Question:
Candace, You were NOT in the wrong. You 1)didn’t know beforehand that he would be afraid of the fire 2)were there with your entire family 3)didn’t know you would be seated at a table with the devil’s twin sister. Just be glad you weren’t there with *my* SIL. You would have spent the rest of the evening bailing her out of jail after you peeled her off that lady. (and I use the word lady only as reference to a person of the female gender, not a well mannered woman as it is usually intended to mean.) You never know how a child is going to react to new things. Some kids love clowns and think they are wonderful. Other kids are terrified of them. Some kids would have sat there and oohed and aahed over the fire. Your son was scared. He screamed because he is so little and doesn’t know any other way to express his fear. There was nothing wrong with you comforting him or him sitting in Dad’s lap for the rest of the meal. What was wrong was that woman thinking she had the right to cause such a stink about it. I know I have gone out to dinner many times and listened to other people’s children cry, etc. NO BIG DEAL!!! As long as my two are ok, that is all that concerns me. There were many things that woman could have done other than what she did do. She could have asked to be moved to another table, she could have asked you if there was a problem, she could have *politely* told you that your son was disturbing her. She chose to make nasty with your and your SIL over what I would consider a minor annoyance. If it had been me at the other end of your table, I would have been digging in my purse for my emergency stash of paper and crayons hoping to distract him so you could eat your dinner. I always tell my kids there is no excuse for bad manners. Obviously that is not something she was told as a child. As for taking him out of the dining room of the restaurant as some others have suggested, I understand that is not always something you can do. And once he got to sit in Dad’s lap, you said he was fine. So I don’t think you did anything wrong. He was comforted and quiet. Everyone should have just gone on with their dinner and left well enough alone. There was certainly no reason for her to b–ch and moan that you were comforting him and that he was now quiet. You know now that he doesn’t like stuff like that. And you said that you won’t visit a place like that again. You didn’t know beforehand that it would be a problem. Now you do, so you can avoid that. I just hope you don’t run into that woman again anywhere! Hang in there babe! Sharon
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> Maybe that woman was Elaine Gallant?
Okay, okay… (this is not directly solely at you). Elaine’s post was very rude in the other thread. But as the saying goes… two wrongs don’t make it right. Ignore Elaine. Filter her out. But let’s not let her ruin a wonderful NG. Sound fair? Take Care! Vicki Surratt Proud Mom of Kathy (just turned 6) and Jenny (9)! 
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > : > :I just can’t agree with this. I think every parent has the > :responsibility to make sure that their children are not disruptive in > :public. Yes, I absolutely believe that the woman was hateful, but I also > :believe she had the right to go to a restaurant like this (it isn’t > :McDonalds) and expect to eat without a screaming child at her table. I I > :don’t understand why the child should not be taken out of the room and > :comforted, especially since it was the fire and flames in the room that > :were scaring him. > That is not the point. The point was the witch’s rudeness. It was > unacceptable. Also, if the situation called for removal of the child, > don’t you think the management would have politely asked for it? Or that > the parents would have done so? > Norma
I have never said the woman’s rude behavior was acceptable. It wasn’t. Period. But, I don’t feel the parents were adequately sensative to the distrubance their child was making. Personally, I would be extremely embarrassed if I waited to be told by the management that my child’s behavior was bothering people. When our kids were little, we usually went out to really nice Sunday brunch buffets for special occasions. They have the advantage that the kids don’t have to wait for their food, it is acceptable to get up and walk around, and different adults can take the kids out or entertain them while other eat, then switch off and no one misses out on their meal.
Response:
I guess it would depend on just how much he screamed. I got the impression he screamed one big one and then a few small ones when he accidentally saw the fire at other tables. I pictured in my mind a little boy who screamed a handful of times without it being constant. She said at the end he sat in his Dad’s lap most of the evening where he was happy. If that’s all that happened, I would not see the need for leaving. It sounds like they figured out how to help him (sitting on Dad’s lap), and all was well after that. Other than the rude woman, of course. Now if he was screaming throughout the whole meal, then, yes, he would have to be stopped. I’ve taken my kids outside before. Luckily we never had to leave any place because the trip outside usually did it. But if they hadn’t calmed down, then yes, I would have been forced to leave. I would expect that of any parent. So if that’s what happened, then I say they should have left. But it was a very tough situation nonetheless. I wouldn’t have wanted to be in her shoes that night. In either case, the rude woman was wrong. Take Care! Vicki Surratt Proud Mom of Kathy (just turned 6) and Jenny (9)! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I have never said the woman’s rude behavior was acceptable. It wasn’t. > Period. But, I don’t feel the parents were adequately sensative to the > distrubance their child was making. Personally, I would be extremely > embarrassed if I waited to be told by the management that my child’s > behavior was bothering people. > When our kids were little, we usually went out to really nice Sunday > brunch buffets for special occasions. They have the advantage that the > kids don’t have to wait for their food, it is acceptable to get up and > walk around, and different adults can take the kids out or entertain > them while other eat, then switch off and no one misses out on their > meal.
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> Well, all I can say is if that rude woman has any kids, I feel sorry for them. > They will probably have a lot of hang ups/problems when they get older. You > were definitely not being an overly-protective mother, in fact, I feel you did > the right thing in comforting your child. It doesn’t seem like anyone else in > the restaurant was bothered by your son’s fears except for her. If it were me > in the restaurant, I would feel sympathetic towards what was happening with > your son. You handled it correctly. That woman did the restaurant a big favor > by saying she wasn’t coming back. > Susan
I just can’t agree with this. I think every parent has the responsibility to make sure that their children are not disruptive in public. Yes, I absolutely believe that the woman was hateful, but I also believe she had the right to go to a restaurant like this (it isn’t McDonalds) and expect to eat without a screaming child at her table. I I don’t understand why the child should not be taken out of the room and comforted, especially since it was the fire and flames in the room that were scaring him. OT, but similar. At Christmas our family went to the theater for a Christmas play. Tickets were $30 each and the production was intended for adults. There was a child of about 4 seated on the aisle. Her mother was next to me. The child kept running up and down the aisle during the performance. I finally asked the woman if she could encourage her child to stay seated, as her running up and down the aisle was distracting. The woman said "Sorry, she’s bored and we paid for a ticket." and continued to ignore her child and watch the play. I find this kind of parenting behavior unacceptable – and no, I don’t hate children, but sometimes I hate their inconsiderate parents.
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This particular woman just seems rude and crabby. I doubt any of your ideas of her not being not so rude in other circumstances would hold water in her reality. No matter how loudly someones child behaves this woman should have never said dittly squat within ear shot of that child. If she couldn’t contain a comment she should have asked to have a word with you aside, or spoken with the manager. But that is what a polite well mannered adult would do. This woman is apparantly a sloth. Though I agree you should have comforted your child, but in a different room. Even if no one else said anything, your childs shrieking did have an impact on thier evening out. For all we know some of those people rarely get out of thier own homes alone and a rare evening was mared. After all they didn’t go to McDonalds like someone said. They had expectations of a pleasant evening out considering the type of resturant they choose.
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> :I doubt if it was apparent to her that he was scared, She just saw the > :reuslts of his behavior, She was rude and obnoxious, but you were not > :practicing effective parenting, either. > Excuse me? "Not practicing effective parenting"???? She was trying to > comfort a terrified child. What is wrong with that?
It seems to me that if the child was so obviously afraid of flames, it would have been much more effective in calming him to have taken him out to the lobby where he would have been removed from what frightened him. Then the child would have been comforted and others would not have had to listen to him shriek.
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An who was it that just said that rude behaviour was unacceptable?
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>1) The comment that I was babying my son by comforting him when he was >terrified. If he had been a girl would she have said it? I don’t think >so.
Doesn’t matter – children of either sex deserve to be comforted and consoled when scared. >2) My son has a severe speech and language developmental delay. He >understands at about an 18 month to 2 year level. If he had a visible >disability, such as Down’s Syndrome, would she have said anything?
Probably. That’s the way "that" kind of people are. If it’s not pretty, perfect or convenient, they don’t believe it should exist. >3) Except for being terrified, he was well behaved. No throwing >plates, silverware, or full glasses, as he has been known to try. Did >she have a right to insult my son or me by making snide remarks about my >parenting when he was well behaved, but scared?
Hmm . . the right to free speech? It’s a toughie . . . the sharing of her opinions was ill mannered. It illustrates the type of person she is. I would have been pretty mad at her too, but would try to temper it with pity – she must be a pretty miserable person. Well, there are children haters out there, always have been, always will be. You just can’t take them too seriously. And don’t let them interfere with your giving your children new life experiences!!! Keep calm, Isa "Motherhood is not for wimps."
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Well, all I can say is if that rude woman has any kids, I feel sorry for them. They will probably have a lot of hang ups/problems when they get older. You were definitely not being an overly-protective mother, in fact, I feel you did the right thing in comforting your child. It doesn’t seem like anyone else in the restaurant was bothered by your son’s fears except for her. If it were me in the restaurant, I would feel sympathetic towards what was happening with your son. You handled it correctly. That woman did the restaurant a big favor by saying she wasn’t coming back. Susan
Response:
except for shrieking as is someone were skinning him alive, he was a perfect little gentleman. I’m sure that your decision to take him to that restaraunt provided the other diners with an experience out that they will never forget.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I need to know if I was being an overprotective mother, or if I was >right. >A few weeks ago, my family and I went out for dinner for my birthday. >It was my 3 year old, my 6 month old, my mother, my sister-in-law, my >husband, my 3 year old niece, and myself. We went to a Japanese >restaurant where they cook the food on the table, fire, smoke, the whole >show. We were seated at a table with another couple. A middle-aged >couple. My 3 year old son had never been to a Japanese restaurant >before so we were unsure how he would react. Well. it wasn’t pleasant >for him. He screamed so hard that he shook. The flames terrified him. >We thought maybe it was jsut the newness of it, however it didn’t get >any better. In a restaurant with 6 tables, one of them was usually >aflame. We did our best to shield him from the sight, but it didn’t >always work. He ended up spending the rest of dinner on my husband’s >lap, where he was very happy. The problem was the woman of the couple >sitting with us. She kept making remarks about not bringing him to a >restaurant and that we were babying him by comforting him when he >cried. That was bad enough. Then my SIL confronted her about her >rudeness. My SIL doesn’t back down. The lady not only didn’t even >acknowledge that she was being rude, she went on to be even ruder. In a >voice loud enough for most of the restaurant to hear she said "Then >maybe you should have left the little brat at home." At this point I >lost it. I let the lady know in no uncertain terms that my son is not a >brat, just scared. She didn’t get it and her and her husband left. >While paying for their meal, they told the waitress that the restaurant >had no class and they were never coming back again. When she tried to >find out what had happened, smiling as is Japanese custom, the lady >said, "Oh, I suppose you think this is funny" and stomped out. >Now, several things about this still bother me. >1) The comment that I was babying my son by comforting him when he was >terrified. If he had been a girl would she have said it? I don’t think >so. >2) My son has a severe speech and language developmental delay. He >understands at about an 18 month to 2 year level. If he had a visible >disability, such as Down’s Syndrome, would she have said anything? >3) Except for being terrified, he was well behaved. No throwing >plates, silverware, or full glasses, as he has been known to try. Did >she have a right to insult my son or me by making snide remarks about my >parenting when he was well behaved, but scared? >I know this is long, but I was wondering if I was wrong or if she was. >I’ll try not to take it personally if someone says I was, but…. >BTW, my son isn’t going back to a Japanese restaurant for awhile. Not >because I’m embarrassed by the way he acted, but because I don’t want to >terrify him anymore than I already did. >Thanks >Candace
Response:
>but I think you bear some responsibility for your child’s behavior.
It bit different, she doesn’t bear the responsibility for the child’s behavior but rather how she handles it. >By your own description, his screaming was loud and frequent. Even if it >was because he was afraid, that does not excuse him for disrupting the >meals of other paying diners.
It does excuse him, just a child of 3 and afraid. but like you said, he should have been removed from the situation. As noted, the woman was rude and acting-out without the ability of using interpersonal communicating skills. Good post. ‘lil kathi
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>The problem was the woman of the couple >sitting with us. She kept making remarks about not bringing him to a >restaurant and that we were babying him by comforting him when he >cried.
Maybe that woman was Elaine Gallant?
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> 1) The comment that I was babying my son by comforting him when he was > terrified. If he had been a girl would she have said it? I don’t think > so.
Who knows. Who cares. I would not automatically assume this was a sexist comment. I think she was frustrated that your child was screaming and that his sex had little to do with it. > 2) My son has a severe speech and language developmental delay. He > understands at about an 18 month to 2 year level. If he had a visible > disability, such as Down’s Syndrome, would she have said anything?
Maybe not, but does having a disability excuse your child for disrupting another paying customer’s meal? Perhaps he was not developmentally ready for a meal out like this one. > 3) Except for being terrified, he was well behaved. No throwing > plates, silverware, or full glasses, as he has been known to try. Did > she have a right to insult my son or me by making snide remarks about my > parenting when he was well behaved, but scared?
I doubt if it was apparent to her that he was scared, She just saw the reuslts of his behavior, She was rude and obnoxious, but you were not practicing effective parenting, either. > Candace
I think when your son started screaming, someone in your party should have taken him out of the room and tried to calm him down. I think this is especially important since you were sharing a table with another couple, and obviously you ruined their meal, not to mention inflicting his screams on everyone else in the room. I agree completely that the woman was rude, rude, rude in her comments, but I think you bear some responsibility for your child’s behavior. My rule has always been that I would take my kids (now 12 nd 17) anywhere, but if they didn’t behave, they were removed from the environment. Yes, sometimes that ruined OUR dinner or theater experience, but that is the price you pay for not leaving them at home with a sitter. They learn rather quickly that you will not tolerate disruptive behavior, and it tis the beginning of teaching them consideration toward others. By your own description, his screaming was loud and frequent. Even if it was because he was afraid, that does not excuse him for disrupting the meals of other paying diners. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->We were seated at a table with another couple. A middle-aged > couple. My 3 year old son had never been to a Japanese restaurant > before so we were unsure how he would react. Well. it wasn’t pleasant > for him. He screamed so hard that he shook. The flames terrified him. > We thought maybe it was jsut the newness of it, however it didn’t get > any better. In a restaurant with 6 tables, one of them was usually > aflame. We did our best to shield him from the sight, but it didn’t > always work.
Response:
: :I just can’t agree with this. I think every parent has the :responsibility to make sure that their children are not disruptive in :public. Yes, I absolutely believe that the woman was hateful, but I also :believe she had the right to go to a restaurant like this (it isn’t :McDonalds) and expect to eat without a screaming child at her table. I I :don’t understand why the child should not be taken out of the room and :comforted, especially since it was the fire and flames in the room that :were scaring him. That is not the point. The point was the witch’s rudeness. It was unacceptable. Also, if the situation called for removal of the child, don’t you think the management would have politely asked for it? Or that the parents would have done so? Norma
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:The lady in the restaurant might have been out of line with her rude :comments, but I don’t think a young child belongs in a fancy restaurant :until they can behave. My own personal rule with my son (3 1/2) is that we :don’t take him to restaurants that have tablecloths. Benihana’s doesn’t have tablecloths <BEG> Norma
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:I doubt if it was apparent to her that he was scared, She just saw the :reuslts of his behavior, She was rude and obnoxious, but you were not :practicing effective parenting, either. Excuse me? "Not practicing effective parenting"???? She was trying to comfort a terrified child. What is wrong with that?
Response:
: : except for shrieking as is someone were skinning him alive, he was a :perfect little gentleman. I’m sure that your decision to take him to that :restaraunt provided the other diners with an experience out that they will :never forget. : :
:>I need to know if I was being an overprotective mother, or if I was :>right. :>A few weeks ago, my family and I went out for dinner for my birthday. :>It was my 3 year old, my 6 month old, my mother, my sister-in-law, my :>husband, my 3 year old niece, and myself. We went to a Japanese :>restaurant where they cook the food on the table, fire, smoke, the whole :>show. We were seated at a table with another couple. A middle-aged :>couple. My 3 year old son had never been to a Japanese restaurant :>before so we were unsure how he would react. Well. it wasn’t pleasant :>for him. He screamed so hard that he shook. The flames terrified him. :>We thought maybe it was jsut the newness of it, however it didn’t get :>any better. In a restaurant with 6 tables, one of them was usually :>aflame. We did our best to shield him from the sight, but it didn’t :>always work. He ended up spending the rest of dinner on my husband’s :>lap, where he was very happy. The problem was the woman of the couple :>sitting with us. She kept making remarks about not bringing him to a :>restaurant and that we were babying him by comforting him when he :>cried. That was bad enough. Then my SIL confronted her about her :>rudeness. My SIL doesn’t back down. The lady not only didn’t even :>acknowledge that she was being rude, she went on to be even ruder. In a :>voice loud enough for most of the restaurant to hear she said "Then :>maybe you should have left the little brat at home." At this point I :>lost it. I let the lady know in no uncertain terms that my son is not a :>brat, just scared. She didn’t get it and her and her husband left. :>While paying for their meal, they told the waitress that the restaurant :>had no class and they were never coming back again. When she tried to :>find out what had happened, smiling as is Japanese custom, the lady :>said, "Oh, I suppose you think this is funny" and stomped out. :>Now, several things about this still bother me. :>1) The comment that I was babying my son by comforting him when he was :>terrified. If he had been a girl would she have said it? I don’t think :>so. :>2) My son has a severe speech and language developmental delay. He :>understands at about an 18 month to 2 year level. If he had a visible :>disability, such as Down’s Syndrome, would she have said anything? :>3) Except for being terrified, he was well behaved. No throwing :>plates, silverware, or full glasses, as he has been known to try. Did :>she have a right to insult my son or me by making snide remarks about my :>parenting when he was well behaved, but scared? :>I know this is long, but I was wondering if I was wrong or if she was. :>I’ll try not to take it personally if someone says I was, but…. :>BTW, my son isn’t going back to a Japanese restaurant for awhile. Not :>because I’m embarrassed by the way he acted, but because I don’t want to :>terrify him anymore than I already did. :>Thanks :>Candace :> : :
Response:
The lady in the restaurant might have been out of line with her rude comments, but I don’t think a young child belongs in a fancy restaurant until they can behave. My own personal rule with my son (3 1/2) is that we don’t take him to restaurants that have tablecloths. Sizzler, Diners, Friendlys, Ground Round, TGIFridays etc. are all decent restaurants that are used to handling small children. If and when you ever decide to expose your children to adult situations where they must behave decorously (movies, theater, ballet, fancy restaurants etc.), that’s fine, however, if they begin to be disruptive, regardless of the reason, it’s your responsibility to remove that child from the situation. It’s not fair to the other people in the restaurant/theater etc. who have come for an evening out – possibly leaving their children at home with a baby-sitter so they could have an adults night out. Heidi
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Last Easter we went out for lunch after church (my family, my parents and my grandmother). I knew it was a bad time to go. My son (2 1/2 at the time) usually napped during this time. Plus, he had been up early, had a rather exciting morning and was exhausted. When, weeks before, the idea of going out to eat after church was mentioned, I should have "just said no". Too bad I didn’t. WELL, the waitress put his food in front of him and my usually very sweet son gave the plate a big shove and yelled, "I don’t want it". He then started to cry loudly. I took him out of the restaurant while everyone else finished their meals. There was no way I was going to let my crying child ruin everyone else’s Easter meal. This year I am having Easter Dinner at my house. Live and Learn. ~Jan
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:I need to know if I was being an overprotective mother, or if I was :right. :A few weeks ago, my family and I went out for dinner for my birthday. :It was my 3 year old, my 6 month old, my mother, my sister-in-law, my :husband, my 3 year old niece, and myself. We went to a Japanese :restaurant where they cook the food on the table, fire, smoke, the whole :show. We were seated at a table with another couple. A middle-aged :couple. My 3 year old son had never been to a Japanese restaurant :before so we were unsure how he would react. Well. it wasn’t pleasant :for him. He screamed so hard that he shook. The flames terrified him. :We thought maybe it was jsut the newness of it, however it didn’t get :any better. In a restaurant with 6 tables, one of them was usually :aflame. We did our best to shield him from the sight, but it didn’t :always work. He ended up spending the rest of dinner on my husband’s :lap, where he was very happy. The problem was the woman of the couple :sitting with us. She kept making remarks about not bringing him to a :restaurant and that we were babying him by comforting him when he :cried. That was bad enough. Then my SIL confronted her about her :rudeness. My SIL doesn’t back down. The lady not only didn’t even :acknowledge that she was being rude, she went on to be even ruder. In a :voice loud enough for most of the restaurant to hear she said "Then :maybe you should have left the little brat at home." At this point I :lost it. I let the lady know in no uncertain terms that my son is not a :brat, just scared. She didn’t get it and her and her husband left. :While paying for their meal, they told the waitress that the restaurant :had no class and they were never coming back again. When she tried to :find out what had happened, smiling as is Japanese custom, the lady :said, "Oh, I suppose you think this is funny" and stomped out. OH MY GOD!!!!!! I cannot BELIEVE how rude that woman was!!!!! :Now, several things about this still bother me. :1) The comment that I was babying my son by comforting him when he was :terrified. You were very correct in comforting him. :If he had been a girl would she have said it? I don’t think :so. Who knows? She was obviously a rude person without a shred of class or grace in her. :2) My son has a severe speech and language developmental delay. He :understands at about an 18 month to 2 year level. If he had a visible :disability, such as Down’s Syndrome, would she have said anything? See above. :3) Except for being terrified, he was well behaved. No throwing :plates, silverware, or full glasses, as he has been known to try. Did :she have a right to insult my son or me by making snide remarks about my :parenting when he was well behaved, but scared? No one, NO ONE has the right to be rude. She broke all social mores when she was rude. The correct social behaviour would have ranged from politely ignoring the noise to making a humerous yet supportive comment to you, or even trying to help calm the little tyke. In no social circumstance is rude behaviour correct. Consult Ms. Manners if you doubt it :I know this is long, but I was wondering if I was wrong or if she was. How in the world could you have been wrong? You and your SIL were simply couldn’t get her in a standard headlock (just kidding :I’ll try not to take it personally if someone says I was, but…. Try not to take the rude attack personally, either. She didn’t know you, she didn’t know your son, and there are some people in this world who think the world revovles around them, that the louder they are the quicker they’ll get their way, and even some who REALLY hate children just because of their age. :BTW, my son isn’t going back to a Japanese restaurant for awhile. Not :because I’m embarrassed by the way he acted, but because I don’t want to :terrify him anymore than I already did. Good choice, sounds like the little tyke was traumatized by the flames. He was probably also traumatized by the "grown up" at the table acting like a "little brat". Norma :Thanks :Candace :
Response:
But this situation was different. The resturant was not an "adult" resturant. Many 3 year olds do fine eating in places other than just MacDonalds. I’ve seen children of all ages, from infants on up, in these kinds of resturants. She said her son was otherwise well-behaved. I don’t think she ever expected him to have been scared. She had no prior indication her son would behave as he did. You said the woman at the theater in your example just ignored her child. But Candace didn’t just ignore her son. She did the best she could to help him. There is a big difference, at least in my mind, between a mother having a hard time working with her child and a mother who just couldn’t be bothered to even try. Plus Candace was in a tough position. It’s one thing to leave a resturant when it’s just you, your DH, and your kids. But she had her whole family there. I’m sure she would have had a better time had she left (what a *fun* evening, eh?), but I’m also sure she felt somewhat trapped with everyone there. Also, she said in her post that she wasn’t going to be taking her son back to the resturant now that she knows he is that scared of the fire. It’s not like she just drags a screaming brat everywhere and expects everyone to put up with it. She’s a caring Mom who ran into an unexpected problem and did the best she could at the time. Had I been there that night, I’m sure I wouldn’t have liked hearing a child screaming. But I’ve been in her position enough times to understand. My experiences differ from hers, but they are similar enough. Yes, had she had time to think about what to do, she might have taken him out for awhile to talk with him and help calm him down. But this came up very unexpectedly, and quite frankly, I got the impression she didn’t really know what to do. On the other hand, there is NO excuse for the rude manner in which the other woman behaved. The woman was completely out of line – not for being upset – but for the manner in which she conducted herself. I can excuse a mother having a hard time with her child. I cannot excuse a grown woman who was only concerned for herself and chose to behave rudely. Take Care! Vicki Surratt Proud Mom of Kathy (just turned 6) and Jenny (9)! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I just can’t agree with this. I think every parent has the > responsibility to make sure that their children are not disruptive in > public. Yes, I absolutely believe that the woman was hateful, but I also > believe she had the right to go to a restaurant like this (it isn’t > McDonalds) and expect to eat without a screaming child at her table. I I > don’t understand why the child should not be taken out of the room and > comforted, especially since it was the fire and flames in the room that > were scaring him. > OT, but similar. At Christmas our family went to the theater for a > Christmas play. Tickets were $30 each and the production was intended > for adults. There was a child of about 4 seated on the aisle. Her mother > was next to me. The child kept running up and down the aisle during the > performance. I finally asked the woman if she could encourage her child > to stay seated, as her running up and down the aisle was distracting. > The woman said "Sorry, she’s bored and we paid for a ticket." and > continued to ignore her child and watch the play. I find this kind of > parenting behavior unacceptable – and no, I don’t hate children, but > sometimes I hate their inconsiderate parents.
Response:
Without a doubt in my mind, she was completely wrong. There is a big difference between an adult who cannot control her behavior and a scared 3 year old who cannot control his behavior. If anyone was a brat, it would be her. I wouldn’t worry about whether she would have acted that way if your child was a girl or if he spoke impeccable English. She would have found *something* to complain about. You never know why some people act this way. Makes you wonder how she raised her kids? That is if she ever had any. I’m sorry this happened – especially on your birthday. I hope your birthday was otherwise a happy one! Take Care! Vicki Surratt Proud Mom of Kathy (just turned 6) and Jenny (9)! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I need to know if I was being an overprotective mother, or if I was > right. > A few weeks ago, my family and I went out for dinner for my birthday. > It was my 3 year old, my 6 month old, my mother, my sister-in-law, my > husband, my 3 year old niece, and myself. We went to a Japanese > restaurant where they cook the food on the table, fire, smoke, the whole > show. We were seated at a table with another couple. A middle-aged > couple. My 3 year old son had never been to a Japanese restaurant > before so we were unsure how he would react. Well. it wasn’t pleasant > for him. He screamed so hard that he shook. The flames terrified him. > We thought maybe it was jsut the newness of it, however it didn’t get > any better. In a restaurant with 6 tables, one of them was usually > aflame. We did our best to shield him from the sight, but it didn’t > always work. He ended up spending the rest of dinner on my husband’s > lap, where he was very happy. The problem was the woman of the couple > sitting with us. She kept making remarks about not bringing him to a > restaurant and that we were babying him by comforting him when he > cried. That was bad enough. Then my SIL confronted her about her > rudeness. My SIL doesn’t back down. The lady not only didn’t even > acknowledge that she was being rude, she went on to be even ruder. In a > voice loud enough for most of the restaurant to hear she said "Then > maybe you should have left the little brat at home." At this point I > lost it. I let the lady know in no uncertain terms that my son is not a > brat, just scared. She didn’t get it and her and her husband left. > While paying for their meal, they told the waitress that the restaurant > had no class and they were never coming back again. When she tried to > find out what had happened, smiling as is Japanese custom, the lady > said, "Oh, I suppose you think this is funny" and stomped out. > Now, several things about this still bother me. > 1) The comment that I was babying my son by comforting him when he was > terrified. If he had been a girl would she have said it? I don’t think > so. > 2) My son has a severe speech and language developmental delay. He > understands at about an 18 month to 2 year level. If he had a visible > disability, such as Down’s Syndrome, would she have said anything? > 3) Except for being terrified, he was well behaved. No throwing > plates, silverware, or full glasses, as he has been known to try. Did > she have a right to insult my son or me by making snide remarks about my > parenting when he was well behaved, but scared? > I know this is long, but I was wondering if I was wrong or if she was. > I’ll try not to take it personally if someone says I was, but…. > BTW, my son isn’t going back to a Japanese restaurant for awhile. Not > because I’m embarrassed by the way he acted, but because I don’t want to > terrify him anymore than I already did. > Thanks > Candace
Response:
Candace, I think you were very much in the right; I would have done the same thing and as I’m not one to take crap from anybody, probably would have gotten myself kicked out of the place! I cannot stand people who think that children should always be little angels when out in public; I mean PLEASE!!! Mommy2J
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I need to know if I was being an overprotective mother, or if I was >right. >A few weeks ago, my family and I went out for dinner for my birthday. >It was my 3 year old, my 6 month old, my mother, my sister-in-law, my >husband, my 3 year old niece, and myself. We went to a Japanese >restaurant where they cook the food on the table, fire, smoke, the whole >show. We were seated at a table with another couple. A middle-aged >couple. My 3 year old son had never been to a Japanese restaurant >before so we were unsure how he would react. Well. it wasn’t pleasant >for him. He screamed so hard that he shook. The flames terrified him. >We thought maybe it was jsut the newness of it, however it didn’t get >any better. In a restaurant with 6 tables, one of them was usually >aflame. We did our best to shield him from the sight, but it didn’t >always work. He ended up spending the rest of dinner on my husband’s >lap, where he was very happy. The problem was the woman of the couple >sitting with us. She kept making remarks about not bringing him to a >restaurant and that we were babying him by comforting him when he >cried. That was bad enough. Then my SIL confronted her about her >rudeness. My SIL doesn’t back down. The lady not only didn’t even >acknowledge that she was being rude, she went on to be even ruder. In a >voice loud enough for most of the restaurant to hear she said "Then >maybe you should have left the little brat at home." At this point I >lost it. I let the lady know in no uncertain terms that my son is not a >brat, just scared. She didn’t get it and her and her husband left. >While paying for their meal, they told the waitress that the restaurant >had no class and they were never coming back again. When she tried to >find out what had happened, smiling as is Japanese custom, the lady >said, "Oh, I suppose you think this is funny" and stomped out. >Now, several things about this still bother me. >1) The comment that I was babying my son by comforting him when he was >terrified. If he had been a girl would she have said it? I don’t think >so. >2) My son has a severe speech and language developmental delay. He >understands at about an 18 month to 2 year level. If he had a visible >disability, such as Down’s Syndrome, would she have said anything? >3) Except for being terrified, he was well behaved. No throwing >plates, silverware, or full glasses, as he has been known to try. Did >she have a right to insult my son or me by making snide remarks about my >parenting when he was well behaved, but scared? >I know this is long, but I was wondering if I was wrong or if she was. >I’ll try not to take it personally if someone says I was, but…. >BTW, my son isn’t going back to a Japanese restaurant for awhile. Not >because I’m embarrassed by the way he acted, but because I don’t want to >terrify him anymore than I already did. >Thanks >Candace
Response:
I need to know if I was being an overprotective mother, or if I was right. A few weeks ago, my family and I went out for dinner for my birthday. It was my 3 year old, my 6 month old, my mother, my sister-in-law, my husband, my 3 year old niece, and myself. We went to a Japanese restaurant where they cook the food on the table, fire, smoke, the whole show. We were seated at a table with another couple. A middle-aged couple. My 3 year old son had never been to a Japanese restaurant before so we were unsure how he would react. Well. it wasn’t pleasant for him. He screamed so hard that he shook. The flames terrified him. We thought maybe it was jsut the newness of it, however it didn’t get any better. In a restaurant with 6 tables, one of them was usually aflame. We did our best to shield him from the sight, but it didn’t always work. He ended up spending the rest of dinner on my husband’s lap, where he was very happy. The problem was the woman of the couple sitting with us. She kept making remarks about not bringing him to a restaurant and that we were babying him by comforting him when he cried. That was bad enough. Then my SIL confronted her about her rudeness. My SIL doesn’t back down. The lady not only didn’t even acknowledge that she was being rude, she went on to be even ruder. In a voice loud enough for most of the restaurant to hear she said "Then maybe you should have left the little brat at home." At this point I lost it. I let the lady know in no uncertain terms that my son is not a brat, just scared. She didn’t get it and her and her husband left. While paying for their meal, they told the waitress that the restaurant had no class and they were never coming back again. When she tried to find out what had happened, smiling as is Japanese custom, the lady said, "Oh, I suppose you think this is funny" and stomped out. Now, several things about this still bother me. 1) The comment that I was babying my son by comforting him when he was terrified. If he had been a girl would she have said it? I don’t think so. 2) My son has a severe speech and language developmental delay. He understands at about an 18 month to 2 year level. If he had a visible disability, such as Down’s Syndrome, would she have said anything? 3) Except for being terrified, he was well behaved. No throwing plates, silverware, or full glasses, as he has been known to try. Did she have a right to insult my son or me by making snide remarks about my parenting when he was well behaved, but scared? I know this is long, but I was wondering if I was wrong or if she was. I’ll try not to take it personally if someone says I was, but…. BTW, my son isn’t going back to a Japanese restaurant for awhile. Not because I’m embarrassed by the way he acted, but because I don’t want to terrify him anymore than I already did. Thanks Candace
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