Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> Hello fellow parents, >> I would like to know if anyone has a son like mine and how they have dealt >> with the situation. Andy is 5 years old (will be 6 Dec 9th). He skipped >> kindergarden because his IQ was so high. The school tested him and placed >> him in the Gifted and Talented first grade class. His grades are perfect. >> The problem is he is having a hard time socially. >> We had a conference with the teacher and she tells us that Andy has been >> bullied by a bigger kid in the class to the point the other child has been >> put on probation by the school. Andy never told us, but when we questioned >> him he causally mentioned that the other boy shoved him, threw dirt in his >> face at recess, wouldn’t let him use the bathroom in privacy, and >> encouraged the other children to tease him and call him "baby". The >> teacher now feels Andy is regressing socially and withdrawing from the >> other children because of the bully. Andy talks more like an adult than a >> five year old. He is small built and has to wear glasses all the time. >> I suggested to my husband maybe putting him in Karate classes or something >> of that nature to build his confidence and help him interact more with >> children his own age. >> Any advice from anyone that has a child like mine would be of great help to >> us. We love him dearly and we want him to be liked and have friends. As >> of now he still loves school but unless things change he might not want to >> go anymore. Forgive the length of this post but I wanted to make the >> situation as clear as I could. >> Thank you, >> Melinda Craig >> —
I have four children all which are in the top of their age group but not gifted. However thief are gifted children in the small school that they go. The gifted child in my daughters class regressed at first when put in the school environment but her parents kept her in the right age group and after two years is now just one of the crowd. I have to point out at this stage that our school has a policy of children working at their own pace with their own work books in all the key subjects, therefore although this child is in it’s own age group she is kept stimulated work wise by doing work to match her mental ability. This has seemed to work well with all the children as the pressure is off the children who struggle and can work as a steady pace with out looking stupid in front of class mates, the ones like mine who excel in one or two subjects can carry on doing so but aren’t under pressure in the subject they don’t and the gifted aren’t out of place in the school system by being in a class which academically they are capable of being accepted but mentally they are not. My advice is not to try and change your child as he has the right if you like to be a nerd if that suit him but fight to the death with what ever education authority be it school or higher to get your child educated in the way you feel he should be,and if you feel he is unhappy with the present situation of being bully ed ask him what he wants to happen.Lastly on a different note I think you should seriously complain about not being informed about the bullying at a much earlier date and maybe get together with other parents and teachers and plan an anti-bullying code at the school so everyone knows what to do, who to tell and what the consequences are bullys and bullyed alike. At last they have found something capable of doing the work of 5 men. ONE WOMAN !!!! http://homepages.enterprise.net/odonn
Response:
snip > though not good he’s in the pack now. Little boy culture does seem to > put a lot of stock in that. We worked really hard on it and it paid > off, he’s now a happy kid, with more confidence. We, too, thought about > violence (karate class) to fend off the bullies at that time, but being > liked is so much better. > Ginny Snyder and Al Moore
I agree with the rest of your post and am glad that you all acheived a resolution to your child’s problem, but you state a major misconception here. If you have seen a children’s karate class that stresses violence, or is violent in any way, then you are at the wrong karate school. A reputable karate school teaches SELF CONTROL and physical confidence. The goal is to genuinely raise a child’s self esteem with actual accomplishment of actual skills. Even though the techniques involved are punches and kicks, it is continually stressed to children that they are not to punch or kick anyone. If we need to hit something, we hit a pad or bag made for that purpose. As far as the techniques are concerned the most important technique that is taught is blocking. If someone tries to hit you and you cannot get away, you block their punch or kick, that is, you just don’t allow them to do it. If someone can’t hit you, eventually they will stop trying. It is stressed that your best course of action is to avoid trouble if at all possible, and seek the help of those in charge, such as teachers or playground supervisors. The very last resort is to defend yourself. Please, please, do not equate the study of karate with anything that you see in the movies or on TV. Laura Di Lorenzo
Response:
Well, I don’t have a child like yours, however I feel compelled to respond anyway….is that okay? Well, since I can’t wait for an answer, here goes…. Please try to help Andy to recognize this as a problem which is being paid attention to by both you and the school. Bullying is not acceptable and the school needs to recognize that their methods of dealing with abusive behaviour towards other children should be swift and effective. (It is not unheard of here, in Canada, for a child in Grade 1 to be suspended for behaviour like the bully’s). But Andy also needs to be active in solving this problem…..and there is a big part of it that is his problem….. He should be asked for his ideas about solutions to how he could get along better with kids, generally….. )the bully thing is an exceptional problem and should be framed this way. Most kids do not behave this way. Don’t let it die if the school does.) How about letting him think of some things and then later on when he has his list….sit down together to brainstorm ways of improving his social network. Invite friends over….. plan his birthday party….etc. He may never be a highly skilled social butterfly, but you do want him to be happy as an adult and teaching him some social skills by exposing him, not overwhelmingly, to social situations will help this along.. Good luck. Marie, from Toronto, Canada. p.s. Eliminate the word "nerd" from your vocabulary please….it is demeaning and disrespectful to Andy and any other child/adult who is socially introverted. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hello fellow parents, > I would like to know if anyone has a son like mine and how they have dealt > with the situation. Andy is 5 years old (will be 6 Dec 9th). He skipped > kindergarden because his IQ was so high. The school tested him and placed > him in the Gifted and Talented first grade class. His grades are perfect. > The problem is he is having a hard time socially. > We had a conference with the teacher and she tells us that Andy has been > bullied by a bigger kid in the class to the point the other child has been > put on probation by the school. Andy never told us, but when we questioned > him he causally mentioned that the other boy shoved him, threw dirt in his > face at recess, wouldn’t let him use the bathroom in privacy, and > encouraged the other children to tease him and call him "baby". The > teacher now feels Andy is regressing socially and withdrawing from the > other children because of the bully. Andy talks more like an adult than a > five year old. He is small built and has to wear glasses all the time. > I suggested to my husband maybe putting him in Karate classes or something > of that nature to build his confidence and help him interact more with > children his own age. > Any advice from anyone that has a child like mine would be of great help to > us. We love him dearly and we want him to be liked and have friends. As > of now he still loves school but unless things change he might not want to > go anymore. Forgive the length of this post but I wanted to make the > situation as clear as I could. > Thank you, > Melinda Craig > — > "We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we > can only fly embracing each other." > –Liciano De Crescenzo
Response:
> Hello fellow parents, > I would like to know if anyone has a son like mine and how they have dealt > with the situation. Andy is 5 years old (will be 6 Dec 9th). He skipped > kindergarden because his IQ was so high. The school tested him and placed > him in the Gifted and Talented first grade class. His grades are perfect. > The problem is he is having a hard time socially.
[snip] I was just like that in elementary school. There is really not much you can do to make your son "not be a nerd," but there are things you can do to help him keep his self-esteem up. Make sure that he knows his family loves him and values him. Keep him aware of his good qualities while you help him work on ways to deal with the other kids’ ignorance. Enrol him in some extra-curricular activities where he can fit in, or excel and not be ridiculed for it. Martial arts may work, since they teach discipline on top of everything else, and they can be enjoyed even by those who are not really athletically inclined. Scouting (or other youth groups) is also an excellent idea, but as with everything else, you have to check out the troop first to see if it’s an atmosphere your son will want to be in. And don’t worry too much–he’ll eventually find his niche. Erin Coe < 52nd Ottawa Guides </ what I am. No cause is
Response:
> =>I suggested to my husband maybe putting him in Karate classes or something > =>of that nature to build his confidence and help him interact more with > =>children his own age.
I agree that martial arts teach self-esteem and confidence. But you want to do that without teaching aggression. If you’re going to go with a martial art, I suggest Aikido or Judo instead of Karate. Aikido’s emphasis is on using the attackers’ own power against him, mainly through landing him on the ground by momentum, rather than by kicking, chopping, etc. It teaches really smooth, neat ways to move and roll. Judo’s emphasis is on throws, and is the most sporty, as opposed to Eastern mysticism. — Gina
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hello fellow parents, > I would like to know if anyone has a son like mine and how they have dealt > with the situation. Andy is 5 years old (will be 6 Dec 9th). He skipped > kindergarden because his IQ was so high. The school tested him and placed > him in the Gifted and Talented first grade class. His grades are perfect. > The problem is he is having a hard time socially. > We had a conference with the teacher and she tells us that Andy has been > bullied by a bigger kid in the class to the point the other child has been > put on probation by the school. Andy never told us, but when we questioned > him he causally mentioned that the other boy shoved him, threw dirt in his > face at recess, wouldn’t let him use the bathroom in privacy, and > encouraged the other children to tease him and call him "baby". The > teacher now feels Andy is regressing socially and withdrawing from the > other children because of the bully. Andy talks more like an adult than a > five year old. He is small built and has to wear glasses all the time. > I suggested to my husband maybe putting him in Karate classes or something > of that nature to build his confidence and help him interact more with > children his own age. > Any advice from anyone that has a child like mine would be of great help to > us. We love him dearly and we want him to be liked and have friends. As > of now he still loves school but unless things change he might not want to > go anymore. Forgive the length of this post but I wanted to make the > situation as clear as I could. > Thank you, > Melinda Craig > —
I have a few kids, one used to have bully charisma and overcame it. I have another who is developing on the high track, but is quite popular, though not excessively so. I guess you’d like your’s to be like my confident one. Too much pressure to be smart can force a kid to compete excessively and inappropriately. If the shoe fits change it, otherwise my apology. The child with bully-charisma (a bad case) did not like sports, talked endlessly of how smart or talented he was, because he was not sure of himself (he’s got some autistic traits, a rather mild neurologic problem.) My other boy has a lot of confidence and never brags or one ups other kids. Kids like him because he likes them. Yes, he plays sports and he’s middling at them. I’m very proud of the former bully target. He learned a few social skills, smiling, keeping his mouth shut, not bragging, not responding, giving compliments to others. He also worked on his physical skills and though not good he’s in the pack now. Little boy culture does seem to put a lot of stock in that. We worked really hard on it and it paid off, he’s now a happy kid, with more confidence. We, too, thought about violence (karate class) to fend off the bullies at that time, but being liked is so much better. Ginny Snyder and Al Moore
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I would like to know if anyone has a son like mine and how they have dealt >with the situation. Andy is 5 years old (will be 6 Dec 9th). He skipped >kindergarden because his IQ was so high. The school tested him and placed >him in the Gifted and Talented first grade class. His grades are perfect. >The problem is he is having a hard time socially. ><snip> >Any advice from anyone that has a child like mine would be of great help to >us. We love him dearly and we want him to be liked and have friends. >I went through school as ‘the brain’. So did my husband. So I can >appreciate your son’s position. >Accept him as he is. Don’t think of him as a ‘nerd’ – think of him as >a brilliant, special kid who has the capability to do all sorts of >wonderful things. Then give him as many of those opportunities as you >possibly can – both through the school and outside of it. Follow his >interests. If he becomes interested in astronomy, for example, take >him to a public star-viewing at a local observatory. Let him talk to >others who are older than he is. He may actually be more comfortable >then. >Give him lots of opportunities, then let him migrate to the ones that >feel comfortable. His mental age is higher than his chronological age. >You can’t change that by forcing him into a group of kids his own age. >When we get to be adults, we don’t worry whether a friend is 3 months >younger than us of 6 years older than us. A friend is just a friend. >He’ll find his own peer group when he grows up; don’t be surprised if >his peer group while growing up is composed of friends of different >ages, most likely a bit older than he is. >If he is interested in a sport, by all means let him pursue it. But if >he isn’t, it may just make him miserable to pursue it for his parents’ >sake. Talk to him; he is probably more mature to tell you what he >would like to do and what he doesn’t want to do than other kids his >age. >Good luck and have fun! >Vicki H.
100% agreement with this loving advice. The only thing I would add – as someone who was bright and bullied – is try not to pressure your son to make friends. Of course you _want_ him to have them, but it’s easy for children to begin feeling that you think they are inadequate if you keep asking them who their friends are. Just give it time and lots of love. Incidentally, and to try to cut off any guilt you might be feleing for letting your son skip, I wasn’t allowed to skip and I was still in heaps of trouble with my peers. More, if anything, because I stood out more and came top by a bigger margin. There’s no easy answer. By the way, your son might enjoy the old gag: ‘What do you call the class nerd in twenty years’ time?’. Answer: Boss. Author: Bill Gates. — Jane Lumley
Response:
Dear "Parent of Nerd" I agree with what Vicki had to say and wish to add the following. LABELING YOUR CHILD WILL NOT HELP HIM. A child can only reach as high as our own expectations. It will be helpful for your child to get into activities that improve their physical self-esteem, IF they enjoy, or can be led into enjoying the activity. When I grew up I was always an outsider, much as your son. But think about it, how much in common do you have with persons far below your mental age? I think your child must be taught to feel good about his abilities and then helped to understand how to relate to others. One really sad thing is that the more intelligent the child, the more emotionally sensitive they can be, though they may not show it. They need plenty of love and understanding. They will always be different and must learn to deal with it in a way that works for them. Best wishes, Rodger > Hello fellow parents, > I would like to know if anyone has a son like mine and how they have dealt > with the situation. Andy is 5 years old (will be 6 Dec 9th). He skipped > kindergarden because his IQ was so high. The school tested him and placed > him in the Gifted and Talented first grade class. His grades are perfect.
– * Creators of PHONECOP Home/Office phone controller * * Our Site: -http://www.rastarinc.com/phonecop * * "The great thing is this world is not so much where* * we are, but in what direction we are moving." *
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hello fellow parents, > I would like to know if anyone has a son like mine and how they have dealt > with the situation. Andy is 5 years old (will be 6 Dec 9th). He skipped > kindergarden because his IQ was so high. The school tested him and placed > him in the Gifted and Talented first grade class. His grades are perfect. > The problem is he is having a hard time socially. > We had a conference with the teacher and she tells us that Andy has been > bullied by a bigger kid in the class to the point the other child has been > put on probation by the school. Andy never told us, but when we questioned > him he causally mentioned that the other boy shoved him, threw dirt in his > face at recess, wouldn’t let him use the bathroom in privacy, and > encouraged the other children to tease him and call him "baby". The > teacher now feels Andy is regressing socially and withdrawing from the > other children because of the bully. Andy talks more like an adult than a > five year old. He is small built and has to wear glasses all the time. > I suggested to my husband maybe putting him in Karate classes or something > of that nature to build his confidence and help him interact more with > children his own age. > Any advice from anyone that has a child like mine would be of great help to > us. We love him dearly and we want him to be liked and have friends. As > of now he still loves school but unless things change he might not want to > go anymore. Forgive the length of this post but I wanted to make the > situation as clear as I could. > Thank you, > Melinda Craig > — > "We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we > can only fly embracing each other." > –Liciano De Crescenzo
Teach him early the value of "no brain or no thinking" types of activities. Have you ever seen the movie ‘Sand Lot’? Its a perfect example of you situation. If you and your son havent seen it go get it! A brainy kid with no social life learns to have fun(but it wasnt easy for him). I bet we have watched this movie 30 times. Encourage your son to invite a school friend over after school. Have your son and husband watch a movie in their boxers while eating icecream. Have a water ballon fight, invite a friend. The best kind of guys, the most popular guys are nerds that are cool. Meaning super smart, wears glasses, and have a sense of humor, charming in their nerdy way, can get crazy once in a while. Patty
Response:
=>Hello fellow parents, => =>I would like to know if anyone has a son like mine and how they have dealt =>with the situation. Andy is 5 years old (will be 6 Dec 9th). He skipped =>kindergarden because his IQ was so high. The school tested him and placed =>him in the Gifted and Talented first grade class. His grades are perfect. =>The problem is he is having a hard time socially. Hmm, sounds a *little* like me. I was in an accelerated public school class, "perfect" grades, and nearly everyone seemed to hate me for it. Does your son have any schoolmates he calls friends? Maybe there are some others *you* know of who could hook up with your boy? I know the feeling of ostracism, but lots of support from you at home will give him the self-esteem he needs to help carry out his own friendships. => =>We had a conference with the teacher and she tells us that Andy has been =>bullied by a bigger kid in the class to the point the other child has been =>put on probation by the school. Andy never told us, but when we questioned =>him he causally mentioned that the other boy shoved him, threw dirt in his =>face at recess, wouldn’t let him use the bathroom in privacy, and =>encouraged the other children to tease him and call him "baby". The =>teacher now feels Andy is regressing socially and withdrawing from the =>other children because of the bully. Andy talks more like an adult than a =>five year old. He is small built and has to wear glasses all the time. => =>I suggested to my husband maybe putting him in Karate classes or something =>of that nature to build his confidence and help him interact more with =>children his own age. If you’re thinking of Karate as a self-defense thing, I personally would not agree with this. Is he interested in sports, swimming, hockey, soccer? Maybe he’d get some self-confidence from playing in a band, or learning guitar. Does he like computers? Is there a user group that meets in your area where he could find friends with common interest? BTW, it’s only anecdotal evidence, but I turned out OK, so did the other "accelerated" class friends I had. So it can be done! Good Luck with the Parenting thing. . . Greg Lubianetzky Father to the world’s 2 Greatest Kids! ;-}
Response:
>I would like to know if anyone has a son like mine and how they have dealt >with the situation. Andy is 5 years old (will be 6 Dec 9th). He skipped >kindergarden because his IQ was so high. The school tested him and placed >him in the Gifted and Talented first grade class. His grades are perfect. >The problem is he is having a hard time socially.
<snip> >Any advice from anyone that has a child like mine would be of great help to >us. We love him dearly and we want him to be liked and have friends.
I went through school as ‘the brain’. So did my husband. So I can appreciate your son’s position. Accept him as he is. Don’t think of him as a ‘nerd’ – think of him as a brilliant, special kid who has the capability to do all sorts of wonderful things. Then give him as many of those opportunities as you possibly can – both through the school and outside of it. Follow his interests. If he becomes interested in astronomy, for example, take him to a public star-viewing at a local observatory. Let him talk to others who are older than he is. He may actually be more comfortable then. Give him lots of opportunities, then let him migrate to the ones that feel comfortable. His mental age is higher than his chronological age. You can’t change that by forcing him into a group of kids his own age. When we get to be adults, we don’t worry whether a friend is 3 months younger than us of 6 years older than us. A friend is just a friend. He’ll find his own peer group when he grows up; don’t be surprised if his peer group while growing up is composed of friends of different ages, most likely a bit older than he is. If he is interested in a sport, by all means let him pursue it. But if he isn’t, it may just make him miserable to pursue it for his parents’ sake. Talk to him; he is probably more mature to tell you what he would like to do and what he doesn’t want to do than other kids his age. Good luck and have fun! Vicki H.
Response:
Well, I strongly believe it is a mistake to skip grades no matter how brilliant the child for just the social reasons you have outlined and others that crop up in Junior High. But since you have already commited to the skipping and he is now the youngest in the class, I think it would be helpful to look for some out of school activities that he can join where the kids don’t know his reputation as the baby with the brain. This is tough. I’m married to a man who went through the same experience as a kid (yes, he’s still a nerd, but he found his place in Silicon Valley) He said it took some of the pressure off if he had separate sets of friends in school and out but that the problem was never really resolved until he went to high school and found a peer group (and there were 1500 kids in his high school class)
Response:
Hello fellow parents, I would like to know if anyone has a son like mine and how they have dealt with the situation. Andy is 5 years old (will be 6 Dec 9th). He skipped kindergarden because his IQ was so high. The school tested him and placed him in the Gifted and Talented first grade class. His grades are perfect. The problem is he is having a hard time socially. We had a conference with the teacher and she tells us that Andy has been bullied by a bigger kid in the class to the point the other child has been put on probation by the school. Andy never told us, but when we questioned him he causally mentioned that the other boy shoved him, threw dirt in his face at recess, wouldn’t let him use the bathroom in privacy, and encouraged the other children to tease him and call him "baby". The teacher now feels Andy is regressing socially and withdrawing from the other children because of the bully. Andy talks more like an adult than a five year old. He is small built and has to wear glasses all the time. I suggested to my husband maybe putting him in Karate classes or something of that nature to build his confidence and help him interact more with children his own age. Any advice from anyone that has a child like mine would be of great help to us. We love him dearly and we want him to be liked and have friends. As of now he still loves school but unless things change he might not want to go anymore. Forgive the length of this post but I wanted to make the situation as clear as I could. Thank you, Melinda Craig — "We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each other." –Liciano De Crescenzo
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.