Pure Parents

Question:

Cara – when I first came to the ng’s I knew nothing.  So I’d ask, "what’s a flame, and what the hell do all of these abbreviations mean?, etc. etc."  Some people would jump all over me for even asking…like, excuse me for daring to be new!  I’d get real defensive.  I’d goof on them now!  For the most part there are really great people here with some very useful feedback.  I look forward to it!          Carol – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> the trolls continue to bag their limit in this NG. >      sleeper > Well, in my defense, I just came into this newsgroup, and didn’t know if this > person was taken seriously here or not. After all, someone just coming in has > no idea who is what. I won’t bother posting to his posts again. > Cara

Response:

Thanks Kayla – I agree, I think they just get "too busy" (like only a 3.5 year old can) and just don’t want to take the time!      Carol – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi Carol, This is in response to the original post,  my daughter had > the same problem for a little while, holding "it in", and I spoke to > her pediatrician about it and she said that that little kids can > become to distracted with play or what not.  When you remind her to go > to the bathroom or ask her, sometimes they really wont hear you, > because they are totally engrossed in what there doing and will say no > because of it, she also told me to take her to the bathroom myself and > put her on the toilet, even if she fights me, so that she learns to > listen to her body herself.  She also told me to do it every half-hour > to hour.  I groaned and she laughed but told me that it should work > eventually,  and she was right she eventually did learn, and now when > she comes and tells me she has to go, I will go in there with her to > make. > Good Luck > Kayla >    mom to Ivy (3) & Rhiley (20 months) > Hi all.  My 3.5 year old daughter, Maya has been toilet trained from > some time now, although she does wet at night on occasion.  However, you > cannot believe how long this child goes in between potty visits!  Man, I > could never do it!  I do tell her constantly to go to no avail.  She’s > very bright and I have taken the time to explain that this can make her > sick.  I’m scared she’ll get a bladder infection.  I think she just > can be!  When she finally does go after hours and hours you can just > hear the pressure of how hard she’s urinating!  Can this hurt her?  Any > feedback on how to cure this?  Thanks! > Carol

Response:

Hi Carol, This is in response to the original post,  my daughter had the same problem for a little while, holding "it in", and I spoke to her pediatrician about it and she said that that little kids can become to distracted with play or what not.  When you remind her to go to the bathroom or ask her, sometimes they really wont hear you, because they are totally engrossed in what there doing and will say no because of it, she also told me to take her to the bathroom myself and put her on the toilet, even if she fights me, so that she learns to listen to her body herself.  She also told me to do it every half-hour to hour.  I groaned and she laughed but told me that it should work eventually,  and she was right she eventually did learn, and now when she comes and tells me she has to go, I will go in there with her to make. Good Luck Kayla    mom to Ivy (3) & Rhiley (20 months) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi all.  My 3.5 year old daughter, Maya has been toilet trained from > some time now, although she does wet at night on occasion.  However, you > cannot believe how long this child goes in between potty visits!  Man, I > could never do it!  I do tell her constantly to go to no avail.  She’s > very bright and I have taken the time to explain that this can make her > sick.  I’m scared she’ll get a bladder infection.  I think she just > can be!  When she finally does go after hours and hours you can just > hear the pressure of how hard she’s urinating!  Can this hurt her?  Any > feedback on how to cure this?  Thanks! > Carol

Response:

> the trolls continue to bag their limit in this NG. >      sleeper

Well, in my defense, I just came into this newsgroup, and didn’t know if this person was taken seriously here or not. After all, someone just coming in has no idea who is what. I won’t bother posting to his posts again. Cara

Response:

> Cara – this is obviously someone who is just trying to make waves.  Even his > name tells me this "Father Blarney".

Yeah, I realized that after I posted. I am new to the group and read that, and was so shocked that I fired off the post before I thought about it. I thought, "What if someone takes him seriously!!" I should have known the group has probably read things from him and knew he was a kook! Thanks, Cara

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Just for moral support (I don’t have any clue you should do) I have a nine > year old niece who sometimes doesn’t go the whole day — yes, and I mean not > when she gets up and not at all all day until bedtime … > My SIL obviously has no cure for it.  She’s tried explaining, but her > daughter just says she doesn’t need to go. > –Janet > Triplets  (10/21/96) >My daughter was very similar and I would basically just order her to sit >on the toilet and she would usually go (after protesting that she didn’t >need to). For example, she would not go when she first woke up and then >hold it all through breakfast only to decide whne we were out the door >that she had to go. So we made a rule that she has to try first thing in >the morning and later added other set times. (We don’t have to do this >much anymore, but I still have to to it with my son sometimes)

I come from a long line of women with bladders like camels’! I used to be able to go from 8 am to 6 pm without going to the loo from before the age of ten. Now that I actually drink water during the day – a couple of pints, at least, I tend to go to the loo more often, so if a 9 yr old really doesn’t need to go I’d check the fluid intake and try not to worry too much. Younger children, as others have said, seem to get very involved in other, more important ( ) things and may need reminding. I have no children, I am *not* an expert Linz — Oh, not really a pedant, I wouldn’t say. http://www.gofar.demon.co.uk/ – Issue 1 available now

Response:

Cara – this is obviously someone who is just trying to make waves.  Even his name tells me this "Father Blarney".  I think IT is just trying to make a point because from time to time I post on the pro-circ theme.  Let’s just ignore morons like this…and of course, you’re right why on earth do they find their way into "parenting groups"?  I would like to thank everyone for all the great feedback for my daughter once again! Carol – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Are you out of your mind????!!! What has mutilating the child’s clitoris got > to do with her going to the bathroom infrequently, and how did masturbation > get into it??? Yeah, I’ll bet she WOULD masterbate less frequently, mainly > because removing the clitoral hood will cause her continual pain! That hood > is there because women NEED it during the process of getting aroused. If it > isn’t there for the clitoris to retreat behind when women are aroused, it > gets too much stimulation and HURTS! There is NO evidence that removing it > has anything to do with vulvar cancer, which is extremely rare in the first > place.  Why don’t you ask the women who have been tortured in this way as a > ritual in other countries how fond of it they are! You are crazy! Why do all > the flakes and freaks come to newsgroups involving children??? > Cara

Response:

> When she finally does go after hours and hours you can just > >hear the pressure of how hard she’s urinating!  Can this hurt her?  Any > >feedback on how to cure this?  Thanks! > >Carol > The wisest thing to do would be a female circumcision.  Clitoral hood and > labia excision.  Clitoridectomy is up to you.

<< clip >> > Be Blessed. > Are you out of your mind????!!! What has mutilating the child’s clitoris got > to do with her going to the bathroom infrequently, and how did masturbation > get into it??? Yeah, I’ll bet she WOULD masterbate less frequently, mainly

<< clip >> > Cara

the trolls continue to bag their limit in this NG.      sleeper

Response:

When she finally does go after hours and hours you can just >hear the pressure of how hard she’s urinating!  Can this hurt her?  Any >feedback on how to cure this?  Thanks! >Carol > The wisest thing to do would be a female circumcision.  Clitoral hood and > labia excision.  Clitoridectomy is up to you. > You’ll drastically reduce the risk of infections now, and you’ll be > protecting her against vulvar cancer in the future.  It’ll also make it > easier for her to keep her private parts clean, and it will reduce the > chances of frequent masturbation. > Be Blessed.

Are you out of your mind????!!! What has mutilating the child’s clitoris got to do with her going to the bathroom infrequently, and how did masturbation get into it??? Yeah, I’ll bet she WOULD masterbate less frequently, mainly because removing the clitoral hood will cause her continual pain! That hood is there because women NEED it during the process of getting aroused. If it isn’t there for the clitoris to retreat behind when women are aroused, it gets too much stimulation and HURTS! There is NO evidence that removing it has anything to do with vulvar cancer, which is extremely rare in the first place.  Why don’t you ask the women who have been tortured in this way as a ritual in other countries how fond of it they are! You are crazy! Why do all the flakes and freaks come to newsgroups involving children??? Cara

Response:

>Hi all.  My 3.5 year old daughter, Maya has been toilet trained from >some time now, although she does wet at night on occasion.  However, you >cannot believe how long this child goes in between potty visits!  Man, I >could never do it!  I do tell her constantly to go to no avail.  She’s >very bright and I have taken the time to explain that this can make her >sick.  I’m scared she’ll get a bladder infection.  I think she just >can be!  When she finally does go after hours and hours you can just >hear the pressure of how hard she’s urinating!  Can this hurt her?  Any >feedback on how to cure this?  Thanks! >Carol

The wisest thing to do would be a female circumcision.  Clitoral hood and labia excision.  Clitoridectomy is up to you. You’ll drastically reduce the risk of infections now, and you’ll be protecting her against vulvar cancer in the future.  It’ll also make it easier for her to keep her private parts clean, and it will reduce the chances of frequent masturbation. Be Blessed.

Response:

> Thanks for the info, Megan.  Maya can go up to 8 hours between urines.  She’ll > get up in the morning with a wet diaper from sleep.  Then she doesn’t go > sometimes until 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon!                Carol

My 4.5 yo son has one of these super bladders. It amazing. He goes before bed around 8pm, gets up around 8am but still doesn’t go until sometimes 10 or 11am.  I think he just waits until the last moment because when he decides its time to go he REALLY has to go.  He transitioned right from diapers to underwear and has only wet the bed on maybe 2 or 3 occassions. One possible reason is that he is not very big eater or drinker. But my 1.5 yo daughter is quite different. Eats more than my 4.5 yo already and fills those diapers all the time. — Len Please reply to newsgroup so everyone may benefit.

Response:

I want to thank you all for the great feedback.  Again, I really think Maya just doesn’t want to take the time out from what she’s doing to go.  When she really has to she does and any amount of urging her doesn’t change a thing.  I was just worried with the amount and pressure when she finally did go that she might give herself an infection.  Thanks again!                         Carol – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Just for moral support (I don’t have any clue you should do) I have a nine > year old niece who sometimes doesn’t go the whole day — yes, and I mean not > when she gets up and not at all all day until bedtime … > My SIL obviously has no cure for it.  She’s tried explaining, but her > daughter just says she doesn’t need to go. > –Janet > Triplets  (10/21/96) > My daughter was very similar and I would basically just order her to sit > on the toilet and she would usually go (after protesting that she didn’t > need to). For example, she would not go when she first woke up and then > hold it all through breakfast only to decide whne we were out the door > that she had to go. So we made a rule that she has to try first thing in > the morning and later added other set times. (We don’t have to do this > much anymore, but I still have to to it with my son sometimes)

Response:

>I agree with the fact that it is nothing to worry about.  My MIL and DH both >have a hard time with the fact that my girls don’t go to the bathroom very >often (they get it from me).  They can go all day at school and not go.  When >they get up, sometimes they have to be reminded before we leave the house >that they haven’t gone yet.  (This one is the one that amazes me because that >is the first thing I have to do when I get up.) >Oh, BTW, for the original poster — I NEVER had a bladder infection as a kid >and my girls haven’t ever had one either.  They are 9, 7 & 5 years old.

FWIW, as a kid, I did the same thing…I’d go all day at school without a bathroom trip, and long car trips were no problem for me.  I never had a bladder infection or a UTI, either. Colleen

Response:

> Just for moral support (I don’t have any clue you should do) I have a nine > year old niece who sometimes doesn’t go the whole day — yes, and I mean not > when she gets up and not at all all day until bedtime … > My SIL obviously has no cure for it.  She’s tried explaining, but her > daughter just says she doesn’t need to go. > –Janet > Triplets  (10/21/96)

My daughter was very similar and I would basically just order her to sit on the toilet and she would usually go (after protesting that she didn’t need to). For example, she would not go when she first woke up and then hold it all through breakfast only to decide whne we were out the door that she had to go. So we made a rule that she has to try first thing in the morning and later added other set times. (We don’t have to do this much anymore, but I still have to to it with my son sometimes) >Hi all.  My 3.5 year old daughter, Maya has been toilet trained from >some time now, although she does wet at night on occasion.  However, you >cannot believe how long this child goes in between potty visits!  Man, I >could never do it!  I do tell her constantly to go to no avail.  She’s >very bright and I have taken the time to explain that this can make her >sick.  I’m scared she’ll get a bladder infection.  I think she just >can be!  When she finally does go after hours and hours you can just >hear the pressure of how hard she’s urinating!  Can this hurt her?  Any >feedback on how to cure this?  Thanks! >Carol

– Marion Betor Baumgarten- Mother to die Wunderkinder  -Martha (10!) Peter (7) St. John’s College, Annapolis, 1982

Response:

Thanks for the info, Megan.  Maya can go up to 8 hours between urines. She’ll get up in the morning with a wet diaper from sleep.  Then she doesn’t go sometimes until 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon!                Carol My daughter Lili (age 3) is like this.  We have "ordained" potty sits!  She doesn’t have to sit until she goes, but she does have to visit the bathroom first thing in the morning, again at lunch time, before nap time (she takes a short nap before dinner) and again before she goes to bed. Initially, she was very good about letting me know when she needed to use the toilet.  But lately, she just gets to involved with what she is doing. What’s interesting about this with Lili is that she used to with-hold BMs (I’m talking about holding it for a week, sometimes even longer!).  Now that has stopped, but the urine holding has begun . . . I’m sure it’s not just a coincidence! Anyway, I just give her the opportunity to go several times a day, but I don’t make her sit on the toilet for very long each sit (30 seconds with water running usually does the trick). The hardest thing to remember is to be neutral about it (very hard to do when you are thinking in terms of bladder, or, even worse, kidney infections).  If the parent/care-taker makes it an "issue", it will become about power, rather than learning to recognize your body’s signals when it is time to void your bladder. Hope this helps! Mary mother to Lili (5-3-95), Jenny (9-21-97), and ???, (2/14/99)

Response:

Thanks Lisa – I could understand if she wasn’t a big drinker, but the kid drinks from the time she gets up til bed.  It actually sounds like a dam is breaking when she finally goes….that’s why the concern.  I think I’ll have the Ped. explain it to her.  She seems to really like her Dr.                            Carol – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Does your daughter have a lot of fluid intake? > I’m the same way.  I usually only go maybe 2….3 times max….a day. > Sometimes people just don’t have to go.  Your best bet is to talk to her > pediatrician about it and see what his/her opinion is. > Lisa > Mom to Kelsey (2)

Response:

You have made a good point about going constantly. I’ll have to remember that. Marie

Response:

>Thanks for the info, Megan.  Maya can go up to 8 hours between urines.  She’ll >get up in the morning with a wet diaper from sleep.  Then she doesn’t go >sometimes until 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon!                Carol

When my 2nd was 2.5 and we were trying to train her, she would be wet when she got up in the morning (VERY wet), and then she would go all day until bedtime.  She didn’t want to wet her pants, and she didn’t want to sit on the toilet, so she’d wait until she had the diaper on again either for an afternoon nap or (if she didn’t take one) until bedtime.   We went to Disneyland (in California) and after we left the hotel in the morning until we came back in the evening, she’d be dry all that time. She would hold her BMs too. I knew that she had the maturity to be trained, it was just a question of getting her to the toilet grandma Rosalie

Response:

Thanks for the info, Megan.  Maya can go up to 8 hours between urines.  She’ll get up in the morning with a wet diaper from sleep.  Then she doesn’t go sometimes until 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon!                Carol – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Carol- > How many hours are we talking about here? Continence trainers suggest that > adults generally don’t need to empty their bladder more than once every 3-4 > hours, regardless of fluid intake. But maybe it’s different for kids, and > maybe you’re talking a longer period of time. > I would urge caution though, about reminding her constantly to go. This is > one of the ways that we ‘train’ our kids, and interestingly enough, > particularly our daughters, to develop weak bladders. Yes, it is not a good > idea to hold it in for too long, but neither is it a good idea to be > constantly emptying your bladder if it’s not full. Eventually, the signals > your bladder sends your brain change, and you start to feel urgency when > there is none. And that’s where problems start. This probably all sounds like > a way out response to what you are saying, but continence workers and women’s > health physios all urge parents not to be forever reminding their children > about the toilet, and not to encourage the ‘just in case’ toilet trip. How > many women do you know who go to the toilet just because there is one in the > general area, when they don’t really need to. It all starts with childhood > training. > Megan.

Response:

I agree with the fact that it is nothing to worry about.  My MIL and DH both have a hard time with the fact that my girls don’t go to the bathroom very often (they get it from me).  They can go all day at school and not go.  When they get up, sometimes they have to be reminded before we leave the house that they haven’t gone yet.  (This one is the one that amazes me because that is the first thing I have to do when I get up.) I do have them go sometimes when they say they don’t have to like when we are getting ready to go on a long trip in the car or when we are out shopping and one of them says they have to go (I don’t want to have to stop 3 times in one trip just because they can’t get it together.)  However, if one insists (usually my oldest) that she doesn’t have to go, I don’t make her.  If she says that she has to go later on that same shopping outing, she has to hold it (of course, if I saw that she was having a hard time with it, we would find a place and I would reinforce why she should have gone when we went the first time.) I’m not sure, but my being able to go for longer periods of time without using the restroom may have helped when I was pregnant.  While all my friends had to go fairly frequently, my habits didn’t really change (except at night on the 3rd). Oh, BTW, for the original poster — I NEVER had a bladder infection as a kid and my girls haven’t ever had one either.  They are 9, 7 & 5 years old. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Hi all.  My 3.5 year old daughter, Maya has been toilet trained from > > some time now, although she does wet at night on occasion.  However, you > > cannot believe how long this child goes in between potty visits!  Man, I > > could never do it!  I do tell her constantly to go to no avail.  She’s > > very bright and I have taken the time to explain that this can make her > > sick.  I’m scared she’ll get a bladder infection.  I think she just > > can be!  When she finally does go after hours and hours you can just > > hear the pressure of how hard she’s urinating!  Can this hurt her?  Any > > feedback on how to cure this?  Thanks! > > Carol > Carol- > How many hours are we talking about here? Continence trainers suggest that > adults generally don’t need to empty their bladder more than once every 3-4 > hours, regardless of fluid intake. But maybe it’s different for kids, and > maybe you’re talking a longer period of time. > I would urge caution though, about reminding her constantly to go. This is > one of the ways that we ‘train’ our kids, and interestingly enough, > particularly our daughters, to develop weak bladders. Yes, it is not a good > idea to hold it in for too long, but neither is it a good idea to be > constantly emptying your bladder if it’s not full. Eventually, the signals > your bladder sends your brain change, and you start to feel urgency when > there is none. And that’s where problems start. This probably all sounds like > a way out response to what you are saying, but continence workers and women’s > health physios all urge parents not to be forever reminding their children > about the toilet, and not to encourage the ‘just in case’ toilet trip. How > many women do you know who go to the toilet just because there is one in the > general area, when they don’t really need to. It all starts with childhood > training. > Megan.

Response:

Just for moral support (I don’t have any clue you should do) I have a nine year old niece who sometimes doesn’t go the whole day — yes, and I mean not when she gets up and not at all all day until bedtime … My SIL obviously has no cure for it.  She’s tried explaining, but her daughter just says she doesn’t need to go. –Janet Triplets  (10/21/96) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Hi all.  My 3.5 year old daughter, Maya has been toilet trained from >some time now, although she does wet at night on occasion.  However, you >cannot believe how long this child goes in between potty visits!  Man, I >could never do it!  I do tell her constantly to go to no avail.  She’s >very bright and I have taken the time to explain that this can make her >sick.  I’m scared she’ll get a bladder infection.  I think she just >can be!  When she finally does go after hours and hours you can just >hear the pressure of how hard she’s urinating!  Can this hurt her?  Any >feedback on how to cure this?  Thanks! >Carol

Response:

Does your daughter have a lot of fluid intake? I’m the same way.  I usually only go maybe 2….3 times max….a day. Sometimes people just don’t have to go.  Your best bet is to talk to her pediatrician about it and see what his/her opinion is. Lisa Mom to Kelsey (2)

Response:

> > Hi all.  My 3.5 year old daughter, Maya has been toilet trained from > some time now, although she does wet at night on occasion.  However, you > cannot believe how long this child goes in between potty visits!  Man, I > could never do it!  I do tell her constantly to go to no avail.  She’s > very bright and I have taken the time to explain that this can make her > sick.  I’m scared she’ll get a bladder infection.  I think she just > can be!  When she finally does go after hours and hours you can just > hear the pressure of how hard she’s urinating!  Can this hurt her?  Any > feedback on how to cure this?  Thanks! > Carol

Carol- How many hours are we talking about here? Continence trainers suggest that adults generally don’t need to empty their bladder more than once every 3-4 hours, regardless of fluid intake. But maybe it’s different for kids, and maybe you’re talking a longer period of time. I would urge caution though, about reminding her constantly to go. This is one of the ways that we ‘train’ our kids, and interestingly enough, particularly our daughters, to develop weak bladders. Yes, it is not a good idea to hold it in for too long, but neither is it a good idea to be constantly emptying your bladder if it’s not full. Eventually, the signals your bladder sends your brain change, and you start to feel urgency when there is none. And that’s where problems start. This probably all sounds like a way out response to what you are saying, but continence workers and women’s health physios all urge parents not to be forever reminding their children about the toilet, and not to encourage the ‘just in case’ toilet trip. How many women do you know who go to the toilet just because there is one in the general area, when they don’t really need to. It all starts with childhood training. Megan.

Response:

> Hi all.  My 3.5 year old daughter, Maya has been toilet trained from > some time now, although she does wet at night on occasion.  However, you > cannot believe how long this child goes in between potty visits!  Man, I > could never do it!  I do tell her constantly to go to no avail.  She’s > very bright and I have taken the time to explain that this can make her > sick.  I’m scared she’ll get a bladder infection.  I think she just > can be!  When she finally does go after hours and hours you can just > hear the pressure of how hard she’s urinating!  Can this hurt her?  Any > feedback on how to cure this?  Thanks! > Carol

Ask your peditrician what’s a normal duration between bathroom visits for children.  For adults, it is every 2 to 4 hours. I have heard it is bad for the kidneys to hold it in so long, but this may not be true for children.  I would urge you to speak with your doctor about this.

Response:

Hi all.  My 3.5 year old daughter, Maya has been toilet trained from some time now, although she does wet at night on occasion.  However, you cannot believe how long this child goes in between potty visits!  Man, I could never do it!  I do tell her constantly to go to no avail.  She’s very bright and I have taken the time to explain that this can make her sick.  I’m scared she’ll get a bladder infection.  I think she just can be!  When she finally does go after hours and hours you can just hear the pressure of how hard she’s urinating!  Can this hurt her?  Any feedback on how to cure this?  Thanks! Carol

Response: