Pure Parents

Question:

It doesn’t sound like you are the godmother, so it really isn’t your responsibility unless you choose to make it so.  Think about how you feel about this situation.  If you are willing to take on "godparenting" responsibilities (which, believe it or not, aren’t gifts and cards, they are spiritual/religious guidance), then go ahead and make yourself "honorary" godparent.  If you resent this responsibility, and it sounds like you might, then talk to your husband.  Tell him you are not going to be responsible for his god parenting "duties".  Then stand by it.  If godparenting is very involved in his family, and he is not up to the involvement, then he never should have agreed to be the godfather.  Perhaps he should have to sink or swim on his own. I agree that the children stand the most to loose, and if you feel this way, perhaps you should think of yourself as the godmother, and do what *you* feel that a godmother should do. Mary mother to Elizabeth Dana (5-3-95) & Jennifer Nicole (9-21-97)

Response:

> > I need some advice re: my husbands roll as a God father.  He has three > God children.   > Don’t make yourself crazy.  You’ve spoken to your husband and nothing’s > happened.  This shouldn’t be your responsibility, but you’ve taken it > upon yourself, so if you’re going to go ill with guilt, at least make > your life easier.  Tuck a few dollars, a gift certificate, or a savings > bond into a card, add some warm, handwritten wishes, pop it into the > mailbox, and be done with it.

I agree with Linda.  You’ve done it for a while and your dh is just going to let it sit until you do it.  Godparenting isn’t the same as it used to be for many people.  I would certainly assume your husband would be there for the Godchildren if spriritual/raising type issues were needed. However, the presents and cards fall more into the social secretary realm. Bet you buy most of the stuff for his blood-family too (cards, presents, etc.).  I know I sure do.  I’m not sure if my husband would realize that his mother’s/sister’s/niece’s/whatever’s birthday had gone by if I didn’t tell him ‘Oh, we sent your mother a ….’  And, of course, they all know that this is something I do in this family becuase they all do it in theirs.  Terribly sexist, I know, but that’s just the way it is and I prefer to choose battles over stuff that gets my goat more.   Bottom line is your dh knows he should be doing it but he just doesn’t think about it.  Not a terrible sin in the scheme of things but one that’s certainly getting on your nerves.  Only you can decide if it’s getting on your nerves enough to make a stink about it. > Linda (who would be happy if her child’s godparents could be bothered > with just the card)

I feel this way sometimes, Linda, until I realize that my oldest’s Godfather is a priest and is rather busy during Christmas.  A busy priest and a guy  we just got the Christmas card from him tonight. — Denise Duggan aka HyperMommy Mom to Jimmy (4) and Joey (2) Who are both "all boy"

Response:

> I need some advice re: my husbands roll as a God father.  He has three > God children.   > Then the gifts sat on the counter > for 5 weeks.  I finally told my dh how I felt 3 wks into it and he was > ok with everything, he agreed that the God children were his > responsibility, but the present still sat there until I mailed it > today(2 wks later).  What I worry most about is that if I don’t do > anything and he doesn’t do anything then the only poeple who really > suffer are the children (and of course we look completely insensitive > which I don’t want to be).  His family makes a *big* deal about "God > Parenting" (except of course the youngest in the family=my dh  

Don’t make yourself crazy.  You’ve spoken to your husband and nothing’s happened.  This shouldn’t be your responsibility, but you’ve taken it upon yourself, so if you’re going to go ill with guilt, at least make your life easier.  Tuck a few dollars, a gift certificate, or a savings bond into a card, add some warm, handwritten wishes, pop it into the mailbox, and be done with it. — Linda (who would be happy if her child’s godparents could be bothered with just the card) "I can’t believe that we are going to let a majority of the people decide what’s best for this state."  LA State Rep J. Travis

Response:

I need some advice re: my husbands roll as a God father.  He has three God children.   One God child is a friend and two are relatives. My husband is from a large family, 7 siblings!  I am an only child, but I am proud to be a auntie to 14 wonderful kids.  But  re: the God parent issue, I find that I do everything ie: cards for all occasions, presents for all those occasions, special little surprises in between those special little occasions and I don’t feel it is my responsibility.  In addition, we live 500 miles away from our family and friends so  trips to the post office (with my own two little ones) can be just a tad bit difficult. (Of course when we lived in Houston and had a post office with a drive-thru window… I didn’t mind it as much.)  <<g>> Here’s a recent example: We spent the Christmas holidays  with our family and my dh didn’t get in touch with the non-family God child so as a result his presents travelled 1000 miles-Yahoo!  (BTW the father and my dh are very good friends and dh was his best man at their wedding-just some history for y’all) Then the gifts sat on the counter for 5 weeks.  I finally told my dh how I felt 3 wks into it and he was ok with everything, he agreed that the God children were his responsibility, but the present still sat there until I mailed it today(2 wks later).  What I worry most about is that if I don’t do anything and he doesn’t do anything then the only poeple who really suffer are the children (and of course we look completely insensitive which I don’t want to be).  His family makes a *big* deal about "God Parenting" (except of course the youngest in the family=my dh  So am I a horrible person?  Or do I have a leg to stand on here?                                                         Thanks                                                                         Mrs. C

Response: