Question:
My 12-month old son has picked up the nasty habit of hitting. He hits and headbutts because he thinks it’s funny and he hits when he is upset or doesn’t get his way. My mother-in-law says spank his hand when he does that, but that doesn’t seem right (stop his hitting by hitting). Anyway, does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance for your help! — Tanya H.
Response:
misc.kids added >My 12-month old son has picked up the nasty habit of hitting. He hits and >headbutts because he thinks it’s funny and he hits when he is upset or >doesn’t get his way. My mother-in-law says spank his hand when he does >that, but that doesn’t seem right (stop his hitting by hitting). Anyway, >does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance for your help!
Does he hit and head butt everyone? Or just you? Use positive parenting. With 12 month old children, distraction is the primary tool and supervision is necessary for safety. He is still an infant. Unless something is dangerous, however, you need to relaz and let him explore. If he is hitting because you are stopping him from some action, reconsider what you are doing. Is he trying to explore something and it is something you are afraid he will break? Let him explore under supervision, or put the object away out of sight and distract him with some other object he can explore. Make sure he has plenty of time to explore freely. Childproof your house and take him places where he can explore safely since that is his job. The more you allow him to explore his environment, the more he will learn. If he is hitting because you are telling him *no,* consider trying to rephrase your no into a positive. Tell your child what he can do rather than what he cannot do. Come play with the ball is much better than don’t play with the lamp. When he does try to hit, restrain him and don’t allow him to follow through. If you can see it coming, you should certainly be able to stop him from completing the action. Then, show him how he should touch you. Say *we use gentle hands on people* and help him stroke gently. If he is overtired or hungry, tend to those needs immediately so that he won’t become so frustrated that he is hitting you. Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. source unknown
Response:
> he sounds old enough for a sharply spoken NO!
He sounds old enough, as kids at this age, and younger, and older, for a diversion and redirection so the behavior itself can be both fended off and NOT turn into a point of contention…that will most assuredly turn into a power struggle. He needs, as all children do, to be treated as if he is worthwhile, capable, and responsible, and starting with an insult to that concept guarantees it will be much harder later to attain the goal of raising a child with a conscience and SELF control, rather than external control locus. All things in good time. The behavior does not and cannot be directly confronted until the child is ready. A 12 month old isn’t ready. It will take until about 4, the start of the ability and desire for cooperative social interaction, for the child to be ready. The brain is ready then, it isn’t before. And that’s a fact, jack. And it can easily be taught painlessly and joyfully through play, at that time: Four years old for the normal child not suffering earlier insult and so not in resistance. Kane – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My 12-month old son has picked up the nasty habit of hitting. He hits and > headbutts because he thinks it’s funny and he hits when he is upset or > doesn’t get his way. My mother-in-law says spank his hand when he does > that, but that doesn’t seem right (stop his hitting by hitting). Anyway, > does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance for your help! > — > Tanya H.
Response:
> We used all of these techniques, and continue to do so. We, DS and I love > this one the best. Now he will catch himself mid-hit and gently stroke my > face. This is a very nice opportunity to say how nice it feels with big > smiles. He loves making Mamma feel good.
I love that you are using such loving and gentle methods. At that age (and later for that matter) that’s all the ever should be used. Any violence from the child should, before it becomes an ingrained power struggle, be met with sweetness and love including cuddling and silliness. It is very hard for a human to be agressive when someone they care about is loving and gentle with them….well, if they get the start your child is getting from you. You are in for a wonderful experience with your child, he with you. Kane, who raised all his children gently with trust in their innate goodness.
Response:
he sounds old enough for a sharply spoken NO!
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My 12-month old son has picked up the nasty habit of hitting. He hits and > headbutts because he thinks it’s funny and he hits when he is upset or > doesn’t get his way. My mother-in-law says spank his hand when he does > that, but that doesn’t seem right (stop his hitting by hitting). Anyway, > does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance for your help! > — > Tanya H.
Response:
My daughter did the same thing. I battled for months and then One day it just stopped. I will say that I sort of ignored the behavior. The more I brought attention to it, the more she used it. When it got to the point she was doing it and knew it was wrong, I would remove her from the situation. If she hit anyone or our pet cat, I would tell her no and then put her in her crib for a few moments. Soon enough she knew she did not want to go away. We do use the words"time Out", even though I don’t know if I believe it works. Just remember "this too shall pass". – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My 12-month old son has picked up the nasty habit of hitting. He hits and >headbutts because he thinks it’s funny and he hits when he is upset or >doesn’t get his way. My mother-in-law says spank his hand when he does >that, but that doesn’t seem right (stop his hitting by hitting). Anyway, >does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance for your help! >Tanya H. > Say ouch, I doubt he’ll hurt you any time soon. And wait a bit till he > grows the ability to see it as more than an action, and till he notes > that you need concern as well. If you’re patient, and just look hurt when > he does it, he’ll figure it out better, and long before he’d ever be a > danger. > Steve
Response:
>My 12-month old son has picked up the nasty habit of hitting. He hits and >headbutts because he thinks it’s funny and he hits when he is upset or >doesn’t get his way. My mother-in-law says spank his hand when he does >that, but that doesn’t seem right (stop his hitting by hitting). Anyway, >does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance for your help! >Tanya H.
Say ouch, I doubt he’ll hurt you any time soon. And wait a bit till he grows the ability to see it as more than an action, and till he notes that you need concern as well. If you’re patient, and just look hurt when he does it, he’ll figure it out better, and long before he’d ever be a danger. Steve
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> misc.kids added >My 12-month old son has picked up the nasty habit of hitting. He hits and >headbutts because he thinks it’s funny and he hits when he is upset or >doesn’t get his way. My mother-in-law says spank his hand when he does >that, but that doesn’t seem right (stop his hitting by hitting). Anyway, >does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance for your help! > Does he hit and head butt everyone? Or just you? > Use positive parenting. With 12 month old children, distraction is > the primary tool and supervision is necessary for safety. > He is still an infant. Unless something is dangerous, however, > you need to relaz and let him explore. > If he is hitting because you are stopping him from some action, > reconsider what you are doing. Is he trying to explore something > and it is something you are afraid he will break? Let him explore > under supervision, or put the object away out of sight and distract > him with some other object he can explore. Make sure he has > plenty of time to explore freely. Childproof your house and take > him places where he can explore safely since that is his job. The > more you allow him to explore his environment, the more he will > learn. > If he is hitting because you are telling him *no,* consider trying > to rephrase your no into a positive. Tell your child what he can > do rather than what he cannot do. Come play with the ball is > much better than don’t play with the lamp. > When he does try to hit, restrain him and don’t allow him to > follow through. If you can see it coming, you should certainly > be able to stop him from completing the action. Then, show him > how he should touch you. Say *we use gentle hands on people* > and help him stroke gently.
We used all of these techniques, and continue to do so. We, DS and I love this one the best. Now he will catch himself mid-hit and gently stroke my face. This is a very nice opportunity to say how nice it feels with big smiles. He loves making Mamma feel good. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> If he is overtired or hungry, tend to those needs immediately so > that he won’t become so frustrated that he is hitting you. > Dorothy > There is no sound, no cry in all the world > that can be heard unless someone listens .. > source unknown
Response:
I agree – hitting is hand is negative reinforcement, and makes you a hypocrite when you explain later that "we don’t hit each other in our family." This is normal behaviour for his age – he doesn’t understand consequnces and can’t yet project his feelings onto you, which is neccessary for the hand-slap to work. You’ll just end up with a toddler who believes you’re unpredictable and doesn’t trust you. Go with your instincts.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> misc.kids added >My 12-month old son has picked up the nasty habit of hitting. He hits and >headbutts because he thinks it’s funny and he hits when he is upset or >doesn’t get his way. My mother-in-law says spank his hand when he does >that, but that doesn’t seem right (stop his hitting by hitting). Anyway, >does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance for your help! > Does he hit and head butt everyone? Or just you? > Use positive parenting. With 12 month old children, distraction is > the primary tool and supervision is necessary for safety. > He is still an infant. Unless something is dangerous, however, > you need to relaz and let him explore. > If he is hitting because you are stopping him from some action, > reconsider what you are doing. Is he trying to explore something > and it is something you are afraid he will break? Let him explore > under supervision, or put the object away out of sight and distract > him with some other object he can explore. Make sure he has > plenty of time to explore freely. Childproof your house and take > him places where he can explore safely since that is his job. The > more you allow him to explore his environment, the more he will > learn. > If he is hitting because you are telling him *no,* consider trying > to rephrase your no into a positive. Tell your child what he can > do rather than what he cannot do. Come play with the ball is > much better than don’t play with the lamp. > When he does try to hit, restrain him and don’t allow him to > follow through. If you can see it coming, you should certainly > be able to stop him from completing the action. Then, show him > how he should touch you. Say *we use gentle hands on people* > and help him stroke gently. > If he is overtired or hungry, tend to those needs immediately so > that he won’t become so frustrated that he is hitting you. > Dorothy > There is no sound, no cry in all the world > that can be heard unless someone listens .. > source unknown
Response:
> doesn’t get his way. My mother-in-law says spank his hand when he does > that, but that doesn’t seem right (stop his hitting by hitting). Anyway, > does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance for your help!
With my kids they really didn’t realize that hitting someone hurt them, so the smack on the hand reminded them that it doesn’t feel good to be hit. It was a short phase for all of them. We let them have just about any other outlet for frustration but hitting or (for the oldest) name-calling was not tolerated. Frustration’s a tricky thing to try and control. Regards, Andrew
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