Pure Parents

Question:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >  First, it should be deadbeat parent instead of deadbeat dad.  Women >can decide not to pay child support just as a man can, so lets not >leave them out of it. >  When I hear "deadbeat dad" I think of a divorced father who is >behind in child support.  You ask by how much, well, that depends on >if the mother and children need it to survive.  I understand that he >has a right to get on with his life (get re-married to someone and >have more kids) and it can be so hard to pay child support and have >enough money to pay his bills etc… whine.. whine..  But, he should >take care of the children he already has before bringing more into the >world.  Isn’t that what the rest of us parents have to do? >  I would like to think the rest of the world sees it the same way, >but I’m sure they don’t.  Those of us who come from broken homes must >realize that there are those who don’t have any idea of what it’s >like.  Their parents and grand-parents are still together and they >think that you must stay together no matter what escpecially if there >are children involved.  I venture to guess that most people see it as >just a divorced father behind in support. >  By the way,  I’m still married and have a child, but I do come from >divorced parents.

I am not divorced, and I am not a father.  However, for the past 5 years I have worked for the county, collecting child support from ABSENT PARENTS.  The term "deadbeat dad" is a term generated by the media.  Not one time, in my entire career collecting child support from ABSENT PARENTS did I hear the term deadbeat dad from any person in any agency that I dealt with.  The only time I ever heard the term "deadbeat dad" was when the words came out of the absent parents own mouth.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Dear folks — >I’m something of an interloper here, so please excuse if I breach some >form >of netiquette unique to your newsgroup. Apologies in advance. >Over in alt.journalism.moderated there’s a debate raging over the use of >the >term "deadbeat dads." Several have said that society has turned the term >into a slur against all non-custodial divorced fathers. Others have said >the term >is limited to a father who is behind in his child support (probably far >behind). >One of the people who felt it was a slur suggested the issue be taken to >divorced fathers to find out how they felt.  Well, I know one and I know >he’s used the term professionally, that is, as a journalist. Rather than >let the issue die, I thought it might be worth making a posting to a >.parenting newsgroup and collect opinions. >So I ask you: >– When you hear the term "deadbeat dad," do you think of any divorced >father or only divorced fathers behind in their child support? If the >latter, >how far? >– Do you think others make the same distinction? Do you think society in >general is blurring the term to mean all divorced fathers? Or is the >definition >remaining fairly precise? >When you respond, please indicate whether you are or aren’t a divorced >father (if you’d rather not indicate publicly, you can e-mail me privately >and >I’ll keep your response confidential). I’ll share the results, as well as >some of >the better comments, with my colleagues over in journalism newsgroup. >Thank you for your time. >doug

  First, it should be deadbeat parent instead of deadbeat dad.  Women can decide not to pay child support just as a man can, so lets not leave them out of it.   When I hear "deadbeat dad" I think of a divorced father who is behind in child support.  You ask by how much, well, that depends on if the mother and children need it to survive.  I understand that he has a right to get on with his life (get re-married to someone and have more kids) and it can be so hard to pay child support and have enough money to pay his bills etc… whine.. whine..  But, he should take care of the children he already has before bringing more into the world.  Isn’t that what the rest of us parents have to do?   I would like to think the rest of the world sees it the same way, but I’m sure they don’t.  Those of us who come from broken homes must realize that there are those who don’t have any idea of what it’s like.  Their parents and grand-parents are still together and they think that you must stay together no matter what escpecially if there are children involved.  I venture to guess that most people see it as just a divorced father behind in support.   By the way,  I’m still married and have a child, but I do come from divorced parents.

Response:

Dear folks — I’m something of an interloper here, so please excuse if I breach some form of netiquette unique to your newsgroup. Apologies in advance. Over in alt.journalism.moderated there’s a debate raging over the use of the term "deadbeat dads." Several have said that society has turned the term into a slur against all non-custodial divorced fathers. Others have said the term is limited to a father who is behind in his child support (probably far behind). One of the people who felt it was a slur suggested the issue be taken to divorced fathers to find out how they felt.  Well, I know one and I know he’s used the term professionally, that is, as a journalist. Rather than let the issue die, I thought it might be worth making a posting to a .parenting newsgroup and collect opinions. So I ask you: — When you hear the term "deadbeat dad," do you think of any divorced father or only divorced fathers behind in their child support? If the latter, how far? — Do you think others make the same distinction? Do you think society in general is blurring the term to mean all divorced fathers? Or is the definition remaining fairly precise? When you respond, please indicate whether you are or aren’t a divorced father (if you’d rather not indicate publicly, you can e-mail me privately and I’ll keep your response confidential). I’ll share the results, as well as some of the better comments, with my colleagues over in journalism newsgroup. Thank you for your time. doug

Response: