Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ><snip> > I just sat/walked around and held my son all of the time if he cried. It >was a > little exhausting and nothing else got done but I kept reminding myself >- > "What did I have him for if not to be mommy". > He grew out of it shortly and I will cherish those moments until my dying >day. > Now he’s two and I’m lucky if he stops long enough for a tickle break or >a hug > and kiss. I miss those days very much. >Aint that the truth !!
Total agreement. It may not be what you want to do all the time, but even if holding the baby deoesn’t stop the crying, I beleive it does minimise the misery and teach thw important lesson ‘mommy will be with me even if I feel sad/cross/baffled’. — Jane Lumley
Response:
>I have a 6 week old that seems to always fuss every time I put him >down. I probably have five minutes of peace before he starts crying. >I feel guilty when I have to put him down to start dinner, do household >chores, or even go to the bathroom. What is the length of time that it >is ok to let him cry? I don’t want him insecure. I suppose all will get >better when he can amuse himself as he gets older, but any >suggestions or other stories would help.
I can sympathize, having had one of the world’s fussiest babies five years ago. I wanted to believe it was colic but my doctor said since he cried the majority of the time he was awake (seemed like all day every day … he never slept more than 20 mins at time for the first few months), it wasn’t colic … it was just fussiness. I survived by giving in to holding him a lot and letting everything else go. I was truthfully resentful of this for a long time … the other women in my childbirth class were going out and meeting for lunch while their babies snoozed or sat contentedly in their infant seats for hours … meanwhile, I was unshowered, exhausted, and didn’t dare take Andrew out to a restaurant for fear of aggravating everyone around us with his crying. It was no fun. But, I developed a routine and in order to get Andrew (and myself) some rest during the day, I let him sleep on my chest for his naps the first 6 months or so. I’d set myself up on the couch with the TV remote, a pad of paper and pen, cordless phone, drink or snack, pillows, etc. I’d nurse him to sleep then kind of half-recline while I watched CNN, wrote letters, or even made phone calls (if I spoke softly and evenly, he wouldn’t wake up). This way, he’d finally sleep a one or two hour stretch and I’d feel like I accomplished something, even if it was just knowing what the weather was like outside! As he grew, it became evident that part of my son’s fussiness is rooted in his personality. He is a very sensitive and particular child, doesn’t like changes in routine, and is slow to warm up to things. Looking back, I know that this is part of what made him a difficult infant … he has opinions about everything from the kind of socks he likes to the level of lighting in a room. Being a baby and not having any control over his environment was very frustrating for him! Crying was the only way he had to express himself until he learned to talk and gesture. (He was an early talker, BTW, because I kept up a dialogue with him all the time just to keep myself sane … by 12 months, he could indicate which clothes he did and didn’t want to wear, and by 18 months, he could say stuff like, "Something’s bothering me" so we could fix it and avoid bad scenes). This may or may not be the case with your son at all … 6 weeks is still pretty young to have him all figured out! Just wanted to bring up my experience because I wish I had sweated it less as a new mom. You do what you have to do and what feels right for you and your child. Heidi D. Mom to Andrew (6/27/92) and Hope (10/31/96)
Response:
Warning: long & a little winding… : We went with the philosophy that a new baby needs to be picked up : and held whenever she wants to be. If we put her down and she : fussed, we just picked her right back up again. I used a sling : for times when I needed to do something else and she would not : sleep on her own. It doesn’t last forever, that’s the thing : you’ve got to keep in mind. When did your daughter start to sleep through the night, or on her own or both? Mine is 8 1/2, & I’m beginning to wonder if a) I don’t give her enough solids b) I may have to suffer through her screaming herself silly because she will not sleep through the night. I always maintained that since I was breast feeding, I didn’t want to sleep too long (& get too filled up), but I’m beginning to get worn (& fed up at my inability to even keep house!). She will sleep in her crib, but only for a few hours. She sleeps best with me – even on me, which is surprisingly comfortable, & easier for nursing (as I’m sure many of you out there know). She *knows* when I’m available & when I’m not – she did cry herself to sleep in just ten minutes during an overnight stay I had at the hospital recently (my poor husband timed it, to keep himself from going crazy), but when I came home, she screamed for far longer than that. (Then again, I also theorize that she had already exhausted herself with hysterics at having been taken from me to go home from the hospital, & if you count up all the crying, you’ve got way too long!). She was high-needs: I wasn’t able to put her down for the first three months (she would scream, but was perfectly calm/happy when being held. We had an anxious pregnancy, & I think she absorbed all the feedback). But I don’t think I’m warping her, or over-coddling her: she is clingy, but is growing out of it daily. Not will she crawl away from me if I’m not watching her like a hawk, but lately, she’s been fussing for her *father* *instead* of me to hold her (Naturally, I’m thrilled at this bonding!). But when she awakens at night, she doesn’t just lay there & cry – she gets up & clings to the bars! A new development has been that all it takes is for me to remove her from the crib & hold her for a minute, & she falls back asleep, instead of nursing her. Is this a sign that she’s sleeping more soundly? : and as another poster said, you’ll soon be wondering where that : ‘needy’ (NORMAL, IMO) baby went. This is encouraging. We have been rewarded with a : very secure little girl (we think), who is almost 2 now. This even more so. She : goes off and does things by herself(within eyeshot of course) : while we work, she doesn’t mind when we go out and really seems : to trust and like people. Maybe some of that is her own : personality, but I am sure that the investment that we made with : our tiny little baby has paid off with a child who does not cling : and whine. Keep her close and respond right away to crying, : that’s my two cents. It will pay off sooner than you think. This has been an ingrained philosophy with me even before I read about it in books: a gut feeling, if you like. I simply cannot stand to hear my daughter cry (unless it’s because I won’t take her out of the car-seat when we’re driving: that’s a different story!). I think we make emotionally deprived, love-starved chldren who grow up to make bad romantic choices when we deny children any affection we can give them. Sorry to have taken up so much of your time. Susan Cohen PS I already know what Elaine Gallegos will say: she does not have to waste her time answering to me (& thanks if you were thinking about doing so). — "Those who study history are doomed to watch others repeat it."
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> D.Y. 
>Crying is the baby’s only means of communication. >He is trying to tell you something here. >You will have to use your intuition and understanding to interpret what >he is trying to tell you. >However as it happens when you put him down, it could be that he feels >that he wants to stay longer in your arms. >It is important therefore to remember that this contact is one of the >most vital parts of his life at present (and for some time to come). >Until recently he was in touch with you 24 hours a day. He needs to know >that he can trust you to come back to him, and this is a learning >situation for him. >The time that he is with you, in contact, should be real quality time >for the both of you. I know there are pressing demands in the home for >your time, but there are only very short windows of opportunity for a >baby to come to terms with the outside world. He needs to have the >reassurance that you are going to take him through these ‘unknown areas’ >comfortably and without anxiety. >The time that you can give him now will pay off in the future. >You are all he has (and wants) at the moment, don’t disappoint him. >Best wishes for the both of you. >– >Alan Challoner MA(Phil.) MChS
Beautifully put Alan. Dominique, I had similar problems with my son. Crying everytime I put him down, he was never content to lie on his own even if I was in his view. My philosophies agree with what Alan wrote above so I made a committment not to take peoples advice to let him "Cry it out". Everyone has different theories on what is good for children, mine is to always be there for my children. I don’t believe leaving children to cry is good for them, I believe it can be very detrimental to their sense of wellbeing and trust in the world. However, if the crying is making you feel like you want to hurt him (and I have experienced this too) then obviously the best thing is to put him in a room out of sound and take ten minutes to calm down, call a friend to come round and take time out. It is very natural to feel this way when your baby is crying all the time. I used a front pack a lot for my son even when he was sleeping. If you do this then make sure you get one that is not going to hurt your back. Try some out first. Also a car ride can be affective. Make sure you get time out – even half an hour to get away from the crying. Sometimes, even holding him didn’t stop my baby crying. The medical profession labled it as colic. My saviour though, was cranial Osteopathy. VERY simply put, it is basically manipulation of the skull bones – sounds awful but very gentle (I hardly saw the practitioners hands moving) and very very affective. After several treatments my son was a different baby and was very content to lie and watch the world around him. He fed better and slept better. If you want to know more about cranial Osteopathy then email me and I can give you more details. Do what feels right for you and your baby no matter what anyone says. Thats what I did and I look back with no regrets. Hope this helps Pam
Response:
>> I have a 6 week old that seems to always fuss every time I put him down. > I probably have five minutes of peace before he starts crying. I feel > guilty when I have to put him down to start dinner, do household chores, > or even go to the bathroom. What is the length of time that it is ok to > let him cry? I don’t want him insecure. I suppose all will get better > when he can amuse himself as he gets older, but any suggestions or other > stories would help
I just sat/walked around and held my son all of the time if he cried. It was a little exhausting and nothing else got done but I kept reminding myself – "What did I have him for if not to be mommy". He grew out of it shortly and I will cherish those moments until my dying day. Now he’s two and I’m lucky if he stops long enough for a tickle break or a hug and kiss. I miss those days very much. Hang in there. Scottie
Response:
<snip> > I just sat/walked around and held my son all of the time if he cried. It was a > little exhausting and nothing else got done but I kept reminding myself – > "What did I have him for if not to be mommy". > He grew out of it shortly and I will cherish those moments until my dying day. > Now he’s two and I’m lucky if he stops long enough for a tickle break or a hug > and kiss. I miss those days very much.
Aint that the truth !! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hang in there. > Scottie
Response:
How frustrating for you….is this your first baby? One thing you need to keep in mind is that your baby won’t cry unless he needs something. He’s tired, or hungry, or wet, or uncomfortable, or bored. And some babies want to be held more than others. You can’t spoil the baby at this age by holding him anytime he want you to. It’s hard to get anything done with a needy little person screaming at you…and a few minutes to go to the bathroom while he cries isn’t too much to ask. But letting a baby this young "cry it out" may damage his sense of trust. By holding him as much as he wants now, he will begin to trust that you’ll always be there for him when he needs you. Consequently, he will develop into a more independant baby. Hang in there….it will get better. Lisa (Elisabeth’s mommy) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I have a 6 week old that seems to always fuss every time I put him > down. > I probably have five minutes of peace before he starts crying. I feel > guilty when I have to put him down to start dinner, do household > chores, > or even go to the bathroom. What is the length of time that it is ok > to > let him cry? I don’t want him insecure. I suppose all will get better > when he can amuse himself as he gets older, but any suggestions or > other > stories would help. > D.Y.
Response:
Get a bouncy seat at the store or resale store – then look for one of those gizmos that you can attach to bouncy seat or crib that vibrates slightly I heard that they sooth fussy babies great. Also my son loved being put into bouncy seat and taken where ever I would go – I got my housework done and he was a part of the action. Good luck. — – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I have a 6 week old that seems to always fuss every time I put him down. > I probably have five minutes of peace before he starts crying. I feel > guilty when I have to put him down to start dinner, do household chores, > or even go to the bathroom. What is the length of time that it is ok to > let him cry? I don’t want him insecure. I suppose all will get better > when he can amuse himself as he gets older, but any suggestions or other > stories would help. > D.Y.
Response:
> I have a 6 week old that seems to always fuss every time I put him down. > I probably have five minutes of peace before he starts crying. I feel > guilty when I have to put him down to start dinner, do household chores, > or even go to the bathroom. What is the length of time that it is ok to > let him cry? I don’t want him insecure. I suppose all will get better > when he can amuse himself as he gets older, but any suggestions or other > stories would help.
I know you got a lot of replies already, all of which sound good. I thought I’d add one more small suggestion that worked for us. We used to turn a radio to an empty station (surprisingly tough to find in our area) and our few-week-old daughter would often stop fussing once she heard the white noise. It sounds just like a waterfall, but we don’t have any of those in our house. Your mileage may definitely vary. As many others have said, hang in there, and pick him up if he wants you. Our daughter was the same way, and bouncy seats and vibrators (not *that* kind!) didn’t help, and so we just bit the bullet and held her any time she fussed. If I was alone and had to go to the bathroom, I carried her then too. Slings or maybe a quick use of a bouncer or car seat when you’re..you know…wiping…can help in this situation. She just turned one, and can play by herself for a surprising amount of time now, though she can still get pretty needy when she’s tired. I still pick her up now when this happens, and almost always she’s fine after a few minutes. — /_/ Forrest Tanaka of Cisco Systems | "Doctors have discovered that ^ ^ / US-Mail: 170 West Tasman Drive | unusually high risk for ~o/~ San Jose, CA 95134-1706 | stress-related heart- U FAX: 408 526-6603 | attacks. Also at high risk: Phone: 408 527-3662 | the deer." – Norm MacDonald
Response:
>I just sat/walked around and held my son all of the time if he cried. It was >a > little exhausting and nothing else got done but I kept reminding myself – > "What did I have him for if not to be mommy". >He grew out of it shortly and I will cherish those moments until my dying >day. > Now he’s two and I’m lucky if he stops long enough for a tickle break or a >hug > and kiss. I miss those days very much. >Hang in there. >Scottie
Amen! Also, I find that putting my baby in a sling allows me to get much more accomplished because it gives me my hands free……beats letting my baby scream in desperation……<shudder>
Response:
The best thing that I had when my 21 month old was an infant was the vibrating bouncy seat. I used to put him in the seat, turn it on and he was asleep in no time at all. Another thing I used to do was have a radio in his bedroom, had it on low volume and on a light jazz radio station. Normally, I let him cry for about 15 minutes then I would see what was the matter. To this day, 15 minutes is usually my limit. The first few months are tough, (believe me I know), but if you have a helpful partner like my husband is, it makes things alot easier. I hope this helps. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I have a 6 week old that seems to always fuss every time I put him down. > I probably have five minutes of peace before he starts crying. I feel > guilty when I have to put him down to start dinner, do household chores, > or even go to the bathroom. What is the length of time that it is ok to > let him cry? I don’t want him insecure. I suppose all will get better > when he can amuse himself as he gets older, but any suggestions or other > stories would help. > D.Y.
Response:
We went with the philosophy that a new baby needs to be picked up and held whenever she wants to be. If we put her down and she fussed, we just picked her right back up again. I used a sling for times when I needed to do something else and she would not sleep on her own. It doesn’t last forever, that’s the thing you’ve got to keep in mind. Six weeks is still very early days and as another poster said, you’ll soon be wondering where that ‘needy’ (NORMAL, IMO) baby went. We have been rewarded with a very secure little girl (we think), who is almost 2 now. She goes off and does things by herself(within eyeshot of course) while we work, she doesn’t mind when we go out and really seems to trust and like people. Maybe some of that is her own personality, but I am sure that the investment that we made with our tiny little baby has paid off with a child who does not cling and whine. Keep her close and respond right away to crying, that’s my two cents. It will pay off sooner than you think. –Deb Logan — "Every day is judgement day. Always has been. Always will be." –Tom Robbins "Skinny Legs and All"
Response:
> I have a 6 week old that seems to always fuss every time I put him down. > I probably have five minutes of peace before he starts crying. I feel > guilty when I have to put him down to start dinner, do household chores, > or even go to the bathroom. What is the length of time that it is ok to > let him cry? I don’t want him insecure. I suppose all will get better > when he can amuse himself as he gets older, but any suggestions or other > stories would help. > D.Y.
Hi, I’m no expert and I usually try to refrain from giving advice but there are two things I think might be worth checking out. (1) could this be colic? If so, take comfort in the fact thatit should pass when your baby is three months old. There are several remedies for colic which you could try meanwhile. The one that worked for me was dill tea. You put 1tsp of dill seeds in a saucepan with 1 cup of water bring to boil and allow to simmer for 5minutes. Then leave to steep for 10-20minutes. You can either drink it yourself or give 1tsp to baby before a feed. I also had to avoid cabbage in my diet (I’m breastfeeding)and some say the same of onions. (2) Could this be gastric reflux? Reflux occurs when the sphincter muscle at the top of baby’s stomach isn’t working properly allowing the contents of the stomach to "slosh" into the oesophagus causing a burning not unlike indigestion. Reflux babies hate lying on their back. Many of them spill up a lot after a feed (although it doesn’t always go that far up). They also tend to arch their backs a lot. One suggestion for this is that you elevate the head of the bed to a 30 degree angle. I used to give my son infant "Gaviscon" for this. It seals off the stomach with a kind of foam and eases any pain but is a real hassle to administer. It is also recommended that reflux babies are put to sleep on their right side. Hang in there. You are doing the best you can. Try to stay calm and look to your own needs too. Your baby needs you to keep sane. All the best Philippa
Response:
> I have a 6 week old that seems to always fuss every time I put him down. > I probably have five minutes of peace before he starts crying. I feel > guilty when I have to put him down to start dinner, do household chores, > or even go to the bathroom. What is the length of time that it is ok to > let him cry? I don’t want him insecure. I suppose all will get better > when he can amuse himself as he gets older, but any suggestions or other > stories would help. > D.Y.
Crying is the baby’s only means of communication. He is trying to tell you something here. You will have to use your intuition and understanding to interpret what he is trying to tell you. However as it happens when you put him down, it could be that he feels that he wants to stay longer in your arms. It is important therefore to remember that this contact is one of the most vital parts of his life at present (and for some time to come). Until recently he was in touch with you 24 hours a day. He needs to know that he can trust you to come back to him, and this is a learning situation for him. The time that he is with you, in contact, should be real quality time for the both of you. I know there are pressing demands in the home for your time, but there are only very short windows of opportunity for a baby to come to terms with the outside world. He needs to have the reassurance that you are going to take him through these ‘unknown areas’ comfortably and without anxiety. The time that you can give him now will pay off in the future. You are all he has (and wants) at the moment, don’t disappoint him. Best wishes for the both of you. — Alan Challoner MA(Phil.) MChS
Response:
I have a 6 week old that seems to always fuss every time I put him down. I probably have five minutes of peace before he starts crying. I feel guilty when I have to put him down to start dinner, do household chores, or even go to the bathroom. What is the length of time that it is ok to let him cry? I don’t want him insecure. I suppose all will get better when he can amuse himself as he gets older, but any suggestions or other stories would help. D.Y.
Response:
My son is now 3 1/2 months and at first we went through what you are. We stopped that problem and got him sleeping through the night by letting him cry it out when he really needed to sleep. We would check on him after 20 minutes if he was really bad and would hold him for a few minutes without leaving the room and then go back down. The first three nights were hard and it got progressively easier. We also put one of the activity centers in his crib (the kind that attach to the side). We found that as soon as he saw that he started playing by himself. Now at 16 weeks, he plays for between 30 – 60 minutes in the morning by himself before we get him unless he has slept late or his really wet. If he wakes at night, he comforts himself and plays. We also found that leaving a light on helps. Babies can’t see so well in the dark. Start by putting him down when he is almost asleep and staying there (he liked to suck on our finger) until he is asleep. Then the next time leave a little earlier. Eventually, he will do it by himself. Good luck… it does get better. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I have a 6 week old that seems to always fuss every time I put him down. > I probably have five minutes of peace before he starts crying. I feel > guilty when I have to put him down to start dinner, do household chores, > or even go to the bathroom. What is the length of time that it is ok to > let him cry? I don’t want him insecure. I suppose all will get better > when he can amuse himself as he gets older, but any suggestions or other > stories would help. > D.Y.
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.