Pure Parents

Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > In article , "K.N." writes: >My 10 year old son mouths off a lot >to me > lately. Friends have suggested that >I wash out his mouth with soap. > What results >have other mothers had with this technique? >Does the > child dislike the method? I will admit that i’ve done this — probably > because my parents used it with me and my sibling, although I don’t > remember exactly the specific rules broken. However, I don’t do it for > "mouthing off". I reserve it strictly for foul language (F**K,S**T, > etc.). If I did it just for mouthing off, my oldest would neve have to > brush his teeth — and since he’s mouthy already and only 11, I > anticipate it getting worse. Grounding and such is the usual consequence > after a couple warnings. I will *not* tolerate foul language, though. I > recall washing out my son’s mouth with soap less than a half dozen times > between ages 8 and 11, He absolutely positively hated it, and so did I. > I think it must be very unsanitary, so I always used a fresh bar of soap > (usually one of those travel sizes). I felt very bad about it, but I > honestly belive it got my point across in a very strong way. I’ve never > had to do it with my daughter (now 8), but I will if she starts it up. > She’s seen her brother go through it, so maybe I won’t have to. I don’t > think ingestion is likely to be a problem with a 10 YO. I haven’t heard > my son use a foul word in almost a year. Now maybe he uses such words > when he’s with his friends, although I certainly hope not, and I don’t > think he does — but *I* will not tolerate it in *my* presence. So I > would *not* recommend it just because he’s "mouthy". It’s physically > abusive, like spanking, and should be a strong "last resort", if used at > all. Taking away privileges is usually much more effective with older > children. > I need to know what she means. She said that she felt very bad about it, > that > is washing her son’s mouth out with soap. Why would she feel this way? > What > was it about the soap method that would make her feel it was a strong > method to use? > It seems from what she said that she used a toothbrush. How is a > toothbrush used in a mouth soaping? > She seems to imply that she believes this method to be a big correction > method. She said it was equal to spanking. Why is this? > She said that her son absolutely positively hated it. Was it because > of the type of soap used? Was it because she was especially angry and > determined? Was it because of the way she did it? > If anyone has any idea what she meant, I’d appreciate knowing why. It > just seems that mouth soaping is a pretty light method. Maybe, there’s > something she hasn’t said. > Further, why would the kid feel humiliated with this method? It doesn’t > seem to be a disrespectful method. Is it because of the way it is > carried out? Or, is it because of the fact that the mother looks upon > this method as a strong punishment? > Somehow, when methods of child rearing are used, it is important to > find out the ramifications of a method. > Michelle Keene

It sounds to me like her son is wanting attention and the only way that he can get it is to "mouth off".  Sure he gets a mouthfull of soap, but he IS getting attention from his mother.  Maybe a little one-on-one time is what is really needed for him to stop the foul language.

Response:

=>lately. Friends have suggested that >I wash out his mouth with soap. =>What results >have other mothers had with this technique? >Does the =>child dislike the method? I will admit that i’ve done this — probably =>because my parents used it with me and my sibling, although I don’t =>remember exactly the specific rules broken. However, I don’t do it for =>"mouthing off". I reserve it strictly for foul language (F**K,S**T, =>etc.). If I did it just for mouthing off, my oldest would neve have to =>brush his teeth — and since he’s mouthy already and only 11, I =>anticipate it getting worse. Grounding and such is the usual consequence =>after a couple warnings. I will *not* tolerate foul language, though. I =>recall washing out my son’s mouth with soap less than a half dozen times =>between ages 8 and 11, He absolutely positively hated it, and so did I. =>I think it must be very unsanitary, so I always used a fresh bar of soap =>(usually one of those travel sizes). I felt very bad about it, but I =>honestly belive it got my point across in a very strong way. I’ve never =>had to do it with my daughter (now 8), but I will if she starts it up. =>She’s seen her brother go through it, so maybe I won’t have to. I don’t =>think ingestion is likely to be a problem with a 10 YO. I haven’t heard =>my son use a foul word in almost a year. Now maybe he uses such words =>when he’s with his friends, although I certainly hope not, and I don’t =>think he does — but *I* will not tolerate it in *my* presence. So I =>would *not* recommend it just because he’s "mouthy". It’s physically =>abusive, like spanking, and should be a strong "last resort", if used at =>all. Taking away privileges is usually much more effective with older =>children. Michelle, I am interested in your finding that spanking and mouth soaping are physically abusive. I agree on both counts, wholeheartedly. But if you feel this way, why would you use either on your children. => =>I need to know what she means. She said that she felt very bad about it, =>that =>is washing her son’s mouth out with soap. Why would she feel this way? =>What =>was it about the soap method that would make her feel it was a strong =>method to use? =>It seems from what she said that she used a toothbrush. How is a =>toothbrush used in a mouth soaping? =>She seems to imply that she believes this method to be a big correction =>method. She said it was equal to spanking. Why is this? =>She said that her son absolutely positively hated it. Was it because =>of the type of soap used? Was it because she was especially angry and =>determined? Was it because of the way she did it? =>If anyone has any idea what she meant, I’d appreciate knowing why. It =>just seems that mouth soaping is a pretty light method. Maybe, there’s =>something she hasn’t said. =>Further, why would the kid feel humiliated with this method? It doesn’t =>seem to be a disrespectful method. Is it because of the way it is =>carried out? Or, is it because of the fact that the mother looks upon =>this method as a strong punishment? =>Somehow, when methods of child rearing are used, it is important to =>find out the ramifications of a method. Your last sentence is *very* telling of this whole mouth-soaping issue, as it is with spanking or other violent and intrusive methods of punishment. I can fully understand the child’s feelings of humiliation. You say above soaping is physically abusive, yet you can find no reason why a child would hate it, then you say soaping is a "pretty light method". Also, regardless of what you may think, if your 11-year-old uses those words in the home, you can rest assured he is using them outside. Our house rules are just that – swearing or cussing is not allowed. What you do when out with your kids is up to you, and you suffer the natural consequences of what may happen there. This means if you get a detention at school for swearing, or get kicked out of the mall for swearing, those are the consequences you must live with. If your other friends ostracize youfor cussing a blue streak, this is the consequence of your swearing. We’ve never had to soap (nor would I *ever* consider it). When you were considering the ramifications of soaping, did you *at least* check with the manufacturers to see what is in the soap? Do you know what kind of chemicals are in the product you’re using? The kid’s bound to swallow some. Also, at the same time why not examine other, less abusive and less dangerous but equally effective methods? Good Luck with the Parenting thing. . . Greg Lubianetzky Father to the world’s 2 Greatest Kids!  ;-}

Response:

In article , "K.N." writes: >My 10 year old son mouths off a lot >to me lately. Friends have suggested that >I wash out his mouth with soap. What results >have other mothers had with this technique? >Does the child dislike the method? I will admit that i’ve done this — probably because my parents used it with me and my sibling, although I don’t remember exactly the specific rules broken. However, I don’t do it for "mouthing off". I reserve it strictly for foul language (F**K,S**T, etc.). If I did it just for mouthing off, my oldest would neve have to brush his teeth — and since he’s mouthy already and only 11, I anticipate it getting worse. Grounding and such is the usual consequence after a couple warnings. I will *not* tolerate foul language, though. I recall washing out my son’s mouth with soap less than a half dozen times between ages 8 and 11, He absolutely positively hated it, and so did I. I think it must be very unsanitary, so I always used a fresh bar of soap (usually one of those travel sizes). I felt very bad about it, but I honestly belive it got my point across in a very strong way. I’ve never had to do it with my daughter (now 8), but I will if she starts it up. She’s seen her brother go through it, so maybe I won’t have to. I don’t think ingestion is likely to be a problem with a 10 YO. I haven’t heard my son use a foul word in almost a year. Now maybe he uses such words when he’s with his friends, although I certainly hope not, and I don’t think he does — but *I* will not tolerate it in *my* presence. So I would *not* recommend it just because he’s "mouthy". It’s physically abusive, like spanking, and should be a strong "last resort", if used at all. Taking away privileges is usually much more effective with older children. I need to know what she means. She said that she felt very bad about it, that is washing her son’s mouth out with soap. Why would she feel this way? What was it about the soap method that would make her feel it was a strong method to use? It seems from what she said that she used a toothbrush. How is a toothbrush used in a mouth soaping? She seems to imply that she believes this method to be a big correction method. She said it was equal to spanking. Why is this? She said that her son absolutely positively hated it. Was it because of the type of soap used? Was it because she was especially angry and determined? Was it because of the way she did it? If anyone has any idea what she meant, I’d appreciate knowing why. It just seems that mouth soaping is a pretty light method. Maybe, there’s something she hasn’t said. Further, why would the kid feel humiliated with this method? It doesn’t seem to be a disrespectful method. Is it because of the way it is carried out? Or, is it because of the fact that the mother looks upon this method as a strong punishment? Somehow, when methods of child rearing are used, it is important to find out the ramifications of a method. Michelle Keene

Response: