Pure Parents

Question:

> There was just an article in the paper this past week reporting on some > recent research completed on kindergarten kids — they found that the > older kids i.e. nearly 6 rather than nearly 5 who entered kindergarten > were superior in almost every one — from issues of being judged > intelligent and mature by teachers to testing. > Kids differ in their maturity — but when parents are juggling a decision > and are not SURE that starting school is right for their borderline child > — especially if it is a son — they are probably wise to err on the side > of caution and start them later.

Very true and I agree with you 100%.  With Alex I am glad we have another year+ to really decide….but for right now he seems to be ready for kindergarden in another year.. Chris on the other hand (my 2 year old) If right now he was the older child I would hold him back a year. Of course he is only 2 and it could change, but no matter what he will going into kindergarden as a 6 year old. My boys are completly different though, Alex is pretty shy at home, but when he gets out he gets social, Chris is the opposite. Mary Mary

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I will be facing this same issue next year when my son turns 5 on August > 23rd.  The cut off date here is September 30th (I believe) It is in > September though.  I was reading the posts about how you should look at what > age group the child gravitates to when at a playground or such. Alex does > gravitate towards older kids (Either 2 or 3 years older in fact.) He is a > very social child.  I think he is very smart too (OK who doesn’t say this > about thier child?) But at not even 4 yet he can write his name and has the > whole alphabet down except for a few trouble letters (U and Y) (Can’t write > the whole alphabet yet but within the next year I am sure that he will > learn, and I rememeber kindergarden being a time when they helped you learn > how to wirte your letters and numbers anyways.) My younger son is a little > easier, he won’t be 5 till Decmeber of 2002 and when he goes into > kindergarden his older brother will be going into second grade, I think it > is good spacing, I definitly didn’t want Alex to be going into 1st grade and > Chris going into kindergarden…if they should happen to hold Alex back a > grade he would be in the same grade as his brother and I don’t think he > would be happy about that.

There was just an article in the paper this past week reporting on some recent research completed on kindergarten kids — they found that the older kids i.e. nearly 6 rather than nearly 5 who entered kindergarten were superior in almost every one — from issues of being judged intelligent and mature by teachers to testing.   Kids differ in their maturity — but when parents are juggling a decision and are not SURE that starting school is right for their borderline child — especially if it is a son — they are probably wise to err on the side of caution and start them later. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Mary > Hi Marian, > My closest friend put her son in Kindergarten when he wasn’t quite 5.  All > of us nay-sayers (her friends) told her she was wrong, but she followed > her > instincts, and put him in anyway.  He is doing wonderfully.  He fits right > in, loves school, is reading to his classmates, won several awards at the > end of the year, etc. His "report card" is a joke, as reading isn’t even > part of Kindergarten curriculum.  He IS getting +’s under recognizes > letters.  :)  Anyway, my friend followed her instincts, and she was right. > When MY daughter was in preschool (9 years ago), her head teacher > suggested > *I* keep her in preschool when she was 5, as she was "quiet" (she still is > somewhat "shy").  I disagreed, and sent her to Kindergarten, as she was > certainly academically ready for Kindergarten.  Today, she is in 7th grade > with a 4.0, active in several extra-curricular activities, has a wonderful > peer group, etc, and I am VERY glad I didn’t hold her back.  My daughter’s > closest friend was not sent to Kindergarten until she was 6, but in 2nd > grade, the school district advanced her to third grade (she was ahead of > the > others in 2nd grade).  Two others in her (my daughter’s) peer group were > also advanced a year, one from 5th to 6th, and one from 6th to 7th.  (Very > few people in the 7th grade know that her friends are only 11). > So, my feeling is that if YOU feel she is academically and socially ready, > go ahead and send her to Kindergarten.  Girls tend to act more mature than > boys (at least in my experience and that of my teacher friends), so I > might > be more likely to hold a boy back than a girl who is academically and > socially ready.  Truly, amongst the 7th graders I have come in contact > with, > I would never have been able to guess which two of my daughter’s friends > are > a year younger than the rest…they are all doing so well. > In addition, if your daughter is already reading, she won’t be learning a > whole heck of a lot in Kindergarten, where they tend to try to teach the > (other) kids their letters, and barely start with reading.  Can you > imagine > how bored she would be if you held her our for an additional year?  I hope > your district has some kind of a gifted program in place… > Good luck, it’s a tough choice I know, but you are the one who knows your > daughter best. > Shelly > > This thread has caused me to seriously rethink whether I should put my > > daughter into Kindergarten.  She is just 4.5 yrs old and very bright (I > > know we all think our kids are bright, but she is reading and doing > > math at the 1st grade level).  So, I have been all set to send her to > > Kindergarten which begins in July (year round school district).  I am > > sure she will be the youngest in her class.  She is also small for her > > age, but she will always be short (my husband and I are not very > > tall).  She has been experiencing some anxiety over it (she doesn’t say > > this, it has come out in other behaviors).  I am wondering if I am > > doing the right thing. > > On the other hand, she is outgoing and has good social skills.  Most of > > her friends are younger, but that is because she is the oldest in the > > neighborhood who is not in school full-time.  She will play with older > > kids when they are around. She loved preschool and wanted to go > > everyday.  The Kindergarten is only a half day, and she has no > > separation anxiety at all (she takes off to play with nary a glance > > backward ).  Now, I find myself second guessing my decision.  I am > > going to try to volunteer for her classroom and that will give me a > > chance to see first hand how she does.  I also plan on discussing it > > with the teacher. > > My concern now is how she will feel if I decide to pull her out and put > > her back in preschool?  This is a lot tougher decision than I initally > > thought it would be! > > Marian > > > I’m sorry to piggy back , but I’m missing a lot of original posts. > > (OT: > > > What’s going on with that?) > > > Anyway, a friend of mine had to make the same decision – her baby was > > a > > > November baby and December was the cut off.  Someone said to > > her, "When you > > > think back over your whole life, would you rather have one extra year > > as a > > > kid, or one extra year as a grown up?"  That did it for her and she > > kept her > > > back.  The girl has done extremely well in school and socially.  It > > is a > > > difficult decision, however, good luck. > > > Jess > > > >My sister in law has a son who is now 18 almost 19, she has her > > masters in > > > > early ed > > > >and chose to hold her son back (aug 13 bday) in kindergarten.  The > > summer she > > > > had > > > >to make the choice she also worked as one of the screeners for the > > > > kindergarten/1st > > > >grade children.  She felt it was the hardest thing she ever had to > > do, but > > > > Charles > > > >has faired very well as an adolescent.  Top of his graduating class, > > gifted > > > >children classes and first trumpet in the junior sympony.  Quiet an > > > > accomplished > > > >kid for one held back.  She says to this day it was the best > > decision she ever > > > > made > > > >for him. > > > >Good luck. > > > >Shirley mom to Christopher and Kathleen 1/23/95 > > > >> In my town the cutoff date for kindergarten is October 1. My > > daughter will > > > > turn > > > >> 5 on July 31. She’s very bright (that’s what they all say, > > right?;), but > > > > she’s > > > >> a little young for her age. She’s attended half-days of both > > nursery school > > > > and > > > >> preschool three days a week. > > > >> I was all set to send her to kindergarten. We went to the > > orientation last > > > >> week, and the principal had the parents remain in their seats > > while the kids > > > >> filed out into another room. I was struck at how young and small > > my daughter > > > >> was compared with the other kids. I suspect many of them were held > > out–some > > > >> people in my town do hold summer-birthday kids out of kindergarten, > > > > especially > > > >> if the child is a boy–and more than a few are already six. > > > >> My daughter’s personality is that of a somewhat shy person, > > slightly slow to > > > >> warm up, who’s a little uncomfortable with big kids and with > > groups; she’s > > > >> better in one-on-one situations. Her best friend is a full year > > younger. > > > > Also, > > > >> there will be 23 kids in the class, give or take. > > > >> I asked if one could find out the average age of the kids in the > > class (this > > > > is > > > >> a K-8 school, and my daughter will be with most of these kids > > through high > > > >> school), and I was told I could ask at the office. (I may just do > > that.) > > > >> There ensued a buzz about kindergarten readiness, holding kids > > out, etc. I > > > >> overheard someone say that a parent should look at the age of the > > children > > > >> their kids gravitate toward at the playground. I have to admit, my > > daughter > > > >> usually goes for the kids her age or slightly younger. Also, she’s > > one of the > > > >> oldest in her dance class, and she’s thriving in that

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Response:

I will be facing this same issue next year when my son turns 5 on August 23rd.  The cut off date here is September 30th (I believe) It is in September though.  I was reading the posts about how you should look at what age group the child gravitates to when at a playground or such. Alex does gravitate towards older kids (Either 2 or 3 years older in fact.) He is a very social child.  I think he is very smart too (OK who doesn’t say this about thier child?) But at not even 4 yet he can write his name and has the whole alphabet down except for a few trouble letters (U and Y) (Can’t write the whole alphabet yet but within the next year I am sure that he will learn, and I rememeber kindergarden being a time when they helped you learn how to wirte your letters and numbers anyways.) My younger son is a little easier, he won’t be 5 till Decmeber of 2002 and when he goes into kindergarden his older brother will be going into second grade, I think it is good spacing, I definitly didn’t want Alex to be going into 1st grade and Chris going into kindergarden…if they should happen to hold Alex back a grade he would be in the same grade as his brother and I don’t think he would be happy about that. Mary – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Marian, > My closest friend put her son in Kindergarten when he wasn’t quite 5.  All > of us nay-sayers (her friends) told her she was wrong, but she followed her > instincts, and put him in anyway.  He is doing wonderfully.  He fits right > in, loves school, is reading to his classmates, won several awards at the > end of the year, etc. His "report card" is a joke, as reading isn’t even > part of Kindergarten curriculum.  He IS getting +’s under recognizes > letters.  :)  Anyway, my friend followed her instincts, and she was right. > When MY daughter was in preschool (9 years ago), her head teacher suggested > *I* keep her in preschool when she was 5, as she was "quiet" (she still is > somewhat "shy").  I disagreed, and sent her to Kindergarten, as she was > certainly academically ready for Kindergarten.  Today, she is in 7th grade > with a 4.0, active in several extra-curricular activities, has a wonderful > peer group, etc, and I am VERY glad I didn’t hold her back.  My daughter’s > closest friend was not sent to Kindergarten until she was 6, but in 2nd > grade, the school district advanced her to third grade (she was ahead of the > others in 2nd grade).  Two others in her (my daughter’s) peer group were > also advanced a year, one from 5th to 6th, and one from 6th to 7th.  (Very > few people in the 7th grade know that her friends are only 11). > So, my feeling is that if YOU feel she is academically and socially ready, > go ahead and send her to Kindergarten.  Girls tend to act more mature than > boys (at least in my experience and that of my teacher friends), so I might > be more likely to hold a boy back than a girl who is academically and > socially ready.  Truly, amongst the 7th graders I have come in contact with, > I would never have been able to guess which two of my daughter’s friends are > a year younger than the rest…they are all doing so well. > In addition, if your daughter is already reading, she won’t be learning a > whole heck of a lot in Kindergarten, where they tend to try to teach the > (other) kids their letters, and barely start with reading.  Can you imagine > how bored she would be if you held her our for an additional year?  I hope > your district has some kind of a gifted program in place… > Good luck, it’s a tough choice I know, but you are the one who knows your > daughter best. > Shelly > This thread has caused me to seriously rethink whether I should put my > daughter into Kindergarten.  She is just 4.5 yrs old and very bright (I > know we all think our kids are bright, but she is reading and doing > math at the 1st grade level).  So, I have been all set to send her to > Kindergarten which begins in July (year round school district).  I am > sure she will be the youngest in her class.  She is also small for her > age, but she will always be short (my husband and I are not very > tall).  She has been experiencing some anxiety over it (she doesn’t say > this, it has come out in other behaviors).  I am wondering if I am > doing the right thing. > On the other hand, she is outgoing and has good social skills.  Most of > her friends are younger, but that is because she is the oldest in the > neighborhood who is not in school full-time.  She will play with older > kids when they are around. She loved preschool and wanted to go > everyday.  The Kindergarten is only a half day, and she has no > separation anxiety at all (she takes off to play with nary a glance > backward ).  Now, I find myself second guessing my decision.  I am > going to try to volunteer for her classroom and that will give me a > chance to see first hand how she does.  I also plan on discussing it > with the teacher. > My concern now is how she will feel if I decide to pull her out and put > her back in preschool?  This is a lot tougher decision than I initally > thought it would be! > Marian > > I’m sorry to piggy back , but I’m missing a lot of original posts. > (OT: > > What’s going on with that?) > > Anyway, a friend of mine had to make the same decision – her baby was > a > > November baby and December was the cut off.  Someone said to > her, "When you > > think back over your whole life, would you rather have one extra year > as a > > kid, or one extra year as a grown up?"  That did it for her and she > kept her > > back.  The girl has done extremely well in school and socially.  It > is a > > difficult decision, however, good luck. > > Jess > > >My sister in law has a son who is now 18 almost 19, she has her > masters in > > > early ed > > >and chose to hold her son back (aug 13 bday) in kindergarten.  The > summer she > > > had > > >to make the choice she also worked as one of the screeners for the > > > kindergarten/1st > > >grade children.  She felt it was the hardest thing she ever had to > do, but > > > Charles > > >has faired very well as an adolescent.  Top of his graduating class, > gifted > > >children classes and first trumpet in the junior sympony.  Quiet an > > > accomplished > > >kid for one held back.  She says to this day it was the best > decision she ever > > > made > > >for him. > > >Good luck. > > >Shirley mom to Christopher and Kathleen 1/23/95 > > >> In my town the cutoff date for kindergarten is October 1. My > daughter will > > > turn > > >> 5 on July 31. She’s very bright (that’s what they all say, > right?;), but > > > she’s > > >> a little young for her age. She’s attended half-days of both > nursery school > > > and > > >> preschool three days a week. > > >> I was all set to send her to kindergarten. We went to the > orientation last > > >> week, and the principal had the parents remain in their seats > while the kids > > >> filed out into another room. I was struck at how young and small > my daughter > > >> was compared with the other kids. I suspect many of them were held > out–some > > >> people in my town do hold summer-birthday kids out of kindergarten, > > > especially > > >> if the child is a boy–and more than a few are already six. > > >> My daughter’s personality is that of a somewhat shy person, > slightly slow to > > >> warm up, who’s a little uncomfortable with big kids and with > groups; she’s > > >> better in one-on-one situations. Her best friend is a full year > younger. > > > Also, > > >> there will be 23 kids in the class, give or take. > > >> I asked if one could find out the average age of the kids in the > class (this > > > is > > >> a K-8 school, and my daughter will be with most of these kids > through high > > >> school), and I was told I could ask at the office. (I may just do > that.) > > >> There ensued a buzz about kindergarten readiness, holding kids > out, etc. I > > >> overheard someone say that a parent should look at the age of the > children > > >> their kids gravitate toward at the playground. I have to admit, my > daughter > > >> usually goes for the kids her age or slightly younger. Also, she’s > one of the > > >> oldest in her dance class, and she’s thriving in that situation. > > >> On Monday I signed my daughter up for a nonacademic program for 4- > and > > >> 5-year-olds for September. I was feeling fine with that decision > until my > > >> mother today questioned it. I’ve been mulling it over, and my main > reason for > > >> wanting to hold my daughter out is to remove the obstacle of > always being the > > >> youngest, the least sophisticated; instead, she’d be one of the > oldest. I did > > > a > > >> little research, and from what I can tell, there’s no harm in > holding a kid > > > out > > >> of kindergarten–and I can see how her confidence would increase > with her > > > being > > >> slightly more mature than her classmates. > > >> I realize I seem to be obsessing about this, but I’m making a > decision that > > >> will affect my daughter’s education for the next 12 years or so. > > >> Any thoughts on holding kids out vs. putting them in exactly when > their age > > >> says? > > >> Thanks! > > >> Anne

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Response:

> Just another point.  While I agree that maturity is important, there *IS* a > great deal of stigma attached to being older.  My husband repeated > kindergarten and is STILL sensitive about at 30! > S’n'E

The stigma is not ‘being older’ — it is in flunking a grade and being publicly ‘held back.’  There is a HUGE difference between starting the next year and ‘flunking kindergarten’ which is what your husband had to deal with.  Just starting a year later is the way to avoid precisely this problem.  Many parents start boys a year late to give them an advantage in sports later — or because boys tend to be somewhat immature.  Certainly a child who is born late summer or fall will often be better off waiting a year and being among the older kids in the class rather than the youngest.

Response:

Just another point.  While I agree that maturity is important, there *IS* a great deal of stigma attached to being older.  My husband repeated kindergarten and is STILL sensitive about at 30! S’n'E

Response:

>Just another point.  While I agree that maturity is important, there *IS* a >great deal of stigma attached to being older.  My husband repeated >kindergarten and is STILL sensitive about at 30!

Two thoughts: There’s a difference between repeating a grade and going into school late. Also, more people hold kids out these days, so I think there will be less of a stigma today than there used to (some of the kids my daughter would have been going to kindergarten with are already six). Thanks for the input! Anne

Response:

>I work with 2.5 – 5 year olds. >I think *every* child could benefit from being the most mature and competent >child >in their class!  It’s not possible for the majority of children – but your >daughter >could be one of those lucky ones!!! >Mind you, children do develop very rapidly at this age.  Keep your options >open as >long as you can.

Wow, great to hear from an expert. Your sentiments are exactly what I was thinking. Thanks! Anne

Response:

>I don’t believe that   putting them in exactly when their age says is always >the correct route to go.

Thanks for the input! Anne

Response:

Hi Anne, I work with kids and frequently get asked this question by parents. Here’s my .02. Firstly, you should go with your gut. If you feel she’s not ready, that counts for a lot. As kids get older the social gaps typically get larger, not smaller, so if she’s young now, there’s a chance that she’ll struggle even more in later, more socially demanding grades (although she may "grow into herself, of course) But since there’s not crystal ball, I’d prefer to err on the side of giving her the best chance possible to succeed. Being the top of the class and the oldest will encourage her to be a leader, to feel confident and to feel good about herself. It’s not just for now, but for the rest of her life. I think you’d be doing her a real service to give her another year to grow into herself. Chronological age is only one small factor in school and social readiness. She’s lucky to have a mom who’s considering all the other issues as well Susan http://havinganotherbaby.com * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

>Chronological age is only one >small factor in school and social readiness. She’s lucky to have >a mom who’s considering all the other issues as well :

Thanks so much. I’m so glad I wrote–you guys have made me feel much better for a decision that has caused more than a few sleepless nights. Anne

Response:

My sister in law has a son who is now 18 almost 19, she has her masters in early ed and chose to hold her son back (aug 13 bday) in kindergarten.  The summer she had to make the choice she also worked as one of the screeners for the kindergarten/1st grade children.  She felt it was the hardest thing she ever had to do, but Charles has faired very well as an adolescent.  Top of his graduating class, gifted children classes and first trumpet in the junior sympony.  Quiet an accomplished kid for one held back.  She says to this day it was the best decision she ever made for him. Good luck. Shirley mom to Christopher and Kathleen 1/23/95 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > In my town the cutoff date for kindergarten is October 1. My daughter will turn > 5 on July 31. She’s very bright (that’s what they all say, right?;), but she’s > a little young for her age. She’s attended half-days of both nursery school and > preschool three days a week. > I was all set to send her to kindergarten. We went to the orientation last > week, and the principal had the parents remain in their seats while the kids > filed out into another room. I was struck at how young and small my daughter > was compared with the other kids. I suspect many of them were held out–some > people in my town do hold summer-birthday kids out of kindergarten, especially > if the child is a boy–and more than a few are already six. > My daughter’s personality is that of a somewhat shy person, slightly slow to > warm up, who’s a little uncomfortable with big kids and with groups; she’s > better in one-on-one situations. Her best friend is a full year younger. Also, > there will be 23 kids in the class, give or take. > I asked if one could find out the average age of the kids in the class (this is > a K-8 school, and my daughter will be with most of these kids through high > school), and I was told I could ask at the office. (I may just do that.) > There ensued a buzz about kindergarten readiness, holding kids out, etc. I > overheard someone say that a parent should look at the age of the children > their kids gravitate toward at the playground. I have to admit, my daughter > usually goes for the kids her age or slightly younger. Also, she’s one of the > oldest in her dance class, and she’s thriving in that situation. > On Monday I signed my daughter up for a nonacademic program for 4- and > 5-year-olds for September. I was feeling fine with that decision until my > mother today questioned it. I’ve been mulling it over, and my main reason for > wanting to hold my daughter out is to remove the obstacle of always being the > youngest, the least sophisticated; instead, she’d be one of the oldest. I did a > little research, and from what I can tell, there’s no harm in holding a kid out > of kindergarten–and I can see how her confidence would increase with her being > slightly more mature than her classmates. > I realize I seem to be obsessing about this, but I’m making a decision that > will affect my daughter’s education for the next 12 years or so. > Any thoughts on holding kids out vs. putting them in exactly when their age > says? > Thanks! > Anne

Response:

> My husband repeated kindergarten and is STILL sensitive about >at 30!

No kidding.  He failed kindergarten at 30? * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

I’m sorry to piggy back , but I’m missing a lot of original posts.  (OT:   What’s going on with that?) Anyway, a friend of mine had to make the same decision – her baby was a November baby and December was the cut off.  Someone said to her, "When you think back over your whole life, would you rather have one extra year as a kid, or one extra year as a grown up?"  That did it for her and she kept her back.  The girl has done extremely well in school and socially.  It is a difficult decision, however, good luck. Jess – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My sister in law has a son who is now 18 almost 19, she has her masters in > early ed >and chose to hold her son back (aug 13 bday) in kindergarten.  The summer she > had >to make the choice she also worked as one of the screeners for the > kindergarten/1st >grade children.  She felt it was the hardest thing she ever had to do, but > Charles >has faired very well as an adolescent.  Top of his graduating class, gifted >children classes and first trumpet in the junior sympony.  Quiet an > accomplished >kid for one held back.  She says to this day it was the best decision she ever > made >for him. >Good luck. >Shirley mom to Christopher and Kathleen 1/23/95 > In my town the cutoff date for kindergarten is October 1. My daughter will > turn > 5 on July 31. She’s very bright (that’s what they all say, right?;), but > she’s > a little young for her age. She’s attended half-days of both nursery school > and > preschool three days a week. > I was all set to send her to kindergarten. We went to the orientation last > week, and the principal had the parents remain in their seats while the kids > filed out into another room. I was struck at how young and small my daughter > was compared with the other kids. I suspect many of them were held out–some > people in my town do hold summer-birthday kids out of kindergarten, > especially > if the child is a boy–and more than a few are already six. > My daughter’s personality is that of a somewhat shy person, slightly slow to > warm up, who’s a little uncomfortable with big kids and with groups; she’s > better in one-on-one situations. Her best friend is a full year younger. > Also, > there will be 23 kids in the class, give or take. > I asked if one could find out the average age of the kids in the class (this > is > a K-8 school, and my daughter will be with most of these kids through high > school), and I was told I could ask at the office. (I may just do that.) > There ensued a buzz about kindergarten readiness, holding kids out, etc. I > overheard someone say that a parent should look at the age of the children > their kids gravitate toward at the playground. I have to admit, my daughter > usually goes for the kids her age or slightly younger. Also, she’s one of the > oldest in her dance class, and she’s thriving in that situation. > On Monday I signed my daughter up for a nonacademic program for 4- and > 5-year-olds for September. I was feeling fine with that decision until my > mother today questioned it. I’ve been mulling it over, and my main reason for > wanting to hold my daughter out is to remove the obstacle of always being the > youngest, the least sophisticated; instead, she’d be one of the oldest. I did > a > little research, and from what I can tell, there’s no harm in holding a kid > out > of kindergarten–and I can see how her confidence would increase with her > being > slightly more mature than her classmates. > I realize I seem to be obsessing about this, but I’m making a decision that > will affect my daughter’s education for the next 12 years or so. > Any thoughts on holding kids out vs. putting them in exactly when their age > says? > Thanks! > Anne

"Adorable children are considered to be the general property  of the human race.  Rude children belong strictly to their  mothers."  - Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners

Response:

This thread has caused me to seriously rethink whether I should put my daughter into Kindergarten.  She is just 4.5 yrs old and very bright (I know we all think our kids are bright, but she is reading and doing math at the 1st grade level).  So, I have been all set to send her to Kindergarten which begins in July (year round school district).  I am sure she will be the youngest in her class.  She is also small for her age, but she will always be short (my husband and I are not very tall).  She has been experiencing some anxiety over it (she doesn’t say this, it has come out in other behaviors).  I am wondering if I am doing the right thing. On the other hand, she is outgoing and has good social skills.  Most of her friends are younger, but that is because she is the oldest in the neighborhood who is not in school full-time.  She will play with older kids when they are around. She loved preschool and wanted to go everyday.  The Kindergarten is only a half day, and she has no separation anxiety at all (she takes off to play with nary a glance backward ).  Now, I find myself second guessing my decision.  I am going to try to volunteer for her classroom and that will give me a chance to see first hand how she does.  I also plan on discussing it with the teacher. My concern now is how she will feel if I decide to pull her out and put her back in preschool?  This is a lot tougher decision than I initally thought it would be! Marian – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I’m sorry to piggy back , but I’m missing a lot of original posts. (OT: > What’s going on with that?) > Anyway, a friend of mine had to make the same decision – her baby was a > November baby and December was the cut off.  Someone said to her, "When you > think back over your whole life, would you rather have one extra year as a > kid, or one extra year as a grown up?"  That did it for her and she kept her > back.  The girl has done extremely well in school and socially.  It is a > difficult decision, however, good luck. > Jess

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My sister in law has a son who is now 18 almost 19, she has her masters in > early ed >and chose to hold her son back (aug 13 bday) in kindergarten.  The summer she > had >to make the choice she also worked as one of the screeners for the > kindergarten/1st >grade children.  She felt it was the hardest thing she ever had to do, but > Charles >has faired very well as an adolescent.  Top of his graduating class, gifted >children classes and first trumpet in the junior sympony.  Quiet an > accomplished >kid for one held back.  She says to this day it was the best decision she ever > made >for him. >Good luck. >Shirley mom to Christopher and Kathleen 1/23/95 >> In my town the cutoff date for kindergarten is October 1. My daughter will > turn >> 5 on July 31. She’s very bright (that’s what they all say, right?;), but > she’s >> a little young for her age. She’s attended half-days of both nursery school > and >> preschool three days a week. >> I was all set to send her to kindergarten. We went to the orientation last >> week, and the principal had the parents remain in their seats while the kids >> filed out into another room. I was struck at how young and small my daughter >> was compared with the other kids. I suspect many of them were held out–some >> people in my town do hold summer-birthday kids out of kindergarten, > especially >> if the child is a boy–and more than a few are already six. >> My daughter’s personality is that of a somewhat shy person, slightly slow to >> warm up, who’s a little uncomfortable with big kids and with groups; she’s >> better in one-on-one situations. Her best friend is a full year younger. > Also, >> there will be 23 kids in the class, give or take. >> I asked if one could find out the average age of the kids in the class (this > is >> a K-8 school, and my daughter will be with most of these kids through high >> school), and I was told I could ask at the office. (I may just do that.) >> There ensued a buzz about kindergarten readiness, holding kids out, etc. I >> overheard someone say that a parent should look at the age of the children >> their kids gravitate toward at the playground. I have to admit, my daughter >> usually goes for the kids her age or slightly younger. Also, she’s one of the >> oldest in her dance class, and she’s thriving in that situation. >> On Monday I signed my daughter up for a nonacademic program for 4- and >> 5-year-olds for September. I was feeling fine with that decision until my >> mother today questioned it. I’ve been mulling it over, and my main reason for >> wanting to hold my daughter out is to remove the obstacle of always being the >> youngest, the least sophisticated; instead, she’d be one of the oldest. I did > a >> little research, and from what I can tell, there’s no harm in holding a kid > out >> of kindergarten–and I can see how her confidence would increase with her > being >> slightly more mature than her classmates. >> I realize I seem to be obsessing about this, but I’m making a decision that >> will affect my daughter’s education for the next 12 years or so. >> Any thoughts on holding kids out vs. putting them in exactly when their age >> says? >> Thanks! >> Anne > "Adorable children are considered to be the general property >  of the human race.  Rude children belong strictly to their >  mothers."  - Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners

Before you buy.

Response:

Hi Marian, My closest friend put her son in Kindergarten when he wasn’t quite 5.  All of us nay-sayers (her friends) told her she was wrong, but she followed her instincts, and put him in anyway.  He is doing wonderfully.  He fits right in, loves school, is reading to his classmates, won several awards at the end of the year, etc. His "report card" is a joke, as reading isn’t even part of Kindergarten curriculum.  He IS getting +’s under recognizes letters.  :)  Anyway, my friend followed her instincts, and she was right. When MY daughter was in preschool (9 years ago), her head teacher suggested *I* keep her in preschool when she was 5, as she was "quiet" (she still is somewhat "shy").  I disagreed, and sent her to Kindergarten, as she was certainly academically ready for Kindergarten.  Today, she is in 7th grade with a 4.0, active in several extra-curricular activities, has a wonderful peer group, etc, and I am VERY glad I didn’t hold her back.  My daughter’s closest friend was not sent to Kindergarten until she was 6, but in 2nd grade, the school district advanced her to third grade (she was ahead of the others in 2nd grade).  Two others in her (my daughter’s) peer group were also advanced a year, one from 5th to 6th, and one from 6th to 7th.  (Very few people in the 7th grade know that her friends are only 11). So, my feeling is that if YOU feel she is academically and socially ready, go ahead and send her to Kindergarten.  Girls tend to act more mature than boys (at least in my experience and that of my teacher friends), so I might be more likely to hold a boy back than a girl who is academically and socially ready.  Truly, amongst the 7th graders I have come in contact with, I would never have been able to guess which two of my daughter’s friends are a year younger than the rest…they are all doing so well. In addition, if your daughter is already reading, she won’t be learning a whole heck of a lot in Kindergarten, where they tend to try to teach the (other) kids their letters, and barely start with reading.  Can you imagine how bored she would be if you held her our for an additional year?  I hope your district has some kind of a gifted program in place… Good luck, it’s a tough choice I know, but you are the one who knows your daughter best. Shelly

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> This thread has caused me to seriously rethink whether I should put my > daughter into Kindergarten.  She is just 4.5 yrs old and very bright (I > know we all think our kids are bright, but she is reading and doing > math at the 1st grade level).  So, I have been all set to send her to > Kindergarten which begins in July (year round school district).  I am > sure she will be the youngest in her class.  She is also small for her > age, but she will always be short (my husband and I are not very > tall).  She has been experiencing some anxiety over it (she doesn’t say > this, it has come out in other behaviors).  I am wondering if I am > doing the right thing. > On the other hand, she is outgoing and has good social skills.  Most of > her friends are younger, but that is because she is the oldest in the > neighborhood who is not in school full-time.  She will play with older > kids when they are around. She loved preschool and wanted to go > everyday.  The Kindergarten is only a half day, and she has no > separation anxiety at all (she takes off to play with nary a glance > backward ).  Now, I find myself second guessing my decision.  I am > going to try to volunteer for her classroom and that will give me a > chance to see first hand how she does.  I also plan on discussing it > with the teacher. > My concern now is how she will feel if I decide to pull her out and put > her back in preschool?  This is a lot tougher decision than I initally > thought it would be! > Marian > I’m sorry to piggy back , but I’m missing a lot of original posts. > (OT: > What’s going on with that?) > Anyway, a friend of mine had to make the same decision – her baby was > a > November baby and December was the cut off.  Someone said to > her, "When you > think back over your whole life, would you rather have one extra year > as a > kid, or one extra year as a grown up?"  That did it for her and she > kept her > back.  The girl has done extremely well in school and socially.  It > is a > difficult decision, however, good luck. > Jess > >My sister in law has a son who is now 18 almost 19, she has her > masters in > > early ed > >and chose to hold her son back (aug 13 bday) in kindergarten.  The > summer she > > had > >to make the choice she also worked as one of the screeners for the > > kindergarten/1st > >grade children.  She felt it was the hardest thing she ever had to > do, but > > Charles > >has faired very well as an adolescent.  Top of his graduating class, > gifted > >children classes and first trumpet in the junior sympony.  Quiet an > > accomplished > >kid for one held back.  She says to this day it was the best > decision she ever > > made > >for him. > >Good luck. > >Shirley mom to Christopher and Kathleen 1/23/95 > >> In my town the cutoff date for kindergarten is October 1. My > daughter will > > turn > >> 5 on July 31. She’s very bright (that’s what they all say, > right?;), but > > she’s > >> a little young for her age. She’s attended half-days of both > nursery school > > and > >> preschool three days a week. > >> I was all set to send her to kindergarten. We went to the > orientation last > >> week, and the principal had the parents remain in their seats > while the kids > >> filed out into another room. I was struck at how young and small > my daughter > >> was compared with the other kids. I suspect many of them were held > out–some > >> people in my town do hold summer-birthday kids out of kindergarten, > > especially > >> if the child is a boy–and more than a few are already six. > >> My daughter’s personality is that of a somewhat shy person, > slightly slow to > >> warm up, who’s a little uncomfortable with big kids and with > groups; she’s > >> better in one-on-one situations. Her best friend is a full year > younger. > > Also, > >> there will be 23 kids in the class, give or take. > >> I asked if one could find out the average age of the kids in the > class (this > > is > >> a K-8 school, and my daughter will be with most of these kids > through high > >> school), and I was told I could ask at the office. (I may just do > that.) > >> There ensued a buzz about kindergarten readiness, holding kids > out, etc. I > >> overheard someone say that a parent should look at the age of the > children > >> their kids gravitate toward at the playground. I have to admit, my > daughter > >> usually goes for the kids her age or slightly younger. Also, she’s > one of the > >> oldest in her dance class, and she’s thriving in that situation. > >> On Monday I signed my daughter up for a nonacademic program for 4- > and > >> 5-year-olds for September. I was feeling fine with that decision > until my > >> mother today questioned it. I’ve been mulling it over, and my main > reason for > >> wanting to hold my daughter out is to remove the obstacle of > always being the > >> youngest, the least sophisticated; instead, she’d be one of the > oldest. I did > > a > >> little research, and from what I can tell, there’s no harm in > holding a kid > > out > >> of kindergarten–and I can see how her confidence would increase > with her > > being > >> slightly more mature than her classmates. > >> I realize I seem to be obsessing about this, but I’m making a > decision that > >> will affect my daughter’s education for the next 12 years or so. > >> Any thoughts on holding kids out vs. putting them in exactly when > their age > >> says? > >> Thanks! > >> Anne > "Adorable children are considered to be the general property >  of the human race.  Rude children belong strictly to their >  mothers."  - Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners > Before you buy.

Response:

I have twin sons, born in August. When it came time to put them in school, one was ready probably ready, the other probably wasn’t. We agonized over it for some time; we both wanted to hold them back, but worried about whether being older would create a stigma of some sort. We held them back. Now, both are in third grade and are consistantly at the top of their class and score very well on standard aptitude tests. They are confident going  into situations. We have never regretted the decision. Personally, I was born August 28 and was pushed into school. I was always the youngest and generally hated it. It’s also worth noting that the girls in the class behind me were much cuter (wink). One other tidbit, I used to be a newspaper reporter and had a chance to speak with several psycologist–invariablly, as interviews wound down, I managed to slip in the ol’  hold them back or not….generally, the answer was if there was any hesitation on your part, that was a sign you should hold the child back. Finally (another journalism thing), I once did a series of articles on education comparing school districts… the top school districts in our coverage area (the extremely afluent Oakland County, Michigan, which is believe it or not the third richest county in the country) when comparing scores on standard scholastic tests had a disproportionate share of children who had been held back… In fact, the well-to-do families in the area even have a name for it–it’s called "redshirting." – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text —— Original Message —– Newsgroups: alt.parenting.solutions > In my town the cutoff date for kindergarten is October 1. My daughter will turn > 5 on July 31. She’s very bright (that’s what they all say, right?;), but she’s > a little young for her age. She’s attended half-days of both nursery school and > preschool three days a week. > I was all set to send her to kindergarten. We went to the orientation last > week, and the principal had the parents remain in their seats while the kids > filed out into another room. I was struck at how young and small my daughter > was compared with the other kids. I suspect many of them were held out–some > people in my town do hold summer-birthday kids out of kindergarten, especially > if the child is a boy–and more than a few are already six. > My daughter’s personality is that of a somewhat shy person, slightly slow to > warm up, who’s a little uncomfortable with big kids and with groups; she’s > better in one-on-one situations. Her best friend is a full year younger. Also, > there will be 23 kids in the class, give or take. > I asked if one could find out the average age of the kids in the class (this is > a K-8 school, and my daughter will be with most of these kids through high > school), and I was told I could ask at the office. (I may just do that.) > There ensued a buzz about kindergarten readiness, holding kids out, etc. I > overheard someone say that a parent should look at the age of the children > their kids gravitate toward at the playground. I have to admit, my daughter > usually goes for the kids her age or slightly younger. Also, she’s one of the > oldest in her dance class, and she’s thriving in that situation. > On Monday I signed my daughter up for a nonacademic program for 4- and > 5-year-olds for September. I was feeling fine with that decision until my > mother today questioned it. I’ve been mulling it over, and my main reason for > wanting to hold my daughter out is to remove the obstacle of always being the > youngest, the least sophisticated; instead, she’d be one of the oldest. I did a > little research, and from what I can tell, there’s no harm in holding a kid out > of kindergarten–and I can see how her confidence would increase with her being > slightly more mature than her classmates. > I realize I seem to be obsessing about this, but I’m making a decision that > will affect my daughter’s education for the next 12 years or so. > Any thoughts on holding kids out vs. putting them in exactly when their age > says? > Thanks! > Anne

Response:

>  I think it is most important >to determine how mature/developed your child is before sending them to >school. Chronological age isn’t reliable when they are this young.

Thanks so much, Cindy! You made me feel a lot better about the decision. Anne

Response:

>From what you’ve said I would lean toward waiting another year–I personally >hate the expression "holding back".

I think "hold out" is a little better; "holding back" sounds like "left back." I think there’s another term–redshirting? >I’d check with/ the school district about > the jumping straight to grade one

thing.  I > know that a friend waited an extra year > > for her son to start kindergarten (our cut > off is Dec 1 and his bd is Nov 20) based > on the moving right to 1st grade if he had > learned all the kindergarten material > already, but the district refused. I think I understand the district’s take on this. The purpose of kindergarten (in this town, anyway) isn’t so much for what material is covered; it’s more to get the kids ready for the academic learning they’ll get in first grade. It’s almost like a prerequisite. I don’t think I’d have my own daughter skip kindergarten. I think the social skills she’ll learn there are important–and besides, I’m waiting to send her just as much because of how she’ll be in third grade as how she’ll be in kindergarten. I didn’t want her *always* to have to be the youngest. Thanks for joining the discussion! Anne

Response:

Hi! I work with 2.5 – 5 year olds. I think *every* child could benefit from being the most mature and competent child in their class!  It’s not possible for the majority of children – but your daughter could be one of those lucky ones!!! Mind you, children do develop very rapidly at this age.  Keep your options open as long as you can. Good luck! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Any thoughts on holding kids out vs. putting them in exactly when their age > says? > Thanks! > Anne

Response:

I don’t believe that   putting them in exactly when their age says is always the correct route to go. If she is thriving in her dance class with children a year younger than she, perhaps it’s a good idea to hold out.  Her confidence WILL increase with her being slightly older than her class mates.   – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->In my town the cutoff date for kindergarten is October 1. My daughter will turn >5 on July 31. She’s very bright (that’s what they all say, right?;), but she’s >a little young for her age. She’s attended half-days of both nursery school and >preschool three days a week. >I was all set to send her to kindergarten. We went to the orientation last >week, and the principal had the parents remain in their seats while the kids >filed out into another room. I was struck at how young and small my daughter >was compared with the other kids. I suspect many of them were held out–some >people in my town do hold summer-birthday kids out of kindergarten, especially >if the child is a boy–and more than a few are already six. >My daughter’s personality is that of a somewhat shy person, slightly slow to >warm up, who’s a little uncomfortable with big kids and with groups; she’s >better in one-on-one situations. Her best friend is a full year younger. Also, >there will be 23 kids in the class, give or take. >I asked if one could find out the average age of the kids in the class (this is >a K-8 school, and my daughter will be with most of these kids through high >school), and I was told I could ask at the office. (I may just do that.) >There ensued a buzz about kindergarten readiness, holding kids out, etc. I >overheard someone say that a parent should look at the age of the children >their kids gravitate toward at the playground. I have to admit, my daughter >usually goes for the kids her age or slightly younger. Also, she’s one of the >oldest in her dance class, and she’s thriving in that situation. >On Monday I signed my daughter up for a nonacademic program for 4- and >5-year-olds for September. I was feeling fine with that decision until my >mother today questioned it. I’ve been mulling it over, and my main reason for >wanting to hold my daughter out is to remove the obstacle of always being the >youngest, the least sophisticated; instead, she’d be one of the oldest. I did a >little research, and from what I can tell, there’s no harm in holding a kid out >of kindergarten–and I can see how her confidence would increase with her being >slightly more mature than her classmates. >I realize I seem to be obsessing about this, but I’m making a decision that >will affect my daughter’s education for the next 12 years or so. >Any thoughts on holding kids out vs. putting them in exactly when their age >says? >Thanks! >Anne

Response:

I’m having the same thoughts about entering my child into JK, he is 3.5 and will be four Dec.7th.  The cut-off here is Dec.31st. I too am worried about him being younger and less mature then his other classmates. Instead, I have decided to enter him into a JK alternative school here.  It is run by a private daycare, and it’s the same curriculum, however, there are a lot less kids.  On average there are 5 students to one teacher.  (My oldest son’s JK class has 28 students in it.)  You could look around at some of the daycare’s in your area and see if something like this exists there.  I know that it costs money, whereas JK does not, however I feel better about the learning enviroment here then I do with the actual school since he is younger.  I have observed the teacher etc. this year wiht my older son being a JK student (he was more then ready) and know that my younger son would do much better in a JJK alternative program then actual school.  And he is not missing anything!! Just a thought, you could look around and see what’s available in your area.  But if YOU feel she is ready,then go for it.  My older son too was shy and slow to warm up to people as well, and JK has brought out so many things in him, (good and bad, of course).  You know, you do have the option of letting her go for a few weeks, and if she isn’t progressing or is having trouble, just pull her until next year.  You said you felt she was ready, and you know her better then anyone else, so follow your heart. My son is one of the older kids in his JK class, but you know, he is the tiniest!!!! Neesa * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

In my town the cutoff date for kindergarten is October 1. My daughter will turn 5 on July 31. She’s very bright (that’s what they all say, right?;), but she’s a little young for her age. She’s attended half-days of both nursery school and preschool three days a week. I was all set to send her to kindergarten. We went to the orientation last week, and the principal had the parents remain in their seats while the kids filed out into another room. I was struck at how young and small my daughter was compared with the other kids. I suspect many of them were held out–some people in my town do hold summer-birthday kids out of kindergarten, especially if the child is a boy–and more than a few are already six. My daughter’s personality is that of a somewhat shy person, slightly slow to warm up, who’s a little uncomfortable with big kids and with groups; she’s better in one-on-one situations. Her best friend is a full year younger. Also, there will be 23 kids in the class, give or take. I asked if one could find out the average age of the kids in the class (this is a K-8 school, and my daughter will be with most of these kids through high school), and I was told I could ask at the office. (I may just do that.) There ensued a buzz about kindergarten readiness, holding kids out, etc. I overheard someone say that a parent should look at the age of the children their kids gravitate toward at the playground. I have to admit, my daughter usually goes for the kids her age or slightly younger. Also, she’s one of the oldest in her dance class, and she’s thriving in that situation. On Monday I signed my daughter up for a nonacademic program for 4- and 5-year-olds for September. I was feeling fine with that decision until my mother today questioned it. I’ve been mulling it over, and my main reason for wanting to hold my daughter out is to remove the obstacle of always being the youngest, the least sophisticated; instead, she’d be one of the oldest. I did a little research, and from what I can tell, there’s no harm in holding a kid out of kindergarten–and I can see how her confidence would increase with her being slightly more mature than her classmates. I realize I seem to be obsessing about this, but I’m making a decision that will affect my daughter’s education for the next 12 years or so. Any thoughts on holding kids out vs. putting them in exactly when their age says? Thanks! Anne

Response:

Hi Anne, Leave it to one mother to undermine another.  I think it is most important to determine how mature/developed your child is before sending them to school. Chronological age isn’t reliable when they are this young. Based on what you’ve written it sounds as though you’ve given this a great deal of thought and are sensitive to the needs of YOUR child. If your daughter is happy and thriving with her current peer group you’re absolutely right to let her stay with them. One final thing; If you find that she has greatly surpassed her classmates (when she does attend kindergarten) you can always enter her directly into grade one. My neighbor did this with her daughter last year and they haven’t had any problems because she missed out on kindergarten. I hope I’ve been helpful Cindy — Earn 5 cents per email at… http://www.sendmoreinfo.com/default.htm?Id=48792

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> In my town the cutoff date for kindergarten is October 1. My daughter will turn > 5 on July 31. She’s very bright (that’s what they all say, right?;), but she’s > a little young for her age. She’s attended half-days of both nursery school and > preschool three days a week. > I was all set to send her to kindergarten. We went to the orientation last > week, and the principal had the parents remain in their seats while the kids > filed out into another room. I was struck at how young and small my daughter > was compared with the other kids. I suspect many of them were held out–some > people in my town do hold summer-birthday kids out of kindergarten, especially > if the child is a boy–and more than a few are already six. > My daughter’s personality is that of a somewhat shy person, slightly slow to > warm up, who’s a little uncomfortable with big kids and with groups; she’s > better in one-on-one situations. Her best friend is a full year younger. Also, > there will be 23 kids in the class, give or take. > I asked if one could find out the average age of the kids in the class (this is > a K-8 school, and my daughter will be with most of these kids through high > school), and I was told I could ask at the office. (I may just do that.) > There ensued a buzz about kindergarten readiness, holding kids out, etc. I > overheard someone say that a parent should look at the age of the children > their kids gravitate toward at the playground. I have to admit, my daughter > usually goes for the kids her age or slightly younger. Also, she’s one of the > oldest in her dance class, and she’s thriving in that situation. > On Monday I signed my daughter up for a nonacademic program for 4- and > 5-year-olds for September. I was feeling fine with that decision until my > mother today questioned it. I’ve been mulling it over, and my main reason for > wanting to hold my daughter out is to remove the obstacle of always being the > youngest, the least sophisticated; instead, she’d be one of the oldest. I did a > little research, and from what I can tell, there’s no harm in holding a kid out > of kindergarten–and I can see how her confidence would increase with her being > slightly more mature than her classmates. > I realize I seem to be obsessing about this, but I’m making a decision that > will affect my daughter’s education for the next 12 years or so. > Any thoughts on holding kids out vs. putting them in exactly when their age > says? > Thanks! > Anne

Response:

I agree w/Cindy’s input below–you need to look at your daughter and see how she handles things like large groups, older kids, and situations in which she needs to be fully independent, as well as when she needs to ask for help on her own. From what you’ve said I would lean toward waiting another year–I personally hate the expression "holding back". I’d check with/ the school district about the jumping straight to grade one thing.  I know that a friend waited an extra year for her son to start kindergarten (our cut off is Dec 1 and his bd is Nov 20) based on the moving right to 1st grade if he had learned all the kindergarten material already, but the district refused.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Anne, > Leave it to one mother to undermine another.  I think it is most important > to determine how mature/developed your child is before sending them to > school. Chronological age isn’t reliable when they are this young. > Based on what you’ve written it sounds as though you’ve given this a great > deal of thought and are sensitive to the needs of YOUR child. > If your daughter is happy and thriving with her current peer group you’re > absolutely right to let her stay with them. > One final thing; If you find that she has greatly surpassed her classmates > (when she does attend kindergarten) you can always enter her directly into > grade one. My neighbor did this with her daughter last year and they haven’t > had any problems because she missed out on kindergarten. > I hope I’ve been helpful > Cindy

Response:

I think you are headed in the right direction….does your school have a readiness program???  That would be another option…send her to kind. this year then readiness then first grade???  It is the same concept of holding her back for a year…except she would be in a social situation where they would focus primarily on the "getting ready" for first grade….just a thought.  It is a good thing though that you have recognized these things in your daughter before she enters kindergarten….sometimes when pushed along because of intellect and chronological age kids can make it through elementary school but when they get to jr./sr. high….that’s when they fall apart….JMO….good luck and let us know what you decide…. —

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> In my town the cutoff date for kindergarten is October 1. My daughter will turn > 5 on July 31. She’s very bright (that’s what they all say, right?;), but she’s > a little young for her age. She’s attended half-days of both nursery school and > preschool three days a week. > I was all set to send her to kindergarten. We went to the orientation last > week, and the principal had the parents remain in their seats while the kids > filed out into another room. I was struck at how young and small my daughter > was compared with the other kids. I suspect many of them were held out–some > people in my town do hold summer-birthday kids out of kindergarten, especially > if the child is a boy–and more than a few are already six. > My daughter’s personality is that of a somewhat shy person, slightly slow to > warm up, who’s a little uncomfortable with big kids and with groups; she’s > better in one-on-one situations. Her best friend is a full year younger. Also, > there will be 23 kids in the class, give or take. > I asked if one could find out the average age of the kids in the class (this is > a K-8 school, and my daughter will be with most of these kids through high > school), and I was told I could ask at the office. (I may just do that.) > There ensued a buzz about kindergarten readiness, holding kids out, etc. I > overheard someone say that a parent should look at the age of the children > their kids gravitate toward at the playground. I have to admit, my daughter > usually goes for the kids her age or slightly younger. Also, she’s one of the > oldest in her dance class, and she’s thriving in that situation. > On Monday I signed my daughter up for a nonacademic program for 4- and > 5-year-olds for September. I was feeling fine with that decision until my > mother today questioned it. I’ve been mulling it over, and my main reason for > wanting to hold my daughter out is to remove the obstacle of always being the > youngest, the least sophisticated; instead, she’d be one of the oldest. I did a > little research, and from what I can tell, there’s no harm in holding a kid out > of kindergarten–and I can see how her confidence would increase with her being > slightly more mature than her classmates. > I realize I seem to be obsessing about this, but I’m making a decision that > will affect my daughter’s education for the next 12 years or so. > Any thoughts on holding kids out vs. putting them in exactly when their age > says? > Thanks! > Anne

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