Pure Parents

Question:

You know, I am always amazed when I read these posts of parents "stomping" kids and beating them with belts for things like potty accidents!   How horrible for both of you, your parents should’ve been "stomped" themselves. I can never remember my mom or dad doing this to me – the only time I was ashamed when I was young, I had an accident away from home.  My mom assured me that it was no big deal and I had nothing to be ashamed of. She actually made my laugh (and I remember this even though I was only five) by saying the person we were visiting probably "wet" herself too since she assured me she wore diapers.  I can remember being amazed that any adults wore diapers, and I felt a lot better!! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Thanks to all of you for your input. I did talk to my sister again and she > did take her aside and apolgize to her. She wasn’t punishing her for > wetting but she was for hiding them. However after we talked again, she > agreed that even that was the wrong thing to do. She really is  a good Mommy > . And she does tend to listen to me.  Just as an additional comment . Sadly, > I still remember my earliest childhood memory. I was not quite 4  years old > and in a car with my dad and siblings. I  needed to go potty but he wouldnt > stop so I wet myself. I remember him stopping the car and "stomping me in > the stomach". Funny tho, I don’t remember much about it except I could smell > the coal dust on his boots. And I remember him cussing me out over it. My > only child is going to be 16 this month and I am proud to say I have never > hit her. For anything. And we are still "friends". > Thanks again. And to Marie, I was so saddened when I read your post. Those > things stay with us forever. I do think in some ways tho it made me a better > Mom. It does have a high failure rate tho , that type of parenting. > I can remember occasionally wetting the bed until I was 7 or so…I had no > idea that some thought this abnormal…my parents never made a big deal > out > of it. I guess because of this I thought every kid did it until around > that > age…. > Sherrie > — > Momma to Madison Marie (10/18/00) and Nicholas Luke (10/17/01) > Cafe Mom–Information, Humor and Inspiration For Moms, By Moms > www.cafemom.net > > Ok, I know there have been several threads on potty training but since > my > > baby is soon to be 16 I have not paid much attention to them. However, I > > have a niece who just turned 5 last month. My sister told me tonight > that > > she was punishing her for hiding her wet pull ups behind the > refrigerator! > > I suggested that punishing her was not the right thing to do since she > is > > apparently already "ashamed" of what she’s done. Personally I don’t > think > 5 > > is too old to have accidents. |And it’s always irked me when parents > "shame > > " their kids for this. > > She had her in panties for a while but kept having accidents at night. > So > > she went back to the pull ups. Now she is getting up and hiding them. > > I also think potty training is a bit of a joke. Do we really potty train > > them ? I dont think so. > > Anyway, any thoughts on how to handle this. > > pid > > mom who was blessed with only one who will be 16 this month! (and still > my > > pride and joy)

Response:

Thanks to all of you for your input. I did talk to my sister again and she did take her aside and apolgize to her. She wasn’t punishing her for wetting but she was for hiding them. However after we talked again, she agreed that even that was the wrong thing to do. She really is  a good Mommy . And she does tend to listen to me.  Just as an additional comment . Sadly, I still remember my earliest childhood memory. I was not quite 4  years old and in a car with my dad and siblings. I  needed to go potty but he wouldnt stop so I wet myself. I remember him stopping the car and "stomping me in the stomach". Funny tho, I don’t remember much about it except I could smell the coal dust on his boots. And I remember him cussing me out over it. My only child is going to be 16 this month and I am proud to say I have never hit her. For anything. And we are still "friends". Thanks again. And to Marie, I was so saddened when I read your post. Those things stay with us forever. I do think in some ways tho it made me a better Mom. It does have a high failure rate tho , that type of parenting.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I can remember occasionally wetting the bed until I was 7 or so…I had no > idea that some thought this abnormal…my parents never made a big deal out > of it. I guess because of this I thought every kid did it until around that > age…. > Sherrie > — > Momma to Madison Marie (10/18/00) and Nicholas Luke (10/17/01) > Cafe Mom–Information, Humor and Inspiration For Moms, By Moms > www.cafemom.net > Ok, I know there have been several threads on potty training but since my > baby is soon to be 16 I have not paid much attention to them. However, I > have a niece who just turned 5 last month. My sister told me tonight that > she was punishing her for hiding her wet pull ups behind the refrigerator! > I suggested that punishing her was not the right thing to do since she is > apparently already "ashamed" of what she’s done. Personally I don’t think > 5 > is too old to have accidents. |And it’s always irked me when parents > "shame > " their kids for this. > She had her in panties for a while but kept having accidents at night. So > she went back to the pull ups. Now she is getting up and hiding them. > I also think potty training is a bit of a joke. Do we really potty train > them ? I dont think so. > Anyway, any thoughts on how to handle this. > pid > mom who was blessed with only one who will be 16 this month! (and still my > pride and joy)

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I can remember occasionally wetting the bed until I was 7 or so…I had no > idea that some thought this abnormal…my parents never made a big deal out > of it. I guess because of this I thought every kid did it until around that > age…. > Sherrie > — > Momma to Madison Marie (10/18/00) and Nicholas Luke (10/17/01) > Cafe Mom–Information, Humor and Inspiration For Moms, By Moms > www.cafemom.net > Ok, I know there have been several threads on potty training but since my > baby is soon to be 16 I have not paid much attention to them. However, I > have a niece who just turned 5 last month. My sister told me tonight that > she was punishing her for hiding her wet pull ups behind the refrigerator! > I suggested that punishing her was not the right thing to do since she is > apparently already "ashamed" of what she’s done. Personally I don’t think > 5 > is too old to have accidents. |And it’s always irked me when parents > "shame > " their kids for this. > She had her in panties for a while but kept having accidents at night. So > she went back to the pull ups. Now she is getting up and hiding them. > I also think potty training is a bit of a joke. Do we really potty train > them ? I dont think so. > Anyway, any thoughts on how to handle this. > pid > mom who was blessed with only one who will be 16 this month! (and still my > pride and joy)

The kid is 5 — perfectly old enough to sit down and discuss this with. She is probably hiding them because she feels shame about wetting — so for starters discussing WHY she is hiding them — perhaps even suggesting to her that she must feel bad about wetting them if she is hiding them — reassuring her that wetting at night is pretty normal, that lots of kids do it and she will eventually outgrow it — that the pull ups are there to make it easier for her — but that if she doesn’t want to wear them, she can choose to just change the bed if she has an accident. let her have some control how her wetting is handled — she can wear pullups and dispose of them properly [does she have a place to put them now?  the material she needs to clean her self up conveniently available so she has some privacy?] OR she can just sleep without and then pull her sheets and put them in the washer in the morning and wipe down her bed cover and Mom will help her make up a clean bed. A 5 year old should be learning to be somewhat self sufficient and competent — help her deal with this situation rather than imposing a solution on her.

Response:

Ok, I know there have been several threads on potty training but since my baby is soon to be 16 I have not paid much attention to them. However, I have a niece who just turned 5 last month. My sister told me tonight that she was punishing her for hiding her wet pull ups behind the refrigerator! I suggested that punishing her was not the right thing to do since she is apparently already "ashamed" of what she’s done. Personally I don’t think 5 is too old to have accidents. |And it’s always irked me when parents "shame " their kids for this. She had her in panties for a while but kept having accidents at night. So she went back to the pull ups. Now she is getting up and hiding them. I also think potty training is a bit of a joke. Do we really potty train them ? I dont think so. Anyway, any thoughts on how to handle this. pid mom who was blessed with only one who will be 16 this month! (and still my pride and joy)

Response:

If she only wets at night, she shouldn’t be in pullups during the day. There are lots of kids who still wet at night, I did until I was 7, my daughter did until shortly after she turned 6. It’s a horrible thing being punished for bed-wetting, I was whipped with a belt every morning and I still have nightmares about that. She needs to be gentle with her daughter when she has accidents, and just act like the accidents are part of life. Things like taking her to the bathroom a couple of hours after she goes to sleep could help, that’s what I did with my daughter. She’d go to sleep around 9-10, and I’d take her to the bathroom around 12-1 and the rest of the night she’d be dry. Now she gets up on her own around that same time and goes to the bathroom and hasn’t wet the bed in months! There’s just a certain time frame that can be caught. I think that around 2 years old, kids should be "helped" to potty train. I’ve noticed (opposite of what most people seem to think) that kids that age are ready to learn to use the toilet, and are excited to as opposed to being reluctant at a later age, and there is no force or punishment needed. My two were, and lots of other kids I’ve babysat or been around alot are. It’s just a matter of taking advantage of it. (I will not argue this with anyone so anyone’s flames will not be responded to ) Marie

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Ok, I know there have been several threads on potty training but since my > baby is soon to be 16 I have not paid much attention to them. However, I > have a niece who just turned 5 last month. My sister told me tonight that > she was punishing her for hiding her wet pull ups behind the refrigerator! > I suggested that punishing her was not the right thing to do since she is > apparently already "ashamed" of what she’s done. Personally I don’t think 5 > is too old to have accidents. |And it’s always irked me when parents "shame > " their kids for this. > She had her in panties for a while but kept having accidents at night. So > she went back to the pull ups. Now she is getting up and hiding them. > I also think potty training is a bit of a joke. Do we really potty train > them ? I dont think so. > Anyway, any thoughts on how to handle this. > pid > mom who was blessed with only one who will be 16 this month! (and still my > pride and joy)

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Ok, I know there have been several threads on potty training but since my >baby is soon to be 16 I have not paid much attention to them. However, I >have a niece who just turned 5 last month. My sister told me tonight that >she was punishing her for hiding her wet pull ups behind the refrigerator! >I suggested that punishing her was not the right thing to do since she is >apparently already "ashamed" of what she’s done. Personally I don’t think 5 >is too old to have accidents. |And it’s always irked me when parents "shame >" their kids for this. >She had her in panties for a while but kept having accidents at night. So >she went back to the pull ups. Now she is getting up and hiding them. >I also think potty training is a bit of a joke. Do we really potty train >them ? I dont think so. >Anyway, any thoughts on how to handle this. >pid >mom who was blessed with only one who will be 16 this month! (and still my >pride and joy)

Tell your sister to stop being stupid and to take her daughter aside and apologize profusely to her and make peace, like this: Have her tell her daughter that she doesn’t need to be ashamed anymore and that her mother found out that she was wrong and that some kids just have that trouble a little longer than others and not to worry or be ashamed anymore, that it will get better and go away by itself, and that she will always help her, AND that she is sorry that she was hard on her, and that she just didn’t know any better!!! If she does that seriously, her daughter should find this much easier from here on. Right now she is sincerely terrified of not meeting her mother’s expectations. That needs to be defused. Steve

Response:

I can remember occasionally wetting the bed until I was 7 or so…I had no idea that some thought this abnormal…my parents never made a big deal out of it. I guess because of this I thought every kid did it until around that age…. Sherrie — Momma to Madison Marie (10/18/00) and Nicholas Luke (10/17/01) Cafe Mom–Information, Humor and Inspiration For Moms, By Moms www.cafemom.net

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Ok, I know there have been several threads on potty training but since my > baby is soon to be 16 I have not paid much attention to them. However, I > have a niece who just turned 5 last month. My sister told me tonight that > she was punishing her for hiding her wet pull ups behind the refrigerator! > I suggested that punishing her was not the right thing to do since she is > apparently already "ashamed" of what she’s done. Personally I don’t think 5 > is too old to have accidents. |And it’s always irked me when parents "shame > " their kids for this. > She had her in panties for a while but kept having accidents at night. So > she went back to the pull ups. Now she is getting up and hiding them. > I also think potty training is a bit of a joke. Do we really potty train > them ? I dont think so. > Anyway, any thoughts on how to handle this. > pid > mom who was blessed with only one who will be 16 this month! (and still my > pride and joy)

Response: