Question:
I have two recommendations. First, how about getting him involved with volunteer work. Spending Saturday mornings as a candy striper in a hospital or going one night a week to read to the elderly at a nursing home might do wonders to open his eyes. Second, put him in a situation where he gets to be the brunt of jokes for awhile. This is along the lines of "getting a taste of his own medicine". I’m now sure how easy it is to find such situations, but I always swore if my teens started talking racism, I’d send them to live with a family in a black ghetto. People learn compassion by realizing a) what it feels like to be discriminated against and b) learning that "there but by the grace of God go I." I think this is a critical lesson and you MUST teach it to him before things get worse. For example, last night Ed Bradley interviews a couple of teen-agers in Houston who go out on Friday and Saturday nights gay bashing. The kid said, "It’s sort of like smashing pumpkins. I mean, they’re not really, like, people, you know. They’re sort of a race of their own. You know, it’s, like, it’s fun to smash their faces in." — Judy Leedom Tyrer "I know no method to secure the repeal of bad or abnoxious laws as effective as their stringent execution." Ulysses S. Grant’s first inaugural address
Response:
How do you teach a teenager to feel compassion? I was at a wedding reception with my 14-year-old cousin. He stared with disgust at an overweight relative and said (loudly, within earshot of both our relative and other guests), "God, that is so gross! Look at that stomach on Uncle George! He must have gained about 50 pounds of blubber this year." I stepped on his toe to shut him up and he yelled, "Man! What’re you trying to do, turn me into some cripple in a wheelchair?" Ted seems to feel no empathy whatsoever for anyone who is "different," whether in shape (Uncle George) or disability (someone who is in a wheelchair is not going to appreciate the term "cripple"). I suppose he’s mirroring his peers’ views, but I feel really angry when he hurts people.
Response:
>How do you teach a teenager to feel compassion? >I was at a wedding reception with my 14-year-old cousin. >He stared with disgust at an overweight relative and said >(loudly, within earshot of both our relative and other >guests), "God, that is so gross! Look at that stomach on >Uncle George! He must have gained about 50 pounds of blubber >this year." >I stepped on his toe to shut him up and he yelled, "Man! What’re >you trying to do, turn me into some cripple in a wheelchair?"
Part of this problem *has* to come from home. It sounds like he has not learned any respect for others because nobody has *taught* him any respect for others. >Ted seems to feel no empathy whatsoever for anyone who is "different," >whether in shape (Uncle George) or disability (someone who is >in a wheelchair is not going to appreciate the term "cripple"). >I suppose he’s mirroring his peers’ views, but I feel really >angry when he hurts people.
As well you should feel angry. Too much of the societal pressure we face today tells us "the hell with everybody else, go out and do whatever you want and make as much money as you want and if anybody gets in your way, screw them first and screw them good so they can’t screw you back". This kind of message gets blasted at kids practically from the minute they start socially interacting with other people. It fosters preciesly the type of attitude that your 14 year old cousin has shown. When you couple that with a childs natural tendancies toward being self centered, you have an anti-social problem on your hands. If so many parents will quit abdicating their responsibilities in favor of the one-eyed babysitter (either in broadcast reception mode or in Nintendo mode), and start instilling even the simplest basic human respect, you’d see a lot LESS of what you just described. Duane
Response:
: How do you teach a teenager to feel compassion? The best you can do is to show compassion yourself. Stepping on his toes is NOT a good way to begin. Do you really think that your causing him pain while saying "be nice" is going to teach him much? Well, you may be right, but what it will teach him is the "value" of hypocrisy. Instead of asking how can one teach a teenager to feel compassion, why don’t you start with how should Joanne Eglash learn compassion? When you possess the empathy to understand why your cousin chose to do what he did, you may be able to reach him.
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It’s a parents help NG for crying outloud!!!!!!!
Response:
This is a really inappropriate post for a parenting newsgroup.
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excuse me…did you MEAN to post to this group?
Response:
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Response:
> Compassion Is in the Eyes
There is no point in asking someone for help if you dont see compassion in their _eyes_. What do _your_ eyes say about _you_? Would you _if you were driving on the road_ immediately _stop_ to help someone? Aren’t we all _busy_ and have _things to do_. Do we really have _time_ to _stop_ and help someone if they are on the side of the road? In what circumstance would you stop and help someone on the side of the road? I bid you a fond good evening, David/Seth. — "We ought not therefore to repine at the dispensations of providence, or charge god foolishly. I say it becomes us with thankfulness to see the good things we receive from the hand of God, and patiently to abide the evil, which when thoroughly considered and understood may perhaps appear to be good, it being no sure sign that a thing is good, because we desire, or evil, because we are displeased with it." (Bishop Berkeley)
Response:
Compassion Is in the Eyes It was a bitter, cold evening in northern Virginia many years ago. The old man’s beard was glazed by winter’s frost while he waited for a ride across the river. The wait seemed endless. His body became numb and stiff from the frigid north wind. He heard the faint, steady rhythm of approaching hooves galloping along the frozen path. Anxiously, he watched as several horsemen rounded the bend. He let the first one pass by without an effort to get his attention. Then another passed by , and another. Finally, the last rider neared the spot where the old man sat like a snow statue. As this one drew near, the old man caught the rider’s eye and said, "Sir, would you mind giving an old man a ride to the other side? There doesn’t appear to be a passageway by foot." Reining his horse, the rider replied, "Sure thing. Hop aboard." Seeing the old man was unable to lift his half-frozen body from the ground, the horseman dismounted and helped the old man onto the horse. The horseman took the old man not just across the river, but to his destination, which was just a few miles away. As they neared the tiny but cozy cottage, the horseman’s curiosity caused him to inquire, "Sir, I notice that you let several other riders pass by without making an effort to secure a ride. Then I came up and you immediately asked me for a ride. I’m curious why, on such a bitter winter night, you would wait and ask the last rider. What if I had refused and left you there?" The old man lowered himself slowly down from the horse, looked the rider straight in the eyes, and replied, "I’ve been around these here parts for some time. I reckon I know people pretty good." The old-timer continued, "I looked into the eyes of the other riders and immediately saw there was no concern for my situation. It would have been useless even to ask them for a ride. But when I looked into your eyes, kindness and compassion were evident. I knew, then and there, that your gentle spirit would welcome the opportunity to give me assistance in my time of need." Those heartwarming comments touched the horseman deeply. "I’m most grateful for what you have said," he told the old man. "May I never get too busy in my own affairs that I fail to respond to the needs of others with kindness and compassion." With that, Thomas Jefferson turned his horse around and made his way back to the White House. Author unknown Mark
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