in later life on a number of > occasions, more like brothers than old friends, excited and > eager to catch up. > Somewhere between then and now his boyish enthusiasm > dissipated; actually it was slowly drowned in beer. But mine > raged on, under the definition of hypomania. He slowed. I > sped up. A bit faster than drifting apart. > A couple of years ago, he disappeared. He didn’t even check > in with his mother for Christmas. Nor for the next. Last > week I found out he had been back at his parent’s home since > May. I called immediately. He would not come to the phone. > He did not want to talk to me. > At first I was stunned and hurt. But after about an hour, I > EXPLODED. I mean, I’ve acted out before, but this was like > an exorcism. My wife handled it well. After about an hour’s > catharsis I was tired but okay. > I wonder if anyone here can relate to what I went through > during that hour. It was like dominoes. One video tape after > another of scenes of my past where I was asked to leave a > shared living situation or to just go away. Sometimes I had > an idea of why; often I did not. It all kept coming back to > me, the associations linking a lifetime of rejections > together into a massive chain. > Crushing me. > dp

Response:

Dear dp, I certainly can relate.  And as weird as this may sound, I think that what you went through during that hour was healthy.  And your realization that it stemmed from many rejections is healthy also.  I’m sorry that you have had so many bad experiences… I think, though, that our minds only let us remember or re-experience these sorts of things when it "knows" that we can handle it, that (most importantly) things are different now, that you feel safe in the place you are in now. Please remember that your friend’s unwillingness to talk to you is HIS problem.  He obviously has many….He may be ashamed of himself, doesn’t want to explain what he’s been doing with his life (which I am assuming isn’t good).  I just mean it’s more than likely it has to do with how he feels about himself, not how he feels about you. Here’s hoping this isn’t a crushing experience, but a liberating one. Take care, Amy

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> It’s been quite a week. > I lost a friend. One I grew up with; we met about age 6. We > were inseparable as boys, were split between schools in our > adolescence, and came together in later life on a number of > occasions, more like brothers than old friends, excited and > eager to catch up. > Somewhere between then and now his boyish enthusiasm > dissipated; actually it was slowly drowned in beer. But mine > raged on, under the definition of hypomania. He slowed. I > sped up. A bit faster than drifting apart. > A couple of years ago, he disappeared. He didn’t even check > in with his mother for Christmas. Nor for the next. Last > week I found out he had been back at his parent’s home since > May. I called immediately. He would not come to the phone. > He did not want to talk to me. > At first I was stunned and hurt. But after about an hour, I > EXPLODED. I mean, I’ve acted out before, but this was like > an exorcism. My wife handled it well. After about an hour’s > catharsis I was tired but okay. > I wonder if anyone here can relate to what I went through > during that hour. It was like dominoes. One video tape after > another of scenes of my past where I was asked to leave a > shared living situation or to just go away. Sometimes I had > an idea of why; often I did not. It all kept coming back to > me, the associations linking a lifetime of rejections > together into a massive chain. > Crushing me. > dp

Response:

Daric, I just subscribed to this newsgroup a few days ago. I am Dutch, bipolar I, but fortunately a good lithium responder. Need only that (1200 mg) and sometime small amounts of benzodiazepines. To me it sounds like agitation, a not so uncommon symptom of (hypo)mania. I had it in many occasions, even at work. I work as a Data Base Administrator at an ICT company. You must be happy with a wife like that. Ladies: I am single… [snip] – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> week I found out he had been back at his parent’s home since > May. I called immediately. He would not come to the phone. > He did not want to talk to me. > At first I was stunned and hurt. But after about an hour, I > EXPLODED. I mean, I’ve acted out before, but this was like > an exorcism. My wife handled it well. After about an hour’s > catharsis I was tired but okay. > I wonder if anyone here can relate to what I went through > dp

Response:

Dear Daric,      So far Daric, I have only been a lurker, but the pain in your post and the way I could relate has me wanting to write.      I have also lost many friends due to the roller coaster I live on. Usually I am left without reasons, as well.  Most were basic friendships however, two were very long term, dear friendships that still hurt to think about.  The worst for me though is the fact that my daughter asked for about a year and a half to go live with her dad.  She is only 6 right now so when she first started asking I assumed it was simply what kids from divorced homes do. Then one day, after I asked her why she wanted to live with her dad, she said, year old sentence to mean she really needed more stability and routine in her little bitty life and we all know that that is not one of our strong points at times.  So now, that is where she is, with me seeing her about 2-3 days a week.      So yes, I can relate to the rejection, the loss and the long steel chain that seems to connect the painful dots.  I also have had some serious solitary raging episodes about how much this illness has or can steal from me.  They are very painful.      I really hope you feel better soon.  You mentioned how great your wife was.  I have been married for 20 days today.  He has been there for me as I decided to allow my daughter what she needs and let her go to live with her dad.  Aren’t we blessed to have such special people who vowwed to love us and be loved by us to comfort the truly painful things in our life.  That is what I am holding onto right now as I get used to not having my sweet daughter with me most of the time.      Oh my Daric, this did get long.  All I really wanted to say was yes, I can relate to the hour of hell you were in, and I wish you well. mimi

Response:

Your friend disappeared for over a year. He lost his drive to alcohol. I would consider maybe he has some problems that he is embarrassed for you to know? Maybe this isn’t a rejection of you as much as a problem that your friend has.           As for the "video tapes" of the bad times you have had in your life, I go through that every once in a while. I agree, it isn’t fun.         Hope you are feeling better.   Ralph – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->It’s been quite a week. >I lost a friend. One I grew up with; we met about age 6. We >were inseparable as boys, were split between schools in our >adolescence, and came together in later life on a number of >occasions, more like brothers than old friends, excited and >eager to catch up. >Somewhere between then and now his boyish enthusiasm >dissipated; actually it was slowly drowned in beer. But mine >raged on, under the definition of hypomania. He slowed. I >sped up. A bit faster than drifting apart. >A couple of years ago, he disappeared. He didn’t even check >in with his mother for Christmas. Nor for the next. Last >week I found out he had been back at his parent’s home since >May. I called immediately. He would not come to the phone. >He did not want to talk to me. >At first I was stunned and hurt. But after about an hour, I >EXPLODED. I mean, I’ve acted out before, but this was like >an exorcism. My wife handled it well. After about an hour’s >catharsis I was tired but okay. >I wonder if anyone here can relate to what I went through >during that hour. It was like dominoes. One video tape after >another of scenes of my past where I was asked to leave a >shared living situation or to just go away. Sometimes I had >an idea of why; often I did not. It all kept coming back to >me, the associations linking a lifetime of rejections >together into a massive chain. >Crushing me. >dp

Response:

Dear daric, Last Friday nite i had dinner with my best friend since jr. high school.  Since I married at a young age and we chose different colleges, we really haven’t been close for YEARS.  She chose to run away from family and friends and study and live all over the world. I pretty much homebased it, and just travel the world for a few weeks at a time.  Our paths didn’t cross much, but I always held this notion that she was "my bf(best friend)"  Even though I had grown closer to others and developed more meaningful friendships, she still held this place in my heart and life.  We talked out some things at dinner Friday night, reclassified her in my mind as "a childhood friend"  and somehow that puts it all in perspective for me.  Our friendship never reached adulthood and I am not 14 anymore.  I can understand your pain, I am sure you have shared a great deal with your friend.  In retrospect, my friend and I had a significant impact on who we have both become, but not who we are now. Oranjkaat

Response: