Question:
>I have a 12 year old daughterin 6th grade, who has been doing very badly in >school. A note was to be sent home to me (one I have to sign) , the note >never made it. However the teacher did recive the note back the next day >with my name on it but not my signiture. My daughter had forged my name. Im >seeking a creative punishment. Not the your grounded thing, Im taking away >somthing, but I need somthing that will stick out in her mind to ot ever try >this again? Any of you have suggestions? >Nadine
It appears that your daughter has a problem talking with you. Where is her father? Can she talk with her father?
Response:
This one is right up my alley. My son is in the fifth grade. In school they have Language arts, Social Studies, Math, Reading, Spelling, Science, as well as some homework from his gifted and talented class and his band practice. Now, he doesn’t get each subject every day, but it is possible. He also is going to Hebrew School two days a week and gets homework there too, sometimes. Last year, when he was in forth grade, he missed many assignments during the first marking period. I found this out at the parent teacher confrence. The solution that I came up with, was for me to initial all assignments and his asssignment book and for his teacher to intial the assignment book. My wife and I would then check the book and give him plenty of grief if the teacher didn’t sign. He made Honors for the next three marking periods. (I didn’t even know that they had honors in the fourth grade.) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> The homework solution sounds great. Even my son (who missed 17 > assignments one week in 5th grade!) now does his homework on his own in > 10th grade. >I’m curious to know what kind of elementary school teacher would *give* >17 assignments a week in fifth grade, but whatever. >– Brian Ream Kalamazoo, Michigan
Response:
When I was twelve I stole from a becker’s and my mom hit me with a ministick in the ass. That really stuck out in my head as well as in my ass considering I never got the ministick out of my ass crack!!!!!!
Response:
> The homework solution sounds great. Even my son (who missed 17 > assignments one week in 5th grade!) now does his homework on his own in > 10th grade.
I’m curious to know what kind of elementary school teacher would *give* 17 assignments a week in fifth grade, but whatever. — Brian Ream Kalamazoo, Michigan
Response:
… > The forged note: > Lisa knew that the pink note meant going to school early the next day. In > order for her to be at school at 6:45a.m. she needed to get up and get ready > at 5:30a.m. THIS is why she forged the note, she did not want to get up > early. It was not that she was embarressed or afraid to bring it to me. We > have had many pink notes….Just none that meant getting up at 5:30a.m.
The homework solution sounds great. Even my son (who missed 17 assignments one week in 5th grade!) now does his homework on his own in 10th grade. For the note, I’d suggest making sure she get up early for something; don’t make it just a punishment, make it something with a point. You could even make her get up early to go to breakfast and HAVE to talk with you about stuff. Or make her volunteer at the school library shelving books (or whatever) before school one day. When my son did something similar (3rd grade, fortunately), because he wanted to get a toy that night at hte store, the punishment was to take the toy away until the end of the monht (it was the 5th), along with telling his dad who was away on a trip. He never did it again… Wendy W.
Response:
I have a 12 year old daughterin 6th grade, who has been doing very badly in school. A note was to be sent home to me (one I have to sign) , the note never made it. However the teacher did recive the note back the next day with my name on it but not my signiture. My daughter had forged my name. Im seeking a creative punishment. Not the your grounded thing, Im taking away somthing, but I need somthing that will stick out in her mind to ot ever try this again? Any of you have suggestions? Nadine
Response:
> I have a 12 year old daughterin 6th grade, who has been doing very badly in > school. A note was to be sent home to me (one I have to sign) , the note > never made it. However the teacher did recive the note back the next day > with my name on it but not my signiture. My daughter had forged my name. Im > seeking a creative punishment. Not the your grounded thing, Im taking away > somthing, but I need somthing that will stick out in her mind to ot ever try > this again? Any of you have suggestions? > Nadine
Your daughter broke the trust "bond" between the two of you. My suggestion would be to think of some things that you currently trust her to do, and the trust is understood between the two of you. For example, you may trust her to go somewhere after school on her own. Or trust her to go to the movies with a friend. Now, take away one or all of those things. She’ll complain and just say, "Well, YOU broke our trust. Now, you will have to earn my trust back." Make her check with you when she does almost anything. Really pound into her that what she did wasn’t just wrong, it damaged the trust she has in you. Teenagers are very big on independence, so this will drive her nuts. But, stick to your guns and make her understand that her independence is something she *earns*, its not an automatic, and its built on trust. She took away her independence when she tried to deceive you. Now, she will have to earn it back. The key here is to not portray it as you being the heavy, and to not let her spin it into something that YOU are doing to HER. SHE did it to HERSELF. Now, SHE will have to win your trust back. That’s my suggestion. Of course, I should say that this advice isn’t coming from a parent of a teenager, just from some of the things my parents did with me when I was a teenager. They worked. I’m 28 now, so I can admit when my parents were right 
I only hope I can be as wise when my daughter becomes a teenager (12 years to go and counting…) Jeff
Response:
Greetings everyone, First, I would like to say thank you to those of you who responded to my post. Second, There is some other histroy that I did not include in my last post. Just looked up the parenting group last night and wrote somthing quick. Here is some of the story: My daughter is seeing a counselor for an unrelated event that took place 3 years ago. Upon mentioning the homework battles between (LISA)(changed name to protect the guilty) and I, the counselor suggested that I get out of the homework issue and let the teacher keep her after school, before school and recesses. This was suggested for two reasons. One, to end the the constant battles, grounding and taking her things away. But most of all making Lisa feel more responsible for not keeping up with her homework and class work. And from keeping me from feeling responsible for it. Lisa was getting to the point where she would say " but you did not tell me that was due", "you did not remind me" "If you don’t uderstand it, how am I suppost to?" LISA does do most of her homework. However it gets turned in late, it was printed and not hand written, forgets her books, or she just did not do it. At the counselors request the teacher has very eagerly agreed to try this out. The forged note: Lisa knew that the pink note meant going to school early the next day. In order for her to be at school at 6:45a.m. she needed to get up and get ready at 5:30a.m. THIS is why she forged the note, she did not want to get up early. It was not that she was embarressed or afraid to bring it to me. We have had many pink notes….Just none that meant getting up at 5:30a.m. Have a great weekend everyone, Nadine – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I have a 12 year old daughterin 6th grade, who has been doing very badly in >school. A note was to be sent home to me (one I have to sign) , the note >never made it. However the teacher did recive the note back the next day >with my name on it but not my signiture. My daughter had forged my name. Im >seeking a creative punishment. Not the your grounded thing, Im taking away >somthing, but I need somthing that will stick out in her mind to ot ever try >this again? Any of you have suggestions? >Nadine
Response:
In the same situation I would do a couple of things. I wouldn’t punish for a first offense, but I would talk to her about it and explain that I’m much angrier about the forging than I would’ve been had I just got the note. Explain that you’re there to help her with school and so is her teacher etc. Explain that you understand that things are difficult for her and you’d like to help. Explain that the note was not intended to punish her but to point out difficulties to you so that you can help her – it’s your job as mommy after all. I would ask my daughter what she would do if she were me and had to deal with the situation. I would ask for two reasons, one so that she could see things from my point of view and so that I could see things from her point of view and two because I’d want to start a conversation that might shed light onto what exactly is going on at school. I would explain what the punishment for a future offense of this type might be. Personally, I’d get in touch with the teacher and explain what happened and suggest a daily correspondence between myself and the teacher (for two weeks or so) so that my daughter would have to carry notes from myself and the teacher every day. I would be expecting the notes and so would the teacher and it would be a very difficult thing to ‘get around.’ Good luck with this tough situation! -Alexis > I have a 12 year old daughterin 6th grade, who has been doing very badly in > school. A note was to be sent home to me (one I have to sign) , the note > never made it. However the teacher did recive the note back the next day > with my name on it but not my signiture. My daughter had forged my name. Im > seeking a creative punishment. Not the your grounded thing, Im taking away > somthing, but I need somthing that will stick out in her mind to ot ever try > this again? Any of you have suggestions? > Nadine
Response:
Why not be honest and look at the big picture? The point of the note was to get you informed about your child’s problems in school. I am not a big believer in punishment. The child already feels bad. I’ve been where she is with school trouble. It’s a lonesome and scary feeling. Anyway, the point of the note was to get your involved. So now you’re involved. Want to work on the problem and be a help to your child, or do you just want to make her feel bad? If you want to help your kid, explain the problem that she’s having in school. There are many people here who would be happy to get you and the child on track. > I have a 12 year old daughterin 6th grade, who has been doing very badly in > school. A note was to be sent home to me (one I have to sign) , the note > never made it. However the teacher did recive the note back the next day > with my name on it but not my signiture. My daughter had forged my name. Im > seeking a creative punishment. Not the your grounded thing, Im taking away > somthing, but I need somthing that will stick out in her mind to ot ever try > this again? Any of you have suggestions? > Nadine
– Elaine Gallegos
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