Pure Parents

Question:

>Maybe she’d have an easier time asking for help if you didn’t slam her the >first time she tried.

From the mouths of babes….

Response:

> > alt.parenting.solutions,"Elaine Gallant" > >Call waiting IS rude. > More accurately, *using* it is. > I agree on both points.  Call waiting is once again allowing others to tell > us to jump when they say jump rather than to pace our lives as we see

fit. I had call-waiting for a *very* short time.  I got too annoyed when the line would beep when I was talking to someone, and I usually would input the code to disable it anyways, so I dropped the service. > And, for those who are concerned that they will miss calls there is a > service, at least in the US which can be purchased from the local phone co. > It is an answering machine that picks up all calls if your line is busy or > if it is unanswered, so no calls are missed, some are just going to have to > wait!

For $4.95 a month, we subscribe to Voicemail from the phone company, which does the same thing, without needing a special device in our home.  It’s great for when we’re online > -Aula, joining the rant

Me too!  (Nancy, who hangs up on people that say, "just a minute, I’m getting beeped with another call) — ~Nancy~ Mom to Emily 2/14/00 and Wally 1/13/84 Visit my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/NLBader63/intro.html Before you buy.

Response:

<re: call annoying> >-Aula, joining the rant

MOM!  She’s taking cuts! Glen "I’m sorry.  That line is busy.  Please try placing the call later" Appleby — Do not underestimate your abilities.  That is your boss’s job. It is your job to find ways around your boss’s roadblocks.

Response:

alt.parenting.solutions,"Elaine Gallant" >Call waiting IS rude.

More accurately, *using* it is. — Do not underestimate your abilities.  That is your boss’s job. It is your job to find ways around your boss’s roadblocks.

Response:

> alt.parenting.solutions,"Elaine Gallant" >Call waiting IS rude. > More accurately, *using* it is.

I agree on both points.  Call waiting is once again allowing others to tell us to jump when they say jump rather than to pace our lives as we see fit. And, for those who are concerned that they will miss calls there is a service, at least in the US which can be purchased from the local phone co. It is an answering machine that picks up all calls if your line is busy or if it is unanswered, so no calls are missed, some are just going to have to wait! -Aula, joining the rant

Response:

>Personally, I recommend ditching that call-waiting feature altogether. >I have never understood it. I consider it rude beyond belief when I >call someone and am put on hold so they can answer another call. In the >event of an emergency, there is such a thing as an "emergency >breakthrough". In all other situations, someone calling you can bloody >well wait until you’re done talking. >Sorry, this is a personal pet peeve. Rant off :->.

Boy do I agree! Our daughters are somewhat famous for getting phone service with all of the "bells and whistles", including this annoyance. We call them (usually a toll call and sometimes long distance), just to be interrupted by "Can you hold on for just a minute?" as if they are being pressured into answering the other call and it annoys them. All this on *our* nickle, btw. The money really isn’t the point.  What Barb said is. Just thought that I’d add to it. Glen (basic, basic phone service) Appleby — Do not underestimate your abilities.  That is your boss’s job. It is your job to find ways around your boss’s roadblocks.

Response:

Call waiting IS rude.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> By your own admission, he began calling like that *after* you > antagonized him by telling him you listened in on his call, and > telling > him to never call your house again.  Yes, it is YOUR phone.  However, > you have the option of ignoring him when he beeps in, or change your > phone number. > Personally, I recommend ditching that call-waiting feature altogether. > I have never understood it. I consider it rude beyond belief when I > call someone and am put on hold so they can answer another call. In the > event of an emergency, there is such a thing as an "emergency > breakthrough". In all other situations, someone calling you can bloody > well wait until you’re done talking. > Sorry, this is a personal pet peeve. Rant off :->. > — > Be well, Barbara (Julian [7/22/97] and Aurora’s [7/19/99] mom) > Before you buy.

Response:

> By your own admission, he began calling like that *after* you > antagonized him by telling him you listened in on his call, and telling > him to never call your house again.  Yes, it is YOUR phone.  However, > you have the option of ignoring him when he beeps in, or change your > phone number.

Personally, I recommend ditching that call-waiting feature altogether. I have never understood it. I consider it rude beyond belief when I call someone and am put on hold so they can answer another call. In the event of an emergency, there is such a thing as an "emergency breakthrough". In all other situations, someone calling you can bloody well wait until you’re done talking. Sorry, this is a personal pet peeve. Rant off :->. — Be well, Barbara (Julian [7/22/97] and Aurora’s [7/19/99] mom) Before you buy.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >> I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. > >Your gripes seem to be more about your daughter’s boyfriend, not so > >much your daughter. > >> It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. > >I know it can be painful to see your child go through any type of >pain. > >> She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and >came > >> back again yesterday. > >So typical of an abused woman.  It takes a woman an average of >leaving > >*7* times before she finally is able to make that final break, if >ever. > >> She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she >wanted > >> to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her >little > >> brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to >come > >> down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to >visit > >> her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) > >> He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night. >Thank > >> God! > >You know, if your daughter sees or hears your sarcasm against this >guy, > >you may well be pushing her towards him instead of helping her move > >away from him. > >> This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on >the > >> phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she > >> could pick out some paint for her room. > >> Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and > >> baked a pie. Really nice day. > >> I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with >him > >> and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her >was > >> sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach >and > >> I wasn’t even the one he was talking to! > >Understandable, but you really need to stay out of it.  Unless she >and > >the baby are in *physical* danger, all you can do is be supportive of > >her (which it doesn’t sound as if you are) > You don’t think I am supportive of her? >No, it always looks like you are trying to be controlling, not >supportive.  Listening in on her private phone call is not being >supportive. > >, and let her know you are > >there for her. > >> Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting > >> beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and >then I > >> answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to >call > >> back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he >beeps in > >> again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to >my > >> daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started > >> with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, >take us > >> to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past > >> hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and >now I > >> going to file a police report. > >You antagonized him, and now you want to file charges against him??? > By politely asking him to call back later because I was on the other > line of MY phone was antagonizing him.  I asked him to call back > later.  I was using the phone at the time.  He continued to call when > I asked him to call back later. >Polite is the last thing I’d imagine you could be to him! >Understandable, but really…polite??? > What he did is called harassment. There ended up being a total of 67 > calls made to my home every minute for 67 times. >By your own admission, he began calling like that *after* you >antagonized him by telling him you listened in on his call, and telling >him to never call your house again.

No no no the first time when I anwered the phone I politely asked him not to call as I was on the phone. He didn’t listen and kept calling and calling, then I got pissed. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->  Yes, it is YOUR phone.  However, >you have the option of ignoring him when he beeps in, or change your >phone number.  Sorry, but the way you act is as if you want to start a >war with him all the time, then you complain when you get exactly what >you wanted! > >This guy is a nutcase. > >Probably, but for now, he’s your daughter’s nutcase, and there isn’t >a > >damn thing you can do about that. > Yes he is her nutcase but I do not have to tolerate his nuttiness in > my home now do I. >Your actions cause reactions.  If you truly do not want to tolerate >him, ignore him instead of trying to start a war with him all the time. > >> Thanks for listening. > >> Loev, > >> Poopie Pants > >– > >~Nancy~ > >Mom to Emily 2/14/00 > >and Wally 1/13/84 > >Visit my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/NLBader63/intro.html > >Before you buy. >– >~Nancy~ >Mom to Emily 2/14/00 >and Wally 1/13/84 >Visit my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/NLBader63/intro.html >Before you buy.

Response:

>>I’m responding against my better judgement. >It’s against my better judgement because this poster often seems >something of a troller … in a lose sense of the word. >True but if you have read my previous posts about my family, you know >that this isn’t a troll.  I really wish it was a big fat troll.  A >figment of my imagination but undfortunately it isn’t.

I refer you back to Charleene’s posts on this.  It is difficult to take this seriously with your history of posting. I’m attempting to overlook that because, as I said, I can treat this as an object lesson if nothing else. >OK, I am sensing pain, here. >I am sensing the pain of a parent seeing their child going >through some really uncomfortable or ugly stuff. >Yep you hit the nail on the head.  Nobody wants to see their child >suffer.

Again, I can empathise, but this really should be something that the child worked out at a *much* younger age. We are now at ages when this sort of situation needs to be dealt with much differently. >Did you also get overly involved with her relationships when she >was growing up so that she never really had an opportunity to >figure out how to resolve things or what she really wanted, for >herself, as she was growing up? >Nope.  I have pretty much stayed out of this one too. I stepped in >when he kidnapped her and one other time when she jumped out her >bedroom window and ran off with him.

Why?  Was she not an adult, when that happened? See, I am sensing a total lack of preparation for adulthood in all of this. Again, that is said not to place blame, but just to indicate for parents of younger kids, why they should allow more freedom so that their children will grow up knowing themselves better so that they *won’t* have to go through this sort of thing as an adult. >OK, if a parent in this position *really* wants to help, I’d >suggest simply being supportive and STAYING THE HELL OUT OF IT! >It is hard to stay out when she keeps sucking me in with her drama.

OK, look at the situation. She is much younger that you are.  Yet you make her responsable for your reaction. >She runs back to him and doesn’t call me or anything for weeks and >then when they get into a fight first thing she does is come crying to >me wanting me to come up and get her. >Frankly I am sick of it.  It disrupts my life.

I understand.  I *really* understand! However, your reaction is something that you have *some* control over.  Her behavior and the behavior of her boyfriend are well beyond your realm. >Sure I feel like saying when she calls, "You made your bed.  Lie in >it."  BUT I am a mother and I am a softee.  Plus I worry about if he >did something really bad to her or the baby and I would be kicking >myself for not doing anything

Again, I understand. That is part of why I suggested doing nothing more than being supportive toward her in whatever thoughts she may have or decisions that she makes (no matter how you feel about them). This will be the most helpful in letting her develop the understanding that she needs to make the decisions which will determine what will happen tomorrow, next week or next year. She is the one in the position to make the decisions.  She is living her life and knows what is happening better than anybody. >The bottom line is she needs to do something constructive for herself >and her baby.  She says everyone keeps telling her what to do.  Then >when everyone back off she does absolutely nothing.  

Except for think about it. Gawd!  The opportunity to actually *think* about things for one’s self!  How amazingly useful!   Again, not to blame, but this is something that she really should have had since she was small. >Being supportive means making no judgements either way — not >taking *either* side, but simply listening. >I am sorry but I can’t support an abuser like him.

I was suggesting that you be supportive of *her* and her decisions — no matter what you may think at the time. This will help *her* make the best decisions, ultimately. Remember, as much as you may find the situation disruptive or painful, it is *her* life and not your’s. — Do not underestimate your abilities.  That is your boss’s job. It is your job to find ways around your boss’s roadblocks.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. >Your gripes seem to be more about your daughter’s boyfriend, not so >much your daughter. >> It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. >I know it can be painful to see your child go through any type of pain. >> She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came >> back again yesterday. >So typical of an abused woman.  It takes a woman an average of leaving >*7* times before she finally is able to make that final break, if ever. >> She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted >> to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little >> brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come >> down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit >> her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) >> He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night. Thank >> God! >You know, if your daughter sees or hears your sarcasm against this guy, >you may well be pushing her towards him instead of helping her move >away from him. >> This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the >> phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she >> could pick out some paint for her room. >> Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and >> baked a pie. Really nice day. >> I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him >> and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was >> sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and >> I wasn’t even the one he was talking to! >Understandable, but you really need to stay out of it.  Unless she and >the baby are in *physical* danger, all you can do is be supportive of >her (which it doesn’t sound as if you are) > You don’t think I am supportive of her?

No, it always looks like you are trying to be controlling, not supportive.  Listening in on her private phone call is not being supportive. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->, and let her know you are >there for her. >> Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting >> beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I >> answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call >> back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in >> again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my >> daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started >> with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us >> to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past >> hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I >> going to file a police report. >You antagonized him, and now you want to file charges against him??? > By politely asking him to call back later because I was on the other > line of MY phone was antagonizing him.  I asked him to call back > later.  I was using the phone at the time.  He continued to call when > I asked him to call back later.

Polite is the last thing I’d imagine you could be to him! Understandable, but really…polite??? > What he did is called harassment. There ended up being a total of 67 > calls made to my home every minute for 67 times.

By your own admission, he began calling like that *after* you antagonized him by telling him you listened in on his call, and telling him to never call your house again.  Yes, it is YOUR phone.  However, you have the option of ignoring him when he beeps in, or change your phone number.  Sorry, but the way you act is as if you want to start a war with him all the time, then you complain when you get exactly what you wanted! >This guy is a nutcase. >Probably, but for now, he’s your daughter’s nutcase, and there isn’t a >damn thing you can do about that. > Yes he is her nutcase but I do not have to tolerate his nuttiness in > my home now do I.

Your actions cause reactions.  If you truly do not want to tolerate him, ignore him instead of trying to start a war with him all the time. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> Thanks for listening. >> Loev, >> Poopie Pants >– >~Nancy~ >Mom to Emily 2/14/00 >and Wally 1/13/84 >Visit my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/NLBader63/intro.html >Before you buy.

– ~Nancy~ Mom to Emily 2/14/00 and Wally 1/13/84 Visit my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/NLBader63/intro.html Before you buy.

Response:

>If griping to us helps you let off some steam and get through, keep on >griping to us, Poopie. >I am so sorry the ugliness is still going on.  I really hope that things >work out soon. >I’m really glad to hear you had a good day with your daughter yesterday. >Hold onto that day.  The good days are what get us through the bad ones. >Take care, >Sharon

Thank you.  YOu are a sweet heart! Loev, Poops

Response:

>I’m responding against my better judgement. >It’s against my better judgement because this poster often seems >something of a troller … in a lose sense of the word.

True but if you have read my previous posts about my family, you know that this isn’t a troll.  I really wish it was a big fat troll.  A figment of my imagination but undfortunately it isn’t. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->But, I’ll treat this post as nothing more than an object lesson. >I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. >It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. >She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came >back again yesterday.   >She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted >to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little >brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come >down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit >her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) >OK, I am sensing pain, here. >I am sensing the pain of a parent seeing their child going >through some really uncomfortable or ugly stuff.

Yep you hit the nail on the head.  Nobody wants to see their child suffer. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I can *really* empathise with that!  It it really awful to see >kids going through that sort of pain.  I *hate* it. >However, shouldn’t that have been something that the parent went >through with the child at about 8th grade? >He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night.  Thank >God! >This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the >phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she >could pick out some paint for her room. >Didja check out ice picks so that she could find one that she >could comfortably drive through his skull?

Half off sale on all chain saws!  Ailse 8! >I know — couildn’t resist. >Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and >baked a pie. Really nice day. >I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him >and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was >sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and >I wasn’t even the one he was talking to! >Did you also get overly involved with her relationships when she >was growing up so that she never really had an opportunity to >figure out how to resolve things or what she really wanted, for >herself, as she was growing up?

Nope.  I have pretty much stayed out of this one too. I stepped in when he kidnapped her and one other time when she jumped out her bedroom window and ran off with him. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting >beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I >answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call >back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in >again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my >daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started >with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us >to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past >hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I >going to file a police report.  This guy is a nutcase. >Perhaps. >OK, if a parent in this position *really* wants to help, I’d >suggest simply being supportive and STAYING THE HELL OUT OF IT!

It is hard to stay out when she keeps sucking me in with her drama. She runs back to him and doesn’t call me or anything for weeks and then when they get into a fight first thing she does is come crying to me wanting me to come up and get her. Frankly I am sick of it.  It disrupts my life. Sure I feel like saying when she calls, "You made your bed.  Lie in it."  BUT I am a mother and I am a softee.  Plus I worry about if he did something really bad to her or the baby and I would be kicking myself for not doing anything The bottom line is she needs to do something constructive for herself and her baby.  She says everyone keeps telling her what to do.  Then when everyone back off she does absolutely nothing.   >Being supportive means making no judgements either way — not >taking *either* side, but simply listening.

I am sorry but I can’t support an abuser like him. Poopies – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Thanks for listening. >Again, I seem to remember old Bill Shakespear making more than >one reference to irony. >– >Do not underestimate your abilities.  That is your boss’s job. >It is your job to find ways around your boss’s roadblocks.

Response:

Your son-in-law sounds whacked out, but he’s your cross to bear. I sincerely hope you give some thought to patching things up with him.  That’s just how it is with relatives.  Relationships with in-laws are frequently strained.  At least you can hold some hope that in time, your kid will outgrow him. If he were a blood relative, you would never see the end of him. In the meantime, put on a happy face, and try to be "mom" to him. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. >Your gripes seem to be more about your daughter’s boyfriend, not so >much your daughter. >> It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. >I know it can be painful to see your child go through any type of pain. >> She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came >> back again yesterday. >So typical of an abused woman.  It takes a woman an average of leaving >*7* times before she finally is able to make that final break, if ever. >> She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted >> to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little >> brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come >> down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit >> her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) >> He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night.  Thank >> God! >You know, if your daughter sees or hears your sarcasm against this guy, >you may well be pushing her towards him instead of helping her move >away from him. >> This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the >> phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she >> could pick out some paint for her room. >> Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and >> baked a pie. Really nice day. >> I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him >> and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was >> sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and >> I wasn’t even the one he was talking to! >Understandable, but you really need to stay out of it.  Unless she and >the baby are in *physical* danger, all you can do is be supportive of >her (which it doesn’t sound as if you are) > You don’t think I am supportive of her? >, and let her know you are >there for her. >> Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting >> beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I >> answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call >> back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in >> again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my >> daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started >> with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us >> to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past >> hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I >> going to file a police report. >You antagonized him, and now you want to file charges against him??? > By politely asking him to call back later because I was on the other > line of MY phone was antagonizing him.  I asked him to call back > later.  I was using the phone at the time.  He continued to call when > I asked him to call back later. > What he did is called harassment. There ended up being a total of 67 > calls made to my home every minute for 67 times. >This guy is a nutcase. >Probably, but for now, he’s your daughter’s nutcase, and there isn’t a >damn thing you can do about that. > Yes he is her nutcase but I do not have to tolerate his nuttiness in > my home now do I. >> Thanks for listening. >> Loev, >> Poopie Pants >– >~Nancy~ >Mom to Emily 2/14/00 >and Wally 1/13/84 >Visit my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/NLBader63/intro.html >Before you buy.

Response:

>Maybe she’d have an easier time asking for help if you didn’t slam her the >first time she tried.

Charlene reminds me of a little ankle biter dog.  ;-) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Poopie, I really feel for you and and your daughter. But, that’s about all >I > can say to you. It bothers me the way you lash out at other people all the > time, judging them by the way the are living their lives when all they ask > for is some support or some advice, and then when you are going through a > hard time in your life you expect to have all this support for yourself. > Even after you get all these nice, helpful replies you still turn around >and > play your game of trying to start flame wars, and this is hurtful to a lot > of people, particularly ‘newbies’ who aren’t sure what a troll even is. > That’s all I wanted to say (for now!!) > …Charlene > > I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. > > It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. > > She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came > > back again yesterday. > > She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted > > to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little > > brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come > > down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit > > her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) > > He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night.  Thank > > God! > > This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the > > phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she > > could pick out some paint for her room. > > Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and > > baked a pie. Really nice day. > > I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him > > and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was > > sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and > > I wasn’t even the one he was talking to! > > Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting > > beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I > > answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call > > back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in > > again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my > > daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started > > with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us > > to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past > > hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I > > going to file a police report.  This guy is a nutcase. > > Thanks for listening. > > Loev, > > Poopie Pants

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. >Your gripes seem to be more about your daughter’s boyfriend, not so >much your daughter. > It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. >I know it can be painful to see your child go through any type of pain. > She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came > back again yesterday. >So typical of an abused woman.  It takes a woman an average of leaving >*7* times before she finally is able to make that final break, if ever. > She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted > to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little > brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come > down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit > her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) > He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night.  Thank > God! >You know, if your daughter sees or hears your sarcasm against this guy, >you may well be pushing her towards him instead of helping her move >away from him. > This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the > phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she > could pick out some paint for her room. > Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and > baked a pie. Really nice day. > I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him > and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was > sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and > I wasn’t even the one he was talking to! >Understandable, but you really need to stay out of it.  Unless she and >the baby are in *physical* danger, all you can do is be supportive of >her (which it doesn’t sound as if you are)

You don’t think I am supportive of her? >, and let her know you are >there for her. > Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting > beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I > answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call > back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in > again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my > daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started > with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us > to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past > hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I > going to file a police report. >You antagonized him, and now you want to file charges against him???

By politely asking him to call back later because I was on the other line of MY phone was antagonizing him.  I asked him to call back later.  I was using the phone at the time.  He continued to call when I asked him to call back later. What he did is called harassment. There ended up being a total of 67 calls made to my home every minute for 67 times.   >This guy is a nutcase. >Probably, but for now, he’s your daughter’s nutcase, and there isn’t a >damn thing you can do about that.

Yes he is her nutcase but I do not have to tolerate his nuttiness in my home now do I. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Thanks for listening. > Loev, > Poopie Pants >– >~Nancy~ >Mom to Emily 2/14/00 >and Wally 1/13/84 >Visit my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/NLBader63/intro.html >Before you buy.

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This isn’t the first time she’s tried, Elaine. She has posted atleast two threads now about her daughter, and has received all kinds of support from them. I’m not saying that’s *bad*, I think it’s great when anyone who is looking for legitimate help on the NG’s gets it. I just wish that she would extend that same courtesy to others. And by the way, since you mentioned it, I believe that my first EVER post to any newsgroup was made to this one, and the first reply I got was one by you, the first words of which were, "…Well you should have thought of that before you decided to be such a slut and get yourself knocked up…." I’ll never forget that because of how much it bothered me, being a total newbie and all, and not knowing enough to just disregard callous and thoughtless statements like that one. ,,,,Charlene

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Maybe she’d have an easier time asking for help if you didn’t slam her the > first time she tried.

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If griping to us helps you let off some steam and get through, keep on griping to us, Poopie. I am so sorry the ugliness is still going on.  I really hope that things work out soon. I’m really glad to hear you had a good day with your daughter yesterday. Hold onto that day.  The good days are what get us through the bad ones. Take care, Sharon —

Response:

> I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter.

Your gripes seem to be more about your daughter’s boyfriend, not so much your daughter. > It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum.

I know it can be painful to see your child go through any type of pain. > She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came > back again yesterday.

So typical of an abused woman.  It takes a woman an average of leaving *7* times before she finally is able to make that final break, if ever. > She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted > to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little > brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come > down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit > her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) > He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night.  Thank > God!

You know, if your daughter sees or hears your sarcasm against this guy, you may well be pushing her towards him instead of helping her move away from him. > This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the > phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she > could pick out some paint for her room. > Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and > baked a pie. Really nice day. > I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him > and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was > sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and > I wasn’t even the one he was talking to!

Understandable, but you really need to stay out of it.  Unless she and the baby are in *physical* danger, all you can do is be supportive of her (which it doesn’t sound as if you are), and let her know you are there for her. > Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting > beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I > answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call > back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in > again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my > daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started > with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us > to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past > hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I > going to file a police report.

You antagonized him, and now you want to file charges against him??? This guy is a nutcase. Probably, but for now, he’s your daughter’s nutcase, and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about that. > Thanks for listening. > Loev, > Poopie Pants

– ~Nancy~ Mom to Emily 2/14/00 and Wally 1/13/84 Visit my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/NLBader63/intro.html Before you buy.

Response:

Maybe she’d have an easier time asking for help if you didn’t slam her the first time she tried.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Poopie, I really feel for you and and your daughter. But, that’s about all I > can say to you. It bothers me the way you lash out at other people all the > time, judging them by the way the are living their lives when all they ask > for is some support or some advice, and then when you are going through a > hard time in your life you expect to have all this support for yourself. > Even after you get all these nice, helpful replies you still turn around and > play your game of trying to start flame wars, and this is hurtful to a lot > of people, particularly ‘newbies’ who aren’t sure what a troll even is. > That’s all I wanted to say (for now!!) > …Charlene > I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. > It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. > She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came > back again yesterday. > She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted > to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little > brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come > down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit > her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) > He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night.  Thank > God! > This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the > phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she > could pick out some paint for her room. > Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and > baked a pie. Really nice day. > I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him > and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was > sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and > I wasn’t even the one he was talking to! > Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting > beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I > answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call > back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in > again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my > daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started > with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us > to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past > hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I > going to file a police report.  This guy is a nutcase. > Thanks for listening. > Loev, > Poopie Pants

Response:

Poopie, I really feel for you and and your daughter. But, that’s about all I can say to you. It bothers me the way you lash out at other people all the time, judging them by the way the are living their lives when all they ask for is some support or some advice, and then when you are going through a hard time in your life you expect to have all this support for yourself. Even after you get all these nice, helpful replies you still turn around and play your game of trying to start flame wars, and this is hurtful to a lot of people, particularly ‘newbies’ who aren’t sure what a troll even is. That’s all I wanted to say (for now!!) …Charlene

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. > It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. > She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came > back again yesterday. > She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted > to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little > brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come > down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit > her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) > He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night.  Thank > God! > This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the > phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she > could pick out some paint for her room. > Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and > baked a pie. Really nice day. > I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him > and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was > sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and > I wasn’t even the one he was talking to! > Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting > beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I > answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call > back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in > again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my > daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started > with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us > to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past > hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I > going to file a police report.  This guy is a nutcase. > Thanks for listening. > Loev, > Poopie Pants

Response:

Ah Poopie that sux… But you know that your daughter will have to be the one to decide when she has had enough.  We all have our breaking point and all of our breaking points are different. You do the right thing by letting her know that you are there for her, but its going to be up to her to ditch the asshole.  Hope she does it soon for everyone’s sake! Sarah

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. > It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. > She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came > back again yesterday. > She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted > to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little > brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come > down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit > her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) > He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night.  Thank > God! > This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the > phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she > could pick out some paint for her room. > Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and > baked a pie. Really nice day. > I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him > and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was > sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and > I wasn’t even the one he was talking to! > Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting > beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I > answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call > back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in > again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my > daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started > with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us > to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past > hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I > going to file a police report.  This guy is a nutcase. > Thanks for listening. > Loev, > Poopie Pants

Response:

I’m responding against my better judgement. It’s against my better judgement because this poster often seems something of a troller … in a lose sense of the word. But, I’ll treat this post as nothing more than an object lesson. >I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. >It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. >She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came >back again yesterday.   >She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted >to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little >brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come >down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit >her Mom and brother! (sarcasm)

OK, I am sensing pain, here. I am sensing the pain of a parent seeing their child going through some really uncomfortable or ugly stuff. I can *really* empathise with that!  It it really awful to see kids going through that sort of pain.  I *hate* it. However, shouldn’t that have been something that the parent went through with the child at about 8th grade? >He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night.  Thank >God! >This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the >phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she >could pick out some paint for her room.

Didja check out ice picks so that she could find one that she could comfortably drive through his skull? I know — couildn’t resist. >Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and >baked a pie. Really nice day. >I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him >and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was >sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and >I wasn’t even the one he was talking to!

Did you also get overly involved with her relationships when she was growing up so that she never really had an opportunity to figure out how to resolve things or what she really wanted, for herself, as she was growing up? >Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting >beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I >answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call >back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in >again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my >daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started >with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us >to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past >hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I >going to file a police report.  This guy is a nutcase.

Perhaps. OK, if a parent in this position *really* wants to help, I’d suggest simply being supportive and STAYING THE HELL OUT OF IT! Being supportive means making no judgements either way — not taking *either* side, but simply listening. >Thanks for listening.

Again, I seem to remember old Bill Shakespear making more than one reference to irony. — Do not underestimate your abilities.  That is your boss’s job. It is your job to find ways around your boss’s roadblocks.

Response:

Now, if you were independently rich, you could arrange for him to have the MOST unfortunate accident.  But then, you’d have to send your daughter to "sleep-away camp" for a long time. As either of these alternatives are unlikely, it might be a thought to take your licks, and learn to live with both of them as they are. YOUR kid is willing to put up with the man’s rough language and emotional abuse. SHE picked him. Maybe it’s time to consider that.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. > It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. > She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came > back again yesterday. > She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted > to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little > brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come > down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit > her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) > He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night.  Thank > God! > This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the > phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she > could pick out some paint for her room. > Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and > baked a pie. Really nice day. > I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him > and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was > sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and > I wasn’t even the one he was talking to! > Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting > beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I > answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call > back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in > again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my > daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started > with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us > to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past > hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I > going to file a police report.  This guy is a nutcase. > Thanks for listening. > Loev, > Poopie Pants

Response:

I bet you folks are sick of hearing me gripe about my daughter. It is just heartbreaking to see her keep going back to that bum. She came back about a week and a half ago and left Wednesday and came back again yesterday.   She and the bf got into a fight yesterday morning because she wanted to come down to my place and go to the Orchard with me and her little brother. He started bitchign her out asking her why she wanted to come down here and throwing a fit.  Wow!  The nerve of her wanting to visit her Mom and brother! (sarcasm) He drops her off and doesn’t call the rest of the day or night.  Thank God! This morning he calls bright and early and they start fighting on the phone.  I was wanting to take her over to the hardware store so she could pick out some paint for her room. Yesterday we had a really nice day.  Went to the pumpkin patch and baked a pie. Really nice day. I have never done this but she was still on the phone arguing with him and I listened in for about 3 minutes and the way he talked to her was sickening.  My hands started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach and I wasn’t even the one he was talking to! Anyway they finally hung up and I called a friend and he starting beeping in and I didn’t answer it the first couple of times and then I answered it the 3rd time and told him I was on the phone and to call back later. He didn’t listen and he kept calling.  Finally he beeps in again and I went off and told him I overheard the way he talked to my daughter and told him to never call my home again.  Then he started with that is my baby down there and I said I don’t care honey, take us to court and I hung up so he has called about 50 times in the past hour and I just got off the phone with the telephone company and now I going to file a police report.  This guy is a nutcase. Thanks for listening. Loev, Poopie Pants

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