Pure Parents

Question:

HELP!  My five year old was caught swearing at school.  He said f*ck and sh*t and I am at a loss as to what to do.  This is his third offense. Another child went home and told his parents and they came to the school very upset and rightfully so!  What do I do?!?

Response:

Kaleido, You might want to begin by finding out where and how your child is being exposed to this language and then see if you can stop this exposure from taking place.  It is clearly sustained and potent enough to affect his behavior, so it would appear to be more than the normal sort of ambient exposure children might experience, such as walking through the mall, etc. You should also make sure you very clearly connect appropriate consequences to his use of the offending language.  Children often need to have clear behavioral expectations, more than just telling them to "be good".  Your son has a specific behavior which is a problem.  Make sure he knows it’s the behavior and not him which is "bad". The above are some very general steps.  I’m curious however about the specifics at home and in school.  More information about what’s been happening might make it easier to identify an appropriate response. — Hugh Simmons, CSW http://www.hughsimmons.com – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> HELP!  My five year old was caught swearing at school.  He said f*ck and > sh*t and I am at a loss as to what to do.  This is his third offense. > Another child went home and told his parents and they came to the school > very upset and rightfully so!  What do I do?!?

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> HELP!  My five year old was caught swearing at school.  He said f*ck > and > sh*t and I am at a loss as to what to do.  This is his third offense. > Another child went home and told his parents and they came to the > school > very upset and rightfully so!  What do I do?!? >   Part of this is going to depend upon your son’s personality and your > environmental situation. If he was using the words without understanding > their meaning, which is what I would hope, then you can probably get by > with simply telling him that those words are forbidden and applying > appropriate punishment. >  If he -does- seem to know what he’s saying, then you’ve got to ask the > question "how?" Who taught him? > If the answer is a single person, such as an adult relative, then you > and that person need to agree that such language will -not- be used in > the presence of a child under -any- circumstances. Then, that person > needs to be the one to explain to your son that using the words is wrong > and he should not repeat their mistake. > If the answer is more complex, if the language frequently appears in the > language of adults he’s around, or if there are other children using > this language, then your work is going to be even more difficult. First, > you have to try to explain to a five-year-old why it’s wrong to repeat > words that he hears frequently. That’s not going to be easy. Then, you > have to decide how to eliminate the influence. That could be nearly > impossible if relatives are the offending party. You have to make it > clear to them that either the language is cleaned up -immediately- or > else they will no longer have the privelege of enjoying your and your > son’s company. If those relatives reside in the same house as you, > you’re going to have to be both tough and vigilant. > I really do hope that the matter is much more innocent, though. > Five-year-olds are such parrots that anything is likely to come out of > their little mouth once it enters their ears. > good luck! > — > Charles I. Letbetter, > Editor > CATCH Online Magazine > http://www.pagebrothers.com > A new way of looking at parenting

My parents used the traditional approach and I don’t know if this is frowned on now a days but I intend to do the same — wash his mouth out with soap. Each and every time.   For How to reference "A Christmas Story"  a video based on a book by Jean Sheppard. Anyway, most kids are looking for a reaction, even a negative one. Don’t give one, just say that is a dirty word and needs to be cleaned up.  It broke us of the habit and even under duress I rarely ever use profanity because it isn’t a habit. If it isn’t part of your vocabulary, then you won’t use the word..you aren’t using it yourself are you?  I know my husband is and I told him to stop because if the kids hear it they will expect that is just an exclamatory remark.. Heidi

Response:

I am aware of a possible solution for you. The website pcsconnections.com has information about a board game which rewards children for positive behavioral changes. The game is for 4-9 year olds and I have used it successfully with my own 7 year old. Check it out! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > HELP!  My five year old was caught swearing at school.  He said f*ck > > and > > sh*t and I am at a loss as to what to do.  This is his third offense. > > Another child went home and told his parents and they came to the > > school > > very upset and rightfully so!  What do I do?!? >   Part of this is going to depend upon your son’s personality and your > environmental situation. If he was using the words without understanding > their meaning, which is what I would hope, then you can probably get by > with simply telling him that those words are forbidden and applying > appropriate punishment. >  If he -does- seem to know what he’s saying, then you’ve got to ask the > question "how?" Who taught him? > If the answer is a single person, such as an adult relative, then you > and that person need to agree that such language will -not- be used in > the presence of a child under -any- circumstances. Then, that person > needs to be the one to explain to your son that using the words is wrong > and he should not repeat their mistake. > If the answer is more complex, if the language frequently appears in the > language of adults he’s around, or if there are other children using > this language, then your work is going to be even more difficult. First, > you have to try to explain to a five-year-old why it’s wrong to repeat > words that he hears frequently. That’s not going to be easy. Then, you > have to decide how to eliminate the influence. That could be nearly > impossible if relatives are the offending party. You have to make it > clear to them that either the language is cleaned up -immediately- or > else they will no longer have the privelege of enjoying your and your > son’s company. If those relatives reside in the same house as you, > you’re going to have to be both tough and vigilant. > I really do hope that the matter is much more innocent, though. > Five-year-olds are such parrots that anything is likely to come out of > their little mouth once it enters their ears. > good luck! > — > Charles I. Letbetter, > Editor > CATCH Online Magazine > http://www.pagebrothers.com > A new way of looking at parenting > My parents used the traditional approach and I don’t know if this is > frowned on now a days but I intend to do the same — wash his mouth out > with soap. Each and every time.   > For How to reference "A Christmas Story"  a video based on a book by > Jean Sheppard. > Anyway, most kids are looking for a reaction, even a negative one. > Don’t give one, just say that is a dirty word and needs to be cleaned > up.  It broke us of the habit and even under duress I rarely ever use > profanity because it isn’t a habit. If it isn’t part of your vocabulary, > then you won’t use the word..you aren’t using it yourself are you?  I > know my husband is and I told him to stop because if the kids hear it > they will expect that is just an exclamatory remark.. > Heidi

Response:

> HELP!  My five year old was caught swearing at school.  He said f*ck > and > sh*t and I am at a loss as to what to do.  This is his third offense. > Another child went home and told his parents and they came to the > school > very upset and rightfully so!  What do I do?!?

  Part of this is going to depend upon your son’s personality and your environmental situation. If he was using the words without understanding their meaning, which is what I would hope, then you can probably get by with simply telling him that those words are forbidden and applying appropriate punishment.  If he -does- seem to know what he’s saying, then you’ve got to ask the question "how?" Who taught him? If the answer is a single person, such as an adult relative, then you and that person need to agree that such language will -not- be used in the presence of a child under -any- circumstances. Then, that person needs to be the one to explain to your son that using the words is wrong and he should not repeat their mistake. If the answer is more complex, if the language frequently appears in the language of adults he’s around, or if there are other children using this language, then your work is going to be even more difficult. First, you have to try to explain to a five-year-old why it’s wrong to repeat words that he hears frequently. That’s not going to be easy. Then, you have to decide how to eliminate the influence. That could be nearly impossible if relatives are the offending party. You have to make it clear to them that either the language is cleaned up -immediately- or else they will no longer have the privelege of enjoying your and your son’s company. If those relatives reside in the same house as you, you’re going to have to be both tough and vigilant. I really do hope that the matter is much more innocent, though. Five-year-olds are such parrots that anything is likely to come out of their little mouth once it enters their ears. good luck! — Charles I. Letbetter, Editor CATCH Online Magazine http://www.pagebrothers.com A new way of looking at parenting

Response: