Pure Parents

Question:

It’s very simple – - do *you* like everyone you know; every neighbor, everyone you work with (if you work outisde the home)?   Probably not. Kids, like adults, have personalities and preferences.  Just because they’re five and and similar addresses does not mean they’ll automatically be friends.  *You’re* not friends with his parents – right?  And it’s not their resonsibility to provide your son with a suitable playmate.  You’re doing your son a disfavor by giving him the expectation that that particular boy is "supposed" to be his friend. So take it in stride, have other activities and steer your son to playing with other kids and, if there are few kids in the neighborhood, arrange playdates with others.   And keep in mind that these things ebb and flow, and they might be buddies in a couple months or next  year.  Then the month after that, maybe not… Banty – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hi, I am new to this newsgroup.  I usually read alot of posts but don’t >have time to post any myself.  But now that the little one is napping, >maybe someone could lend some advice. >I have a 5 year old son.  He started kindergarten this year.  There is a >boy across the street, who, when we moved here seemed like a nice kid. >We were hoping they would become good friends because they are the only >two on the street the same age.  But a year later, things have changed. >I want to start out by saying, my son is not perfect.  Kids will be >kids.  They argue, have spats sometimes do not get along. >For the most part the boys get along, but there at days when this boy >walks out of the house and my son will run up to him and say "hi!" and >we walk to the bus stop, and he will not answer him, he will just say >"get away from me" or "I don’t want to walk with you".  If the boy comes >over to play, they will be playing fine and the next minute he will be >saying "stop following me" or if you ask him a question he will say >"mind your own business".  But lately it has been escalating, he will >purposely bump into my son and say "he pushed me".   Even at the bus >stop, the boy is looking for a fight or a confrontation constantly. And >when you look at him, you can see the glare in his eye and he almost >looks like he is having a good time when he does these things.  And last >week, he was calling my son names on the bus.  I just told my son to >tell him to stop and if he doesn’t to go sit with one of his other >friends on the bus.  I know it sounds petty.  I am not saying something >horrible is going on here, but my son is looking to me for answers as to >why this boy who is supposed to be his "friend" treats him this way. >Lately I have been telling my son to just walk away from him if he talks >to him like that.  I don’t want him to just stand there and have this >boy think it is ok to treat someone like this and then ask to come over >and play.  I don’t even know if we are overreacting or if this is a >normal kid thing.  I can see, the parents do not give him alot of >attention, they have an older teenage son who gets alot more of their >attention.  They are nice people, but in my opinion do not seem to >bother with this boy at all.   All the mother says when she sees her son >treating my son this way is "his mouth always gets him in trouble".  The >father is kind of anti social and I do not know if there is problems >there.  One day at the bus stop he told his son to get away from him >because he was getting on his nerves.  Me, I personally wouldn’t talk to >my son that way, but everyone has there own form of parenting, right >I am trying to have my son make some other friends at school.  He does >have a few friends outside of school who he sees, but what should I do? >When the boy comes over here (which hasn’t been that often lately!) I >try to give him extra attention and talk to him thinking, maybe that >will help. I try to say positive things to him when he does something >good or nice instead of attention for the negative stuff, but sometimes >it doesn’t work, he also has a lack of respect for adults most of the >time.  I feel like I shouldn’t be the one doing this though.  what about >his own parents?  I do feel bad for him in a way because he is only 6 >and I see how his home life is, but on the other hand I have my own son >to think about too.  I need to do what is best for him.  This has been >going on for months, nothing I do works. >Should I still let my son play with this kid?  Is this just useless >stuff I am worrying about or will it hurt my son in the long run?  All I >can do I feel right now, is just tell my son, you can play with him, but >if you feel like he is being mean or not being a friend, then don’t play >with him.  Just because he lives across the street doesn’t mean they >have to be friends. >Sometimes I feel like I think too much when it comes to my kids! >Sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough.  I would just like some one >else’s opinions on this.  If anyone had a  similar situation, what they >did about it, etc…… >Thanks! >Snoopy18

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi, I am new to this newsgroup.  I usually read alot of posts but don’t > have time to post any myself.  But now that the little one is napping, > maybe someone could lend some advice. > I have a 5 year old son.  He started kindergarten this year.  There is a > boy across the street, who, when we moved here seemed like a nice kid. > We were hoping they would become good friends because they are the only > two on the street the same age.  But a year later, things have changed. > I want to start out by saying, my son is not perfect.  Kids will be > kids.  They argue, have spats sometimes do not get along. > For the most part the boys get along, but there at days when this boy > walks out of the house and my son will run up to him and say "hi!" and > we walk to the bus stop, and he will not answer him, he will just say > "get away from me" or "I don’t want to walk with you".  If the boy comes > over to play, they will be playing fine and the next minute he will be > saying "stop following me" or if you ask him a question he will say > "mind your own business".  But lately it has been escalating, he will > purposely bump into my son and say "he pushed me".   Even at the bus > stop, the boy is looking for a fight or a confrontation constantly. And > when you look at him, you can see the glare in his eye and he almost > looks like he is having a good time when he does these things.  And last > week, he was calling my son names on the bus.  I just told my son to > tell him to stop and if he doesn’t to go sit with one of his other > friends on the bus.  I know it sounds petty.  I am not saying something > horrible is going on here, but my son is looking to me for answers as to > why this boy who is supposed to be his "friend" treats him this way. > Lately I have been telling my son to just walk away from him if he talks > to him like that.  I don’t want him to just stand there and have this > boy think it is ok to treat someone like this and then ask to come over > and play.  I don’t even know if we are overreacting or if this is a > normal kid thing.  I can see, the parents do not give him alot of > attention, they have an older teenage son who gets alot more of their > attention.  They are nice people, but in my opinion do not seem to > bother with this boy at all.   All the mother says when she sees her son > treating my son this way is "his mouth always gets him in trouble".  The > father is kind of anti social and I do not know if there is problems > there.  One day at the bus stop he told his son to get away from him > because he was getting on his nerves.  Me, I personally wouldn’t talk to > my son that way, but everyone has there own form of parenting, right > I am trying to have my son make some other friends at school.  He does > have a few friends outside of school who he sees, but what should I do? > When the boy comes over here (which hasn’t been that often lately!) I > try to give him extra attention and talk to him thinking, maybe that > will help. I try to say positive things to him when he does something > good or nice instead of attention for the negative stuff, but sometimes > it doesn’t work, he also has a lack of respect for adults most of the > time.  I feel like I shouldn’t be the one doing this though.  what about > his own parents?  I do feel bad for him in a way because he is only 6 > and I see how his home life is, but on the other hand I have my own son > to think about too.  I need to do what is best for him.  This has been > going on for months, nothing I do works. > Should I still let my son play with this kid?  Is this just useless > stuff I am worrying about or will it hurt my son in the long run?  All I > can do I feel right now, is just tell my son, you can play with him, but > if you feel like he is being mean or not being a friend, then don’t play > with him.  Just because he lives across the street doesn’t mean they > have to be friends. > Sometimes I feel like I think too much when it comes to my kids! > Sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough.  I would just like some one > else’s opinions on this.  If anyone had a  similar situation, what they > did about it, etc…… > Thanks! > Snoopy18

This kid has INCREDIBLE resentment either about extreme abuse or neglect, and you need to try to explain to your kid that some people don’t treat their kids very nice and that you talking to him now means that you DO. Always reassure him about this. He can get the message that the other kid is not going to be a happy camper anytime soon so he should expect too much and maybe he can try to understand him without being abused by him. Steve

Response:

Hi, I am new to this newsgroup.  I usually read alot of posts but don’t have time to post any myself.  But now that the little one is napping, maybe someone could lend some advice. I have a 5 year old son.  He started kindergarten this year.  There is a boy across the street, who, when we moved here seemed like a nice kid. We were hoping they would become good friends because they are the only two on the street the same age.  But a year later, things have changed. I want to start out by saying, my son is not perfect.  Kids will be kids.  They argue, have spats sometimes do not get along. For the most part the boys get along, but there at days when this boy walks out of the house and my son will run up to him and say "hi!" and we walk to the bus stop, and he will not answer him, he will just say "get away from me" or "I don’t want to walk with you".  If the boy comes over to play, they will be playing fine and the next minute he will be saying "stop following me" or if you ask him a question he will say "mind your own business".  But lately it has been escalating, he will purposely bump into my son and say "he pushed me".   Even at the bus stop, the boy is looking for a fight or a confrontation constantly. And when you look at him, you can see the glare in his eye and he almost looks like he is having a good time when he does these things.  And last week, he was calling my son names on the bus.  I just told my son to tell him to stop and if he doesn’t to go sit with one of his other friends on the bus.  I know it sounds petty.  I am not saying something horrible is going on here, but my son is looking to me for answers as to why this boy who is supposed to be his "friend" treats him this way. Lately I have been telling my son to just walk away from him if he talks to him like that.  I don’t want him to just stand there and have this boy think it is ok to treat someone like this and then ask to come over and play.  I don’t even know if we are overreacting or if this is a normal kid thing.  I can see, the parents do not give him alot of attention, they have an older teenage son who gets alot more of their attention.  They are nice people, but in my opinion do not seem to bother with this boy at all.   All the mother says when she sees her son treating my son this way is "his mouth always gets him in trouble".  The father is kind of anti social and I do not know if there is problems there.  One day at the bus stop he told his son to get away from him because he was getting on his nerves.  Me, I personally wouldn’t talk to my son that way, but everyone has there own form of parenting, right I am trying to have my son make some other friends at school.  He does have a few friends outside of school who he sees, but what should I do? When the boy comes over here (which hasn’t been that often lately!) I try to give him extra attention and talk to him thinking, maybe that will help. I try to say positive things to him when he does something good or nice instead of attention for the negative stuff, but sometimes it doesn’t work, he also has a lack of respect for adults most of the time.  I feel like I shouldn’t be the one doing this though.  what about his own parents?  I do feel bad for him in a way because he is only 6 and I see how his home life is, but on the other hand I have my own son to think about too.  I need to do what is best for him.  This has been going on for months, nothing I do works. Should I still let my son play with this kid?  Is this just useless stuff I am worrying about or will it hurt my son in the long run?  All I can do I feel right now, is just tell my son, you can play with him, but if you feel like he is being mean or not being a friend, then don’t play with him.  Just because he lives across the street doesn’t mean they have to be friends. Sometimes I feel like I think too much when it comes to my kids! Sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough.  I would just like some one else’s opinions on this.  If anyone had a  similar situation, what they did about it, etc…… Thanks! Snoopy18

Response: