Question:
>IMO, the reason so many children think they will be rejected is because they >are "children". They haven’t a clue as to what’s ahead for them with a >child. >They enjoy messing around, but when they get knocked up, they freak. I grew >up >Quaker, my husband and I got pregnant with our first before we were married. >We didn’t tell anyone for quite some time because we were afraid of what >would >happen. We both wanted the child, me especially, but did contemplate >abortion >solely for the fact that we knew we could run from the problem. I thank >GOD…We told someone. Now we have 3 beautiful children who we love and >adore.
How old were you? My husband and i also got pregnant before we were married, I was 18 at the time. I found out on a Friday and misscarried the following Tuesday. Had enough time to break it to the family and that was about it. My mom was shocked at first, but we went window shopping for maternity clothes that weekend. And when I lost the baby, she cried too. After the grief had passed, it seemed it was better it had ended that way, although the baby would have been loved and welcomed in our lives. A reflective moment … Krystal "Life isn’t measured by how many breaths we take but by how many moments that take our breath away" Eat the "treat" in my address to e-mail me.
Response:
I may sound cold and unfeeling, but this is my take on this situation. Post pardum depression happens, but it is rare that it is bad enough to cause someone to abandon/kill a baby. The teens who are hiding there pregnancies are not emotionally mature enough to handle the situation, and thus IMO should not have been having sex in the first place. Now, this is coming from a woman who was raised in a family where Dad said "don’t come home pregnant or you’ll be a very young widow, if I don’t kill you first" (only half joking) and Mom said "Good girls who respect themselves wait for love and young boys don’t love you." of course she followed that by "If your going to play the game, know the rules and how to protect yourself." And she made damn sure we knew the rules (how to prevent pregnancy and STDs). Now, even with all that parental pressure NOT to have sex, I was having sex at 14. And because I knew that 1) I did not want to have a baby and 2) I did not want STDs, I was on the pill and always told the boys I wasn’t, so they’d have to wear condoms. If you are not willing to accept the consequences of having sex then you should not do it. An unwanted pregnancy brings choices that have to be made, first whether to have the child or not, second whether to raise that child yourself or give it up for adoption. IMO, carrying that child to term and then abandoning it in a bathroom stall or garbage can is unforgivable. Hormones or not, you had a brain, use it to make the right choice, the responsible choice. And I don’t have a problem with baby "drop offs" at churches or hospitals as mentioned in the original post. I have a MAJOR problem with women/girls who abandon babies in garbage cans, toilets or, like the girl in Colorado, stab their newborn to death with scissors. IMO that is sub-human behavior. Liz
Response:
>And I don’t have a problem with baby "drop offs" at churches or >hospitals as mentioned in the original post. I have a MAJOR problem with >women/girls who abandon babies in garbage cans, toilets or, like the >girl in Colorado, stab their newborn to death with scissors. IMO that is >sub-human behavior. >Liz
I totally agree liz … I hadn’t heard about this particular story (dont’ watch news often) … Why is it that so many kids think their parents will reject them for making poor choices? OK, sure SOME ignoramus parents DO reject their kids … but most would be understanding after a time of greif (I would assume) … It makes me sad, really. Krystal "Life isn’t measured by how many breaths we take but by how many moments that take our breath away" Eat the "treat" in my address to e-mail me.
Response:
IMO, the reason so many children think they will be rejected is because they are "children". They haven’t a clue as to what’s ahead for them with a child. They enjoy messing around, but when they get knocked up, they freak. I grew up Quaker, my husband and I got pregnant with our first before we were married. We didn’t tell anyone for quite some time because we were afraid of what would happen. We both wanted the child, me especially, but did contemplate abortion solely for the fact that we knew we could run from the problem. I thank GOD…We told someone. Now we have 3 beautiful children who we love and adore. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Why is it that so many kids think their parents will reject >them for making poor choices? OK, sure SOME ignoramus parents DO reject >their >kids … but most would be understanding after a time of greif (I would >assume) > … It makes me sad, really.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->The authorities will still go hunting for the birth mother, despite the >fact that she doesn’t want to be found. They’ll do tests on the infant to >prove parentage. >Actually, thats why it’s been in the news. They are trying to make it legal to >abandon a baby in a safe baby drop. The baby would be in the care of the State >(I believe) for a period of 2 months where a mother can still change her mind >and after 2 months the baby goes up for adoption. >This is in California. I don’t know that it is in effect as law but that is >what is being discussed.
Legal ramifiations from a program like that would be overwhelming. Although it seems like a good idea on paper, I’m going to bet this one will be a hard sell. How hard is it right now to give an infant up for adoption? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Kendra >~*~ >www.crosswinds.net/~graphicsbykendra
Response:
From what I have seen on the news lately there are several US states that are considering similar legislation and one state that has passed something in that vein. I think that state is Nebraska or Kansas, somewhere right in the middle of the country. I have seen reports of laws suggesting that if the child is abandoned that way that the parental rights would be terminated immediately and others that allow the parent to return up to several months later [varies by state's proposed law] and regain physical custody, apparently no questions asked. – Aula
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->The authorities will still go hunting for the birth mother, despite the >fact that she doesn’t want to be found. They’ll do tests on the infant to >prove parentage. > Actually, thats why it’s been in the news. They are trying to make it legal to > abandon a baby in a safe baby drop. The baby would be in the care of the State > (I believe) for a period of 2 months where a mother can still change her mind > and after 2 months the baby goes up for adoption. > This is in California. I don’t know that it is in effect as law but that is > what is being discussed. > Kendra > ~*~ > www.crosswinds.net/~graphicsbykendra
Response:
Wow Steve- you actually broght up a point that I had not considered. And you didn’t call anyone a moron, or asinine or anything. I was not thinking of scared teens or postpartum depression. it would be sad for someone to give up all parental rights in such a vunerable state. I was thinking of my own personal experience of working in a hospital OB clinic. And begging some patients to keep their appointments, take vitamins, consider Breastfeeding. And after they are born- trying to encourage them to even pick up their babies. It was so sad, I was thinking if these people would just "drop off" their babies it would be better for all concerned. J – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > The whole point of "baby-drops" has NOTHING to do with responsible and > non-responsible people! These are untenable unreal situations that can > threaten sanity. > Post-partum depression and other attendant psychologicasl ailments of > the biochemical changes involved with pregnancy render some women > emotionally incapable of caring for themselves, let alone a new infant > in the first days, weeks or months, and in that case they need the > option of abandoning them to help EVEN without surrendering ANY parental > rights at that time. It’s in the best interests of everyone concerned > and thus the society. > Also, the stresses of sexuality for teens with un-sex-friendly parenting > puts kids who are pregnant and emotionally susceptible to psychological > breaks in the position of requiring either emotional denial or, for > them, the equivalent of familial and social suicide, which coupled with > the biochemical changes of pregnancy renders them in an unreal situation > in which emotional disolocation produces a similar depersonalization. > Thus, in ALL cases where women or girls have been abandoning or even > killing infants it is because they have been placed in a situation > unfair to their humanity, and for this reason they deserve this help and > service by their society in a way that doesn’t produce untoward > consequences and also doesn’t surrender parental rights till the > emotional situation can be resolved at a later and calmer date in a > manner that respects their individuality and their unfriendly home > situation. > These are the same dynamics that cause teen suicides and post partum > suicides and the dangers of unsterile abortions and their attendant > deaths and dangers. We have offered similar measures for these > exigencies and we need to for problems like this around all such issues > of pregnancy. > Steve
Before you buy.
Response:
It’s unlikely that a girl or woman like that even thinks of the baby as her "newborn". It’s more like her "mistake" or "the end or her life as she knows it".
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->The whole point of "baby-drops" has NOTHING to do with >responsible and >non-responsible people! These are untenable unreal situations >that can >threaten sanity. >Thus, in ALL cases where women or girls have been abandoning or >even >killing infants it is because they have been placed in a >situation >unfair to their humanity, and for this reason they deserve this >help and >service by their society in a way that doesn’t produce untoward >consequences and also doesn’t surrender parental rights till the >emotional situation can be resolved at a later and calmer date >in a >manner that respects their individuality and their unfriendly >home >situation. >This is a remarkably non-emotional post for you and >articulates many of the reasons why young women feel driven >to abandon their newborns. >BUT (you knew that was coming), I don’t think it covers all >situations by a long shot. Some of the abandonment question most >definitely does have to do with responsibility, but the >responsibility started a long time ago. Whether women like it or >not, failing to attend to basic issues of life control will not >make any resulting problems go away. There certainly are many >young women such as you describe, terrified and with no one to >turn to, but there are many others who, for a number of complex >reasons, more or less permit themselves to become pregnant >without first asking themselves if they want to be parents. >Failing to use birth control is an option women have to change >their lives without actually setting out a plan; unfortunately, >many women — and they are not kids — quickly regret their lack >of attention to themselves, their partners, and their lives in >general. >Then they internally hem and haw, and as the pregnancy >progresses, finally decide: no. (Yes, I agree with you that such >a decision should probably not be made immediately post-partum >unless there are issues of safety involved.) >We owe our women a lot of support, but we also owe them the >decency to treat them as though they can and will, for the most >part, be able to make decisions about their lives. We don’t do >women much service by helping to give them the idea that they are >too hormonal or ditzy to ever be expected to use birth control >properly or to make major life decisions before the fact, not >after. >I guess these remarks come because I have seen far more women, >not young girls, wonder how they got pregnant. They had the >knowledge, money, and opportunity, but decided that the >biological rules didn’t apply to them. >Lynne >* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * >The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
>The authorities will still go hunting for the birth mother, despite the >fact that she doesn’t want to be found. They’ll do tests on the infant to >prove parentage.
Actually, thats why it’s been in the news. They are trying to make it legal to abandon a baby in a safe baby drop. The baby would be in the care of the State (I believe) for a period of 2 months where a mother can still change her mind and after 2 months the baby goes up for adoption. This is in California. I don’t know that it is in effect as law but that is what is being discussed. Kendra ~*~ www.crosswinds.net/~graphicsbykendra
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->The whole point of "baby-drops" has NOTHING to do with responsible and >non-responsible people! These are untenable unreal situations that can >threaten sanity. >Thus, in ALL cases where women or girls have been abandoning or even >killing infants it is because they have been placed in a situation >unfair to their humanity, and for this reason they deserve this help and >service by their society in a way that doesn’t produce untoward >consequences and also doesn’t surrender parental rights till the >emotional situation can be resolved at a later and calmer date in a >manner that respects their individuality and their unfriendly home >situation.
This is a remarkably non-emotional post for you and articulates many of the reasons why young women feel driven to abandon their newborns. BUT (you knew that was coming), I don’t think it covers all situations by a long shot. Some of the abandonment question most definitely does have to do with responsibility, but the responsibility started a long time ago. Whether women like it or not, failing to attend to basic issues of life control will not make any resulting problems go away. There certainly are many young women such as you describe, terrified and with no one to turn to, but there are many others who, for a number of complex reasons, more or less permit themselves to become pregnant without first asking themselves if they want to be parents. Failing to use birth control is an option women have to change their lives without actually setting out a plan; unfortunately, many women — and they are not kids — quickly regret their lack of attention to themselves, their partners, and their lives in general. Then they internally hem and haw, and as the pregnancy progresses, finally decide: no. (Yes, I agree with you that such a decision should probably not be made immediately post-partum unless there are issues of safety involved.) We owe our women a lot of support, but we also owe them the decency to treat them as though they can and will, for the most part, be able to make decisions about their lives. We don’t do women much service by helping to give them the idea that they are too hormonal or ditzy to ever be expected to use birth control properly or to make major life decisions before the fact, not after. I guess these remarks come because I have seen far more women, not young girls, wonder how they got pregnant. They had the knowledge, money, and opportunity, but decided that the biological rules didn’t apply to them. Lynne * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
The authorities will still go hunting for the birth mother, despite the fact that she doesn’t want to be found. They’ll do tests on the infant to prove parentage. It used to be that unwanted infants could be abandoned on doorsteps or the doors of a church. The infant would never be traced. Now, they’ll trace the kid, even if it’s just "do gooders" who want to provide the birth mother with therapy to make her willing to accept the child. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I am with you Kendra- I think the Baby drop idea is a wonderful one. >You might be able to "make" someone take reponsiblity for their child, >but I don’t think you could make them be truly loving attentive parent. >J > This subject has been in the news lately with the hospitals that >have "baby > drops". I would rather see some preventive measures happening but if >a mother > has a choice of leaving a baby to die (or in hopes someone will find >it before > it’s too late) or dropping him/her off at a safe place, I’d rather >the safe > place be there. The opposition to this want to force the mothers to >be a > parent but there are so many out there who would love to adopt a >child. I’m a > firm believer in Responsibility, but not necessarily at a childs >expense. > Kendra > ~*~ > "The Business man should be protected from the unscrupulous consumer" >Before you buy.
Response:
I am with you Kendra- I think the Baby drop idea is a wonderful one. You might be able to "make" someone take reponsiblity for their child, but I don’t think you could make them be truly loving attentive parent. J – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > This subject has been in the news lately with the hospitals that have "baby > drops". I would rather see some preventive measures happening but if a mother > has a choice of leaving a baby to die (or in hopes someone will find it before > it’s too late) or dropping him/her off at a safe place, I’d rather the safe > place be there. The opposition to this want to force the mothers to be a > parent but there are so many out there who would love to adopt a child. I’m a > firm believer in Responsibility, but not necessarily at a childs expense. > Kendra > ~*~ > "The Business man should be protected from the unscrupulous consumer"
Before you buy.
Response:
> This subject has been in the news lately with the hospitals that have "baby > drops". I would rather see some preventive measures happening but if a mother > has a choice of leaving a baby to die (or in hopes someone will find it before > it’s too late) or dropping him/her off at a safe place, I’d rather the safe > place be there. The opposition to this want to force the mothers to be a > parent but there are so many out there who would love to adopt a child. I’m a > firm believer in Responsibility, but not necessarily at a childs expense. > Kendra
The whole point of "baby-drops" has NOTHING to do with responsible and non-responsible people! These are untenable unreal situations that can threaten sanity. Post-partum depression and other attendant psychologicasl ailments of the biochemical changes involved with pregnancy render some women emotionally incapable of caring for themselves, let alone a new infant in the first days, weeks or months, and in that case they need the option of abandoning them to help EVEN without surrendering ANY parental rights at that time. It’s in the best interests of everyone concerned and thus the society. Also, the stresses of sexuality for teens with un-sex-friendly parenting puts kids who are pregnant and emotionally susceptible to psychological breaks in the position of requiring either emotional denial or, for them, the equivalent of familial and social suicide, which coupled with the biochemical changes of pregnancy renders them in an unreal situation in which emotional disolocation produces a similar depersonalization. Thus, in ALL cases where women or girls have been abandoning or even killing infants it is because they have been placed in a situation unfair to their humanity, and for this reason they deserve this help and service by their society in a way that doesn’t produce untoward consequences and also doesn’t surrender parental rights till the emotional situation can be resolved at a later and calmer date in a manner that respects their individuality and their unfriendly home situation. These are the same dynamics that cause teen suicides and post partum suicides and the dangers of unsterile abortions and their attendant deaths and dangers. We have offered similar measures for these exigencies and we need to for problems like this around all such issues of pregnancy. Steve
Response:
This subject has been in the news lately with the hospitals that have "baby drops". I would rather see some preventive measures happening but if a mother has a choice of leaving a baby to die (or in hopes someone will find it before it’s too late) or dropping him/her off at a safe place, I’d rather the safe place be there. The opposition to this want to force the mothers to be a parent but there are so many out there who would love to adopt a child. I’m a firm believer in Responsibility, but not necessarily at a childs expense. Kendra ~*~ "The Business man should be protected from the unscrupulous consumer"
Response:
Perhaps the real question to ask is how many women or adolescents do it and never get caught? If the girl is successful in hiding her pregnancy (which isn’t entirely unheard of) and unloading the tot, no one ever need know. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Hi. I am doing a story on women/girls who give birth, then "get rid of" >their babies, say, by leaving the babies somewhere and not telling >anybody about it. I am interested in what you think about this: Do you >know anybody who has done this? Have you ever been pregnant and wanted >to do this? Why do you think girls do this? E-mail me if you would like >with your experiences. The story is for Wednesday, March 15. >Sincerely, >– >Marian Jones >Health Reporter >Fox News Online >Before you buy.
Response:
> Hi. I am doing a story on women/girls who give birth, then "get rid of" > their babies, say, by leaving the babies somewhere and not telling > anybody about it. I am interested in what you think about this: Do you > know anybody who has done this? Have you ever been pregnant and wanted > to do this? Why do you think girls do this? E-mail me if you would like > with your experiences. The story is for Wednesday, March 15.
I did it last week. — Jack Tarkaan Kalamazoo, Michigan — NO UNSOLICITED E-MAIL AT THIS ADDRESS – Respect privacy – NO SPAM!!!!
Response:
Hi. I am doing a story on women/girls who give birth, then "get rid of" their babies, say, by leaving the babies somewhere and not telling anybody about it. I am interested in what you think about this: Do you know anybody who has done this? Have you ever been pregnant and wanted to do this? Why do you think girls do this? E-mail me if you would like with your experiences. The story is for Wednesday, March 15. Sincerely, — Marian Jones Health Reporter Fox News Online Before you buy.
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