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I would suggest that you not expect to be a perfect, calm parent. Luckily, newborns and up to 18 months or so can be so sweet and wonderful, that you will seldom feel frustration or irritation (unless they’re colicky!). However, once discipline starts to come into play, you will begin to wonder about solutions to the many little things that start to crop up. Temper tantrums, refusal to obey, defiant behaviour are all things that leave you feeling angry and frustrated. My suggestion is: Don’t expect that you will automatically know how to handle these things. You won’t. Do lots of reading. Get ideas on how to deal with all sorts of behaviours. Read, read, read and then use what’s appropriate for you and your family when the time comes. Some books I’ve found useful and reassuring are: Kids are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso How to Talk so Your Child Will Listen… by Faber & Mazlish 1, 2, 3 Magic by Phelan There are also good infant and newborn books out there that will help you understand your infant’s behaviour (should it baffle you in any way) and your own feelings and responses at that time. One last piece of advice, when you are near ready to have the baby, be sure your house is perfectly organized and ready to bring the baby home to. Have a clear plan in your mind for where you’ll be sleeping, where the baby will be sleeping, where you are going to sit to feed in the night, what lights you’ll use in the night and where you’ll change the baby in the night. These sound ridiculous, but when I came home with my first baby I wasn’t really ready for all these details and I ended up being very unhappy and depressed (of course, it was also the three day blues!). Good luck. Cindy
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> >I am a new mother-to-be at seven months along and I’m finding that I >have no patience for young children. I have to walk away from them, >[snip] > What has helped me is to realize that babies (& toddlers) are just > going to scream, fuss and whine about nothing sometimes and as much as > it makes you want to climb the walls or run away, it will pass. Oh > sure, it’s not really about nothing; they’re hungry, tired, bored, > overstimulated…when you are at wits end, it will feel like these > creatures are just the most unreasonable beings on earth. >[snip]
With my 2 yo, I recite the following mantra to myself: "I am (nearly) 15 times his age, 6 times his weight, twice his age: I AM THE ADULT". This seems to help. Also IMHO, I think it is important that parents allow children to see their real emotions: as long as you are not angry too often , then displaying the occasional burst of anger is OK. Penny Gaines
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> One last piece of advice, when you are near ready to have the baby, be > sure your house is perfectly organized and ready to bring the baby home > to. Have a clear plan in your mind for where you’ll be sleeping, where > the baby will be sleeping, where you are going to sit to feed in the > night, what lights you’ll use in the night and where you’ll change the > baby in the night. These sound ridiculous, but when I came home with my > first baby I wasn’t really ready for all these details and I ended up > being very unhappy and depressed (of course, it was also the three day > blues!).
And then of course, be prepared to be flexible if the plan you set up isn’t working. KElly
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>I am a new mother-to-be at seven months along and I’m finding that I >have no patience for young children. I have to walk away from them, >which is fine now, but what happens when I have a baby of my own who >NEEDS me to be there. > I guess some of my emotional ups and downs can be related to the >pregnancy, but even before this I have a short temper. Does anyone know >any relaxing techniques I could try? > I’ve heard of hot baths, but impracticle in the middle of the night or >day. What solutions have you as parents found? I’m really interested >in any suggestions or comments on this. Thank you, >Kethera
I know how you feel. But I have recently discovered that holding a newborn baby can be very relaxing. Go figure.
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I had the same concerns as you when I was pregnant and now that my son is almost two I still find there are times that he overwhelms me and I must simply leave the room. When they are yours it is easier over all, but not easy nontheless. There have been times when I have felt like I want to give him a good swat on the bottom but I just take a deep breath and remind myself that that would ultimatley be more for my benefit than his. You’ll do fine. Anita
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>I am a new mother-to-be at seven months along and I’m finding that I >have no patience for young children. I have to walk away from them, >which is fine now, but what happens when I have a baby of my own who >NEEDS me to be there. > I guess some of my emotional ups and downs can be related to the >pregnancy, but even before this I have a short temper. Does anyone know >any relaxing techniques I could try? > I’ve heard of hot baths, but impracticle in the middle of the night or >day. What solutions have you as parents found? I’m really interested >in any suggestions or comments on this. Thank you, >Kethera
I, too, had little interest in and patience for other’s children. I also worried that this meant I would feel the same about my own. However, it is different when you have your own. My son is now 2 and I have more patience and interest than I ever thought possible. I also have more interest in other’s children now. Nancy
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Alaso remember they are not small for very long – this too shall pass!
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My nurse practitioner told me it was okay for me to take a "time out" when the baby is crying and cranky for hours on end and I needed a break. What I would do is put him in his crib so he would be safe and get my walkman and go sit in the bathroom with the door shut so I couldn’t hear him crying. Not for a long time, maybe 10 or 15 minutes, just to let myself calm down. It does work (once you get over feeling guilty for letting your little dear cry in his crib for a few minutes). Its worth it to get yourself calmed down so you can deal with a cranky baby more easily and effectively. Also, sometimes by the time I came out of my "time out" the baby was asleep! Kelly Seek to understand before seeking to be understood Kelly Kyes – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I am a new mother-to-be at seven months along and I’m finding that I > have no patience for young children. I have to walk away from them, > which is fine now, but what happens when I have a baby of my own who > NEEDS me to be there. > I guess some of my emotional ups and downs can be related to the > pregnancy, but even before this I have a short temper. Does anyone know > any relaxing techniques I could try? > I’ve heard of hot baths, but impracticle in the middle of the night or > day. What solutions have you as parents found? I’m really interested > in any suggestions or comments on this. Thank you, > Kethera
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I am a new mother-to-be at seven months along and I’m finding that I have no patience for young children. I have to walk away from them, which is fine now, but what happens when I have a baby of my own who NEEDS me to be there. I guess some of my emotional ups and downs can be related to the pregnancy, but even before this I have a short temper. Does anyone know any relaxing techniques I could try? I’ve heard of hot baths, but impracticle in the middle of the night or day. What solutions have you as parents found? I’m really interested in any suggestions or comments on this. Thank you, Kethera
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writes: >I am a new mother-to-be at seven months along and I’m finding that I >have no patience for young children.
This poet/artist called SARK makes these awesome posters. I am crazy about this one called "How to Really Love a Child." The line from that poster that I use almost as a mantra is: Remember how small they really are. Good luck to you! Inger
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> I am a new mother-to-be at seven months along and I’m finding that I > have no patience for young children. . . > I guess some of my emotional ups and downs can be related to the > pregnancy, but even before this I have a short temper. Does anyone know > any relaxing techniques I could try?
I have a short temper also. I would suggest trying to figure out why your child is doing what she is doing. Does she need more attention, is she tired, is she testing you to see what you will do? Analyzing a bit seems to calm me down. With a baby, I find it helps to acknowledge to myself that I *am* mad that she won’t nurse or go to sleep or whatever. It’s silly to be mad at a baby, but in fact that is how I feel. I tell my very understanding husband if he’s around. If you have to, put her in her crib for a few minutes, breath slowly, wash your face in cold water, and then go back. I find I have more resources and patience for having had a short break. I also suggest (with older kids) that when you do lose your temper and yell or do something else inappropriate, you apologize and say "I shouldn’t have yelled." Sometimes I find myself wanting to justify my behavior, but it works much better for all of us to simply acknowledge that I made a mistake. Good luck. Sincerely, Jennifer
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>I am a new mother-to-be at seven months along and I’m finding that I >have no patience for young children. I have to walk away from them, >which is fine now, but what happens when I have a baby of my own who >NEEDS me to be there. > I guess some of my emotional ups and downs can be related to the >pregnancy, but even before this I have a short temper. Does anyone know >any relaxing techniques I could try? > I’ve heard of hot baths, but impracticle in the middle of the night or >day. What solutions have you as parents found? I’m really interested >in any suggestions or comments on this. Thank you, >Kethera
The best thing for me when my kids (ages 2 1/2 and 1) start to drive me crazy is to go to the next room and take a few deep breaths. Then I return and deal with things. Don’t worry, your own children will raise different feelings in you than other peoples children. Enlist the help of someone (Father, Grandmother, Friend) to entertain your child while you take a break. Being alone to do something for yourself for a few minutes can make a world of difference. For now enjoy your pregnancy and best of luck to you!!! Mothering is a wonderful journey of self-exploration and if you reach deep inside yourself you’ll find you have what it takes!! Melinda (Mommy to Ashley and Kelsey)
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>I am a new mother-to-be at seven months along and I’m finding that I >have no patience for young children. I have to walk away from them, >which is fine now, but what happens when I have a baby of my own who >NEEDS me to be there. > I guess some of my emotional ups and downs can be related to the >pregnancy, but even before this I have a short temper. Does anyone know >any relaxing techniques I could try? > I’ve heard of hot baths, but impracticle in the middle of the night or >day. What solutions have you as parents found? I’m really interested >in any suggestions or comments on this. Thank you, >Kethera
I’m sure you’ll get a bunch of really great ideas to de-stress and such, but I wanted to add my 2 cents, too. I have to be quite frank and admit that I have never particularly liked little kids. I didn’t babysit as a kid, and had no interest in my nieces and nephews beyond an occassional favor "baby sit" and such. Like you, I just had no patience. However . . . I did find a tremendous difference between my own children and other people’s children! I’m *not* saying mine are angels (they aren’t), but they are mine. And even when they make me so frustrated I want to run to Alaska, I still look at them and think "I’d die for you!" The whole process of parenting is one of polishing, grinding and refining. You’ll find yourself reduced to the lowest common denominator, which with an infant is sobbing and pitching temper tantrums! But you’ll become a different person along the way. And you’ll find out that other people’s kids, if you can see them through their parent’s eyes, aren’t so bad after all. Particularly if one of them comes over for an afternoon and keeps your 5 yo entertained for hours on end! To sum it up, I found that you can’t judge your parenting reactions based on your current reactions to kids, so relax and wait and see! Best wishes! Marla Saunders Editor, Homelight Homelight is a hardcopy newsletter dedicated to Success at Home from a Biblical Perspective "Formula for Success: Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing." — Cavett Robert
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