Question:
Yeah…I take showers while dd naps or goes to sleep at night—it would break my heart to know she’s crying–actually this morning she was in her exersaucer in the bathroom with me because I needed a shower and she started crying so badly I got out- held her when she quieted down, I put her down again and she was fine…she just wanted some mommy love. Oh, and my showers are now like 3-7 minutes! No joke!!! LOL–if I shave it takes me 7 mins. : ) — Connie
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – "Sandra >How about bringing the baby into the shower with you next time? Then she >gets washed, you get washed, no one is lonely, you can even nurse her in the >shower. No need to be alone and cry for 20 minutes! > Sure…..standing in the shower holding and washing a 6 week old baby can be Where > might baby be while you are using both hands to wash and rinse your hair? my > hair is quite long. I don’t think it’d work too easily. Personally…….I > think the poster should have just waited until she’d gotten her baby to sleep > without the crying……then take a shower. > Josie
Response:
> 1. I didn’t let my daughter "cry it out" (to me, that implies letting > the baby cry until he/she falls asleep), she cried on and off for > about 20 minutes while I was in the shower, and then calmed almost > instantly when I picked her up, followed by a rapid transition to a > VERY deep sleep. I have no doubt that exhaustion played some part of > her deep sleep, but she didn’t cry for an hour.
I don’t think any of us translated your 20-minute shower into the baby possibly having been crying for an hour; so I don’t quite understand why you’d quip that at the end of this paragraph. That kind of sounded defensive to me. Crying on and off for 20 minutes was just that, crying for 20 minutes. I’m sure if the baby was crying bloody murder for 20 minutes (she’d never get that far, I’m sure) – for longer than "normal," you’d have been there. But to stay away and have her wake up and then nothing and then cry IN and DURING this 20 minute period is, I think, where some of the disagreement came from in the replies you received. > 2. Brazelton says in his book "Touchpoints" that at the end of the > day, some babies need a little "neurological discharge" in the form of > crying, before they fall asleep. I didn’t think 20 minutes was > excessive, and wondered what others thought.
Many thought it was okay; many thought it wasn’t okay. As with anything, there will ALWAYS be varying POV’s. > I agree that at this age > (again, my daughter is 6 weeks) parents *should* make every effort to > comfort their babies, whether it be via food, rocking, etc., but there > are times when I simply cannot physically pick her up — when I’m > going to the bathroom, or in the shower.
Well, going to the bathroom (I would hope) doesn’t take 20 minutes. But, again, adjust your shower scheduled, if you feel so inclined, to occur when your daughter is asleep. Again, IMHO, 20 minutes is too long when a baby is awake and crying (whether it be on and off or not). It’s just too long for a baby that young to be "alone." > Because I AM almost > constantly available to her, I don’t think I need to feel guilty about > a 20-minute shower (the shower itself didn’t take that long, but I had > to get undressed, dressed, etc. before and after).
I know you wished this to be posted to "all who replied," so I’m not really wanting to SOUND defensive (I’m TRYING not to, at least), but I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty about it. If you went into the shower and your daughter was asleep and then she woke up, say, five minutes into your shower, *I* would have cut my shower short (thus making it a 10-minute shower), checked on my child and then gone back to the shower. At least the child isn’t "alone" for the solid 20-minute time period. > When I posted my > original question, I was just dumbstruck at how *instantly* and > *deeply* she had fallen asleep.
Because she was just wanting that comfort from her mother. Once she had achieved it, knowing that you were still around, she felt relieved and ready to go to sleep. She’d have probably gone to sleep 10 minutes before…. She slept for almost 4 hours that > night, and seemed very mellow the next day — she even gave me her > first REAL smile the next day. I was also curious to know how many > people think it is (a) reasonable and (b) possible to avoid having > their babies cry at all costs.
As for myself, (a) reasonable to avoid having my child cry at all costs? No. Because, IMHO, if I stop my child from crying at all costs, he won’t develop a sense of self-sufficiency, and will proably end up so co-dependent that it will haunt him the rest of his life. And, (b) possible to avoid having my child cry at all costs? Another resounding "no." Because I’m not there 24/7 with him and, for the reason (there are a lot more which I didn’t mention) mentioned in (a), is not going to happen for such reason. AJPDLA
Response:
>Crying doesn’t kill them, first of all. And if your baby cries every once >in a while (like when you are showering) that doesn’t mean you are not >meeting her needs.
Thank you. I posted for a couple of reasons — I was really surprised by my daughter’s reaction because, as I posted originally, she was NOT tired when I put her in her crib — she was wide awake. I was fully intending to take my quick shower (sorry, I just don’t think 20 minutes is excessive) and then come out and "be up" with her until she fell asleep. As I mentioned before, I *had* to take a shower. Some people have suggested I wait or bring her into the shower with me, but she has sometimes not fallen asleep until midnight or later, so I didn’t want to wallow in my own stink until then. And as for bringing her into the shower with me…well…color me selfish, but I wanted 20 minutes to myself. >DD does the same thing sometimes. Cries, rests, cries….then I pick her up >and she is out cold. Kinda like she needed that last bit of comfort to >completely fall asleep. Her bed time is 8:00 (she is a little older than >yours) and I will put her down, even if she is awake. At first, I had to go >in every five minutes or so to soothe her, but very quickly we got to just a >few snuffles of protest and she was out like a light.
I think this is the essence of Ferber’s method. And it’s interesting what you say about needing that last little bit of comfort. That’s what it felt like the night in question. How old is your daughter? >P.S. – Co-sleeping (does one have to believe in it or just use apply it as >necessary?), Attachment Parenting???? – *shrug* – whatever with the >buzzwords, just use your noggin’!
LOL…well, I want people to know I’m conversant (sp?) with various and sundry parenting methods. I originally posted this on misc.kids.pregnancy, where many people use those terms. Honestly, I think the vast majority of parents genuinely want to do what’s best for their children. I just find that a lot of the recommendations/philosophies in AP to be incompatible with my sanity. JoAnne "Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits." -Mark Twain
Response:
>I don’t advocate this for infants, but there does come a time where tantrums >and crying can’t go "rewarded." I’m sure you didn’t mean what I inferred; >but I just wanted to make my position known.
mElmo (and others) — I don’t have all the posts in front of me so I will probably miss a few things I wanted to respond to, but here goes: 1. I didn’t let my daughter "cry it out" (to me, that implies letting the baby cry until he/she falls asleep), she cried on and off for about 20 minutes while I was in the shower, and then calmed almost instantly when I picked her up, followed by a rapid transition to a VERY deep sleep. I have no doubt that exhaustion played some part of her deep sleep, but she didn’t cry for an hour. 2. Brazelton says in his book "Touchpoints" that at the end of the day, some babies need a little "neurological discharge" in the form of crying, before they fall asleep. I didn’t think 20 minutes was excessive, and wondered what others thought. I agree that at this age (again, my daughter is 6 weeks) parents *should* make every effort to comfort their babies, whether it be via food, rocking, etc., but there are times when I simply cannot physically pick her up — when I’m going to the bathroom, or in the shower. Because I AM almost constantly available to her, I don’t think I need to feel guilty about a 20-minute shower (the shower itself didn’t take that long, but I had to get undressed, dressed, etc. before and after). When I posted my original question, I was just dumbstruck at how *instantly* and *deeply* she had fallen asleep. She slept for almost 4 hours that night, and seemed very mellow the next day — she even gave me her first REAL smile the next day. I was also curious to know how many people think it is (a) reasonable and (b) possible to avoid having their babies cry at all costs. > And getting a 9 week old to sleep through the night with only one feed is >going > to be highly unlikely. I’m not trying to be negative, just realistic. >Agreed on this one. It just won’t happen. She’s got MONTHS to go on that >one.
I’m honestly not saying "neener, neener" here, but my 23-month old son slept through the night at 7.5 weeks (and at that time he was exclusively breastfed). Color me naive if I hope my daughter will do the same ;> Thanks to everyone for their input! Btw, mElmo, I agree that at a certain age tantrums and crying should NOT be rewarded, unless of course an injury has occurred. That is to say, a toddler who starts crying when it’s time to leave the park, say, shouldn’t be picked up and cuddled (except early on, to help him/her learn to deal with disappointment) and certainly the park visit shouldn’t be extended to avoid a scene. (Another btw, mElmo — my son calls Elmo from Sesame Street "Melmo" so now whenever I see your name I think of him saying that) JoAnne "Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits." -Mark Twain
Response:
>That’s how *I* showered, often still do. I don’t think it’s that big a >deal. How? Lots of ways. Mesh shower slings. Non electric bouncy chairs. >A shower pillow under a "bed" of towels to get the baby all comfy. Or even >just laying her baby on a towel in the corner and laying her down flat. Not >that big a deal, btdt. But yes, waiting is an option, too.
Never said it was a big deal. You certainly didn’t mention any of these things in your earlier post though. As for laying baby down on the shower floor in a bouncy chair or on towels……sounds like a recipe for soap and shampoo being flung into their face and eyes to me…….unless of course you are Rockefeller and have a shower the size of a room. JMO. Josie
Response:
Hi JoAnne, It has been months since I have checked into this group. Brief background for me: Nurse with 17 years experience with babies, I also teach infant massage classes. If you can take a class in your area I think you will find it of great benefit. If you can’t there are books and videos that you can easily learn from. Babies sleep better and learn how to process stress that accumulates during the day. If you could get a routine of a massage with her started before you have to go back to work life will be easier. Babies cry to communicate a need. Studies show that the sooner you respond to the cry the less a baby cries, the more secure they feel, and the easier they are to console. There is a lot of information and a free pictorial demonstration of the strokes along with help with colic at http://www.infantmassage.com Even though she does not have colic the calming techniques and general information can help with handling crying. Carla —–
Response:
That’s how *I* showered, often still do. I don’t think it’s that big a deal. How? Lots of ways. Mesh shower slings. Non electric bouncy chairs. A shower pillow under a "bed" of towels to get the baby all comfy. Or even just laying her baby on a towel in the corner and laying her down flat. Not that big a deal, btdt. But yes, waiting is an option, too. Sandra’n'Eva – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Sure…..standing in the shower holding and washing a 6 week old baby can be Where > might baby be while you are using both hands to wash and rinse your hair? my > hair is quite long. I don’t think it’d work too easily. Personally…….I > think the poster should have just waited until she’d gotten her baby to sleep > without the crying……then take a shower. > Josie
Response:
Well, I’m not gonna slam you. Seems like some folks really look to criticize others these days which makes it even harder to ask for help when you need it. Just a few things to mention here. It IS entirely possible that your babe needed to cry off a bit, especially if she had a hectic day, lots of activity, visitors, etc. Only YOU know the personality of your own child. Some babies just need to blow off a bit. I would caution against letting her cry unattended for 20 minutes though, especially while you’re in the shower. (BTW-Isn’t it amazing how, once you have a baby, the shower spray can sound like a crying baby even when they’re sleeping or not even home? Wierd! Anyway..) There is a danger, however slight, that if she gets too upset at this tender age, she could spit up and possibly choke on it. I know – I’m a worry wart – but better safe than sorry. I had lots of time alone with the boys when they were little and they too would cry when I was out of sight. What I did was to place their bouncy seats side-by-side on the floor outside the shower door. That way, we could see each other and I could take my shower in relative peace. I think the other suggestion about letting her cry a bit and soothing her back in the crib is a another good one. One of my boys would go right to sleep when it was nap time, the other would lay their and cry and want to be held. I spent lots of time at his crib side trying to comfort him and it was always the same, he’d cry a bit and then fall into a very deep sleep. Now that they’re older, he’s the one who sleeps through the night and his brother (the quick sleeper) wakes up more frequently and often trys to climb into our bed (we’re working on that one!). Anyway, hang in there. ~L
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I am interested in others’ experiences/opinions on the following > situation: > Last night, my daughter (6 weeks old this coming Wednesday) was fed, > changed, and wide awake at 10:00pm. I *had* to take a shower so I put > her down in her crib with a pacifier, knowing that she would probably > spit it out and start crying. Sure enough, she did. She would cry > frantically for a few minutes, then stop for a couple, then cry again. > My shower took about 20 minutes, so this on-again, off-again crying > lasted about that long. When I went in to pick her up, she almost > *instantly* fell into a very deep sleep. I tried to nurse her but she > was out cold. I went ahead and put her down and she slept until > 2:30am. > My question is this: did she somehow *need* to cry for a few minutes > before she could relax enough to sleep deeply? Based on what happened > last night, it surely seems so. In the past, I have been "able" to > either nurse her or rock her or otherwise physically be with her > during this kind of fussy behavior, and it has usually resulted in her > dozing off for a few minutes at a time and then waking up when I try > to put her down. I don’t believe in co-sleeping (for a variety of > reasons…no flames, please..if it works for you, great…it wouldn’t > work for me) and since I have to go back to work in 3 weeks, I am > anxious to get her sleeping through the night as soon as possible > (although if she is still waking up for a feeding, of course I will do > that). I don’t really practice Attachment Parenting but I certainly > do try to meet her needs — I nurse her whenever she shows signs of > hunger and/or fussiness, and I try to soothe her when she cries, but > damn if she didn’t seem a lot more relaxed after last night’s crying > jag. > So what do I do now? Let her cry for a few minutes when I’m *not* > unable to tend to her, and *then* pick her up? I guess I’ll just play > it by ear, but I am genuinely curious about others’ thoughts. > TIA, > JoAnne > "Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits." > -Mark Twain
Response:
How about bringing the baby into the shower with you next time? Then she gets washed, you get washed, no one is lonely, you can even nurse her in the shower. No need to be alone and cry for 20 minutes! Sandra’n'Eva (who still doesn’t sleep through at 17 months)
Response:
>How about bringing the baby into the shower with you next time? Then she >gets washed, you get washed, no one is lonely, you can even nurse her in the >shower. No need to be alone and cry for 20 minutes!
Sure…..standing in the shower holding and washing a 6 week old baby can be might baby be while you are using both hands to wash and rinse your hair? hair is quite long. I don’t think it’d work too easily. Personally…….I think the poster should have just waited until she’d gotten her baby to sleep without the crying……then take a shower. Josie
Response:
Funny, you omitted my caveat – I thought I had one there. AJPDLA
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->While I don’t think they need to cry, they don’t need to be coddled for >every little thing they CHOOSE to cry about. This will raise a spoiled >child, IMHO. > Right. But in this case, we’re talking about a 6-week old, hence my wording: > I don’t believe that babies this young "need" to cry. > "This young"…..It’s going to be many, many months until this baby is crying > for anything more than just basic needs. > jennifer > Updated 2/22/00! > Visit Enzo Zane’s Page: http://members.aol.com/jeniany/birthstory.htm > Mothering a son to grow into a good, caring man is like promoting peace and > goodness on earth! ~Maribeth
Response:
>While I don’t think they need to cry, they don’t need to be coddled for >every little thing they CHOOSE to cry about. This will raise a spoiled >child, IMHO.
Right. But in this case, we’re talking about a 6-week old, hence my wording: > I don’t believe that babies this young "need" to cry.
"This young"…..It’s going to be many, many months until this baby is crying for anything more than just basic needs. jennifer Updated 2/22/00! Visit Enzo Zane’s Page: http://members.aol.com/jeniany/birthstory.htm Mothering a son to grow into a good, caring man is like promoting peace and goodness on earth! ~Maribeth
Response:
All I can say is that you’re going to have to learn to take faster showers if you’re going to make it as a parent. 20 minutes seems like a long time to let a little infant cry. I really don’t understand your *need* to take a shower before she fell asleep with you since you aren’t working. You’re only going to be home with her for a few more weeks. Is it really so hard to put her needs first for the first nine weeks of her life? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I am interested in others’ experiences/opinions on the following > situation: > Last night, my daughter (6 weeks old this coming Wednesday) was fed, > changed, and wide awake at 10:00pm. I *had* to take a shower so I put > her down in her crib with a pacifier, knowing that she would probably > spit it out and start crying. Sure enough, she did. She would cry > frantically for a few minutes, then stop for a couple, then cry again. > My shower took about 20 minutes, so this on-again, off-again crying > lasted about that long. When I went in to pick her up, she almost > *instantly* fell into a very deep sleep. I tried to nurse her but she > was out cold. I went ahead and put her down and she slept until > 2:30am. > My question is this: did she somehow *need* to cry for a few minutes > before she could relax enough to sleep deeply? Based on what happened > last night, it surely seems so. In the past, I have been "able" to > either nurse her or rock her or otherwise physically be with her > during this kind of fussy behavior, and it has usually resulted in her > dozing off for a few minutes at a time and then waking up when I try > to put her down. I don’t believe in co-sleeping (for a variety of > reasons…no flames, please..if it works for you, great…it wouldn’t > work for me) and since I have to go back to work in 3 weeks, I am > anxious to get her sleeping through the night as soon as possible > (although if she is still waking up for a feeding, of course I will do > that). I don’t really practice Attachment Parenting but I certainly > do try to meet her needs — I nurse her whenever she shows signs of > hunger and/or fussiness, and I try to soothe her when she cries, but > damn if she didn’t seem a lot more relaxed after last night’s crying > jag. > So what do I do now? Let her cry for a few minutes when I’m *not* > unable to tend to her, and *then* pick her up? I guess I’ll just play > it by ear, but I am genuinely curious about others’ thoughts. > TIA, > JoAnne > "Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits." > -Mark Twain
Response:
Typo….DS slept thru at 6 weeks. Sarah
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Crying doesn’t kill them, first of all. And if your baby cries every once > in a while (like when you are showering) that doesn’t mean you are not > meeting her needs. > DD does the same thing sometimes. Cries, rests, cries….then I pick her up > and she is out cold. Kinda like she needed that last bit of comfort to > completely fall asleep. Her bed time is 8:00 (she is a little older than > yours) and I will put her down, even if she is awake. At first, I had to go > in every five minutes or so to soothe her, but very quickly we got to just a > few snuffles of protest and she was out like a light. > Even though I understand you want her to sleep through the night, I have > recently learned the hard way that there is very little you can do about it. > DS was a full night sleeper by six months, but DD just started last week > (HURRAY!!!!) and she is almost five months. > When their body cycle is ready, they will sleep through the night and no > sooner. > Good Luck! > Sarah > Mom to Kalen (8) and Victoria (4 months) > P.S. – Co-sleeping (does one have to believe in it or just use apply it as > necessary?), Attachment Parenting???? – *shrug* – whatever with the > buzzwords, just use your noggin’! > I am interested in others’ experiences/opinions on the following > situation: > Last night, my daughter (6 weeks old this coming Wednesday) was fed, > changed, and wide awake at 10:00pm. I *had* to take a shower so I put > her down in her crib with a pacifier, knowing that she would probably > spit it out and start crying. Sure enough, she did. She would cry > frantically for a few minutes, then stop for a couple, then cry again. > My shower took about 20 minutes, so this on-again, off-again crying > lasted about that long. When I went in to pick her up, she almost > *instantly* fell into a very deep sleep. I tried to nurse her but she > was out cold. I went ahead and put her down and she slept until > 2:30am. > My question is this: did she somehow *need* to cry for a few minutes > before she could relax enough to sleep deeply? Based on what happened > last night, it surely seems so. In the past, I have been "able" to > either nurse her or rock her or otherwise physically be with her > during this kind of fussy behavior, and it has usually resulted in her > dozing off for a few minutes at a time and then waking up when I try > to put her down. I don’t believe in co-sleeping (for a variety of > reasons…no flames, please..if it works for you, great…it wouldn’t > work for me) and since I have to go back to work in 3 weeks, I am > anxious to get her sleeping through the night as soon as possible > (although if she is still waking up for a feeding, of course I will do > that). I don’t really practice Attachment Parenting but I certainly > do try to meet her needs — I nurse her whenever she shows signs of > hunger and/or fussiness, and I try to soothe her when she cries, but > damn if she didn’t seem a lot more relaxed after last night’s crying > jag. > So what do I do now? Let her cry for a few minutes when I’m *not* > unable to tend to her, and *then* pick her up? I guess I’ll just play > it by ear, but I am genuinely curious about others’ thoughts. > TIA, > JoAnne > "Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits." > -Mark Twain
Response:
Crying doesn’t kill them, first of all. And if your baby cries every once in a while (like when you are showering) that doesn’t mean you are not meeting her needs. DD does the same thing sometimes. Cries, rests, cries….then I pick her up and she is out cold. Kinda like she needed that last bit of comfort to completely fall asleep. Her bed time is 8:00 (she is a little older than yours) and I will put her down, even if she is awake. At first, I had to go in every five minutes or so to soothe her, but very quickly we got to just a few snuffles of protest and she was out like a light. Even though I understand you want her to sleep through the night, I have recently learned the hard way that there is very little you can do about it. DS was a full night sleeper by six months, but DD just started last week (HURRAY!!!!) and she is almost five months. When their body cycle is ready, they will sleep through the night and no sooner. Good Luck! Sarah Mom to Kalen (8) and Victoria (4 months) P.S. – Co-sleeping (does one have to believe in it or just use apply it as necessary?), Attachment Parenting???? – *shrug* – whatever with the buzzwords, just use your noggin’!
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I am interested in others’ experiences/opinions on the following > situation: > Last night, my daughter (6 weeks old this coming Wednesday) was fed, > changed, and wide awake at 10:00pm. I *had* to take a shower so I put > her down in her crib with a pacifier, knowing that she would probably > spit it out and start crying. Sure enough, she did. She would cry > frantically for a few minutes, then stop for a couple, then cry again. > My shower took about 20 minutes, so this on-again, off-again crying > lasted about that long. When I went in to pick her up, she almost > *instantly* fell into a very deep sleep. I tried to nurse her but she > was out cold. I went ahead and put her down and she slept until > 2:30am. > My question is this: did she somehow *need* to cry for a few minutes > before she could relax enough to sleep deeply? Based on what happened > last night, it surely seems so. In the past, I have been "able" to > either nurse her or rock her or otherwise physically be with her > during this kind of fussy behavior, and it has usually resulted in her > dozing off for a few minutes at a time and then waking up when I try > to put her down. I don’t believe in co-sleeping (for a variety of > reasons…no flames, please..if it works for you, great…it wouldn’t > work for me) and since I have to go back to work in 3 weeks, I am > anxious to get her sleeping through the night as soon as possible > (although if she is still waking up for a feeding, of course I will do > that). I don’t really practice Attachment Parenting but I certainly > do try to meet her needs — I nurse her whenever she shows signs of > hunger and/or fussiness, and I try to soothe her when she cries, but > damn if she didn’t seem a lot more relaxed after last night’s crying > jag. > So what do I do now? Let her cry for a few minutes when I’m *not* > unable to tend to her, and *then* pick her up? I guess I’ll just play > it by ear, but I am genuinely curious about others’ thoughts. > TIA, > JoAnne > "Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits." > -Mark Twain
Response:
>I am interested in others’ experiences/opinions on the following >situation:
To a 6 week old who has no concept of time, 20 minutes probably seemed a lifetime. My guess is that a combination of things happened: She probably figured that no one was coming to get her, and she exhausted herself from crying over that fact. I’m certainly no expert on Ferber (who is mentioned in another post, not the original), the very idea gives me hives. But from what I understand, even HE doesn’t recommend allowing a baby to "cry it out" before a certain time (10 months, maybe? I’m not sure). I don’t believe that babies this young "need" to cry. There is always a reason, whether it’s hunger, boredom, or just the need to know that Mommy is nearby. And getting a 9 week old to sleep through the night with only one feed is going to be highly unlikely. I’m not trying to be negative, just realistic. Most likely, unless you are very lucky, you are looking at many months until you reach that point. My son is almost a year old and still wakes up often during the night. Some people have better luck, but I don’t think it’s realistic to think that a 9 week old is going to be sleeping through the night any time soon. Just my opinion. Good luck! jennifer Updated 2/22/00! Visit Enzo Zane’s Page: http://members.aol.com/jeniany/birthstory.htm Mothering a son to grow into a good, caring man is like promoting peace and goodness on earth! ~Maribeth
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JoAnne, FWIW dd is 4 months old and still doesn’t sleep through the night…she wakes up once to feed and then she’s out cold again. I understand your "needs and wants" but she may have a totally different plan for ya! As far as the crying- there have been times when dd has cried and cried and cried and she won’t stop until I hold her…usually, this happens in the car (maybe happens every other week)- she cries so much she sweats and when I pull over to soothe her she’s soaking wet (her hair, clothes, etc)–after I hold her for a little bit she’s fine…even if I put her back in the car seat (as I can’t very well drive with her on my lap!). I still haven’t figured out these outbursts but just figure she wants a little bit of mommy time. I try to go with my gut instinct but whenever she cries i pick her up- I can’t stand to hear her cry except for when I’m in the car and there’s nothing really I can do right there and then. — Connie Proud mommy to Julianna Nicole aka "cutie pie"…12/10/99 http://pages.ivillage.com/pp/conniesbelly/babypage.html – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I am interested in others’ experiences/opinions on the following >situation: >Last night, my daughter (6 weeks old this coming Wednesday) was fed, >changed, and wide awake at 10:00pm. I *had* to take a shower so I put >her down in her crib with a pacifier, knowing that she would probably >spit it out and start crying. Sure enough, she did. She would cry >frantically for a few minutes, then stop for a couple, then cry again. >My shower took about 20 minutes, so this on-again, off-again crying >lasted about that long. When I went in to pick her up, she almost >*instantly* fell into a very deep sleep. I tried to nurse her but she >was out cold. I went ahead and put her down and she slept until >2:30am. >My question is this: did she somehow *need* to cry for a few minutes >before she could relax enough to sleep deeply? Based on what happened >last night, it surely seems so. In the past, I have been "able" to >either nurse her or rock her or otherwise physically be with her >during this kind of fussy behavior, and it has usually resulted in her >dozing off for a few minutes at a time and then waking up when I try >to put her down. I don’t believe in co-sleeping (for a variety of >reasons…no flames, please..if it works for you, great…it wouldn’t >work for me) and since I have to go back to work in 3 weeks, I am >anxious to get her sleeping through the night as soon as possible >(although if she is still waking up for a feeding, of course I will do >that). I don’t really practice Attachment Parenting but I certainly >do try to meet her needs — I nurse her whenever she shows signs of >hunger and/or fussiness, and I try to soothe her when she cries, but >damn if she didn’t seem a lot more relaxed after last night’s crying >jag. >So what do I do now? Let her cry for a few minutes when I’m *not* >unable to tend to her, and *then* pick her up? I guess I’ll just play >it by ear, but I am genuinely curious about others’ thoughts. >TIA, >JoAnne > "Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits." >-Mark Twain
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Parents’ needs and wants are moot when it comes to that baby’s plan. :) AJPDLA > I understand your "needs and wants" but she may have a totally different
plan for ya!
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I had one baby that needed to cry a bit before she would fall asleep. It seemed to relax her and then she would sleep. Sue B.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I am interested in others’ experiences/opinions on the following > situation: > Last night, my daughter (6 weeks old this coming Wednesday) was fed, > changed, and wide awake at 10:00pm. I *had* to take a shower so I put > her down in her crib with a pacifier, knowing that she would probably > spit it out and start crying. Sure enough, she did. She would cry > frantically for a few minutes, then stop for a couple, then cry again. > My shower took about 20 minutes, so this on-again, off-again crying > lasted about that long. When I went in to pick her up, she almost > *instantly* fell into a very deep sleep. I tried to nurse her but she > was out cold. I went ahead and put her down and she slept until > 2:30am. > My question is this: did she somehow *need* to cry for a few minutes > before she could relax enough to sleep deeply? Based on what happened > last night, it surely seems so. In the past, I have been "able" to > either nurse her or rock her or otherwise physically be with her > during this kind of fussy behavior, and it has usually resulted in her > dozing off for a few minutes at a time and then waking up when I try > to put her down. I don’t believe in co-sleeping (for a variety of > reasons…no flames, please..if it works for you, great…it wouldn’t > work for me) and since I have to go back to work in 3 weeks, I am > anxious to get her sleeping through the night as soon as possible > (although if she is still waking up for a feeding, of course I will do > that). I don’t really practice Attachment Parenting but I certainly > do try to meet her needs — I nurse her whenever she shows signs of > hunger and/or fussiness, and I try to soothe her when she cries, but > damn if she didn’t seem a lot more relaxed after last night’s crying > jag. > So what do I do now? Let her cry for a few minutes when I’m *not* > unable to tend to her, and *then* pick her up? I guess I’ll just play > it by ear, but I am genuinely curious about others’ thoughts. > TIA, > JoAnne > "Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits." > -Mark Twain
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> I’m certainly no expert on Ferber (who is mentioned in another post, not the > original), the very idea gives me hives. But from what I understand, even HE > doesn’t recommend allowing a baby to "cry it out" before a certain time (10 > months, maybe? I’m not sure).
Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t advocate Ferber. It doesn’t give me hives (I haven’t really learned the method exactly nor do I know what it is entirely consisting of), but we just did for our son what we thought was best. If it was getting late and he was "ready" to go to sleep, we’d put him down. At first, when he started to cry, we’d race one another to go get him out of the crib, cuddle with him and then put him back in. He would go to sleep. Later on, we’d let him cry it out a little (never more than 5 minutes) and then go into his room – BUT NOT REMOVE HIM FROM HIS CRIBBIE – and just rub his back so he knew that someone was there with him. Later still, we’d go into the room rub his back and then stand there when finished rubbing, and he’d look up at one of us, know that we were there, and then fall asleep and we’d walk out of the room. Now, at 2, he climbs on top of Mom’s chest (loves the boobie pillows, always has) with his juicecup, or milk, or whatever he wants before bed, and falls asleep there watching tv, or listening to music. I then go, every night, pick him up, and bring him into his room and lay him down into his cribbie. He doesn’t even wake up anymore by that. And he sleeps about 8-10 hours a night. He’s a wonderful child. > I don’t believe that babies this young "need" to cry. There is always a > reason, whether it’s hunger, boredom, or just the need to know that Mommy is > nearby.
While I don’t think they need to cry, they don’t need to be coddled for every little thing they CHOOSE to cry about. This will raise a spoiled child, IMHO. I don’t advocate this for infants, but there does come a time where tantrums and crying can’t go "rewarded." I’m sure you didn’t mean what I inferred; but I just wanted to make my position known. > And getting a 9 week old to sleep through the night with only one feed is going > to be highly unlikely. I’m not trying to be negative, just realistic.
Agreed on this one. It just won’t happen. She’s got MONTHS to go on that one. AJPDLA
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I am interested in others’ experiences/opinions on the following > situation: > Last night, my daughter (6 weeks old this coming Wednesday) was fed, > changed, and wide awake at 10:00pm. I *had* to take a shower so I put > her down in her crib with a pacifier, knowing that she would probably > spit it out and start crying. Sure enough, she did. She would cry > frantically for a few minutes, then stop for a couple, then cry again. > My shower took about 20 minutes, so this on-again, off-again crying > lasted about that long. When I went in to pick her up, she almost > *instantly* fell into a very deep sleep. I tried to nurse her but she > was out cold. I went ahead and put her down and she slept until > 2:30am. > My question is this: did she somehow *need* to cry for a few minutes > before she could relax enough to sleep deeply? Based on what happened > last night, it surely seems so. In the past, I have been "able" to > either nurse her or rock her or otherwise physically be with her > during this kind of fussy behavior, and it has usually resulted in her > dozing off for a few minutes at a time and then waking up when I try > to put her down. I don’t believe in co-sleeping (for a variety of > reasons…no flames, please..if it works for you, great…it wouldn’t > work for me) and since I have to go back to work in 3 weeks, I am > anxious to get her sleeping through the night as soon as possible > (although if she is still waking up for a feeding, of course I will do > that). I don’t really practice Attachment Parenting but I certainly > do try to meet her needs — I nurse her whenever she shows signs of > hunger and/or fussiness, and I try to soothe her when she cries, but > damn if she didn’t seem a lot more relaxed after last night’s crying > jag. > So what do I do now? Let her cry for a few minutes when I’m *not* > unable to tend to her, and *then* pick her up? I guess I’ll just play > it by ear, but I am genuinely curious about others’ thoughts. > TIA, > JoAnne > "Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits." > -Mark Twain
Yes – it is entirely possible, and common, for infants to need to cry to work off tension in order to go to sleep. I had to figure that out for my own son. Banty
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> My shower took about 20 minutes, so this on-again, off-again crying > lasted about that long. When I went in to pick her up, she almost > *instantly* fell into a very deep sleep. I tried to nurse her but she > was out cold. I went ahead and put her down and she slept until > 2:30am. > My question is this: did she somehow *need* to cry for a few minutes > before she could relax enough to sleep deeply?
I’d be more of the mind that this crying on and off for 20 minutes exhausted her when she was sleepy anyway. I would not think I’d found a wonderful thing if I were you. Crying is something I personally strive to avoid in my baby (5 mos). Norma
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IMHO, your shower lasted too long, in terms of the baby having to cry for those 20 minutes. Showers can wait, even at 10:00 p.m., where children are concerned. If letting her cry, I’d only let her start at to about 5 minutes, the comfort, then lay her back down in the crib and, if she starts up again, go back in another 5 minutes, comfort and then put her down again. Is this Ferber? I dunno. It’s what we did with our son. Although, at 6 weeks, I don’t know. Other people may have different opinions on this. AJPDLA Six weeks is too young, again, IMHO, to let cry for such a period of time.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I am interested in others’ experiences/opinions on the following > situation: > Last night, my daughter (6 weeks old this coming Wednesday) was fed, > changed, and wide awake at 10:00pm. I *had* to take a shower so I put > her down in her crib with a pacifier, knowing that she would probably > spit it out and start crying. Sure enough, she did. She would cry > frantically for a few minutes, then stop for a couple, then cry again. > My shower took about 20 minutes, so this on-again, off-again crying > lasted about that long. When I went in to pick her up, she almost > *instantly* fell into a very deep sleep. I tried to nurse her but she > was out cold. I went ahead and put her down and she slept until > 2:30am. > My question is this: did she somehow *need* to cry for a few minutes > before she could relax enough to sleep deeply? Based on what happened > last night, it surely seems so. In the past, I have been "able" to > either nurse her or rock her or otherwise physically be with her > during this kind of fussy behavior, and it has usually resulted in her > dozing off for a few minutes at a time and then waking up when I try > to put her down. I don’t believe in co-sleeping (for a variety of > reasons…no flames, please..if it works for you, great…it wouldn’t > work for me) and since I have to go back to work in 3 weeks, I am > anxious to get her sleeping through the night as soon as possible > (although if she is still waking up for a feeding, of course I will do > that). I don’t really practice Attachment Parenting but I certainly > do try to meet her needs — I nurse her whenever she shows signs of > hunger and/or fussiness, and I try to soothe her when she cries, but > damn if she didn’t seem a lot more relaxed after last night’s crying > jag. > So what do I do now? Let her cry for a few minutes when I’m *not* > unable to tend to her, and *then* pick her up? I guess I’ll just play > it by ear, but I am genuinely curious about others’ thoughts. > TIA, > JoAnne > "Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits." > -Mark Twain
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I am interested in others’ experiences/opinions on the following > situation: > Last night, my daughter (6 weeks old this coming Wednesday) was fed, > changed, and wide awake at 10:00pm. I *had* to take a shower so I put > her down in her crib with a pacifier, knowing that she would probably > spit it out and start crying. Sure enough, she did. She would cry > frantically for a few minutes, then stop for a couple, then cry again. > My shower took about 20 minutes, so this on-again, off-again crying > lasted about that long. When I went in to pick her up, she almost > *instantly* fell into a very deep sleep. I tried to nurse her but she > was out cold. I went ahead and put her down and she slept until > 2:30am. > My question is this: did she somehow *need* to cry for a few minutes > before she could relax enough to sleep deeply? Based on what happened > last night, it surely seems so. In the past, I have been "able" to > either nurse her or rock her or otherwise physically be with her > during this kind of fussy behavior, and it has usually resulted in her > dozing off for a few minutes at a time and then waking up when I try > to put her down. I don’t believe in co-sleeping (for a variety of > reasons…no flames, please..if it works for you, great…it wouldn’t > work for me) and since I have to go back to work in 3 weeks, I am > anxious to get her sleeping through the night as soon as possible > (although if she is still waking up for a feeding, of course I will do > that). I don’t really practice Attachment Parenting but I certainly > do try to meet her needs — I nurse her whenever she shows signs of > hunger and/or fussiness, and I try to soothe her when she cries, but > damn if she didn’t seem a lot more relaxed after last night’s crying > jag. > So what do I do now? Let her cry for a few minutes when I’m *not* > unable to tend to her, and *then* pick her up? I guess I’ll just play > it by ear, but I am genuinely curious about others’ thoughts. > TIA,
What you described is really really common behaviour. It could very well be she is learning to comfort herself..or it could be that like most of us..when you cry you get tired. Either way…follow your gut. Somewhere along the line you will be able to differentiate between her different cries..maybe you have already reached that point…but picking a child up cannot spoil them. If fussing a little bit is ‘her’ thing..let her..but don’t base whether you pick her up or not on anything other than her cry and what your instincts are telling you. Hope this helps. — Maureen Single Mom to Sarah 13, Michael 11, Matthew 7, Rebecca 5 and Adam 3 — Every morning I get miles of smiles — Full time student/Small Business owner http://www.pacificbytes.com/SS/
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I am interested in others’ experiences/opinions on the following situation: Last night, my daughter (6 weeks old this coming Wednesday) was fed, changed, and wide awake at 10:00pm. I *had* to take a shower so I put her down in her crib with a pacifier, knowing that she would probably spit it out and start crying. Sure enough, she did. She would cry frantically for a few minutes, then stop for a couple, then cry again. My shower took about 20 minutes, so this on-again, off-again crying lasted about that long. When I went in to pick her up, she almost *instantly* fell into a very deep sleep. I tried to nurse her but she was out cold. I went ahead and put her down and she slept until 2:30am. My question is this: did she somehow *need* to cry for a few minutes before she could relax enough to sleep deeply? Based on what happened last night, it surely seems so. In the past, I have been "able" to either nurse her or rock her or otherwise physically be with her during this kind of fussy behavior, and it has usually resulted in her dozing off for a few minutes at a time and then waking up when I try to put her down. I don’t believe in co-sleeping (for a variety of reasons…no flames, please..if it works for you, great…it wouldn’t work for me) and since I have to go back to work in 3 weeks, I am anxious to get her sleeping through the night as soon as possible (although if she is still waking up for a feeding, of course I will do that). I don’t really practice Attachment Parenting but I certainly do try to meet her needs — I nurse her whenever she shows signs of hunger and/or fussiness, and I try to soothe her when she cries, but damn if she didn’t seem a lot more relaxed after last night’s crying jag. So what do I do now? Let her cry for a few minutes when I’m *not* unable to tend to her, and *then* pick her up? I guess I’ll just play it by ear, but I am genuinely curious about others’ thoughts. TIA, JoAnne "Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits." -Mark Twain
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