Question:
[snip] > This takes time. Modelling is the best way also. I would never > punish a child for not making amends nor would I try to make him > say he was sorry since that defeats the purpose, but *you* comfort > the other child, make sure he sees the crying or damage and let > him know he *can* help comfort the child if he will and that it > helps make up for his mistaken actions.
They do eventually learn to say "sorry" on their own. It is much nicer to hear then say a genuine sorry ten minutes later, rather then a forced sorry immediately. — Penny Gaines UK mum to three
Response:
[snip] > This takes time. Modelling is the best way also. I would never > punish a child for not making amends nor would I try to make him > say he was sorry since that defeats the purpose, but *you* comfort > the other child, make sure he sees the crying or damage and let > him know he *can* help comfort the child if he will and that it > helps make up for his mistaken actions.
They do eventually learn to say "sorry" on their own. It is much nicer to hear then say a genuine sorry ten minutes later, rather then a forced sorry immediately. ******* Well thankfully he does say sorry at other times and is over all very affectionate and gentle to his brother. I pretty much ask just once and drop it. I did tell the daycare people not to hold their breath 
I don’t mind if he misses something (like he didn’t get the short outdoor break) but I don’t want him sitting in a corner all day long or something like that because I’m pretty sure he would before saying sorry. He actually hardly ever says any word you ask him to say period. That is improving a bit but might be part of what is going on. Thanks for the reassurance guys! Nikki Mama to Hunter (3) and Luke (1)
Response:
> I was going to say.. this group appears to be quite dead.
aps is dead.
Response:
> aps is dead.
Then why are we all here? I prefer to discuss serious issues here that were brought up in misc.kids only because mk is far far too busy. Regards, Andrew
Response:
>> aps is dead. >Then why are we all here? I prefer to discuss serious issues here that were >brought up in misc.kids only because mk is far far too busy. >Regards, >Andrew
Do they hace maneee trolls there? I wunnder if they need anymore? Loev, Ms Poopie ntas I hace been back on usenit fer mebbe free dayz or sumtin an I alredy gettin fan maile. It’s probably because you’re an ignorant little cocksucker that you can’t understand that no one wants you here. You’re such a fucking loser and crave so much attention that you jump in here and start taking potshots at something you pretend you know something about with your cute little attempts at hiding your inability to use the language properly by intentionally interspersing your feigned spelling, grammatical, and logical errors with the genuine errors in order to make it seem like they were _all_ feigned errors. Phony fuck, it makes you>look sooo intelligent. Why don’t you just go away? Or die? One less >cockroach to have to spray. >— >John Fields
More fan male frum ma fav fan > Plopped a decapitator. :-)
— Well now I feel better since I know I’m getting replies from a fucking idiot. — John Fields
Response:
>> aps is dead. >Then why are we all here? I prefer to discuss serious issues here that were >brought up in misc.kids only because mk is far far too busy. >Regards, >Andrew
There are almost no on topic post in aps currently. Who is here? I generally lurk and add misc.kids if I see a post about kids that means something, but the traffic here is no longer about parenting. That’s fine, but it isn’t going to get you answers about parenting unless more people come and drown out the troll posts. Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. source unknown
Response:
I was going to say.. this group appears to be quite dead. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->misc.kids added >Misc.kids is revitalized and you will get better and more >answers there Brian. >Harrison is turing two next month and other then this little >behavioral problem, he’s been a sweet child. He already says "please" >and "thank you" when he wants and gets something and he’s learning to >share. >This is good. One thing you must do is to make sure that you >pay attention and encourage him when he is sharing. > But he hits, pushes, and throws things. You can tell that >he’s playing but sometimes such actions simply aren’t acceptable. >Actually they rarely are. >Hitting, pushing and throwing things are obviously not acceptable >when done in a way that hurts others, however, remember that it >*is* ok to throw a ball or to push in play when wrestling with >another child as long as it is controlled. >So, when he throws a toy, reinforce that *we throw balls* but not >hard toys. Make sure he has plenty of play and practice with >appropriate models. Created a set of rules for wrestling too >perhaps. He doesn’t know his strength yet or how to control it >to keep from hurting someone, so model this for him when you >play with him. >The other night he took a small toy and throw it at my nose >at point blank range. I saw stars. I did my best not to yell but >I wanted to smack his ass so badly. I tried explaining that he >hurt daddy and it wasn’t funny. He laughed and whacked me >again with his other hand. >I agree with Steve here that until he has learned more about >what hurts and how to control his own body, you must keep him >from doing this by holding his hand when he does it preferably >before he can actually hurt you. This means being quick and paying >attention when he is close by. >Hold his hand for a time when he hits and say something like I >won’t let you hurt me or others. Show him how to touch with >gentle hands instead even if you have to guide his hand and help >with this. You will have to repeat this many times until he gets >the idea, but it is worth the effort. When he is around other kids >especially babies or around kittens or puppies, show him how to >pet them. And use your hand to demonstrate gentle touches on >his cheek too. >We’ve lost our temper in the >past and smacked his hand but that’s not teaching him the right thing. >We can hit but he can’t? Any suggestions how to get through this >stage? I know where not the only ones. >This is pretty common in 2 year olds. If he hits and pushes with >other children in frustration, you need to help him learn how to >use words to express his frustration. Since language usually lags >here, you can also use signing to help this. And you can make >sure that when he does hit, he helps make amends to the other >child. Distraction is still the key here at 2. But also letting >him see that the other child he hurt is crying just as he would if >he were hurt pays big dividends, and taking care to comfort the >other child first and having him help with the comforting too is >good practice in social empathy >Dorothy >There is no sound, no cry in all the world >that can be heard unless someone listens .. >source unknown
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <snip> >And you can make >sure that when he does hit, he helps make amends to the other >child. Distraction is still the key here at 2. But also letting >him see that the other child he hurt is crying just as he would if >he were hurt pays big dividends, and taking care to comfort the >other child first and having him help with the comforting too is >good practice in social empathy >I have never once been able to get Hunter to tell Luke sorry or make amends >if I’ve asked him too. He will on his own, like if he accidentally hurts >him. I don’t know, I’m quite sure he *isn’t* sorry when he does it on >purpose but he will not make any sort of amends when asked. I’ve never >really punished him for not making amends though. Actually I’ve quit asking >him to and just model lots of empathy to Luke myself. He doesn’t at school >either. He has only got in a scuffle there once or twice but they told him >he couldn’t go outside (a plus) till he made the amends. He didn’t do it, >he stayed in. He ‘gets’ empathy since he’ll comfort if it is an accident or >if Luke is hurt some other way but not if he does something. Weird. >Nikki >Mama to Hunter (3) and Luke (1)
This takes time. Modelling is the best way also. I would never punish a child for not making amends nor would I try to make him say he was sorry since that defeats the purpose, but *you* comfort the other child, make sure he sees the crying or damage and let him know he *can* help comfort the child if he will and that it helps make up for his mistaken actions. Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. source unknown
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >misc.kids added >Misc.kids is revitalized and you will get better and more >answers there Brian. >Harrison is turing two next month and other then this little >behavioral problem, he’s been a sweet child. He already says "please" >and "thank you" when he wants and gets something and he’s learning to >share. >This is good. One thing you must do is to make sure that you >pay attention and encourage him when he is sharing. > But he hits, pushes, and throws things. You can tell that >he’s playing but sometimes such actions simply aren’t acceptable. >Actually they rarely are. >Hitting, pushing and throwing things are obviously not acceptable >when done in a way that hurts others, however, remember that it >*is* ok to throw a ball or to push in play when wrestling with >another child as long as it is controlled. >So, when he throws a toy, reinforce that *we throw balls* but not >hard toys. Make sure he has plenty of play and practice with >appropriate models.
Hi! My son was slightly older (a few months is all) when we went through this phase. For throwing, in addition to what Dorothy mentioned, I also put the toy up. If it fit I’d put it up on a high shelf. If he could see it, it sunk in better, must have been a reminder. That sounds kind of mean but when I just put it in the closet (which I do if the toy is to big for the shelf) we usually end up with a closet full of toys before he quits . That worked pretty fast actually – 3 weeks maybe. I’d put it up for the afternoon or till the next morning, not days on end. It rarely happens now and when it does, he knows exactly what is going to happen to the toy and I suspect he does it to ensure that his little brother doesn’t get it, Lol. >The other night he took a small toy and throw it at my nose >at point blank range. I saw stars. I did my best not to yell but >I wanted to smack his ass so badly. I tried explaining that he >hurt daddy and it wasn’t funny. He laughed and whacked me >again with his other hand. >I agree with Steve here that until he has learned more about >what hurts and how to control his own body, you must keep him >from doing this by holding his hand when he does it preferably >before he can actually hurt you. This means being quick and paying >attention when he is close by. >Hold his hand for a time when he hits and say something like I >won’t let you hurt me or others. Show him how to touch with >gentle hands instead
Oh – the hitting drove me beserk and was totally out of character for Hunter. I tried a number of things before posting and Dorothy gave me the hand holding advice. I couldn’t imagine it working real great but it did! Really good and really fast, in a couple of weeks. I found that I had to hold his hands long enough for him to take me seriously. If I let go to soon it was a game. I’d hold them until he looked serious, then I would again explain gentle, quiet hands and if he couldn’t keep quiet hands, mama would. It was great, he really understood what I wanted and expected. And you can make >sure that when he does hit, he helps make amends to the other >child. Distraction is still the key here at 2. But also letting >him see that the other child he hurt is crying just as he would if >he were hurt pays big dividends, and taking care to comfort the >other child first and having him help with the comforting too is >good practice in social empathy
I have never once been able to get Hunter to tell Luke sorry or make amends if I’ve asked him too. He will on his own, like if he accidentally hurts him. I don’t know, I’m quite sure he *isn’t* sorry when he does it on purpose but he will not make any sort of amends when asked. I’ve never really punished him for not making amends though. Actually I’ve quit asking him to and just model lots of empathy to Luke myself. He doesn’t at school either. He has only got in a scuffle there once or twice but they told him he couldn’t go outside (a plus) till he made the amends. He didn’t do it, he stayed in. He ‘gets’ empathy since he’ll comfort if it is an accident or if Luke is hurt some other way but not if he does something. Weird. Nikki Mama to Hunter (3) and Luke (1)
Response:
>Harrison is turing two next month and other then this little >behavioral problem, he’s been a sweet child. He already says "please" >and "thank you" when he wants and gets something and he’s learning to >share. But he hits, pushes, and throws things. You can tell that >he’s playing but sometimes such actions simply aren’t acceptable. >Actually they rarely are. The other night he took a small toy and >throw it at my nose at point blank range. I saw stars. I did my best >not to yell but I wanted to smack his ass so badly. I tried >explaining that he hurt daddy and it wasn’t funny. He laughed and >whacked me again with his other hand. We’ve lost our temper in the >past and smacked his hand but that’s not teaching him the right thing. >We can hit but he can’t? Any suggestions how to get through this >stage? I know where not the only ones.
Pay attention when he is in range of you, and grab his arm if he throws or hits. He’s really not aware of the results of things yet, or that other people can be hurt. Piaget showed kids don’t even conceive of others as other than themselves till nearly three. Steve
Response:
I have grabbed his arm and he obviously doens’t like it. Of course he just goes and does it again, but we’ll keep trying. Thanks for the advice. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Harrison is turing two next month and other then this little >behavioral problem, he’s been a sweet child. He already says "please" >and "thank you" when he wants and gets something and he’s learning to >share. But he hits, pushes, and throws things. You can tell that >he’s playing but sometimes such actions simply aren’t acceptable. >Actually they rarely are. The other night he took a small toy and >throw it at my nose at point blank range. I saw stars. I did my best >not to yell but I wanted to smack his ass so badly. I tried >explaining that he hurt daddy and it wasn’t funny. He laughed and >whacked me again with his other hand. We’ve lost our temper in the >past and smacked his hand but that’s not teaching him the right thing. >We can hit but he can’t? Any suggestions how to get through this >stage? I know where not the only ones. >Pay attention when he is in range of you, and grab his arm if he throws >or hits. He’s really not aware of the results of things yet, or that other >people can be hurt. Piaget showed kids don’t even conceive of others as >other than themselves till nearly three. >Steve
Response:
misc.kids added Misc.kids is revitalized and you will get better and more answers there Brian. >Harrison is turing two next month and other then this little >behavioral problem, he’s been a sweet child. He already says "please" >and "thank you" when he wants and gets something and he’s learning to >share.
This is good. One thing you must do is to make sure that you pay attention and encourage him when he is sharing. > But he hits, pushes, and throws things. You can tell that >he’s playing but sometimes such actions simply aren’t acceptable. >Actually they rarely are.
Hitting, pushing and throwing things are obviously not acceptable when done in a way that hurts others, however, remember that it *is* ok to throw a ball or to push in play when wrestling with another child as long as it is controlled. So, when he throws a toy, reinforce that *we throw balls* but not hard toys. Make sure he has plenty of play and practice with appropriate models. Created a set of rules for wrestling too perhaps. He doesn’t know his strength yet or how to control it to keep from hurting someone, so model this for him when you play with him. >The other night he took a small toy and throw it at my nose >at point blank range. I saw stars. I did my best not to yell but >I wanted to smack his ass so badly. I tried explaining that he >hurt daddy and it wasn’t funny. He laughed and whacked me >again with his other hand.
I agree with Steve here that until he has learned more about what hurts and how to control his own body, you must keep him from doing this by holding his hand when he does it preferably before he can actually hurt you. This means being quick and paying attention when he is close by. Hold his hand for a time when he hits and say something like I won’t let you hurt me or others. Show him how to touch with gentle hands instead even if you have to guide his hand and help with this. You will have to repeat this many times until he gets the idea, but it is worth the effort. When he is around other kids especially babies or around kittens or puppies, show him how to pet them. And use your hand to demonstrate gentle touches on his cheek too. >We’ve lost our temper in the >past and smacked his hand but that’s not teaching him the right thing. >We can hit but he can’t? Any suggestions how to get through this >stage? I know where not the only ones.
This is pretty common in 2 year olds. If he hits and pushes with other children in frustration, you need to help him learn how to use words to express his frustration. Since language usually lags here, you can also use signing to help this. And you can make sure that when he does hit, he helps make amends to the other child. Distraction is still the key here at 2. But also letting him see that the other child he hurt is crying just as he would if he were hurt pays big dividends, and taking care to comfort the other child first and having him help with the comforting too is good practice in social empathy Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. source unknown
Response:
Harrison is turing two next month and other then this little behavioral problem, he’s been a sweet child. He already says "please" and "thank you" when he wants and gets something and he’s learning to share. But he hits, pushes, and throws things. You can tell that he’s playing but sometimes such actions simply aren’t acceptable. Actually they rarely are. The other night he took a small toy and throw it at my nose at point blank range. I saw stars. I did my best not to yell but I wanted to smack his ass so badly. I tried explaining that he hurt daddy and it wasn’t funny. He laughed and whacked me again with his other hand. We’ve lost our temper in the past and smacked his hand but that’s not teaching him the right thing. We can hit but he can’t? Any suggestions how to get through this stage? I know where not the only ones.
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