Pure Parents

Question:

You go!  I agree with you totally and I love the way you stated your opinion so tactfully.  It was a joy to read. Randi (mother of Mikayla 5mos.)

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Babies need their parents!!! Sounds as if her emotoinal needs were met >when she was sick, and now she’s wondering why she’s being neglected. To >let a baby sream is irresponsable, You need to read any book by William >Sears and ignor people who suggest to train a baby to sleep. When we all >made the decision to have children, we took a responsablity to mother them >24hrs a day. >Hi, all!!! >Just want to say that I disagree with this one…To understand the flip >side of the coin, which is not at presented in the previous post, read the book >"Solving Your Child’s Sleep Problems" by Dr. Richard Ferber, Director of the > Pediatric Sleep Disorders Clinic at Boston Children’s Hospital.   >I do believe that we have a responsibility to our children 24 hours a day, but >my belief is that part of our responsibility is to teach a child to be >self-sufficient >and independent.  I do not believe that letting a child scream is irresponsible. >It can be, or it may not be…it depends on the circumstances.  I also believe >that the children of the above poster will totally run her life when they are >old enough to understand that by pulling mom’s "my child has a need and I, >as the >parent, must meet it" strings.  But I am only speaking for myself.   >I guess what it boils down to is: read the books, get the information, decide >what you think your role is as a parent (meeting the child’s need >-vs-teaching the >child to meet his own need), and go from there.   >Just wanted to present the other side of the story, which you have been advised >by the author of the previous post, to ignore. >– >J. Oliver

I agree with J. Oliver, if you don’t get the child to bed at three he won’t go to bed! This comes from experience. Kim

Response:

>Babies need their parents!!!

Absolutely true!!! >Sounds as if her emotoinal needs were met >when she was sick, and now she’s wondering why she’s being neglected.

For you to suggest that the author of the original post is neglecting her child emotionally  all of the time (except when she is sick) is irresponsible and uncalled for.  You have no idea if this parent neglects her child or not.  By saying that the child is "wondering why she’s being neglected," you are saying that this parent is neglecting her child now that her child is not sick.  You have no information to support such a claim.  To make the claim that you have is both irresponsible and unfair. >To let a baby sream is irresponsable,

Depends upon the situation.  Research has shown that babies have a biological "need" to cry for a certain amount of time daily.  It is their way of releasing stress and managing tension.  By the way, if a three year old is having a tantrum and screaming because he wants a new power ranger (or whatever) is it a parent’s responsibility to provide that toy and fill the "need" of that child?  If a 17 year old screams that he wants to drink and take drugs because "it’s a need (addiction)"  is it a parent’s responsibility to buy him booze and drugs to fill his "need"?  I think not. > You need to read any book by William Sears

Reading books and gathering information is always good when you are trying to make a decision about something… >and ignor people who suggest to train a baby to sleep.

However, to simply dismiss any method (other than your own chosen one) without any discussion or substantiation as to why it should be ignored is immature, unwise, and again, irresponsible on your part.  Before a decision can be made, one must study and understand BOTH sides of the issue.  You deny that she should increase her knowledge and understanding of the two sides of the issue.  Putting blinders on yourself is one thing…putting them on someone else is not your right.  >When we all made the decision to have children, we took a responsablity to mother them >24hrs a day.

Again, a true statement.  However, when your children are 15, will you still "mother" them by wiping their not-so-little bottoms and choosing their clothes?  Or will you have "mothered" them by TEACHING them to clean, dress, and care for THEMSELVES?  I believe that I am mothering/caring/loving my child by TEACHING her to comfort herself during the night; by TEACHING her to choose her own clothes; by TEACHING her to do self-care and self-love and self-comfort; by TEACHING her to be INDEPENDENT, CAPABLE child who knows she is loved because her mommy let her LEARN TO TAKE CARE OF HER OWN NEEDS. >Dee  mom of A(2-3-93) and H(6-9-95)

I will be happy to clarify, expand, substantiate, and defend any and all statements made in this post via e-mail.  This post was not intended to flame the author of the previous post, but to present a different perspective on the same issue. In order to make the best decisions FOR THEMSELVES, each and every parent must:                1.  gain information on ALL SIDES of the issue at hand.                2.  verify and substantiate claims made on each side of the issue.                3.  look at their life situation and decide WHICH of the available methods will work                     with their lifestyle, personalities, and belief system.                4.  implement the chosen method of solving their problem and seek additional information                     and unconditional support from others. Jan, mother to a very independent, capable, and happy Caleigh (31 August 1994) — J. Oliver

Response:

>Babies need their parents!!! Sounds as if her emotoinal needs were met >when she was sick, and now she’s wondering why she’s being neglected. To >let a baby sream is irresponsable, You need to read any book by William >Sears and ignor people who suggest to train a baby to sleep. When we all >made the decision to have children, we took a responsablity to mother them >24hrs a day.

Hi, all!!! Just want to say that I disagree with this one…To understand the flip side of the coin, which is not at presented in the previous post, read the book "Solving Your Child’s Sleep Problems" by Dr. Richard Ferber, Director of the  Pediatric Sleep Disorders Clinic at Boston Children’s Hospital.   I do believe that we have a responsibility to our children 24 hours a day, but my belief is that part of our responsibility is to teach a child to be self-sufficient and independent.  I do not believe that letting a child scream is irresponsible. It can be, or it may not be…it depends on the circumstances.  I also believe that the children of the above poster will totally run her life when they are old enough to understand that by pulling mom’s "my child has a need and I, as the parent, must meet it" strings.  But I am only speaking for myself.   I guess what it boils down to is: read the books, get the information, decide what you think your role is as a parent (meeting the child’s need -vs-teaching the child to meet his own need), and go from there.   Just wanted to present the other side of the story, which you have been advised by the author of the previous post, to ignore. — J. Oliver

Response:

Babies need their parents!!! Sounds as if her emotoinal needs were met when she was sick, and now she’s wondering why she’s being neglected. To let a baby sream is irresponsable, You need to read any book by William Sears and ignor people who suggest to train a baby to sleep. When we all made the decision to have children, we took a responsablity to mother them 24hrs a day. Dee  mom of A(2-3-93) and H(6-9-95)

Response:

> Babies need their parents!!! Sounds as if her emotoinal needs were met > when she was sick, and now she’s wondering why she’s being neglected. To > let a baby sream is irresponsable, You need to read any book by William > Sears and ignor people who suggest to train a baby to sleep. When we all > made the decision to have children, we took a responsablity to mother them > 24hrs a day.

Excuse me, but I just have to say that I think this line of thinking is crap.  Every baby is different.  Some need to sleep with their parents and some don’t.  To suggest that a parent  is not "parenting" because they require that their child sleep in their own bed is ridiculous.  My child sleeps in his own bed but you can bet I am right there if he needs me in the night.  I respect people who choose to use a family bed, and I think it would be nice if those who use family beds would show a little respect for people who choose not to. Kelly, mother of Colby–who sleeps best in his own bed.

Response:

>My 5 mo. old daughter was sleeping from 7:30 pm to 5:00 am until she got >sick a week and a half ago with a virus.  She has been better for a 5 >days, but now she will go to sleep at 7:30 but will wake up 2 hours later >and not go back down until about 10:30.  She then wakes up every 2 to 3 >hours screaming and everytime it takes me about 15 minutes to get her back >to sleep.  This has been going on for the past 5 nights!!!  HELP!  She is >Why won’t she go back to her old sleep pattern?  Can anyone help??  Please >e-mail me!!

for some really good information on sleeping patterns, etc. in children, please try to find the book "solving your child’s sleep problems" by Dr. Richard Ferber. — J. Oliver

Response:

>> My 5 mo. old daughter was sleeping from 7:30 pm to 5:00 am until she got > sick a week and a half ago with a virus.  She has been better for a 5 > days, but now she will go to sleep at 7:30 but will wake up 2 hours later > and not go back down until about 10:30.  She then wakes up every 2 to 3 > hours screaming and everytime it takes me about 15 minutes to get her back > to sleep.  This has been going on for the past 5 nights!!!  HELP!  She is > Why won’t she go back to her old sleep pattern?  Can anyone help??  Please > e-mail me!!

Your daughter may also be teething. It’s not a very <comfortable> feeling (remember wisdom teeth?) She’s the right age. You might try some tylenol before bed and cold teething rings, wash clothes, etc. during the day to see if it helps. One thing, though, teething sometimes takes FOREVER. My daughter took almost 6 weeks to finally cut one of her canines. Aargh. Carole – Mama to Cody (7-9-90), Taylor (6-11-92)            Megan (4-7-94), and ? (due 9-16-96)

Response:

We went through the same scenerio with our 8 1/2 month old daughter after she had gotten over a bad bout of stomach flu.  We naturally gave her more couddles when she was ill and would put her to sleep by either a bottle or rocking because she was so distressed.  Naturally, after she was back to her bouncy, happy self, Zoe wanted to be rocked and fed to sleep.  It was like she was 6 months old again.  It took 1 night of letting her "remember" how to fall asleep by herself (it was a very noisy night!) and now everything is back to normal.  I think you just have to get her back into her old routine, although I’m sure your daughter will object quite loudly for a few nights. Good Luck Pip – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My 5 mo. old daughter was sleeping from 7:30 pm to 5:00 am until she got > sick a week and a half ago with a virus.  She has been better for a 5 > days, but now she will go to sleep at 7:30 but will wake up 2 hours later > and not go back down until about 10:30.  She then wakes up every 2 to 3 > hours screaming and everytime it takes me about 15 minutes to get her back > to sleep.  This has been going on for the past 5 nights!!!  HELP!  She is > Why won’t she go back to her old sleep pattern?  Can anyone help??  Please > e-mail me!!

Response:

My 5 mo. old daughter was sleeping from 7:30 pm to 5:00 am until she got sick a week and a half ago with a virus.  She has been better for a 5 days, but now she will go to sleep at 7:30 but will wake up 2 hours later and not go back down until about 10:30.  She then wakes up every 2 to 3 hours screaming and everytime it takes me about 15 minutes to get her back to sleep.  This has been going on for the past 5 nights!!!  HELP!  She is Why won’t she go back to her old sleep pattern?  Can anyone help??  Please e-mail me!!

Response: