Question:
Hi: What book by Dobson are you talking about? I have two very strong willed girls. I have no desire to break there spirit; but they are interesting to deal with. john
Response:
You must be talking about my daughter!!!! my ped. told me that in the toddler years girls tend to be a bit more adventerous (sp) etc. than boys . I will proabley get flamed for this. when lauren and I go outside anywhere there might be moving vehicles I use a gerber harness (yes a leash) she is very active , I use it for her safety and my peace of mind . Spanking does not work for these children you will just find your self hitting harder as you get frustrated. I was like this as a child . Spanking does not last very long nor does the pain from it at 21 months your child is old enough to learn time out . they say you should do 1 min. for every year in age but I always do 5 min. to teach her put her in a chair of your choosing in an area where she can’t pull anything off the walls or climb to something . at first sit in front of her and put her back into the chair every time she gets up she will soon stay on her own . The time outs seem to work it helps them to calm down and you to . as far as the running into the street just pick her up tuck her under your arm and take her back into the house telling her she can not play outside because she ran into the street. she will soon figure it out . Please don’t break her spirit . when you start to get mad remind yourself of the day she was born or the sweet kisses and hugs you got this morning lots of luck. I’m in the same boat Lauen’s ragged mom
Response:
Read 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan… way cool! a little advanced for the under 3’s, but we use it a little with our 2 year old… sets the groundwork. Good Luck!
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I >certainly would advice you NOT to read Dobson’s book (which someone >recommended), or at least, if you do read it, to read it with a big dose >of salt! Dobson is into the idea that a strong will is bad, and that the >will needs to be "broken". >Best wishes! >Bill >I read Dobson’s book for the strong willed child and I thought he was really >off in his advice too. He pits parent against child like it’s a war that must >be won at all cost. >Linda C.
Response:
> Hi I need help! I have a 21 month old Daughter who is very strong willed! She > is into EVERYTHING. I know this is somewhat normal as I do have another > child who is 7 yrs old, but he had a much more laidback personality and still > does. My daughter on the other hand is not!
I think my ped (and many others have said it as well) said it best: "You are the adult, and they are the child". Spanking is not necessary; try time-outs. Just remember, no matter what kind of tantrum she throws, you are the adult, and she is the child. Let her throw her tantrum; it’s no skin off your nose (just hell on the ears!). We’re not talking about a 4-month-old that needs mommy and daddy when she cries in her crib. She’s old enough to choose not to cry and fight, and she’ll learn soon enough that time-outs are no fun. Best of luck; keep us updated! Mike — From Seattle, WA – Seahawks, cinema, science and more at http://kohary.simplenet.com Seahawks: http://kohary.simplenet.com/hawks.htm Cinema: http://kohary.simplenet.com/movies.htm Science: http://kohary.simplenet.com/science.htm
Response:
Try a book called ‘Becoming the parent you want to be" I found it at Amazon.com so you should be able to read a review there. Written by two California ladies, I think. Very comprehensive and reassuring to parents. My daughter is 3 years and I think the book has helped me understand her and kids in general so I can relax and deal with her "bad behavior" Simon
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I >certainly would advice you NOT to read Dobson’s book (which someone >recommended), or at least, if you do read it, to read it with a big dose >of salt! Dobson is into the idea that a strong will is bad, and that the >will needs to be "broken". >Best wishes! >Bill >I read Dobson’s book for the strong willed child and I thought he was really >off in his advice too. He pits parent against child like it’s a war that must >be won at all cost. >Linda C.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi I need help! I have a 21 month old Daughter who is very strong willed! >She > is into EVERYTHING. I know this is somewhat normal as I do have another > child who is 7 yrs old, but he had a much more laidback personality and >still > does. My daughter on the other hand is not! I don’t know what to do with >her, > She is into everything like I said and she will not listen to NO. I >personally > don’t believe in spanking, however, I am begining rethink my thoughts on >the > issue. How do I teach her not to touch everything especially things that >are > dangerous. She will also run in the street and if I yell at her she will >run > all the more. I am fed up, I want to enjoy her, but it is so frustrating >to >me > that I spend most of the time yelling which I know is not good. I really >would > appreciate any help on this matter, also how long does this last? Thanks >in > advance. Beth > Hakuna Matata (no worries)
Hi Beth, I strongly recommend taking a parenting course. All of us can benefit from not only learning more alternatives to spanking and yelling, but it is also nice to meet others with similar problems and see how they deal with it. The presenter is often available to call for those times when you REALLY don’t know what to do. There are many short courses offered through hospitals, social service agencies, and community colleges. There are very few of us who cannot afford to learn more about parenting and you are able to address your personal needs as well. I wish you luck. I too have a challenging 3 year old…my 20 year old was a breeeze and this is all new to me. Be sure to take time for yourself so that you are better able to deal with your daughter…I find that that makes a huge difference in my life. (Especially if you are a stay at home mom as I am) :no flames please. Debra
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I totally agree with what Bill said…don’t try to "break" the strong > will, that is your child’s identity. I have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter > that is very strong willed. We have had many "battles", but no matter > what the outcome, I let her know that she is loved very much. We tried > time-out, going to her room, a single swat on the butt, and ignoring the > behavior that we didn’t like. No one thing has worked. We have learned > that giving her more freedom when she can have it has helped. She now > picks what clothes she will wear and foods she eats (with some > restrictions). Another thing we have started is going on "adventures" > in our front and back yards and in a field nearby. We decided on simple > rules that are easy to remember—like—ask before touching anything, > stay close to Mommy (or Daddy)—-we also let her pick one thing from > her adventure to bring inside (it has to be something that isn’t alive) > and we put it into her "adventure box". These adventures have helped to > get rid of some of the extra energy she has. We have even been taking > the adventure times away on days that she is not listening to us.
Nice ideas! I’ll add these to my own inventory of "things to try"! Bill
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi I need help! I have a 21 month old Daughter who is very strong willed! She > is into EVERYTHING. I know this is somewhat normal as I do have another > child who is 7 yrs old, but he had a much more laidback personality and still > does. My daughter on the other hand is not! I don’t know what to do with her, > She is into everything like I said and she will not listen to NO. I personally > don’t believe in spanking, however, I am begining rethink my thoughts on the > issue. How do I teach her not to touch everything especially things that are > dangerous. She will also run in the street and if I yell at her she will run > all the more. I am fed up, I want to enjoy her, but it is so frustrating to me > that I spend most of the time yelling which I know is not good. I really would > appreciate any help on this matter, also how long does this last? Thanks in > advance. Beth > Hakuna Matata (no worries)
She seems very head strong. I understand that you are tired of yelling. She is probably tuning you out. My son gets into a lot of trouble. He is going to be two this month. When he gets into things that are dangerous and will not listen to me. I give him a time out in his room or in a chair. His time outs last for about two minutes. The time out can last longer. This normally happens when he is acting up because I gave him the time out. If his tamtrum last over the two minutes then he may not get up until he is calm for about one minute. I know time outs sound helpless but they do work in time. Sooner or later, they realize that they can not get their way. When you put a child in time out make sure they know what they have done wrong. When releasing them from time out, explain to them why it was wrong even if they do not completely understand everything that you say. This method has worked on my daughter who is four. My son is starting to listen to me when I tell him No. Both of my children have strong personalities. So, it takes a little more time and patience on my part. All I can say is to have patience. I hope this idea works for you. This may have worked for my kids but I do not know if it will help you with your little girl. Good Luck MFCoffin
Response:
My 4 1/2 year old son is very strong-willed–as always has been. Trouble is–he has my personality–except I am 32 and he is 4!! I have tried everything and can’t say much worked. I will say I did start spanking when he does something dsangerous–like running into the street, grabbing stuff off the stove, etc. This really does stop the dangerous behaviour. As for the obnoxious/annoying behaviour–haven’t found anything that works yet. Lots of love seems to work best when we are home, but out in public–forget about it. Yelling does not work. Any advice from you all would be appreciated! kendra
Response:
> I >certainly would advice you NOT to read Dobson’s book (which someone >recommended), or at least, if you do read it, to read it with a big dose >of salt! Dobson is into the idea that a strong will is bad, and that the >will needs to be "broken". >Best wishes! >Bill
I read Dobson’s book for the strong willed child and I thought he was really off in his advice too. He pits parent against child like it’s a war that must be won at all cost. Linda C.
Response:
I totally agree with what Bill said…don’t try to "break" the strong will, that is your child’s identity. I have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter that is very strong willed. We have had many "battles", but no matter what the outcome, I let her know that she is loved very much. We tried time-out, going to her room, a single swat on the butt, and ignoring the behavior that we didn’t like. No one thing has worked. We have learned that giving her more freedom when she can have it has helped. She now picks what clothes she will wear and foods she eats (with some restrictions). Another thing we have started is going on "adventures" in our front and back yards and in a field nearby. We decided on simple rules that are easy to remember—like—ask before touching anything, stay close to Mommy (or Daddy)—-we also let her pick one thing from her adventure to bring inside (it has to be something that isn’t alive) and we put it into her "adventure box". These adventures have helped to get rid of some of the extra energy she has. We have even been taking the adventure times away on days that she is not listening to us.
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi I need help! I have a 21 month old Daughter who is very strong willed! She > is into EVERYTHING. I know this is somewhat normal as I do have another > child who is 7 yrs old, but he had a much more laidback personality and still > does. My daughter on the other hand is not! I don’t know what to do with her, > She is into everything like I said and she will not listen to NO. I personally > don’t believe in spanking, however, I am begining rethink my thoughts on the > issue. How do I teach her not to touch everything especially things that are > dangerous. She will also run in the street and if I yell at her she will run > all the more. I am fed up, I want to enjoy her, but it is so frustrating to me > that I spend most of the time yelling which I know is not good. I really would > appreciate any help on this matter, also how long does this last? Thanks in > advance. Beth > Hakuna Matata (no worries)
The folks over on alt.parenting.spanking are going to think I have an "evil" twin (or a "good" one, depending on your point of view) posting over here! Anyway…. I am sure a "strong-willed" child is a real handful, BUT I don’t think we should automatically assume that a strong will is a bad thing. I certainly would advice you NOT to read Dobson’s book (which someone recommended), or at least, if you do read it, to read it with a big dose of salt! Dobson is into the idea that a strong will is bad, and that the will needs to be "broken". I think this is just terrible! Rather, I think you need to see a strong will as a gift and challenge. Your child may be a natural-born adventurer or explorer. You should make a priority of finding ways to make her exploration safe. When you can’t, you’ll need to use some restriction — put her in a play-pen, or in a room where there is nothing she could hurt herself with. As for the street-running… a swat on the bottom MIGHT help to curb the behavior (but it also might not!!). I’d suggest one of those "baby leashes". I know! A lot of people hate them, but they do allow you to keep the child under control without completely restricting her motion. Also, in general, try to keep her stimulated and interested in things you want her interested in, and this may cut down on the amount of getting into things she ought not to. Finally, of course, as she becomes able to understand, give short, firm commands and back them up with some painless but slightly uncomfortable physical contact, such as holding her hand in your hand. This lets her know you mean business when you say "No." But don’t over-sue this…. Again, though, I would say that you shouldn’t treat a strong will as a curse. Bend and shape it int the right direction…. don’t break it. Best wishes! Bill
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi I need help! I have a 21 month old Daughter who is very strong willed! She > is into EVERYTHING. I know this is somewhat normal as I do have another > child who is 7 yrs old, but he had a much more laidback personality and still > does. My daughter on the other hand is not! I don’t know what to do with her, > She is into everything like I said and she will not listen to NO. I personally > don’t believe in spanking, however, I am begining rethink my thoughts on the > issue. How do I teach her not to touch everything especially things that are > dangerous. She will also run in the street and if I yell at her she will run > all the more. I am fed up, I want to enjoy her, but it is so frustrating to me > that I spend most of the time yelling which I know is not good. I really would > appreciate any help on this matter, also how long does this last? Thanks in > advance. Beth > Hakuna Matata (no worries)
With a child like this you need to restrict where she is and make the area she is allowed to be exploration proof. Nagging constantly will make her mother deaf. As she gets older, you can make clear what the touch rules are — but at 21 months you want 2 things in her space that she can’t touch, not 10 or 20. We turned a whole room of our house into what was essentially a giant playpen foro ne of ours He could stand at the gate and talk to us while we cooked — but was not underfoot to get burned etc — and we kept that room well stocked with stuff — but there wasn’t anything he could do there that would hurt him or that he could really hurt. And of course as you know — get her to the playground etc etc often to run off some of that energy. You need to teach her to come when called — running is dangerous. That can be done by clear consequences every time she does it. I don’t spank — but it may be the case for a single swat and then into the house, each time she does this — or if it is at the park then into the car or stroller and you are out of there. A child like this needs firmness and consistency — and lots of options for energy and exploration.
Response:
I dont know if this will be any help to you.But when my Daughter was around 2 years old.She was doing the same things and I was so mad all the time i got were i did dont even want to leave the house.So when she was doing wrong like trying to touch everything i would just take her and sit her down and she would just get up again.I had to do this around 100 times aday it seemed like it but i guess she decided ok i will have to sit allday so i will be good.And yes i did yell NO NO…..This is a very hard age….So i do understand you…..Hope this
Response:
>Hi I need help! I have a 21 month old Daughter who is very strong willed! She >is into EVERYTHING. I know this is somewhat normal as I do have another >child who is 7 yrs old, but he had a much more laidback personality and still >does. My daughter on the other hand is not! I don’t know what to do with her, >She is into everything like I said and she will not listen to NO. I personally >don’t believe in spanking, however, I am begining rethink my thoughts on the >issue. How do I teach her not to touch everything especially things that are >dangerous. She will also run in the street and if I yell at her she will run >all the more. I am fed up, I want to enjoy her, but it is so frustrating to me >that I spend most of the time yelling which I know is not good. I really would >appreciate any help on this matter, also how long does this last? Thanks in >advance. Beth >Hakuna Matata (no worries)
Hi Sis, Glad this is not a problem we have with baby Chrissy. At least we haven’t seen a sign of it yet at 6 mo. But if it were a problem we were having, the first place I’d turn would be Dr. Dobson’s book "The Strong Willed Child." You should be able to get a copy at any Christian bookstore, and in fact probably in the appropriate section of many other bookstores. When you read it I’ll bet it sounds like it was written personally for you. From what I understand about this situation, it’s key for you to get a handle on it before too much longer, as otherwise these attitudes generally are locked in before the child gets much past 2 yrs old. Get this help and God bless! — —Brian Hulett, Editor THE WINNING DRIVE Fantasy Football News & Champions’ Tipsheet http://thewinningdrive.com
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Hi I need help! I have a 21 month old Daughter who is very strong willed! She >is into EVERYTHING. I know this is somewhat normal as I do have another >child who is 7 yrs old, but he had a much more laidback personality and still >does. My daughter on the other hand is not! I don’t know what to do with her, >She is into everything like I said and she will not listen to NO. I personally >don’t believe in spanking, however, I am begining rethink my thoughts on the >issue. How do I teach her not to touch everything especially things that are >dangerous. She will also run in the street and if I yell at her she will run >all the more. I am fed up, I want to enjoy her, but it is so frustrating to me >that I spend most of the time yelling which I know is not good. I really would >appreciate any help on this matter, also how long does this last? Thanks in >advance. Beth >Hakuna Matata (no worries)
My children have similar personalities to yours. I advise taking a look around your house and really childproofing—more so than you did for your son. As far as touching dangerous things and running into the street (one of my daughter’s favorites at your daughter’s age)–the best we found was to physically pick her up and move her and if she continued to try the behavior, it meant going inside or leaving the dangerous area and stopping whatever we were doing. This was definitely hard on my son who was "being punished" (having to stop our outdoor activities, etc) along with my daughter for her bad behavior so that she could remains safe. She has really stopped the running into the street except when she sees a dog walking by that she wants to pet at this point. Yelling makes no difference–as you have found out. It usually makes her more obstinate. Try talking in a stern voice or maybe even a silly voice rather than a yelling voice to get her attention when you need it. Once you have her attention, make sure you point out what she is doing that is wrong (dangerous or rule breaking) and help her find a more correct behavior. When she is being good, be sure to let her know that you approve of her behavior. Positive reinforcement works well for us. Make sure you use polite terms with her like please and thank you when you want her to do something, so that she learns these behaviors. Good luck –I know it seems like a real battle of wills now–but it does get better and less frequent as they get a little older and a better grasp of language. -Suzi in Chapel Hill
Response:
Hi I need help! I have a 21 month old Daughter who is very strong willed! She is into EVERYTHING. I know this is somewhat normal as I do have another child who is 7 yrs old, but he had a much more laidback personality and still does. My daughter on the other hand is not! I don’t know what to do with her, She is into everything like I said and she will not listen to NO. I personally don’t believe in spanking, however, I am begining rethink my thoughts on the issue. How do I teach her not to touch everything especially things that are dangerous. She will also run in the street and if I yell at her she will run all the more. I am fed up, I want to enjoy her, but it is so frustrating to me that I spend most of the time yelling which I know is not good. I really would appreciate any help on this matter, also how long does this last? Thanks in advance. Beth Hakuna Matata (no worries)
Response:
Question for ya… how does she take to having "Time Outs"??? it may be a bit of a struggle at first…but try putting her nose in the corner…or if you still have a crib up…try putting her back in the crib as a kind of "jail". I know some parents will get hot about that…but if it modifies the behavior…that’s what needs to be done…and it is NOT harmful to the child…my 16 month old knows the meaning of "Time Out" and all we need to do is mention the word and she straightens out…usually…if the time out doesn’t work…maybe one spanking will be enough to shock her into reality… just a thought on the subject. Good Luck… Papa*Bear :) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi I need help! I have a 21 month old Daughter who is very strong willed! She > is into EVERYTHING. I know this is somewhat normal as I do have another > child who is 7 yrs old, but he had a much more laidback personality and still > does. My daughter on the other hand is not! I don’t know what to do with her, > She is into everything like I said and she will not listen to NO. I personally > don’t believe in spanking, however, I am begining rethink my thoughts on the > issue. How do I teach her not to touch everything especially things that are > dangerous. She will also run in the street and if I yell at her she will run > all the more. I am fed up, I want to enjoy her, but it is so frustrating to me > that I spend most of the time yelling which I know is not good. I really would > appreciate any help on this matter, also how long does this last? Thanks in > advance. Beth > Hakuna Matata (no worries)
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