Question:
It is a big job you have. Do you think you can raise children again? I’ll be honest, I’m not sure I know what to say here, but just want you to know you have support. All anyone can do is give you their opinion, but you ultimately have to live with the decision. I hope you find what is best for you and the children. Joanna – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi I have been monitoring this NG for a while. We have been raising our > grand children for about 8 months now, they are 26 and 19 months old. It > is looking more and more like we will have to adopt them or allow someone > else to adopt them. > The problem is that I will be retiring about the time that they will be > graduating from high school. I know the best place for them right now is > with us, but I don’t know if I will have the emotional resources to follow > this through. Up to now, it has just been one day at a time. > It has stressed our relationship with each other (which by the way was in > trouble already), and with our son. > I have just been trying to glean a few tidbits here and there. I have seen > good and bad posts here. > Thanks for hearing me out. > —–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– > http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! > —–== Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–
Response:
What a huge decision you have to make. I can understand how you might feel. On the one hand you probably love these children hugely, and on the other hand you were probably looking forward to having time with just the two of you to work on your relationship and just relax and be. Now you have the thought of parenting all over again. I’m sure you will make the right decision for yourselves and for these children. I know a woman who along with her husband took on her two grandchildren, and I have to say that although she finds it difficult at times she also said that she has found the parenting process easier the second time around. I guess they are wiser. I think the most important thing is to take time with your wife, see if you can get someone to look after the children for a weekend and go away with your wife and talk it all through. Just spending quality time with your wife would be good anyway. Best of luck Annemarie
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi I have been monitoring this NG for a while. We have been raising our > grand children for about 8 months now, they are 26 and 19 months old. It > is looking more and more like we will have to adopt them or allow someone > else to adopt them. > The problem is that I will be retiring about the time that they will be > graduating from high school. I know the best place for them right now is > with us, but I don’t know if I will have the emotional resources to follow > this through. Up to now, it has just been one day at a time. > It has stressed our relationship with each other (which by the way was in > trouble already), and with our son. > I have just been trying to glean a few tidbits here and there. I have seen > good and bad posts here. > Thanks for hearing me out. > —–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– > http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! > —–== Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–
Response:
> Hi I have been monitoring this NG for a while. We have been raising our > grand children for about 8 months now, they are 26 and 19 months old. It > is looking more and more like we will have to adopt them or allow someone > else to adopt them. > The problem is that I will be retiring about the time that they will be > graduating from high school. I know the best place for them right now is > with us, but I don’t know if I will have the emotional resources to follow > this through. Up to now, it has just been one day at a time.
I had older parents, 35 and 49 when I was born, and I don’t feel like I missed out on a thing. If anything, it has given me a better understanding and compassion for seniors. > It has stressed our relationship with each other (which by the way was in > trouble already), and with our son.
Since so many grandparents are finding themselves in your situation, there are many support groups focused on raising grandchildren. Get as much outside support as you can. You mention an already stressed relationship with your spouse…does it have to do with the situation with your son and grandkids? > I have just been trying to glean a few tidbits here and there. I have seen > good and bad posts here.
The majority of us are here to help and to seek help. Ignore the rest. > Thanks for hearing me out.
That’s what we’re here for 
Keep us posted. Joyce
Response:
While I fully understand what you are saying, I am curious about one thing: Why, if you don’t think you have it in you to follow through, did you take on the responsibility of raising your grandkids? Do you feel that it is fair to them to be given away to complete strangers? ~Nancy~ Mom to Emily~2/14/00 and Wally~1/13/84 Visit my Webpage: http://www.geocities.com/nlbader63/intro.html Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi I have been monitoring this NG for a while. We have been raising our > grand children for about 8 months now, they are 26 and 19 months old. It > is looking more and more like we will have to adopt them or allow someone > else to adopt them. > The problem is that I will be retiring about the time that they will be > graduating from high school. I know the best place for them right now is > with us, but I don’t know if I will have the emotional resources to follow > this through. Up to now, it has just been one day at a time. > It has stressed our relationship with each other (which by the way was in > trouble already), and with our son. > I have just been trying to glean a few tidbits here and there. I have seen > good and bad posts here. > Thanks for hearing me out.
I think you’d do just fine rasing these 2 yourselves. My parents were 42 & 46 when I was born, and also were at retirement age when I finished high school (well, my Dad at least). If anything I think I had more emotional interaction with them than any of my other siblings becuase they were more mature and able to interact with me w/o a lot of the concerns of younger parents (by that I’m referring to a lot of the worries & guilt & anxiety that comes with being a new parent). If, however, your relationship is not in a good setting, adding two small children would not help that. It would be similar to the concept of "staying together for the sake of the children" which in the end can be more harmful than good. My advice would be to talk this over, and maybe meet with a good family therapist.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi I have been monitoring this NG for a while. We have been raising our > grand children for about 8 months now, they are 26 and 19 months old. It > is looking more and more like we will have to adopt them or allow someone > else to adopt them. > The problem is that I will be retiring about the time that they will be > graduating from high school. I know the best place for them right now is > with us, but I don’t know if I will have the emotional resources to follow > this through. Up to now, it has just been one day at a time. > It has stressed our relationship with each other (which by the way was in > trouble already), and with our son. > I have just been trying to glean a few tidbits here and there. I have seen > good and bad posts here. > Thanks for hearing me out.
If you do have the authority to adopt them out, and if you cannot manage it, then best earlier than later. These days you can probably sell yourselves as a package deal, ready made grandparents for the child, and you can continue to participate that way. You might even be able to sweeten the deal by subsidizing the children in part to make your participation attractive. There are some folks who would simply be happy to have a parental relationship with some little kids. I would, and I’ll be looking forward to my grandkids any year now. That will keep them in your life but take the whole burden off of you. Be sure and pick somebody you can get along with. Steve
Response:
Hi I have been monitoring this NG for a while. We have been raising our grand children for about 8 months now, they are 26 and 19 months old. It is looking more and more like we will have to adopt them or allow someone else to adopt them. The problem is that I will be retiring about the time that they will be graduating from high school. I know the best place for them right now is with us, but I don’t know if I will have the emotional resources to follow this through. Up to now, it has just been one day at a time. It has stressed our relationship with each other (which by the way was in trouble already), and with our son. I have just been trying to glean a few tidbits here and there. I have seen good and bad posts here. Thanks for hearing me out. —–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! —–== Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–
Response:
Welcome Chantal, Hope you find some answers soon and maybe if you do have reactive RA you will recover quickly. Glad to have you in our group. kcw – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I am reading your mail nearly every day from 2 weeks now. > It helped me to feel better. > I have problems for nearly 8 months and don’t know yet what I really have. > It might something like spondy..something. I was told at the beginning it > was Ra and later that it could be Lupus. Then I was told I’ll get rid of it > because it was only Reactive arthritis. I had some prednisolone and am > taking some salazopirine for 5 months now, sometimes with diclofenac and a > few pain killer. I will have a scan and an X-ray of my shoulder next week. > I went back to work 3 weeks ago and was really upset by the fact I was not > so well as I thought. > I think the first thing I have to do to feel better is to accept the > situation. > I feel a bit lonely too which is not good. We just move to here 2 months ago > . We live in England for 2 years lived in Paris 7 years( and might move to > California next year). I don’t know how is the American medical system but > here it’s a nightmare. > Have a nice Christmas > Chantal
Response:
Hi Samir I hope you received my post to you when you posted and will use UPSA as well as ASA. Maureen
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi every one, > I am reading your mail nearly every day from 2 weeks now. > It helped me to feel better. > I have problems for nearly 8 months and don’t know yet what I really have. > It might something like spondy..something. I was told at the beginning it > was Ra and later that it could be Lupus. Then I was told I’ll get rid of it > because it was only Reactive arthritis. I had some prednisolone and am > taking some salazopirine for 5 months now, sometimes with diclofenac and a > few pain killer. I will have a scan and an X-ray of my shoulder next week. > I went back to work 3 weeks ago and was really upset by the fact I was not > so well as I thought. > I think the first thing I have to do to feel better is to accept the > situation. > I feel a bit lonely too which is not good. We just move to here 2 months ago > . We live in England for 2 years lived in Paris 7 years( and might move to > California next year). I don’t know how is the American medical system but > here it’s a nightmare. > Have a nice Christmas > Chantal
Response:
Chantal-You poor thing. Moving about as you do, it may be tough to find a doctor you are comfortable with. It can be a process which takes a while. Hopefully,you will stay in one place for a while soon. It takes time to build a good relationship with an RD. I hope you find someone soon, who can at least give you a definitive answer. Happy holidays, dear. Char "Remember, I’m pulling for ya’. We’re all in this together." Red Green
Response:
Hi every one, I am reading your mail nearly every day from 2 weeks now. It helped me to feel better. I have problems for nearly 8 months and don’t know yet what I really have. It might something like spondy..something. I was told at the beginning it was Ra and later that it could be Lupus. Then I was told I’ll get rid of it because it was only Reactive arthritis. I had some prednisolone and am taking some salazopirine for 5 months now, sometimes with diclofenac and a few pain killer. I will have a scan and an X-ray of my shoulder next week. I went back to work 3 weeks ago and was really upset by the fact I was not so well as I thought. I think the first thing I have to do to feel better is to accept the situation. I feel a bit lonely too which is not good. We just move to here 2 months ago . We live in England for 2 years lived in Paris 7 years( and might move to California next year). I don’t know how is the American medical system but here it’s a nightmare. Have a nice Christmas Chantal
Response:
There are many supportive folks here willing to listen, talk whatever….. Hoping that it’s only a temporary reactive arthritis and that you recover from it completely. Try not to feel lonely, there are many people here that can share your burdens and even provide encouragement. Sounds like you’ve traveled a fair amount. England, France and now the U.S. That must be interesting to see so many differing cultures and places. The medical system here can range from poor to excellent, you just have to take responsibility to select your doctors carefully and take a proactive approach to treatment. Happy Holidays. Tony V. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi every one, > I am reading your mail nearly every day from 2 weeks now. > It helped me to feel better. > I have problems for nearly 8 months and don’t know yet what I really have. > It might something like spondy..something. I was told at the beginning it > was Ra and later that it could be Lupus. Then I was told I’ll get rid of it > because it was only Reactive arthritis. I had some prednisolone and am > taking some salazopirine for 5 months now, sometimes with diclofenac and a > few pain killer. I will have a scan and an X-ray of my shoulder next week. > I went back to work 3 weeks ago and was really upset by the fact I was not > so well as I thought. > I think the first thing I have to do to feel better is to accept the > situation. > I feel a bit lonely too which is not good. We just move to here 2 months ago > . We live in England for 2 years lived in Paris 7 years( and might move to > California next year). I don’t know how is the American medical system but > here it’s a nightmare. > Have a nice Christmas > Chantal
Response:
Hi Chantal, Welcome to ASA. You’ll find the people here are very knowledgeable and supportive, and you won’t feel lonely if you hang around. Are you still living in England? I hope you only have temporary reactive arthritis and feel better soon. Best wishes and happy holidays, Linda T.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi every one, > I am reading your mail nearly every day from 2 weeks now. > It helped me to feel better. > I have problems for nearly 8 months and don’t know yet what I really have. > It might something like spondy..something. I was told at the beginning it > was Ra and later that it could be Lupus. Then I was told I’ll get rid of it > because it was only Reactive arthritis. I had some prednisolone and am > taking some salazopirine for 5 months now, sometimes with diclofenac and a > few pain killer. I will have a scan and an X-ray of my shoulder next week. > I went back to work 3 weeks ago and was really upset by the fact I was not > so well as I thought. > I think the first thing I have to do to feel better is to accept the > situation. > I feel a bit lonely too which is not good. We just move to here 2 months ago > . We live in England for 2 years lived in Paris 7 years( and might move to > California next year). I don’t know how is the American medical system but > here it’s a nightmare. > Have a nice Christmas > Chantal
Response:
Hi, Chantal… and welcome to the group! As you have no doubt found out from reading the group for a while now, you will find this place very supportive with lots of solid information as well. I am sorry to hear you are still going through that never-never-land of unclear diagnosis which sometimes can go on for some time. When your arthritis (whatever form it may be) first shows up, it can sometimes be rather undifferentiated and a clear diagnosis may not yet be possible. However, that doesn’t mean you cannot get proper treatment, as it sounds like you are finding out. Hopefully this early aggressive treatment will help to calm things down and perhaps short-circuit a more chronic form of arthritis from taking hold. The most important thing to start is to get treated by a rheumatologist, the specialist in all the 170+ different diseases classed as forms of arthritis. Hopefully you are already getting the attention of a good specialist. About that "spondy" stuff, the full name is ankylosing spondylitis (AS for short). The following website will give you some good, solid information about the more common forms of arthritis, including all the ones you mentioned as possibilities: http://www.arthritis.co.za/ That is the home page of an excellent, noncommercial website of a practicing rheumatologist in South Africa. Start with his Index Pages to explore the site. You will find the AS section, the lupus section, the reactive arthritis section, and a number of others very informative. Also see the section on getting the most from your rheumatological appointment to help you in preparing for that next appointment. It is very interesting to hear of your vagabond lifestyle. You must have seen many interesting things during your stays in England and Paris. I think you will find the American medical system with all its faults to be better than you expect, especially coming from England. As I am in California myself, allow me to welcome you should you be coming this way. May I ask out of curiosity, what kind of work do you or your husband do that leads you to so many different "home towns"? Happy holidays to you and yours too. :) Best regards,
Response:
Welcome Chantal, Hope you find some answers soon and maybe if you do have reactive RA you will recover quickly. Glad to have you in our group. kcw – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I am reading your mail nearly every day from 2 weeks now. > It helped me to feel better. > I have problems for nearly 8 months and don’t know yet what I really have. > It might something like spondy..something. I was told at the beginning it > was Ra and later that it could be Lupus. Then I was told I’ll get rid of it > because it was only Reactive arthritis. I had some prednisolone and am > taking some salazopirine for 5 months now, sometimes with diclofenac and a > few pain killer. I will have a scan and an X-ray of my shoulder next week. > I went back to work 3 weeks ago and was really upset by the fact I was not > so well as I thought. > I think the first thing I have to do to feel better is to accept the > situation. > I feel a bit lonely too which is not good. We just move to here 2 months ago > . We live in England for 2 years lived in Paris 7 years( and might move to > California next year). I don’t know how is the American medical system but > here it’s a nightmare. > Have a nice Christmas > Chantal
Response:
Hi Samir I hope you received my post to you when you posted and will use UPSA as well as ASA. Maureen
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi every one, > I am reading your mail nearly every day from 2 weeks now. > It helped me to feel better. > I have problems for nearly 8 months and don’t know yet what I really have. > It might something like spondy..something. I was told at the beginning it > was Ra and later that it could be Lupus. Then I was told I’ll get rid of it > because it was only Reactive arthritis. I had some prednisolone and am > taking some salazopirine for 5 months now, sometimes with diclofenac and a > few pain killer. I will have a scan and an X-ray of my shoulder next week. > I went back to work 3 weeks ago and was really upset by the fact I was not > so well as I thought. > I think the first thing I have to do to feel better is to accept the > situation. > I feel a bit lonely too which is not good. We just move to here 2 months ago > . We live in England for 2 years lived in Paris 7 years( and might move to > California next year). I don’t know how is the American medical system but > here it’s a nightmare. > Have a nice Christmas > Chantal
Response:
Chantal-You poor thing. Moving about as you do, it may be tough to find a doctor you are comfortable with. It can be a process which takes a while. Hopefully,you will stay in one place for a while soon. It takes time to build a good relationship with an RD. I hope you find someone soon, who can at least give you a definitive answer. Happy holidays, dear. Char "Remember, I’m pulling for ya’. We’re all in this together." Red Green
Response:
Hi every one, I am reading your mail nearly every day from 2 weeks now. It helped me to feel better. I have problems for nearly 8 months and don’t know yet what I really have. It might something like spondy..something. I was told at the beginning it was Ra and later that it could be Lupus. Then I was told I’ll get rid of it because it was only Reactive arthritis. I had some prednisolone and am taking some salazopirine for 5 months now, sometimes with diclofenac and a few pain killer. I will have a scan and an X-ray of my shoulder next week. I went back to work 3 weeks ago and was really upset by the fact I was not so well as I thought. I think the first thing I have to do to feel better is to accept the situation. I feel a bit lonely too which is not good. We just move to here 2 months ago . We live in England for 2 years lived in Paris 7 years( and might move to California next year). I don’t know how is the American medical system but here it’s a nightmare. Have a nice Christmas Chantal
Response:
There are many supportive folks here willing to listen, talk whatever….. Hoping that it’s only a temporary reactive arthritis and that you recover from it completely. Try not to feel lonely, there are many people here that can share your burdens and even provide encouragement. Sounds like you’ve traveled a fair amount. England, France and now the U.S. That must be interesting to see so many differing cultures and places. The medical system here can range from poor to excellent, you just have to take responsibility to select your doctors carefully and take a proactive approach to treatment. Happy Holidays. Tony V. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi every one, > I am reading your mail nearly every day from 2 weeks now. > It helped me to feel better. > I have problems for nearly 8 months and don’t know yet what I really have. > It might something like spondy..something. I was told at the beginning it > was Ra and later that it could be Lupus. Then I was told I’ll get rid of it > because it was only Reactive arthritis. I had some prednisolone and am > taking some salazopirine for 5 months now, sometimes with diclofenac and a > few pain killer. I will have a scan and an X-ray of my shoulder next week. > I went back to work 3 weeks ago and was really upset by the fact I was not > so well as I thought. > I think the first thing I have to do to feel better is to accept the > situation. > I feel a bit lonely too which is not good. We just move to here 2 months ago > . We live in England for 2 years lived in Paris 7 years( and might move to > California next year). I don’t know how is the American medical system but > here it’s a nightmare. > Have a nice Christmas > Chantal
Response:
Hi Chantal, Welcome to ASA. You’ll find the people here are very knowledgeable and supportive, and you won’t feel lonely if you hang around. Are you still living in England? I hope you only have temporary reactive arthritis and feel better soon. Best wishes and happy holidays, Linda T.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi every one, > I am reading your mail nearly every day from 2 weeks now. > It helped me to feel better. > I have problems for nearly 8 months and don’t know yet what I really have. > It might something like spondy..something. I was told at the beginning it > was Ra and later that it could be Lupus. Then I was told I’ll get rid of it > because it was only Reactive arthritis. I had some prednisolone and am > taking some salazopirine for 5 months now, sometimes with diclofenac and a > few pain killer. I will have a scan and an X-ray of my shoulder next week. > I went back to work 3 weeks ago and was really upset by the fact I was not > so well as I thought. > I think the first thing I have to do to feel better is to accept the > situation. > I feel a bit lonely too which is not good. We just move to here 2 months ago > . We live in England for 2 years lived in Paris 7 years( and might move to > California next year). I don’t know how is the American medical system but > here it’s a nightmare. > Have a nice Christmas > Chantal
Response:
Hi, Chantal… and welcome to the group! As you have no doubt found out from reading the group for a while now, you will find this place very supportive with lots of solid information as well. I am sorry to hear you are still going through that never-never-land of unclear diagnosis which sometimes can go on for some time. When your arthritis (whatever form it may be) first shows up, it can sometimes be rather undifferentiated and a clear diagnosis may not yet be possible. However, that doesn’t mean you cannot get proper treatment, as it sounds like you are finding out. Hopefully this early aggressive treatment will help to calm things down and perhaps short-circuit a more chronic form of arthritis from taking hold. The most important thing to start is to get treated by a rheumatologist, the specialist in all the 170+ different diseases classed as forms of arthritis. Hopefully you are already getting the attention of a good specialist. About that "spondy" stuff, the full name is ankylosing spondylitis (AS for short). The following website will give you some good, solid information about the more common forms of arthritis, including all the ones you mentioned as possibilities: http://www.arthritis.co.za/ That is the home page of an excellent, noncommercial website of a practicing rheumatologist in South Africa. Start with his Index Pages to explore the site. You will find the AS section, the lupus section, the reactive arthritis section, and a number of others very informative. Also see the section on getting the most from your rheumatological appointment to help you in preparing for that next appointment. It is very interesting to hear of your vagabond lifestyle. You must have seen many interesting things during your stays in England and Paris. I think you will find the American medical system with all its faults to be better than you expect, especially coming from England. As I am in California myself, allow me to welcome you should you be coming this way. May I ask out of curiosity, what kind of work do you or your husband do that leads you to so many different "home towns"? Happy holidays to you and yours too. :) Best regards,
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