Pure Parents

Question:

>Hi Everyone, >I am a free lancer writer working on an article for parenting magazines. >I’m researching children and manipulation tactics, and hoped you would be >willing to share with me your thoughts on the subject.  This article will >focus mainly on children between ages of one month and 3 years old.  Do you >feel that your young child tries to manipulate you? Or do you feel that it >is not manipulation in the negative sense of the word but some other >process going on? Thank you for your cooperation.  Please e-mail me off >list, though I do not wish to discourage a new thread on this topic.  

I have no idea what you mean by "manipulation tactics," but if you want to understand what is driving that child, you should read Inside the Brain by Ronald Kotulak. He’s a science writer for the Chicago Tribune and makes an excellent report on what is known about human brain development. The age group you mention covers almost exactly the second of four stages of brain development and you will find in the report that the child is driven willy-nilly by the brain and you will find out why. Philip Cain

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi Everyone, > I am a free lancer writer working on an article for parenting magazines. > I’m researching children and manipulation tactics, and hoped you would be > willing to share with me your thoughts on the subject.  This article will > focus mainly on children between ages of one month and 3 years old.  Do you > feel that your young child tries to manipulate you? Or do you feel that it > is not manipulation in the negative sense of the word but some other > process going on? Thank you for your cooperation.  Please e-mail me off > list, though I do not wish to discourage a new thread on this topic. > Sincerely, > Dana Nourie

I think that it is unfortunate that sometimes parents, usually because of stress, and educators because they have sometimes limited their studies to Western societies only, feel that young children manipulate. All infants mimic behaviour in order to survive. Because of their dependance, infants will try a whole range of strategies in order to get their needs met.  They usually mimic the expressions first, and behaviours later, that are displayed to them by their caretakers, and those that work in terms of getting their needs met will be used, and the others discarded.  If their needs are not met through misunderstanding on the part of their caretakers, they will revert to certain primal displays such as wailing, crying, kicking, scratching, temper tantrums with which all children are genetically endowed. If their needs are still not met in spite of their displays, infants will often mimic behaviours which they have been observing that often belong to their caretakers or other people in their vicinity, and which appear to produce an effect which is survival enhancing.  (See URL below) There has been some interesting observations recently published which describe the possibility that we are all gentically programmed for surviving in certain ways.  The example is given of an infant living on the South African Veld.  (Although the example could apply to any environment.  All have their dangers for a helpless infant.) That an infant will start crying for it’s caretaker if it is put down, or left for any reason.  It will cry because if it is left for any period of time a hyena might sneak in and drag it off.  After a while if it’s cries are not answered it will go silent, to raise it’s chances of surviving.  A hyena or other predator will soon be attracted to a constantly crying child.  This may explain the unearthly silence that one sometimes observes in a hospital nursury, where the numbers of staff are not available to pick up and comfort every crying child. Manipulation seems to have negative connotations, although parents do it all the time.  I prefer survival enhancing strategies, but then I love benign descriptions.  If you would like more info on this subject please don’t hesitate to contact me off posting if you wish.  Thanks for bringing up this fascinating subject. Rayner Garner  Parent of Fonda 16 yrs, and Tiana 10 yrs, The Nurturing Center — http://www.sonic.net/~sgman/wellbepg.html#Rayner for info on bonding/addicting

Response:

Hi Everyone, I am a free lancer writer working on an article for parenting magazines. I’m researching children and manipulation tactics, and hoped you would be willing to share with me your thoughts on the subject.  This article will focus mainly on children between ages of one month and 3 years old.  Do you feel that your young child tries to manipulate you? Or do you feel that it is not manipulation in the negative sense of the word but some other process going on? Thank you for your cooperation.  Please e-mail me off list, though I do not wish to discourage a new thread on this topic.   Sincerely, Dana Nourie

Response:

: I am a free lancer writer working on an article for parenting magazines. : I’m researching children and manipulation tactics, and hoped you would be : willing to share with me your thoughts on the subject.  This article will : focus mainly on children between ages of one month and 3 years old.  Do you : feel that your young child tries to manipulate you?  I sort of wonder at the premise of your article. Are you aware that it is the goal of all living things to manipulate their environments in such a way that it serves them to their best benefit?  The best "manipulators" are the ones who do it the least disruptively. This doesn’t mean that the child is not acting manipulative. The only child who doesn’t try to manipulate (influence) their care givers would be well…a dead child.  Or do you feel that it : is not manipulation in the negative sense of the word but some other : process going on? Thank you for your cooperation.  Please e-mail me off : list, though I do not wish to discourage a new thread on this topic.   : Sincerely, : Dana Nourie — Elaine Gallegos

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