Pure Parents

Question:

Ain’t that the friggin truth.  First time you’ve written something ever in here that I’ve totally agreed with 100 percent, without question. AJPDLA, ROFLMAO.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> But honestly-  if you take people like the above woman seriously, it will > drive you nuts.

Response:

>Actually I was discussing it with friends at work and it was a really >interesting discussion will lots of different opinions.  Didn’t really think I >was hurting anybody by wanting other’s ideas.

 Ha ha…welcome to newsgroups. You get to learn so much more about people than you ever wanted to know. But honestly-  if you take people like the above woman seriously, it will drive you nuts.  I am sorry if I somehow offended – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->you, but since I didn’t really name you I don’t see how you could have taken >offense.  Next time review the meaning of the word friendly.

Response:

Well just so you know.  The question that I really want answere is what people think parents are doing wrong and why they feel that way.  Now I know that this will cause differinces of opinions, but the debating of these ideas is what I find fascinating.  As long as everyone remembers that they are opinoins only and not reprimands, the discusion can be a great one.   And I was really tired when I wrote my last post so I am truely sorry if I was a little hostile.  I really didn’t mean to be.  I am sorry. Thanks.

Response:

> I think that it would be very difficult for people who are basing decisions > based on misconceptions, particularly popular ones, to be aware, as a group, > that they are incorrect.  I do, however, think that there are a lot of folks > operating under misconceptions out there, probably including me in at least > a couple things I am unaware of, and applying them to their childrearing > practices.  One of the ones that bugs me is that children do not require > firm limit setting but can innately understand what is appropriate and > inappropriate behavior from day one.  This appears to go straight back to > the American ’60’s.  In order for an individual to learn the rules, they > must be shared/demonstrated with/to them.  A child will not innately know > the rules of life just as a dog does not know not to use the living room rug > for his scat.  Teaching is required.

This indicates the need for parents to communicate their preferences to their children and vice versa. It does not automatically mandate a need for an oppressive authority or hard and fast rules that invariably will be found obtuse when attempt is made to apply them universally. What is often missed is that people who love each other also LIKE each other and wish to please each other, and that if someone like your own child doesn’t care about you then you know that you really need some personal adjustment!! We tolerate the ignorance of tiny children, and we think it is cute, but if we tell them they will wish to know what we think, if we aren’t abusive about it. The thing children want to do more than anything else is please their parents and to grow up and be like them!! People keep thinking their kids are conspiring against them or something, when overweening authoritarianism is what causes that, not merely expressing oneself benignly to your child. But insecure people will continue to imagine that a 6 month old is just being nasty to them by not sleeping through the night, which is absurd. It is equally absurd to think that a child at any age will simply do something hateful without a reason merely because they hadn’t previously been made terrified of doing it. They don’t do that!! Humans don’t do that!! If your kid wants to do something nasty to you then you can count on you having started it in the first place if you think about it as a child would. And it’s you who owes the apology. Usually parents justify their abuse of power to themselves in a legalistic manner and ignore the demoralizing effect it has on the these new persons in the world and on their faith in them and themselves. Authority is itself inherently harmful. Then when they reap the whilrwind they wonder what happened. If they think carefully, they will know! Even their own FRIENDS would start to mistreat them if they treated THEM so arbitrarily like they do their KIDS!! Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> But, enough of that high horse.  It has been discussed extensively on this > group in the past and I am sure that there will be some responses from the > major proponents of both sides of the discussion. > – Aula > I was wondering, what would you consider the most popular misconceptions > of > parenting.  I mean what are parents doing, or moving towards doing, that > they > believe is correct but really it isn’t? > Remember, this is an opinion question and a friendly one.  I would love as > many > answers as I could get and why you think they are misconceptions. > Thanks.

Response:

Actually I was discussing it with friends at work and it was a really interesting discussion will lots of different opinions.  Didn’t really think I was hurting anybody by wanting other’s ideas.  I am sorry if I somehow offended you, but since I didn’t really name you I don’t see how you could have taken offense.  Next time review the meaning of the word friendly.

Response:

I think that it would be very difficult for people who are basing decisions based on misconceptions, particularly popular ones, to be aware, as a group, that they are incorrect.  I do, however, think that there are a lot of folks operating under misconceptions out there, probably including me in at least a couple things I am unaware of, and applying them to their childrearing practices.  One of the ones that bugs me is that children do not require firm limit setting but can innately understand what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior from day one.  This appears to go straight back to the American ’60’s.  In order for an individual to learn the rules, they must be shared/demonstrated with/to them.  A child will not innately know the rules of life just as a dog does not know not to use the living room rug for his scat.  Teaching is required. But, enough of that high horse.  It has been discussed extensively on this group in the past and I am sure that there will be some responses from the major proponents of both sides of the discussion. – Aula

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I was wondering, what would you consider the most popular misconceptions of > parenting.  I mean what are parents doing, or moving towards doing, that they > believe is correct but really it isn’t? > Remember, this is an opinion question and a friendly one.  I would love as many > answers as I could get and why you think they are misconceptions. > Thanks.

Response:

>Actually I was discussing it with friends at work and it was a really >interesting discussion will lots of different opinions.  Didn’t really think >I >was hurting anybody by wanting other’s ideas.  I am sorry if I somehow >offended >you, but since I didn’t really name you I don’t see how you could have taken >offense.  Next time review the meaning of the word friendly.

I think the point is that the question was too vague.  There isn’t enough bandwidth in cyberspace to answer it the way you asked it.  All you have to do is read through *all* the threads to see the different opinions. Now if you’d been more specific it would have been easier to answer.  In usenet it’s really better that way because your question could  be answered by simply re-posting from the piercing thread the gun control thread, the circumsision threads, etc, etc.

Response:

I was wondering, what would you consider the most popular misconceptions of parenting.  I mean what are parents doing, or moving towards doing, that they believe is correct but really it isn’t? Remember, this is an opinion question and a friendly one.  I would love as many answers as I could get and why you think they are misconceptions. Thanks.

Response:

The biggest misconception is this e-mail next time, try being up front about why you want the information you want.  I’d be happy to provide you with it…given all the reasoning behind "WHY" you feel you need to know this info. have a nice day – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I was wondering, what would you consider the most popular misconceptions of > parenting.  I mean what are parents doing, or moving towards doing, that they > believe is correct but really it isn’t? > Remember, this is an opinion question and a friendly one.  I would love as many > answers as I could get and why you think they are misconceptions. > Thanks.

Response: