Pure Parents

Question:

> I have a very, very independent 2+ year old … if he wants breakfast he > will go to the refrigerator, take out yogurt and container of milk and > attempt to get it to the table.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it and > it all ends up on the floor.  Or when he’s done eating, he wants to put > his dishes in the sink all by himself.  Needless to say, we’ve had a > number of broken plates and bowls.  

Hmmm, I might consider this a failure of equipment rather than operator error. My daughters have always been very independent.  My 7yo often gets them breakfast (cereal, bowls, milk, etc.).  My almost-4yo can now get to the bowls and now often assembles her breakfast but asks for help pouring the milk if it’s too full. You might consider getting pints of milk that are his special containers; surely the chances of his getting a pint to the table successfully are better than his chances of getting a half gallon there.  Some special dishes (plastic or corel(sp?), stored in a low cupboard, just for him would help the broken dish problem. Good luck!                                      Chris (Heather and Jen’s Dad) — As MIT is not "Massachusetts" neither is RPI "Rensselaer"

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I have a very, very independent 2+ year old who likes to do everything >himself.  I know that this is a good quality and will serve him well as >he gets older.  However, because he is only 2+, despite his desire he is >unable to do a lot of things.  For example, if he wants breakfast he >will go to the refrigerator, take out yogurt and container of milk and >attempt to get it to the table.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it and >it all ends up on the floor.  Or when he’s done eating, he wants to put >his dishes in the sink all by himself.  Needless to say, we’ve had a >number of broken plates and bowls.  Or when I’m cleaning, he wants to >help sweep or vacuum and he can’t manage the "equipment" very well and >ends up breaking something.  I don’t want to discourage this behavior as >I think it is really a good quality, but on the other hand I’m tired of >"picking up the pieces".  Any suggestions? >Thanks, >Maddy

I have the same child!  He likes to get the jelly out for pb&j sandwiches. I let him do that and make the sandwich right next to the fridge so he can put it away. Get plastic plates and cups for him.  Haven’t had a broken dish yet and he’s been doing this for six months at least. Get him play cleaning equipment or give him something to do.  I also have a sweeper.  He hates the vacuum actually being on, but he’s able to handle and sweeper and its good for non-carpeted floors too.  Take all your breakables (nick-nacks and things) and put them up really high or put them away until he leaves home . Don’t let him try things that he can’t possibly do.  If he’s got enough things that he can do he should be satisfied. Oh, Trevor also often puts the silverware away (except, of course, for sharp knives) and the plastic stuff from the dishwasher.  He can reach the drawer and cabinet those things go in. He’s always trying to be helpful. Nyoka (mom to Trevor (b 8/8/95 and #2 due 10/12/98)

Response:

Conratulations, Maddy, on raising a child–so far–who has self-confidence and self-esttem!! Foster this in him and try not to opendly disocurage his choices.  I’ll try to give some input to each of your examples of his "problem areas" since I went thorugh this as well. > I have a very, very independent 2+ year old who likes to do everything > himself.  I know that this is a good quality and will serve him well as > he gets older.  However, because he is only 2+, despite his desire he is > unable to do a lot of things.  For example, if he wants breakfast he > will go to the refrigerator, take out yogurt and container of milk and > attempt to get it to the table.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it and > it all ends up on the floor.

Keep a small pitcher of milk–preferably tupperware, rubbermaid or that type, near the front of the frige with a little more than enough for just one glasss.  That way it will be easier for him to carry it–and not as much of a mess if he should spill. Or when he’s done eating, he wants to put > his dishes in the sink all by himself.  Needless to say, we’ve had a > number of broken plates and bowls.

Take him to the store with you andhave him pick out his "own, special" plates, etc out a melamine or some other plastic type material.  This way he can’t break them when they drop into the sink.  You might also want to keep a small stool near the sink so its easier for him to reach. >Or when I’m cleaning, he wants to > help sweep or vacuum and he can’t manage the "equipment" very well and > ends up breaking something.

They make wonderful kids sized cleaning tools–right down to a working kid sized vacuum cleaner.  Check with your locak WAl-Mart or K-Mart–I think some toy stores even carry them.  You can also set up certain areas in which there’s no breakable items for him to help with dusting. Hope this helps.  Good luck. Lesa BTW–if he hasn’t started with getting dressed himself yet, this may be a good time to head off problems there.  You can either (1) set up pre-matched outfits for him which are hung/folded together, or (2) have everything very neutral and interchangable with its colors (eg denim jeans/shorts, khaki shorts,  and plain t-shirts)

Response:

> > I have a very, very independent 2+ year old … if he wants breakfast he > will go to the refrigerator, take out yogurt and container of milk and > attempt to get it to the table.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it and > it all ends up on the floor.  Or when he’s done eating, he wants to put > his dishes in the sink all by himself.  Needless to say, we’ve had a > number of broken plates and bowls.  

The best consumer product I have ever owned was a set of corning dishes called ‘centura’ that I got over 30 years ago — they don’t make them anymore — that don’t break but look like regular pottery.  My kids fixed themselves food and washed the dishes for decades without breaking dishes as a result. If I were you I would make sure that your son had unbreakable dishes where he could manage them and that the foods he was allowed to help himself to were clearly located.  There is the issue of whether kids are allowed to help themselves to anything in the kitchen or not —  you have to work that out yourself — but a big part of parenting is preparing the house so that the child can enjoy maximum independence and that means using kid friendly dishes so that kids can fix food, set the table, help clear and later wash up without maternal trauma. Breaking things doesn’t end at age 4 or 5 — so it is more important to adapt your lifestyle to empowering your kids than to worry about the china.

Response:

>Maybe you could try putting his breakfast stuff in a small easy to handle >bowl with lid the night before so in the morning he can get it himself. >Also, try paper plates. No more broken dishes and no more to put in the >dishwasher!!! yippee!!

Also, try buying him a toy broom and/or vacuum.  My son loves to run his toy vacuum over the carpet while I use the real one.  :-) Kim  – "Around and around and around we spin, with feet of lead and wings of tin."  -Vonnegut http://204.210.57.192/~kimm

Response:

>I have a very, very independent 2+ year old who likes to do everything >himself.  I know that this is a good quality and will serve him well as >he gets older.  However, because he is only 2+, despite his desire he is >unable to do a lot of things.  For example, if he wants breakfast he

<some content snipped> >ends up breaking something.  I don’t want to discourage this behavior as >I think it is really a good quality, but on the other hand I’m tired of >"picking up the pieces".  Any suggestions?

Same case over here, Maddy. What I do is say, "yeah, you can do it yourself but can I show you first? After you watch how I do it, I promise I won’t help you, you can do it by yourself." That way, he sees how you do something the proper way and he can mimic that. You can also be "extra careful" in your demonstration so that he will be too, and that should minimize the number of times you have to clean up after him should he drop or break something. Hope that helped, Tayan — What if Mulder and Scully met the Sesame Street monsters and aliens? http://www.singnet.com.sg/~liviafyk/sesame.html To e-mail, remove "zap" from the address.

Response:

Hi Maddy, Refrigerator/food problem: Have a special container that is easy for your son to handle to store small amounts of milk for his cereal/breakfast. Personalize the container with his name to make it special–refill the container when he is sleeping. )  You could do the same with yogurt or buy kid sized individual yogurts.  For finger foods such as raisins, grapes, etc. you could store them in those little "half" storage bags and put them in a location that is accessible by your son. Dishes and bowls:  Buy him 2 or 3 unbreakable children’s dish sets. Cleaning:  Buy him toddler sized broom/mop and/or pretend vacuum (if you live in the States, you can usually get these at any dollar store or at Wal-Mart).  When dusting, let him dust lower shelves, cabinet doors, etc. and make sure there are only unbreakable items at his level. Hope this helps. : ) Deanne;p – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I have a very, very independent 2+ year old who likes to do everything > himself.  I know that this is a good quality and will serve him well as > he gets older.  However, because he is only 2+, despite his desire he is > unable to do a lot of things.  For example, if he wants breakfast he > will go to the refrigerator, take out yogurt and container of milk and > attempt to get it to the table.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it and > it all ends up on the floor.  Or when he’s done eating, he wants to put > his dishes in the sink all by himself.  Needless to say, we’ve had a > number of broken plates and bowls.  Or when I’m cleaning, he wants to > help sweep or vacuum and he can’t manage the "equipment" very well and > ends up breaking something.  I don’t want to discourage this behavior as > I think it is really a good quality, but on the other hand I’m tired of > "picking up the pieces".  Any suggestions? > Thanks, > Maddy

Response:

Maybe you could try putting his breakfast stuff in a small easy to handle bowl with lid the night before so in the morning he can get it himself. Also, try paper plates. No more broken dishes and no more to put in the dishwasher!!! yippee!! — Dawn (Taylor & Mackenzie’s mom) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I have a very, very independent 2+ year old who likes to do everything >himself.  I know that this is a good quality and will serve him well as >he gets older.  However, because he is only 2+, despite his desire he is >unable to do a lot of things.  For example, if he wants breakfast he >will go to the refrigerator, take out yogurt and container of milk and >attempt to get it to the table.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it and >it all ends up on the floor.  Or when he’s done eating, he wants to put >his dishes in the sink all by himself.  Needless to say, we’ve had a >number of broken plates and bowls.  Or when I’m cleaning, he wants to >help sweep or vacuum and he can’t manage the "equipment" very well and >ends up breaking something.  I don’t want to discourage this behavior as >I think it is really a good quality, but on the other hand I’m tired of >"picking up the pieces".  Any suggestions? >Thanks, >Maddy

Response:

I have a very, very independent 2+ year old who likes to do everything himself.  I know that this is a good quality and will serve him well as he gets older.  However, because he is only 2+, despite his desire he is unable to do a lot of things.  For example, if he wants breakfast he will go to the refrigerator, take out yogurt and container of milk and attempt to get it to the table.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it and it all ends up on the floor.  Or when he’s done eating, he wants to put his dishes in the sink all by himself.  Needless to say, we’ve had a number of broken plates and bowls.  Or when I’m cleaning, he wants to help sweep or vacuum and he can’t manage the "equipment" very well and ends up breaking something.  I don’t want to discourage this behavior as I think it is really a good quality, but on the other hand I’m tired of "picking up the pieces".  Any suggestions? Thanks, Maddy

Response: