Pure Parents

Question:

> I thought the >poem dealt more with the attitude and outlook that people carry, not with >their actual personalitly traits. > When I tried to not drink as much, I actually ended up >having to quit for probably two or three years because I realized if I >didn’t know when to quit, I didn’t have any business starting. >So, the alcoholism has nothing to do with how I was raised, it has more to >do with the family gene pool. >Cindy

Hi Cindy, That must have been a hard struggle for you to give up alcohol.  I was a very heavy smoker for many years.  I started at 16 and at 18 I started trying to quit.  I spent the next 15 years trying to quit and finally I was successful!   I understand what you mean about it being an inborn trait.  However, I don’t think there’s a part in that poem that speaks about alcoholism.  An alcolholic can learn to love and be fair and to not be critical and all the other things mentioned in the peom.  I think that no matter what inborn trait a person was born with, it is possible for them to learn certain attitudes and to be taught certain beliefs.  It’s two different things.   I don’t believe the poem is the beginning and end of all there needs to be in life but if I met the person who was able to live the qualities mentioned in the poem, I have a feeling that I would be meeting a person who has act together.   I agree  with the tone of the poem.  I don’t think it was meant to be the bible of life.  It has some beautiful thoughts and ideas in it.   Take care! LS

Response:

>What kinds of traits are you talking about that are inborn and never

change? I’m not sure I understand what you’re trying to say.   I thought the poem dealt more with the attitude and outlook that people carry, not with their actual personalitly traits. Here’s an example — my grandfather and my father were both alcoholics. Even though my grandfather died when I was young (not even a teenager) and my father quit drinking shortly thereafter, alcoholism runs in my family. My older brother and I both drank to excess.  My husband (who I met in a bar) made the comment once that drinking seemed to relax me, but I seemed to drink too much.  When I tried to not drink as much, I actually ended up having to quit for probably two or three years because I realized if I didn’t know when to quit, I didn’t have any business starting. So, the alcoholism has nothing to do with how I was raised, it has more to do with the family gene pool. Cindy http://mvp.net/~shadow/ St.John, Missouri 63114 A member of the "HTML Writers Guild" A day’s not complete without getting into a little "trouble".

Response:

Hi Don, Thanks for explaining what you meant in more detail.  I agree that there are many influences that teach people – I don’t believe that parents are the sole determining factor in who a child becomes – but I still agree with the content of the poem.   I also think we’re talking about two different things but the topic has always interested me. Thanks again for taking the time to explain! LS

Response:

: CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE : If a child lives with criticism, He learns to condemn. : If a child lives with hostility, He learns to fight. : If a child lives with ridicule, He learns to be shy. : If a child lives with shame, He learns to feel guilty. : If a child lives with tolerance, He learns to be patient. : If a child lives with encouragement, He learns to appreciate. : If a child lives with praise, He learns confidence. : If a child lives with fairness, He learns justice. : If a child lives with security, He learns to have faith. : If a child lives with approval, He learns to like himself. : If a child lives with honesty, He learns truth. : If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, He learns to find : love in the world. : By Dorothy Law Nolte : I thought this was a beautiful poem, I had to share it.   : Robyn – Mom to Austin 3, Bailey 14 mos, and sd Taryn 10 Very true.  The Bible puts it even more succinctly.  In Proverbs (I haven’t the exact chapter and verse) we find: "Train up a child in the way he shall go; when he is old, he will not depart from it." I believe that it was St. Ignatius Loyola who said: "Give me a child until he is seven years old.  After that, I don’t care who has him, for he will be mine for life."

Response:

>It is a beautiful poem, and it contains more than just an element >of truth. Like many cliches, however, it oversimplifies the truth >of the matter; children are also what they are born with >(genetics, inheritance) and no amount of living with a given kind >of input will necessarily produce a desired trait–or ruin a >desired inborn trait. >Regards, >Don

I’m not quite sure how one can over simplify the truth.  It is was it is.  But maybe we’re talking semantics here.   What kinds of traits are you talking about that are inborn and never change? I’m not sure I understand what you’re trying to say.   I thought the poem dealt more with the attitude and outlook that people carry, not with their actual personalitly traits. You could have a person who is aggressive by nature and a person who is passive by nature and they could both have learned how not to criticize or how to be patient or how to be fair or honest, etc, etc.   Maybe I’m just not clear as to what you mean. Take care, LS

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE       >If a child lives with criticism, He learns to condemn. >If a child lives with hostility, He learns to fight. >If a child lives with ridicule, He learns to be shy. >If a child lives with shame, He learns to feel guilty. >If a child lives with tolerance, He learns to be patient. >If a child lives with encouragement, He learns to appreciate. >If a child lives with praise, He learns confidence. >If a child lives with fairness, He learns justice. >If a child lives with security, He learns to have faith. >If a child lives with approval, He learns to like himself. >If a child lives with honesty, He learns truth. >If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, He learns to find >love in the world. >By Dorothy Law Nolte >I thought this was a beautiful poem, I had to share it.   >Robyn – Mom to Austin 3, Bailey 14 mos, and sd Taryn 10

Thanks for sharing it, Robyn. I have this very poem posted on my refrigerator—I’ve kept a copy there for some years… kinda like my "11 Commandments of Parenting"… Lynn Parent of 3 boys, 17 yo., 8 yo., 3 yo. Parenting Babies and Toddlers Guide http://babyparenting.miningco.com Breastfeeding Poll: http://babyparenting.miningco.com/library/blpoll.htm Baby Gear Survey: http://babyparenting.miningco.com/library/Blsprod.htm

Response:

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE   If a child lives with criticism, He learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, He learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, He learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame, He learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, He learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, He learns to appreciate. If a child lives with praise, He learns confidence. If a child lives with fairness, He learns justice. If a child lives with security, He learns to have faith. If a child lives with approval, He learns to like himself. If a child lives with honesty, He learns truth. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, He learns to find love in the world. By Dorothy Law Nolte I thought this was a beautiful poem, I had to share it.   Robyn – Mom to Austin 3, Bailey 14 mos, and sd Taryn 10

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