Question:
Hello Everyone: My three year old is obsessed and/or addicted to fondling my breasts somewhat like a security object. Instead of a teddy bear or a blanket, she goes to my chest! She does have favorite teddies, but nothing comes close to what she has going with my breasts. She uses them to soothe herself, to fall asleep, so on and so forth. Basically they are her security object(s). I nursed my daughter till she was 2 1/2 years old. She was a connoiseur of nursing! Weaning her off the breast wasn’t the easiest thing to do. In fact, at times I thought she would be nursing forever. I don’t know how I did it, but we managed to get her weaned off at 2 1/2 years old. When my daughter used to nurse on one breast, she would hold tightly the nipple of the other breast, play with it, caress it, etc. This seemed to have brought her much contentment and security. In the beginning, I really didn’t mind this and was very touched by it. I can see the contentment on her face, and that was enough for me to allow her to do it. After awhile though, especially when she started getting bigger and bigger, this habit of hers started to become annoying and uncomfortable to me. I am a small and petite woman so it wasn’t easy for me to keep nursing her, and the tugging and fondling was starting to be too much! Now at age 3, whenever she is tired, sad, frightened, happy, for all and any ocassions, but particularly when she is tired, she will reach over and stick her hand under my shirt. She knows now not to do this in public, but used to before. First one breast than the other. Back and forth. Sometimes this can last for hours, especially when I am lying next to her napping or watching t.v. My question is this: how can I wean her off my breast as her security object in a positive manner. I do not want to make her feel bad for something that brings her so much security and happiness. Now and again I really don’t mind, but it’s the frequency that she does this. Plus, it is wreaking havoc to the firmness of my breast (they’ll never be the same again)! I think I can handle this type of intimacy with my daughter since it brings her so much comfort, but wonder if it’ll go on forever, and when do I need to put a stop to it. I am hoping that once she starts preschool in September, she won’t be with "mommy" so much, and this habit will eventually stop. Any advice, suggestions, comments, or someone who has a similar problem will be greatly appreciated! Thanks, Hon FREE tapes: "Medical Doctors Speak Out," and "Dead Doctors Don’t Lie." Life Plus nutritional products, testimonials, and prices at—http://www.goodlifeone.com/
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hello Everyone: > My three year old is obsessed and/or addicted to fondling my breasts > somewhat like a security object. Instead of a teddy bear or a blanket, > she goes to my chest! She does have favorite teddies, but nothing comes > close to what she has going with my breasts. She uses them to soothe > herself, to fall asleep, so on and so forth. Basically they are her > security object(s). > I nursed my daughter till she was 2 1/2 years old. She was a connoiseur > of nursing! Weaning her off the breast wasn’t the easiest thing to do. > In fact, at times I thought she would be nursing forever. I don’t know > how I did it, but we managed to get her weaned off at 2 1/2 years old. > When my daughter used to nurse on one breast, she would hold tightly the > nipple of the other breast, play with it, caress it, etc. This seemed to > have brought her much contentment and security. In the beginning, I > really didn’t mind this and was very touched by it. I can see the > contentment on her face, and that was enough for me to allow her to do > it. After awhile though, especially when she started getting bigger > and bigger, this habit of hers started to become annoying and > uncomfortable to me. I am a small and petite woman so it wasn’t easy > for me to keep nursing her, and the tugging and fondling was starting to > be too much! > Now at age 3, whenever she is tired, sad, frightened, happy, for all > and any ocassions, but particularly when she is tired, she will reach > over and stick her hand under my shirt. She knows now not to do > this in public, but used to before. First one breast than the other. > Back and forth. Sometimes this can last for hours, especially when I am > lying next to her napping or watching t.v. > My question is this: how can I wean her off my breast as her security > object in a positive manner. I do not want to make her feel bad for > something that brings her so much security and happiness. Now and again > I really don’t mind, but it’s the frequency that she does this. Plus, it > is wreaking havoc to the firmness of my breast (they’ll never be the > same again)! I think I can handle this type of intimacy with my daughter > since it brings her so much comfort, but wonder if it’ll go on forever, > and when do I need to put a stop to it. I am hoping that once she > starts preschool in September, she won’t be with "mommy" so much, and > this habit will eventually stop. > Any advice, suggestions, comments, or someone who has a similar problem > will be greatly appreciated! > Thanks, > Hon > FREE tapes: "Medical Doctors Speak Out," > and "Dead Doctors Don’t Lie." Life Plus > nutritional products, testimonials, and > prices at—http://www.goodlifeone.com/Try finding a doll or animal that has nipples and see if that can faze
her off you.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hello Everyone: > My three year old is obsessed and/or addicted to fondling my breasts > somewhat like a security object. Instead of a teddy bear or a blanket, > she goes to my chest! She does have favorite teddies, but nothing comes > close to what she has going with my breasts. She uses them to soothe > herself, to fall asleep, so on and so forth. Basically they are her > security object(s). > I nursed my daughter till she was 2 1/2 years old. She was a connoiseur > of nursing! Weaning her off the breast wasn’t the easiest thing to do. > In fact, at times I thought she would be nursing forever. I don’t know > how I did it, but we managed to get her weaned off at 2 1/2 years old. > When my daughter used to nurse on one breast, she would hold tightly the > nipple of the other breast, play with it, caress it, etc. This seemed to > have brought her much contentment and security. In the beginning, I > really didn’t mind this and was very touched by it. I can see the > contentment on her face, and that was enough for me to allow her to do > it. After awhile though, especially when she started getting bigger > and bigger, this habit of hers started to become annoying and > uncomfortable to me. I am a small and petite woman so it wasn’t easy > for me to keep nursing her, and the tugging and fondling was starting to > be too much! > Now at age 3, whenever she is tired, sad, frightened, happy, for all > and any ocassions, but particularly when she is tired, she will reach > over and stick her hand under my shirt. She knows now not to do > this in public, but used to before. First one breast than the other. > Back and forth. Sometimes this can last for hours, especially when I am > lying next to her napping or watching t.v. > My question is this: how can I wean her off my breast as her security > object in a positive manner. I do not want to make her feel bad for > something that brings her so much security and happiness. Now and again > I really don’t mind, but it’s the frequency that she does this. Plus, it > is wreaking havoc to the firmness of my breast (they’ll never be the > same again)! I think I can handle this type of intimacy with my daughter > since it brings her so much comfort, but wonder if it’ll go on forever, > and when do I need to put a stop to it. I am hoping that once she > starts preschool in September, she won’t be with "mommy" so much, and > this habit will eventually stop. > Any advice, suggestions, comments, or someone who has a similar problem > will be greatly appreciated! > Thanks, > Hon > FREE tapes: "Medical Doctors Speak Out," > and "Dead Doctors Don’t Lie." Life Plus > nutritional products, testimonials, and > prices at—http://www.goodlifeone.com/Try finding a doll or animal that has nipples and see if that can faze
her off you. You have an interesting challange.
Response:
Perhaps you could explain to her that your body is YOUR body, and that certain parts of it are private, it makes you uncomfortable if she touches certain parts, etc. Seems like it would be important for HER to feel that she could tell someone not to touch HER nipples (or any other part), but by not giving yourself permission to do that, you may be tacitly removing her permission, too. You might also try substituting some other "lovey" – a blanket (kids seem to love the ones with the silky edging) or a stuffed toy or doll. Best of luck to you. Inger
Response:
This is what happens when you breastfeed until these kids are borrowing the car. Your situation is absurd.
Response:
> This is what happens when you breastfeed until these kids are borrowing > the car. Your situation is absurd.
I’m not sure it’s as "absurd" as it sounds… let me explain why; About 18 months ago when my wife and I were taking our pre-natal classes the instructor (who was very pro nursing) indicated that it is OK to breast feed up to a child’s 5 years of age. So having a breast fed baby at 3 years of age does not sound out of line with the current subject-matter-experts of today.
Response:
> > This is what happens when you breastfeed until these kids are borrowing > the car. Your situation is absurd. > I’m not sure it’s as "absurd" as it sounds… let me explain why; > About 18 months ago when my wife and I were taking our pre-natal classes the instructor (who was > very pro nursing) indicated that it is OK to breast feed up to a child’s 5 years of age. So > having a breast fed baby at 3 years of age does not sound out of line with the current > subject-matter-experts of today.
Perhaps it is OK, but is completely unnecessary unless you are in a third world country. A 3 year old is NOT going to be getting nearly enough calories from breastmilk for it to be worth the effort. As far as I see it, all it does is make the child clingy and needy. Give the child some independence for goodness sake. Linda
Response:
(Aphrael529) writes: >This is what happens when you breastfeed until these kids are borrowing >the car. Your situation is absurd.
Maybe we should direct this person to the spankers. Seriously, I understand your problem. My 17 month old son has recently started using my hair for his security cuddling. I cut my hair, I have tried to substitute blankets and dolls and stuffed animals, but he wants to stroke my hair. If he is with his father, he strokes his father’s shirt, if he is by himself he strokes his own hair. What seems to work is if I hold him in a position where he cannot reach my hair, but he can still cuddle with me. Deborah, breastfeeding mother who asks, "Why buy the cow’s when you can give the milk for free?"
Response:
(Deborahtay) writes: >(Aphrael529) writes: >This is what happens when you breastfeed until these kids are borrowing >the car. Your situation is absurd. >Maybe we should direct this person to the spankers.
I realize that my own glib response opened me up to a glib response in return but… Just because I think that something that anyone in their right mind would not have allowed to evolve ( ie: Mommy’s nipples as toys) is absurd does not mean that I spank my children. I breastfed both my children and do not spank them – not that the latter is relevent to this thread. Still the original poster has obviously got problems of her own in terms of limits and boundaries. We are living in a society that (right or wrong) places many highly diverse meanings on breasts… When, in 20 years, this woman’s daughter is in therapy talking about how she has vivid memories of fondling her mothers nipples on a regular basis, then you tell me whether the situation is ridiculous or not >About 18 months ago when my wife and I were taking our pre-natal classes the >instructor (who was very pro nursing) indicated that it is OK to breast feed up to a >child’s 5 years of age. So having a breast fed baby at 3 years of age does not sound >out of line with the current subject-matter-experts of today.
Remember that 20 years ago all the "experts" were vehemently advising against breastfeeding in favor of the more "modern and nutritious" formulas. Experts are only experts till the next expert says they are wrong.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > This is what happens when you breastfeed until these kids are borrowing > > the car. Your situation is absurd. > I’m not sure it’s as "absurd" as it sounds… let me explain why; > About 18 months ago when my wife and I were taking our pre-natal classes the instructor (who was > very pro nursing) indicated that it is OK to breast feed up to a child’s 5 years of age. So > having a breast fed baby at 3 years of age does not sound out of line with the current > subject-matter-experts of today. >Perhaps it is OK, but is completely unnecessary unless you are in a >third world country. A 3 year old is NOT going to be getting nearly >enough calories from breastmilk for it to be worth the effort. As far >as I see it, all it does is make the child clingy and needy. Give the >child some independence for goodness sake. >Linda
I believe that if your child is old enough to open your blouse they are to old to breastfeed! A breastfeeding mom ] Kim
Response:
>> This is what happens when you breastfeed until these kids are borrowing > the car. Your situation is absurd. >I’m not sure it’s as "absurd" as it sounds… let me explain why; >About 18 months ago when my wife and I were taking our pre-natal classes the instructor (who was >very pro nursing) indicated that it is OK to breast feed up to a child’s 5 years of age. So >having a breast fed baby at 3 years of age does not sound out of line with the current >subject-matter-experts of today.
The problem here has *nothing* to do with breastfeeding; the problem has to do with setting appropriate limits for child. I breastfeed my 3 yo, and she would never touch my body inappropriately. She knows that my body is my personal space, just as her body is her personal space. I don’t allow her to touch me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I *do* nurse her when she asks me, which of course involves my breasts, but I still maintain control of my own body. BTW, she has chosen my hair as her security object, and she will just gently hold a handful when she is sleepy. Very sweet! Daron, Acacia’s Mom(1/10/93)
Response:
> (Deborahtay) writes: > > >(Aphrael529) writes: > > > >> > >>This is what happens when you breastfeed until these kids are borrowing > >>the car. Your situation is absurd. > > > >Maybe we should direct this person to the spankers. > > > > > > I realize that my own glib response opened me up to a glib response in > return but… > > Just because I think that something that anyone in their right mind would > not have allowed to evolve ( ie: Mommy’s nipples as toys) is absurd does > not mean that I spank my children. I breastfed both my children and do > not spank them – not that the latter is relevent to this thread. Still > the original poster has obviously got problems of her own in terms of > limits and boundaries. We are living in a society that (right or wrong) > places many highly diverse meanings on breasts… When, in 20 years, this > woman’s daughter is in therapy talking about how she has vivid memories of > fondling her mothers nipples on a regular basis, then you tell me whether > the situation is ridiculous or not > > > >About 18 months ago when my wife and I were taking our pre-natal classes > the > >instructor (who was very pro nursing) indicated that it is OK to breast > feed up to a > >child’s 5 years of age. So having a breast fed baby at 3 years of age > does not sound > >out of line with the current subject-matter-experts of today. > > Remember that 20 years ago all the "experts" were vehemently advising > against breastfeeding in favor of the more "modern and nutritious" > formulas. Experts are only experts till the next expert says they are > wrong. I agree with your statement about the experts. However….I am also a breastfeeding mom and my first child bf until I was pregnant with my second and could no longer keep up nutritionally. He was 2 at the time we weaned. He was old enough to lift up my shirt, but not allowed to do that. We each respect bodies as belonging to their owners. He was a clingy baby not because he was bf for so long but because that is his nature. My other son is not as clingy and not as interested in nursing. He is one now and already weaning. The length of breastfeeding should be determined by each nursing couple (mom and baby) Extended nursing does not cause psychological problems, in fact it prevents them. It allows the child to develop a great self esteem and stop nursing when he/she is ready instead of forcing him/her to quit which can cause insecurities. Go ahead…….flame away. earthmother, apprentice midwife and ND in training The greatest joy is to become a mother; the second greatest is to become a midwife. -old Norwegian Proverb
Response:
> This is what happens when you breastfeed until these kids are borrowing > the car. Your situation is absurd.
First of all, the kid is hardly driving a car. Second of all, the child is NO LONGER BREASTFEEDING. And third, F*CK OFF you moron. Get a clue. I bet you used swill in a can to feed your kids- if you even have any. Sorry to be so nasty, but keep your "absurd" opinions to yourself. They certainly offered no HELP for this woman’s situation.
Response:
> > This is what happens when you breastfeed until these kids are borrowing > the car. Your situation is absurd.
My 2 younger brothers and I were breastfed until we were about 3 or 4. We all turned out fine. (For the record, none of us were borrowing the car at 4 years of age.) Erin Coe |If a man does not keep pace with his companions Carleton U. Mechie |Perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. 31st Ottawa Guides |Let him step to the music he hears
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> I believe that if your child is old enough to open your blouse they > are to old to breastfeed! > A breastfeeding mom
How old is your baby? When a child is old enough to steam his own broccoli, is he too old to eat it? HUMAN MILK is ALWAYS more nutritious than COW’S MILK, or FRUIT JUICE, or KOOL-AID, or any other drink. You need to get your facts straight before you go posting such nonsense. I thought I would never nurse a toddler, but as each stage of babyhood passes, your ideas change– AND you get a lot more facts– like the fact that a child’s immune system is not fully mature until around 6 years old, and breastmilk provides immunities for the ENTIRE duration of nursing. Unless you are a breastfeeding mom with a toddler, you had no reason to be spouting you OPINION about it. It certainly does the mother with the original question no good at all. HER CHILD IS NOT EVEN BREASTFEEDING ANYMORE.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I believe that if your child is old enough to open your blouse they > are to old to breastfeed! > A breastfeeding mom >How old is your baby? When a child is old enough to steam his own >broccoli, is he too old to eat it? HUMAN MILK is ALWAYS more nutritious >than COW’S MILK, or FRUIT JUICE, or KOOL-AID, or any other drink. You >need to get your facts straight before you go posting such nonsense. I >thought I would never nurse a toddler, but as each stage of babyhood >passes, your ideas change– AND you get a lot more facts– like the fact >that a child’s immune system is not fully mature until around 6 years >old, and breastmilk provides immunities for the ENTIRE duration of >nursing. Unless you are a breastfeeding mom with a toddler, you had no >reason to be spouting you OPINION about it. It certainly does the mother >with the original question no good at all. HER CHILD IS NOT EVEN >BREASTFEEDING ANYMORE.
First of all, I have three children! One is 10yo , 20 mos, and 6 mos. I breastfed them ALL! As for steaming broccoli , aren’t we reaching just a little bit? I am well aware breastmilk is nutritious, I did breastfeed. How dare you say I don’t have my facts straight!!! How many children do you have ? As for breastmilk providing immunities while doing it , it can also strip mother of the same immunities. That is the sole reason I stopped breastfeeding.I suggest you stop passing judgement on other people and learn to take a joke. This is the reason this newsgroup is getting ridiculous. Kim
Response:
>> This is what happens when you breastfeed until these kids are borrowing > the car. Your situation is absurd. >First of all, the kid is hardly driving a car. Second of all, the child >is NO LONGER BREASTFEEDING. And third, F*CK OFF you moron. Get a clue. I >bet you used swill in a can to feed your kids- if you even have any. >Sorry to be so nasty, but keep your "absurd" opinions to yourself. They >certainly offered no HELP for this woman’s situation.
You have no sense of humor whatsoever. Yes, I mean what I say, her situation is absurd. However, I was also being ironic (look it up if you are confused) to make a point. You have no right being around children (let alone raising them) with that kind of mouth. You could have tried, as many have, to show me that I’m wrong with thoughtful, reasoned arguments and even a snotty comment or two in return for my own appropriate response from someone I obviously pissed off also. I am happy to tell you that your ridiculous apology at the end of your post does not, in any way, raise anyones opinion of your conduct.
Response:
The Attachment Parenting Group is a Canadian organization that strongly supports and advocates the following attachment-building practices: homebirth/waterbirth, breastfeeding, breastfeeding long – term (3+years) tandem nursing, homeschooling, unschooling, non-punitive discipline, co-sleeping, full-time parenting, baby slings, vegetarian, non- circumscised, non-vaccinated children,etc. The Attachment Parenting Group publishes Nurturing Magazine, at a cost of $16 per year in Canada, and $20 per year to the U.S., in Canadian funds. One year equals four issues. All of the above topics, and much more are covered. TAPG also offers FREE email help, support, and advice, from a perspective Breasts are for babies!
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>The Attachment Parenting Group is a Canadian organization that strongly >supports and advocates the following attachment-building practices: >homebirth/waterbirth, breastfeeding, breastfeeding long – term (3+years) >tandem nursing, homeschooling, unschooling,
I understand most the terms your refer to, except…..what is "unschooling?" jH
Response:
> You have no sense of humor whatsoever. Yes, I mean what I say, her > situation is absurd. However, I was also being ironic (look it up if you > are confused) to make a point. You have no right being around children > (let alone raising them) with that kind of mouth. You could have tried, > as many have, to show me that I’m wrong with thoughtful, reasoned > arguments and even a snotty comment or two in return for my own > appropriate response from someone I obviously pissed off also. > I am happy to tell you that your ridiculous apology at the end of your > post does not, in any way, raise anyones opinion of your conduct.
I wasn’t looking for approval from anyone who believes three year old’s nursing is "absurd" anyway. As I said, none of this has offered any help to the original poster with the three year old who is *not* nursing. I offered suggestions to this mother privately– which invlved no inflammatory words, but you really succeeded in inflaming me with your original comments. *Leave the "trying" to those anticipating failure.* o / __o __| / |__ o__ o / | / ___o o | o/ o/___ / | / | /) | ( /o / ) | ( / | / Peyton’s Mommy since 12-20-94
Response:
>The Attachment Parenting Group is a Canadian organization that strongly >supports and advocates the following attachment-building practices: >homebirth/waterbirth, breastfeeding, breastfeeding long – term (3+years)
Hmmm, when I read the subject line I was expecting a statement *against* long term breastfeeding…. Daron, Mom to Cacie (1/10/93) – who would be a little insulted if you tried to tell her that breasts were for *babies*…
Response:
* >The length of breastfeeding should be determined by each nursing couple (mom and baby) >Extended nursing does not cause psychological problems, in fact it prevents them. It allows the >child to develop a great self esteem and stop nursing when he/she is ready instead of forcing >him/her to quit which can cause insecurities. >Go ahead…….flame away. >earthmother, apprentice midwife and ND in training >The greatest joy is to become a mother; >the second greatest is to become a midwife. > -old Norwegian Proverb
No flame here. You sound like a good mother. The child will usually stop breast feeding when it’s ready. Three or four years old is not unheard of. What’s the big deal? j.
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writes: >The child will usually stop breast feeding when it’s ready. Three or >four years old is not unheard of. >What’s the big deal? >j.
Greetings! I agree with this method of parenting in all areas! It hurts my heart when I hear about parents who take blankets/stuffed security objects away from children or who "insist" – usually at the -advice- of other parents on potty training or weaning too soon! I had others constantly tell me I was doing – wrong – by allowing my children in the bed with me. I NEVER told them they could not come to me in the middle of the night – as a matter of fact I told them "Mommy’s right here if you need me!" – They are 6 & 8 and just about NEVER come to me in the night anymore 
…. once in a while with an occasional bad dream or thunder storm. Children are children for such a short while (sigh) lets not push them to grow up any sooner than necessary! Let Your Light Shine! Kathy
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Stopping breastfeeding at the age of four? Why is three or 4 the age to stop at? Why not all through kindergarten and grammar school? Why not through the teen years? Heck, i’m 31 and have my insecure moments. Why not stop in the thirties? I wish someone had clued me in earlier. I didn’t realize i was living in a third world country.
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>Stopping breastfeeding at the age of four? Why is three or 4 the age to >stop at? Why not all through kindergarten and grammar school?
The post to which you seem to refer stated: "The child will usually stop breast feeding when it’s ready. Three or four years old is not unheard of. " The poster wasn’t suggesting the stopping of breastfeeding at age four, but was advocating self-weaning and saying that it is not unheard of for a child to continue to want human milk until age four. By grammar school age, nearly all kids don’t want it anymore. Regardless of the child’s age: when they are ready to stop, they will stop — you can’t force a child to breastfeed. You also can’t force a mother to breastfeed. What is so wrong with it if _both_ partners in this nursing couple want to continue? What *is* the big deal? > Why not through the teen years? Heck, i’m 31 and have my insecure moments.
Wow, maybe through psychoanalysis this could be traced back to abrupt weaning! (ha, ha, just kidding!) > I wish someone had clued me in earlier. I >didn’t realize i was living in a third world country.
I think it is sad that in a country with as much opportunity for education as ours that we have such strange (inhibited) views about breastfeeding. Ileen/USA
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