Pure Parents

Question:

Sounds like good, old-fashioned bribery works every time.  You all got away cheap though. When Victor was 3 1/2 , the closer it came time to go to preschool, the more of a panic I was in.  He wouldn’t go potty for anything. We did not punish him, but we read him all the books, bought the cheapest diapers ( I thought that they would feel more wet and be more uncomfortable, and therefore an incentive in themselves) and asked him what he would like as a reward for going potty.. He said he wanted a tonka concrete mixer truck, so we told him ok if he went potty.  No dice. It was not incentive enough.   He started asking for a Power Wheels Jeep, one of those little battery powered cars that kids could drive themselves.  I thought they were all $500 or so, and didn’t give it any consideration at first.  I then saw one for under $200 in a warehouse store. When I got home I told him that we might be able to get the Jeep if Mom and Dad didn’t have to spend the money on diapers. The NEXT DAY he was in regular underpants, not pull-ups, and has never, yes, NEVER had an accident(he in now 7 years old). We did not run out and buy the Jeep right away. He had to wait several months while we saved for it from the money that we would have spent on diapers.   A friend of mine with twins, told her girls that she needed the money to buy food.  It was either food or diapers.  They chose food.  I don’t think I would want to make my child feel that insecure about his basic needs, but it worked for her, and it was cheaper than a jeep. Laura Di Lorenzo   – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My son was also all but bowel trained at the age of 3. We used a >sticker chart to encourage him to poop. After 10 stickers he got a >Brio engine that he really wanted. At that point it was a habit. >Problem solved. (For us at least.) >Good luck, >Marj Stehley, Ima to Roni, 5, and Eliav , 3 > That sounds pretty much like what we did with Robbie (3 1/2)  The first > time he peed in the potty, he got Mavis (from the Thomas the Tank > Engine series), but since he has most of the other trains for that set, > we went to the City Force cars he wanted.  The first time he pooped, he > got his police car that he’d been wanting.  Then, we told him if he > went for a week without and accident, he’d get the ambulance to go with > it.  A week later, he got the ambulance, and we’ve had no bowel > accidents since, and he’s only peed in his pants once, and it’s been > over 3 months!

Response:

My son was also all but bowel trained at the age of 3. We used a sticker chart to encourage him to poop. After 10 stickers he got a Brio engine that he really wanted. At that point it was a habit. Problem solved. (For us at least.) Good luck, Marj Stehley, Ima to Roni, 5, and Eliav , 3

Response:

>My son was also all but bowel trained at the age of 3. We used a >sticker chart to encourage him to poop. After 10 stickers he got a >Brio engine that he really wanted. At that point it was a habit. >Problem solved. (For us at least.) >Good luck, >Marj Stehley, Ima to Roni, 5, and Eliav , 3

That sounds pretty much like what we did with Robbie (3 1/2)  The first time he peed in the potty, he got Mavis (from the Thomas the Tank Engine series), but since he has most of the other trains for that set, we went to the City Force cars he wanted.  The first time he pooped, he got his police car that he’d been wanting.  Then, we told him if he went for a week without and accident, he’d get the ambulance to go with it.  A week later, he got the ambulance, and we’ve had no bowel accidents since, and he’s only peed in his pants once, and it’s been over 3 months!  

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Path: news-s01.ny.us.ibm.net!news-m01.ny.us.ibm.net!newsjunkie.ans.net!newsfeeds. ans.net!howland.reston.ans.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in1.uu.net!news3.ag is.net!agis!simba.cnsnet.com!NewsWatcher!user >Newsgroups: alt.parenting.solutions >Organization: Computer Network Services >Lines: 14 >NNTP-Posting-Host: 204.137.198.183 >I have a 3 1/2 year old son who is essentially potty trained except that >he still insists on using a diaper for his bowel movements. He doesn’t >wear a diaper at all during the day and wears pull-ups to bed, but when he >has to "poop" he brings me a diaper.  We have tried making him sit on the >potty first, but he won’t go. We’ve tried withholding priveleges and >treats, but then he acts out and starts urinating in his pants, at which >point I put him in a diaper for the rest of the day, which he hates. I’m >at my wits end.  I’ve tried de-emphasizing the whole thing, but then he >doesn’t make any effort at all to change.  I also have a 20 month old, and >there is jealousy there of course and sometimes I think the older ones >refusal to poop in the potty has to do with his younger brother still >being in diapers and the attention he gets when he is changed, or >something like that. Can anyone help? >Kathie

Hi, Kathie, my daughter, 3 yrs old, has the same problem and the pediatrician told me not to worry about it. At this age,it is a lot worse not to poop at all, than to use a diaper. She, as well. is completely potty trained. He also told me that she will ask for the potty by herself soon. I hope it helps. Adriana

Response:

I think you just have to wait.  We just went through the exact same thing. We tried stickers: a sticker for every poop in the toilet; 10 stickers and he gets a present. Nothing for weeks and weeks.  Then one day he just did it: "I have to poop!" and trotted off to the toilet. (I later found out that Daddy had told him the night before that the new fire truck book he got is a big-boy book. And if he doesn’t start pooping like a big boy, we might have to take his big-boy book away. I honestly don’t know if this had any effect on him. It’s entirely possible that he just finally decided to do it.) Good luck! Deri

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She simply refuses to poop in the potty. Since I put diapers on her at night, then and only then she has a bowel movement. (snip) My neighbor had the same problem with her son until last year — he’s now 10!  The doctors had no explanation at all for it.  We think the problem ended when it became important enough to him to do something about it — his parents would not allow him to have or go on any sleepovers with his friends because of this eccentricity.  His social life became more important to him than his diaper. hmmmm. ages ago I read that sometimes kids are kind of proud of their "accomplishment" and really hate to see their opus flushed away.  There was also something about some kids finding it scary that something that was once a part of their bodies could be lost down the toilet.  And some kids may be so high-strung during the day that they can’t relax enough to do the job consciously, so it happens in their sleep. My brother was born with no nerve endings in his colon so he doesn’t know he has to go until it’s almost too late to save his dignity.  To cut down on accidents, our family doctor recommended a daily routine of drinking a glass of hot water when he got up in the morning, and then sit on the toilet and read for a half hour.  The idea was to train his body to go at a certain time.  The hot water would also soften up and help move stuff out. Another idea, you might look at the library for a Mr. Rogers video that explains why we use the toilet to get rid of things our bodies don’t need anymore.  It really caught Kylie’s attention when she was around 3. hope these ideas help! Rebecca

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >"I have a 3 1/2 year old son who is essentially potty trained except that >he still insists on using a diaper for his bowel movements. He doesn’t >wear a diaper at all during the day and wears pull-ups to bed, but when >he has to "poop" he brings me a diaper.  We have tried making him sit on >the potty first, but he won’t go. We’ve tried withholding priveleges and >treats, but then he acts out and starts urinating in his pants, at which >point I put him in a diaper for the rest of the day, which he hates. I’m >at my wits end.  I’ve tried de-emphasizing the whole thing, but then he >doesn’t make any effort at all to change.  I also have a 20 month old, >and there is jealousy there of course and sometimes I think the older >ones refusal to poop in the potty has to do with his younger brother >still being in diapers and the attention he gets when he is changed, or >something like that. Can anyone help?" >Sorry, I can only sympathize. My recently turned 4 year old daughter does >the same thing. She has no siblings so there’s no jealously element. She >simply refuses to poop in the potty. Since I put diapers on her at night, >then and only then she has a bowel movement.(Of course, if she’s >obviously uncomfortable and has to go, I’ll put a diaper on her)   >Although she’ll happily pee in the toilet (and this achievement has only >VERY recently been achieved) She clearly acknowledges that she has NO >intention of pooping in the toilet, and that she loves her diapers and >that’s where she’ll poop. I’m baffled too.  

SOmething to try:  My son has been bladder trained since he turned two, but is just this past week bowel trained (he 2 1/2).  We told him he could wear the diaper to poop, but he had to stand in the bathroom. Next (in 2 or three days) we told him he could wear the diaper, but he had to sit on the potty (diaper and all) to poop.  After a few days of this, we opened the tapes of the diaper while he was sitting there.  In a few more days, we  put the diaper accross the top of the potty and he sat on that.  The we dispensed with the diaper altoghter.  It may not work, but it’s certainly worth a try.     Phan, mom to Keithie (12-29-93)      

Response:

Re: >I have a 3 1/2 year old son who is essentially potty trained except that >he still insists on using a diaper for his bowel movements. He doesn’t >wear a diaper at all during the day and wears pull-ups to bed, but when he > has to "poop" he brings me a diaper. ….

We have been potty training our 33-34 month old boy.  And it has been extremely frustrating!  I think he is physcially ready.  He will sit on the potty for as long as 1/2 hour, but he simply refuses to pee or poo in it!   He sits on the big potty with a "child-seat" on top of it and a stool-chair below (so his legs are not daggling).  When he has no diaper on, he will ask to have one put on when he wants to pee or poo.  Last night, when it’s close to his bath-time, after sitting on the potty for 15 mins with nothing, I put a pair of pants on him, and 5 minutes later, he pee in the pants. We tried   to withhold privileges and offer treats, but it didn’t work out.   When we saw that he’s pushing (he would go to a different room when he’s having a bowel movement), we asked if he wanted to go to the potty, and he would hold the b.m. in, or left it "half-done"….    He is our only child, so no sibling jealousy invovled here.   Any suggestions and advices? — hsc

Response:

I have gathered from reading this newsgroup that it is much better to drop the issue than to fight a battle you can’t possibly win.  He’s 3.5, which, probably seems a little old to you to be pooping in a diaper, but I’ll bet he’ll poop in the toilet eventually.  Maybe it would be a good idea to just drop it for a month or two and occasionally ask him if he’s interested in trying the potty again after a while. Kelly                           Seek to understand                    before seeking to be understood                               Kelly Kyes – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I have a 3 1/2 year old son who is essentially potty trained except that > he still insists on using a diaper for his bowel movements. He doesn’t > wear a diaper at all during the day and wears pull-ups to bed, but when he > has to "poop" he brings me a diaper.  We have tried making him sit on the > potty first, but he won’t go. We’ve tried withholding priveleges and > treats, but then he acts out and starts urinating in his pants, at which > point I put him in a diaper for the rest of the day, which he hates. I’m > at my wits end.  I’ve tried de-emphasizing the whole thing, but then he > doesn’t make any effort at all to change.  I also have a 20 month old, and > there is jealousy there of course and sometimes I think the older ones > refusal to poop in the potty has to do with his younger brother still > being in diapers and the attention he gets when he is changed, or > something like that. Can anyone help? > Kathie

Response:

Hi, Kathie! I’m a mom of two boys, 6 and 8.  You know what I’d suggest about the pooping problem?<s>  I’d sit your little boy down, tell him that you prefer that he use the potty for pooping, but he can choose to poop wherever he likes.  And, leave it alone.  Let him poop in the diaper, without making any comments at all.  He *will* get over it – making it a power struggle is definitely not a good idea. Even if it takes some time, trust that it’s just something he needs to go through right now, and is neither "healthy" nor "unhealthy."  Just part of *his* way of developing healthily. You know, my younger brother had a *terrible* problem with bedwetting.  My mom asked the doctor what to do.  He laughed and said, "Well, I can promise you that by the time he enters college, he’ll be over it!<s>"  Sometimes we get too wrapped up in little deviations from the norm with out kids!<big smile>  Your little boy will be well-adjusted, as long as you surround him with love and understanding, and not make him feel like there’s something "wrong" with him if he a little bit of a late bloomer! Happy parenting – Remember, you have every ability within yourself to do a great job and to offer you children whatever it is they need in the moment!   Warmly, Angela

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Just a few thoughts.  Does he maybe feel that the potty chair is for "babies" to poop in and sees the toilet as being for big people?  Does he know any other kids you can visit that he can observe?  If you let him sit on the toilet, be sure to have a footstool.  Having dangling feet is kind of scary for kids.  Could you possible "run out" of diapers because you "forgot" to buy them?  Our potty chair had a top that came off and could be attached to the toilet so there was no fear of falling in.  In my son’s preschool there were two 5 year olds who sort of agreed to give up diapers at the same time.  The first one said he would stop using diapers when he turned five and when he did, he reminded his friend that now it was his turn.

Response:

>I have a 3 1/2 year old son who is essentially potty trained except that >he still insists on using a diaper for his bowel movements. He doesn’t >wear a diaper at all during the day and wears pull-ups to bed, but when he >has to "poop" he brings me a diaper.  

My daughter went through something similar when she was potty training. She would not go poo poo in her diaper or the potty, she would just hold it in days on end! I would just tell her that her poopies want to get out and go down the potty to a poop party with the other poopies. I know this sounds sick but after awhile it worked! I actually brought her down to the basement and showed her the sewer pipe that led from the potty to the big pipe that led out the house. I told her that’s where our poopies go and that they love to go to the party. When she would sit on the potty we would talk about the poop party and how much fun they will have. I also told her that the poopies don’t want to be inside of her body anymore, that they are ready to leave. Any way when she finally did do it in the potty she was so excited and we said goodbye and told them to have fun at the party. Now it took awhile of doing this before there was no problems when it came to pooping. Hang in there…. there is light at the end of the tunnel. L.Jones

Response:

"I have a 3 1/2 year old son who is essentially potty trained except that he still insists on using a diaper for his bowel movements. He doesn’t wear a diaper at all during the day and wears pull-ups to bed, but when he has to "poop" he brings me a diaper.  We have tried making him sit on the potty first, but he won’t go. We’ve tried withholding priveleges and treats, but then he acts out and starts urinating in his pants, at which point I put him in a diaper for the rest of the day, which he hates. I’m at my wits end.  I’ve tried de-emphasizing the whole thing, but then he doesn’t make any effort at all to change.  I also have a 20 month old, and there is jealousy there of course and sometimes I think the older ones refusal to poop in the potty has to do with his younger brother still being in diapers and the attention he gets when he is changed, or something like that. Can anyone help?" Sorry, I can only sympathize. My recently turned 4 year old daughter does the same thing. She has no siblings so there’s no jealously element.  She simply refuses to poop in the potty. Since I put diapers on her at night, then and only then she has a bowel movement.(Of course, if she’s obviously uncomfortable and has to go, I’ll put a diaper on her)   Although she’ll happily pee in the toilet (and this achievement has only VERY recently been achieved) She clearly acknowledges that she has NO intention of pooping in the toilet, and that she loves her diapers and that’s where she’ll poop. I’m baffled too.  

Response:

I have a 3 1/2 year old son who is essentially potty trained except that he still insists on using a diaper for his bowel movements. He doesn’t wear a diaper at all during the day and wears pull-ups to bed, but when he has to "poop" he brings me a diaper.  We have tried making him sit on the potty first, but he won’t go. We’ve tried withholding priveleges and treats, but then he acts out and starts urinating in his pants, at which point I put him in a diaper for the rest of the day, which he hates. I’m at my wits end.  I’ve tried de-emphasizing the whole thing, but then he doesn’t make any effort at all to change.  I also have a 20 month old, and there is jealousy there of course and sometimes I think the older ones refusal to poop in the potty has to do with his younger brother still being in diapers and the attention he gets when he is changed, or something like that. Can anyone help? Kathie

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