Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi all 
> Ever been in this position? You have a good friend whose child is 25% adorable > and 75% brat??? > I became really good friends with a woman in a playgroup a few years ago. For > a long time our kids played great together, but for the past 6 months or so her > child has become a brat! (mostly). Her child is bossy and constantly orders my > child around to which my child responds to by saying "No!" Arguing ensues and > it’s hard for us two moms to even have a conversation sometimes! We’re > constantly referring and seeing who started what. It seems like her child is > bringing out the worst in mine. My child plays extremely well with all the > other children we get together with. I really like the mom of this child but > have pulled away some bcuz it’s just become less and less enjoyable when we get > together with the kids. > Her child pushes my child, grabs things out ofher hands and is bossy to the > max.
If she bothers your child in that way and your child does not like it move your child away and say. "I cannot let you hurt … If you behave like that – I cannot let you play with my child" Or even better if your chid would say that From what I’m gathering all her friends and family worship and adore this > child. I have never seen so much adoration, worship and kissing up to a child > in my entire life. The child owns every toy in Toys R Us, the mom is not a > firm enough disciplinarian in my eyes, and I think her child believes the world > revolves around her. The mom has even admitted noticing that her child has > become fresh lately. The mom is sick of it too. I’ve seen this kid poke my > child when the other mom wasn’t looking and just generally be a brat to my > kid. But then there are moments when this child is as sweet as pie.
The number of toys don’t matter kids will push the envelope no matter how many toys the own. Set some rules and be consistent about them – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Today when I saw the child push mine I told her firmly that she was not allowed > to push my child. That my child could get hurt. I am so sick of her kid yet I > adore my friend! > I think the next time I see the little brat ordering my child around I’m going > to nicely say that my daughter would be more willing to do what it is she wants > her to do, if she would ask nicely. I don’t want to mention the word "bossy" > or say to stop "ordering her around" even though I’d like to. I want to tread > lightly as I don’t want to offend the mom. She’s a smart woman, let her read > between the lines.
I think even better to have a talk with your child. Have her tell her off nicely when she feels that she is becomming too nasty. > Any advice? > Breeanna (who doesn’t want to lose this friendship over a bratty 3 yr
old!)
Response:
Hi I think "Just me" has some good ideas. My oldest, closest, dearest friend has different parenting ideas to me. Over the years there have been problems with our kids not getting on. But once the children were all school age, we simply met when the children were at school. Her kids are now 17 and 14, so I hardly ever see them, although they have turned to me for advice once or twice. If this is a really good friend (they are as rare as hens teeth) be patient, her little girl will improve with maturity, and by the time they are both at school you will be able to get together without the children. I would quietly have limits though. Good luck. Annemarie
Response:
Oh, she is three. Thats why she acts like she does. Sue
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi all > Ever been in this position? You have a good friend whose child is 25% adorable > and 75% brat??? > I became really good friends with a woman in a playgroup a few years ago. For > a long time our kids played great together, but for the past 6 months or so her > child has become a brat! (mostly). Her child is bossy and constantly orders my > child around to which my child responds to by saying "No!" Arguing ensues and > it’s hard for us two moms to even have a conversation sometimes! We’re > constantly referring and seeing who started what. It seems like her child is > bringing out the worst in mine. My child plays extremely well with all the > other children we get together with. I really like the mom of this child but > have pulled away some bcuz it’s just become less and less enjoyable when we get > together with the kids. > Her child pushes my child, grabs things out ofher hands and is bossy to the > max. From what I’m gathering all her friends and family worship and adore this > child. I have never seen so much adoration, worship and kissing up to a child > in my entire life. The child owns every toy in Toys R Us, the mom is not a > firm enough disciplinarian in my eyes, and I think her child believes the world > revolves around her. The mom has even admitted noticing that her child has > become fresh lately. The mom is sick of it too. I’ve seen this kid poke my > child when the other mom wasn’t looking and just generally be a brat to my > kid. But then there are moments when this child is as sweet as pie. > Today when I saw the child push mine I told her firmly that she was not allowed > to push my child. That my child could get hurt. I am so sick of her kid yet I > adore my friend! > I think the next time I see the little brat ordering my child around I’m going > to nicely say that my daughter would be more willing to do what it is she wants > her to do, if she would ask nicely. I don’t want to mention the word "bossy" > or say to stop "ordering her around" even though I’d like to. I want to tread > lightly as I don’t want to offend the mom. She’s a smart woman, let her read > between the lines. > Any advice? > Breeanna (who doesn’t want to lose this friendship over a bratty 3 yr
old!)
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi all > Ever been in this position? You have a good friend whose child is 25% adorable > and 75% brat??? > I became really good friends with a woman in a playgroup a few years ago. For > a long time our kids played great together, but for the past 6 months or so her > child has become a brat! (mostly). Her child is bossy and constantly orders my > child around to which my child responds to by saying "No!" Arguing ensues and > it’s hard for us two moms to even have a conversation sometimes! We’re > constantly referring and seeing who started what. It seems like her child is > bringing out the worst in mine. My child plays extremely well with all the > other children we get together with. I really like the mom of this child but > have pulled away some bcuz it’s just become less and less enjoyable when we get > together with the kids. > Her child pushes my child, grabs things out ofher hands and is bossy to the > max. From what I’m gathering all her friends and family worship and adore this > child. I have never seen so much adoration, worship and kissing up to a child > in my entire life. The child owns every toy in Toys R Us, the mom is not a > firm enough disciplinarian in my eyes, and I think her child believes the world > revolves around her. The mom has even admitted noticing that her child has > become fresh lately. The mom is sick of it too. I’ve seen this kid poke my > child when the other mom wasn’t looking and just generally be a brat to my > kid. But then there are moments when this child is as sweet as pie. > Today when I saw the child push mine I told her firmly that she was not allowed > to push my child. That my child could get hurt. I am so sick of her kid yet I > adore my friend! > I think the next time I see the little brat ordering my child around I’m going > to nicely say that my daughter would be more willing to do what it is she wants > her to do, if she would ask nicely. I don’t want to mention the word "bossy" > or say to stop "ordering her around" even though I’d like to. I want to tread > lightly as I don’t want to offend the mom. She’s a smart woman, let her read > between the lines.
Breeana – Now that I’ve read both of your posts about this child/mother, I will share my thoughts. First of all, although I definitely empathize with you, I have to wonder how much of the child’s behavior is simply being 3? Three year olds are constantly pushing the envelope, testing to see what will happen if they do whatever. They may have learned basic manners, but often require some prompting to use them correctly at all times. Getting along with other kids is not always easy, particularly since sharing is not something 3 year olds readily do without parental prompting. It could be that your friend is not particularly good at setting and enforcing limits. That, quite frankly, is your friend’s fault, and not that of the child. The child does what it is taught and allowed to do. But, how to deal. You might talk with the friend. If she is as good a friend as you appear to indicate she should be able to hear this, although you will want to carefully think your presentation through first in order to minimize alienation and maximize her ability to hear you. You could [option b] stop seeing them for a period of time and try again as the child ages, say around 4 years old. The increased maturity may help a lot. Option c might be to stop getting the kids together but have regular contact with your friend, the parent. I encountered a situation where we exercised option b for about 6 months. The little person was a much more mature, better behaved person by the time we got back together and things worked out very well. Good luck. I know it’s tough to go through situations like this. -Aula
Response:
Hi Breeanna. I am in somewhat of the same position. My 8 yr. old daughter has a good friend who is very spoiled. A mom who is not a disciplinarian and hardly sets any limits. The girl will cry or whine and get her own way. Jessica ( my dd ) would try the same behaviours with me at home and I just wouldn’t play that. Recently my SIL’s kids were here for a visit and dd was so rude and hurtful to my sil’s daughter, I couldn’t believe it! Sarah ( sil’s dd ) came to me and told me she wanted to give Jessica a gift, because she wants to be friends and Jessica is so mean to her. I told Sarah, " No way, she doesn’t deserve a gift for behaving that way!" I felt so bad. These children have recently left their home, father, school, friends, toys, almost all their clothes, etc.. I wanted them to enjoy their time here and take their minds off their problems. My daughter just made her feel worse! I didn’t raise Jessica this way and we had many long talks about it afterwards. Jessica’s friend is a big influence on her and Jessica has complained to me about Andrea ( best friend ) being mean to her. You would think she could relate. Children just seem to repeat the same behaviour done to them. I am good friends with Andrea’s mom and we have had a candid conversation about parenting. We agreed I was much more strict in my approach, but that we would respect each other’s methods. We almost always visit their home, so that makes it easier for me. I don’t intervene unless Jessica comes to me for advice. Andrea is the same as this child you describe. Cute as a button and can be sweet as pie, but there is a little devil in there too. If you and the other mom can talk about the situation diplomatically, then you can team up to work on the problem. 3 yr. olds are just reaching the age of understanding about other’s feelings. They have to be taught that their behaviour affects others. You may want to try and meet up in another enviroment too. Perhaps it is being at their house with all of their toys. It could be the child establishing their authority because it is their enviroment. I have seen this in my playgroup. Ooops, sorry this is so long, I probably had to vent a little myself. Take care, Deanna Mom of 4. To reply on email remove no spam on address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hi all >Ever been in this position? You have a good friend whose child is 25% adorable >and 75% brat??? snipped to shorten >Any advice? >Breeanna (who doesn’t want to lose this friendship over a bratty 3 yr old!)
Response:
Hi all Ever been in this position? You have a good friend whose child is 25% adorable and 75% brat??? I became really good friends with a woman in a playgroup a few years ago. For a long time our kids played great together, but for the past 6 months or so her child has become a brat! (mostly). Her child is bossy and constantly orders my child around to which my child responds to by saying "No!" Arguing ensues and it’s hard for us two moms to even have a conversation sometimes! We’re constantly referring and seeing who started what. It seems like her child is bringing out the worst in mine. My child plays extremely well with all the other children we get together with. I really like the mom of this child but have pulled away some bcuz it’s just become less and less enjoyable when we get together with the kids. Her child pushes my child, grabs things out ofher hands and is bossy to the max. From what I’m gathering all her friends and family worship and adore this child. I have never seen so much adoration, worship and kissing up to a child in my entire life. The child owns every toy in Toys R Us, the mom is not a firm enough disciplinarian in my eyes, and I think her child believes the world revolves around her. The mom has even admitted noticing that her child has become fresh lately. The mom is sick of it too. I’ve seen this kid poke my child when the other mom wasn’t looking and just generally be a brat to my kid. But then there are moments when this child is as sweet as pie. Today when I saw the child push mine I told her firmly that she was not allowed to push my child. That my child could get hurt. I am so sick of her kid yet I adore my friend! I think the next time I see the little brat ordering my child around I’m going to nicely say that my daughter would be more willing to do what it is she wants her to do, if she would ask nicely. I don’t want to mention the word "bossy" or say to stop "ordering her around" even though I’d like to. I want to tread lightly as I don’t want to offend the mom. She’s a smart woman, let her read between the lines. Any advice? Breeanna (who doesn’t want to lose this friendship over a bratty 3 yr old!)
Response:
I recently went through this, and unfortunately had to stop allowing the mother and son to visit. In my case the mother wouldn’t watch him at all. He would come in, jump on the furniture, go through our refridgerator, what ever he desired. And if I told him "no" he would run to his mom and cry and she would cuddle him. She refused to discipline him. After one rough day where he got into the fridge and ate my daughter’s lunch while she was napping I had enough. He brought it out, I explained it was Brianna’s and his mom said "oh let him have it, she can have something later". That was it. No more play dates. Please don’t think that was it, like I said he was genuinely a terror. I cannot stand kids jumping on the furniture and he would and mom never blinked. I’m a daycare provider (not his), but mom seemed to think when they visited I would handle it all. I can’t count the toys he broke. Sorry, now I’m venting…anyhow I can’t think of how to resolve it for you. I know for me cutting them off was all I could do to save my own sanity. Amanda — Our page is updated!!!! Check out the family at http://www.geocities.com/rowans3/
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi all > Ever been in this position? You have a good friend whose child is 25% adorable > and 75% brat??? > I became really good friends with a woman in a playgroup a few years ago. For > a long time our kids played great together, but for the past 6 months or so her > child has become a brat! (mostly). Her child is bossy and constantly orders my > child around to which my child responds to by saying "No!" Arguing ensues and > it’s hard for us two moms to even have a conversation sometimes! We’re > constantly referring and seeing who started what. It seems like her child is > bringing out the worst in mine. My child plays extremely well with all the > other children we get together with. I really like the mom of this child but > have pulled away some bcuz it’s just become less and less enjoyable when we get > together with the kids. > Her child pushes my child, grabs things out ofher hands and is bossy to the > max. From what I’m gathering all her friends and family worship and adore this > child. I have never seen so much adoration, worship and kissing up to a child > in my entire life. The child owns every toy in Toys R Us, the mom is not a > firm enough disciplinarian in my eyes, and I think her child believes the world > revolves around her. The mom has even admitted noticing that her child has > become fresh lately. The mom is sick of it too. I’ve seen this kid poke my > child when the other mom wasn’t looking and just generally be a brat to my > kid. But then there are moments when this child is as sweet as pie. > Today when I saw the child push mine I told her firmly that she was not allowed > to push my child. That my child could get hurt. I am so sick of her kid yet I > adore my friend! > I think the next time I see the little brat ordering my child around I’m going > to nicely say that my daughter would be more willing to do what it is she wants > her to do, if she would ask nicely. I don’t want to mention the word "bossy" > or say to stop "ordering her around" even though I’d like to. I want to tread > lightly as I don’t want to offend the mom. She’s a smart woman, let her read > between the lines. > Any advice? > Breeanna (who doesn’t want to lose this friendship over a bratty 3 yr
old!)
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I recently went through this, and unfortunately had to stop allowing the > mother and son to visit. In my case the mother wouldn’t watch him at all. > He would come in, jump on the furniture, go through our refridgerator, what > ever he desired. And if I told him "no" he would run to his mom and cry and > she would cuddle him. She refused to discipline him. After one rough day > where he got into the fridge and ate my daughter’s lunch while she was > napping I had enough. He brought it out, I explained it was Brianna’s and > his mom said "oh let him have it, she can have something later". That was > it. No more play dates. Please don’t think that was it, like I said he was > genuinely a terror. I cannot stand kids jumping on the furniture and he > would and mom never blinked. I’m a daycare provider (not his), but mom > seemed to think when they visited I would handle it all. I can’t count the > toys he broke. > Sorry, now I’m venting…anyhow I can’t think of how to resolve it for > you. I know for me cutting them off was all I could do to save my own > sanity. > Amanda
Think you did right. I am a firm believer that you are to follow the rules of the house. If you do not like them you do not have to come. I do not let anyone jump on my furniture either — Free Spirit Founding Father of the Church of Personal Freedom First Knight of the Knights of Personal Freedom.
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