Question:
I just love the smuggness of psychiatrists and psychologists. They sure do know it all, "if its written in a book." Of course the ones who know the MOST either are childless or leave the parenting to their wives. I have really enjoyed watching the know-it-alls who wrongfully diagnosed my kid, as they slammed up against their own brick walls when they applied their "expertise" to their own brats. The fact is the 9 our of 10 kids with grow up successfull regardless of the type of parenting thrust upon them, (and this IS out of one of those books). But the 10th one even with the most careful, conscientious and loving guidance a challenge. And for those kids, this kind of parenting is a manifesto for anarchy and perpetuates a guaranteed livlihood for psychiatrists, police officers lawyers, school counselors etc. This is not a flame. But really! With the kind of kid I adopted his consent to any boundaries (from the time he was in diapers until the present when he is in detention and still refusing to acknowledge boundaries,) is not going to occur. And this crap just encourages defiance and puts lives at risk both the child and those his decisions endanger. It is a curiosity to me why there are so many "solutions" being posted here lately, before the challenges have been defined. Its starting to look like an advertisin medium for therapists with to much time on their hands.
Response:
SHOULD A FAMILY FUNCTION AS A DEMOCRACY, ALLOWING EACH MEMBER THE RIGHT TO VOTE ON RULES AND DECISIONS? printed from SURVIVAL KIT FOR PARENTS OF TEENAGERS by David Melton. St Martin’s Press, l979 Certainly not! It might be better if families functioned as do small companies, for, in many ways, that’s what the family unit is. There is nothing wrong with allowing each member a position on the board of directors to consult and to express opinions. However, since the mother and the father are the major stockholders in the company, provide the income, and are responsible for the company’s debts. they have every right to retain at least 51 percent of the shares and the votes. The idea that children and teenagers should, automati- cally, be given equal rights and equal voting power in family structures is quaint at best. Assuredly, children should be trained from very early ages about how decisions are made and responsibilities delegated. In such a family structure, young people receive marvelous experience and training in how the chain of command operates and functions within families and commercial businesses. I don’t know of any new high school or college graduate who gets a job at Shell Oil Company and is immediately awarded an equal vote in company policy. He or she has to earn that vote. The same is true for the opinions of the individual members of a family. As each young person proves his or her opinions more viable, and demonstrates decision making based on experience and reason, the more he or she will be given proper consideration. The father and mother are heads of a "family company" and it is in the interest of the group that they take responsibility and have the courage and the wisdom to function as such. Unlike commercial companies, the children and teenag- ers have certain advantages. For one, the president and the vice-president love them and daily consider their well- being. However, the president and the vice-president operate under a distinct disadvantage–if they become unhappy with the performance rating of one of the younger members, it’s fairly difficult to fire a son or daughter, or exile them to work in a substation in Timbuktu.# Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Disposition: inline; filename="MOMSIG" Lois E Paul, Executive Director Voice (209) 478-5585 Help The Children FAX (209) 478-5586 41 West Yokuts Avenue, Suite 107 TDD/TTY (209) 478-5685 HTTP://www.adopting.org/htc.html Mother to Helene (27), Erica (26), Thiago (16), Andy (10) and grandmother to Joshua (5), Jessica (5), and ? (due in Dec 96) - All Children Are Gifted…. They Just Open Their Presents At Different Times- I have told my children that our family is a "benevolent dictatorship." If they want more privileges, they must earn them by adhering to the rules they currently have, obeying curfew, etc. They have learned that all actions – both good and bad – have consequences. Even my daughter’s boyfriend tells her she has to live with her actions (after all, she has it pretty good). The result is kids who know they have to deal with their decisions, who are able to function in "civilized" society and are, believe it or not, happy kids. Sharon
Response:
A FAMILY CONSTITUTION order to promote the development of each individual member of the family to become independant, creative, responsible individuals capable of making a significant contribution to others and also in order to maximize the benefit to be gained from an effective supportive family unit which we see as an effective way for individuals to reach their maximum potential, do ordain and establish this family consitutiton. We believe in the following principles and rules: 1. That there must be a framework of rules which govern our behavior as a family and as individuals within the family. 2. That each family member has a significant contribution to make to all decisions made by and for the family but that much of the decision making power unless delegated rests with the program staff team which consists of Leaders and Coordinators. 3. That the responsibility of taking care of our physical environment is shared equally by every member of the family. We will regularly make specific assignments for specific tasks to be done by specific individuals but the general care and keeping of where we live is the responsibility of us all. 4. That each of us also has a responsibility to help create an emotional environment where each of us feels secure, valued and that each of us knows that we can count on each other to follow all of the rules that we have agreed to and to help each other achieve some significant personal growth. etc. Dr. Lee Burnham Rocky Mountain Center for Human Development Dedicated to creating material to help parents meet the developmental needs of children Free Material for Parents at Web Site: http://www.ditell.com/~aspen Free Web Page at: http://w3.servint.com/cognigen/f/fci.cgi?bu9542867.html
Response:
SHOULD A FAMILY FUNCTION AS A DEMOCRACY, ALLOWING EACH MEMBER THE RIGHT TO VOTE ON RULES AND DECISIONS? printed from SURVIVAL KIT FOR PARENTS OF TEENAGERS by David Melton. St Martin’s Press, l979 Certainly not! It might be better if families functioned as do small companies, for, in many ways, that’s what the family unit is. There is nothing wrong with allowing each member a position on the board of directors to consult and to express opinions. However, since the mother and the father are the major stockholders in the company, provide the income, and are responsible for the company’s debts. they have every right to retain at least 51 percent of the shares and the votes. The idea that children and teenagers should, automati- cally, be given equal rights and equal voting power in family structures is quaint at best. Assuredly, children should be trained from very early ages about how decisions are made and responsibilities delegated. In such a family structure, young people receive marvelous experience and training in how the chain of command operates and functions within families and commercial businesses. I don’t know of any new high school or college graduate who gets a job at Shell Oil Company and is immediately awarded an equal vote in company policy. He or she has to earn that vote. The same is true for the opinions of the individual members of a family. As each young person proves his or her opinions more viable, and demonstrates decision making based on experience and reason, the more he or she will be given proper consideration. The father and mother are heads of a "family company" and it is in the interest of the group that they take responsibility and have the courage and the wisdom to function as such. Unlike commercial companies, the children and teenag- ers have certain advantages. For one, the president and the vice-president love them and daily consider their well- being. However, the president and the vice-president operate under a distinct disadvantage–if they become unhappy with the performance rating of one of the younger members, it’s fairly difficult to fire a son or daughter, or exile them to work in a substation in Timbuktu. [ MOMSIG < 1K ]
Lois E Paul, Executive Director Voice (209) 478-5585 Help The Children FAX (209) 478-5586 41 West Yokuts Avenue, Suite 107 TDD/TTY (209) 478-5685 HTTP://www.adopting.org/htc.html Mother to Helene (27), Erica (26), Thiago (16), Andy (10) and grandmother to Joshua (5), Jessica (5), and ? (due in Dec 96) - All Children Are Gifted…. They Just Open Their Presents At Different Times-
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