Question:
Utilize the time when your son is napping to pamper yourself. Do something you really enjoy (a craft or hobby, reading, napping, etc.) you’ll feel relaxed and refreshed when he wakes up. Also, sign up for an evening class (doesn’t have to be scholastic, can be cooking, exercise, etc.) when your husband is home to watch the baby. You get a much needed break and he gets bonding time with his son. Talk with your doctor or midwife about your depression. You may have a mild form of post-partum "baby blues". As far as time alone with your husband, how about a candle-light dinner after your son goes to bed? To find a babysitter, check to see if your local hospital or library runs a babysitters class. They often distribute lists of their "graduates". Find one close to where you live and have them come over while you’re home so you can get comfortable with eachother. Maybe you’ll go through a few potential sitters before you find the right one, but then you’ll be all set. One final suggestion, when you do go visit the relatives, instead of visiting the whole time with everyone, leave the baby with a trusted family member and go off alone with your husband for a few hours. Good luck! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Geographiclly speaking, where are you? Can you trust a teenager > with your baby? Have you joined a church? (Many churches have Mother’s > Morning Out programs or Shitch and Chat programs) How about a community > mom and baby excercise program? > Hope any of these are helpful! > Jennifer Newton > I am the mom of an eight-month old. The problem is that my husband > and I have no living relatives nearby, and none of our friends are > willing to babysit our son. This is causing a severe strain on our > marriage. Since I am the only one who takes care of him everyday, I > am about to go out of my mind. My husband is never home, and > complains that I am always depressed (which I am!). Does anybody have > any ideas about trying to find help for me and my baby? I need a > break, and soon!!
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Dear Patty, You need a break and something else to do! I can only endorse many of the suggestions mentioned in other responses. I highly recommend a babysitting coop, either formal or informal. I also suggest you try to find a mothers group where you can meet like-minded women and find friends and help. I recommend FEMALE (Formerly Employed Mothers at the Leading Edge). We are a support and advocacy group for mothers who have decided to be the primary care-givers for their children. We have about 3,700 members and 120 chapters in the US. Chapters offer bi-monthly meetings, playgroups, speakers, newsletters, and other activities for both moms only and moms with children. You can find the closest chapter by calling FEMALE at 708/941-3553 or by writing to P.O. Box 31, Elmhurst, IL 60126. Many chapters offer babysitting coops as well. Is there a Newcomers club in your area? I belong to mine solely because of the babysitting coop which has been a godsend. If you can afford it, what about putting your child in some kind of daycare/mother’s morning out program one or two mornings a week? This has been my personal lifesaver; my younger daughter has gone to such a program since she was 6 months old and I treasure that time. Good luck. Lucinda, mother to Camille and Maia, ages almost 6 and almost 4 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I am the mom of an eight-month old. The problem is that my husband >and I have no living relatives nearby, and none of our friends are >willing to babysit our son. This is causing a severe strain on our >marriage. Since I am the only one who takes care of him everyday, I >am about to go out of my mind. My husband is never home, and >complains that I am always depressed (which I am!). Does anybody have >any ideas about trying to find help for me and my baby? I need a >break, and soon!! >Thanks in advance! >Patty
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I am the mom of an eight-month old. The problem is that my husband >and I have no living relatives nearby, and none of our friends are >willing to babysit our son. This is causing a severe strain on our >marriage. Since I am the only one who takes care of him everyday, I >am about to go out of my mind. My husband is never home, and >complains that I am always depressed (which I am!). Does anybody have >any ideas about trying to find help for me and my baby? I need a >break, and soon!! >Thanks in advance! >Patty >Hi Patty, > I agree that it’s urgent that you find help. I think you
are dealing with two separate issues, alone time and marriage togetherness time. I have two children and work part time. I am lucky enough to have parents and in-laws to watch the kids when I go to work. But I feel guilty asking them when it’s just for free time for myself or my husband and I. I started going for walks when my husband gets home from work, just to get out for 1 hr. three times a week. I concentrate on the scenery and exercise, I try not to think about home. My husband belongs to a gym and when he goes he takes the kids with him. They provide childcare for $2.00 a child. Since my husband remains in the building and checks on the kids periodically, I feel it’s safe. My husband and I started dating again to enrich our marriage, we usually do dinner and a movie with another couple. We do this once a month and really look forward to it. We are better parents now because we are happier. We’re finding out how to have fun in a different way than before we had children. As far as a sitter for this, we have met several girls at our church who are good candidates. We watch them play with our kids in the nursery during worship services. We have found out who they like and the personalities of the girls. One last suggestion I have is that maybe you know a couple that you could share childcare with. For example, you could watch their kids one Thursday and they could watch your kids two weeks later. That way both couples could have some alone time. Good luck! Terri ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <>< ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
and http://www.kd3bj.ampr.org/~russ/wenner.html <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< ><> <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><
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I have the same problem I have four children and no one to babysit and never have done, it is depressing at times and that trapped feeling sets in from time to time with me after eight years of it. The thinks i’d found that helped it finding places that you can go where there are other adults to talk to as the conversation from a baby is so mentally stimulating NOT!! Mother and todders group are somewhere to start as at least you have something in common with all the other people there and your kid is welcome. Beware though as you will be sick of more baby talk. Secondly make sure all your childless friends realize you still want to socialize as I found most of them presumed I wanted to be stuck at home all day. Thirdly you might have to go a lot yourself if you cann’t go to them make them come to you, invite people around all the time I now have a network of friends who come on verious nights of the week and so does my husband. We BBQ all summer with different friends , do kiddy things with people with no children they get a real buzz from being asked and being allowed to be childish all in a good cause. Fourthly if it’s possible do go to night school, get a part-time job or even some volunteer work wish can be very limited and flexible. Fifthly talk about it to your partner and get the anger for your life turning upside down without your consent and don’t be ashamed you feel the way you do and ask anyone possible for help they can always refuse. — Bye for now….write back soon:-)
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> > I am the mom of an eight-month old. The problem is that my husband > and I have no living relatives nearby, and none of our friends are > willing to babysit our son. This is causing a severe strain on our > marriage. Since I am the only one who takes care of him everyday, I > am about to go out of my mind. My husband is never home, and > complains that I am always depressed (which I am!). Does anybody have > any ideas about trying to find help for me and my baby? I need a > break, and soon!!
I can absolutely relate to this–when Colby was 7 months old we moved to Seattle where there were no relatives and I didn’t know anyone. I wasn’t working at the time and then my husband had to go on a long trip oversees. I thought I would lose my mind! The only person I talked to day in and day out was an 8 month and the television! anyway, I had been going to Weight Watchers, and I FINALLY met someone else there who had small children and who I had some things in common with. She and I started getting together to let the kids play and our friendship grew from that and we started swapping baby sitting favors. I guess my suggestion to you is to try to locate a playgroup through your church, doctor’s office, anything you can think of. Even if you’re not a religious person, a lot of churches have mothers groups and stuff set up and you don’t necessarily have to go to that church to join. Its really pretty easy to make friends with other people who have small children and swapping baby sitting favors is usually not too difficult to talk someone into doing. Hope you feel better. Hang in there. Kelly
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> I am the mom of an eight-month old. The problem is that my husband > and I have no living relatives nearby, and none of our friends are > willing to babysit our son. This is causing a severe strain on our > marriage. Since I am the only one who takes care of him everyday, I > am about to go out of my mind. My husband is never home, and > complains that I am always depressed (which I am!). Does anybody have > any ideas about trying to find help for me and my baby? I need a > break, and soon!! > Thanks in advance! > Patty
Dear Patty, < Check with your docter about your feelings of depression….Post partum depression is a real thing that can make you feel real bad. I can’t stress this enough to you – feelings of helplessness, no energy, no motivation, loss of appetite – these are just a few things that can happen after giving birth – however when symptoms are prolonged – you need to get medical advice….. Do you belong to a church that might have a daycare? Can you afford to pay for a babysitter (then they WILL come to your house and babysit!). Best Wishes and Congratulations on your new baby, Michele. — MZ(
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Geographiclly speaking, where are you? Can you trust a teenager with your baby? Have you joined a church? (Many churches have Mother’s Morning Out programs or Shitch and Chat programs) How about a community mom and baby excercise program? Hope any of these are helpful! Jennifer Newton – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I am the mom of an eight-month old. The problem is that my husband > and I have no living relatives nearby, and none of our friends are > willing to babysit our son. This is causing a severe strain on our > marriage. Since I am the only one who takes care of him everyday, I > am about to go out of my mind. My husband is never home, and > complains that I am always depressed (which I am!). Does anybody have > any ideas about trying to find help for me and my baby? I need a > break, and soon!!
Response:
You need to make time for yourself. How about advertising in your local paper for a babysitter (once a week to start) and go out and do something for YOU. It’s not easy being a new mom and we often seem to forget about our needs and put out husnand and baby first. That’s fine, but you need time as well! I love having mom friends on-line, so please email me direct, any time! Jennifer Sturgis67
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(Rodney Stapivic) writes: >I am the mom of an eight-month old. The problem is that my husband >and I have no living relatives nearby, and none of our friends are >willing to babysit our son. This is causing a severe strain on our >marriage. snip > Does anybody have >any ideas about trying to find help for me and my baby? I need a >break, and soon!!
You said that your husband is "never" home. You could make a deal with him. For every hour that he is late getting home from work, you get an hour on the weekend just for yourself. I waited four years to get the perfect arrangement (sp?). We are letting a college student stay rent free in our extra room in trade for watching our two kids for two hours every day. Other things that have worked: finding another "frazzled" mom through a postpartum group. Once a week I watch her child and mine for two hours, then the next day she watches both for two hours. Also, get out of the house as much as you can. I would put a snowsuit on my first baby during our San Francisco "summers" and put him in the backpack and go for a walk. Just talking to the neighbors who loved to talk to a baby was at least better than staring at the clock at home and that might be a way to meet someone who knows a neighborhood babysitter.
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> I am the mom of an eight-month old. The problem is that my husband > and I have no living relatives nearby, and none of our friends are > willing to babysit our son. This is causing a severe strain on our > marriage. Since I am the only one who takes care of him everyday, I > am about to go out of my mind. My husband is never home, and > complains that I am always depressed (which I am!). Does anybody have > any ideas about trying to find help for me and my baby? I need a > break, and soon!!
Who do your friends use for babysitting? If they have children, ask them who their sitter is, then you’ll at least have a few names to start. Call the sitter, and tell him/her that he/she was recommended If your friends don’t have kids, talk to some of the people you see on a daily or weekly basis (checkout clerk at grocery store, mailman). If nothing else, grab a newspaper and check the classifieds. The people who advertise their services expect to be interviewed, and should have references. A lot of them are moms themselves, who are looking for a little extra income and/or a playmate for their own kiddos. Start with leaving your baby for an hour or two, to get a feel for how the baby acts, and whether you feel as if you can trust the sitter. — Carla, Mommy to Shawn (5) and Seth (4) I’m very brave generally, only today I happen to have a headache. ~~ Tweedledum
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(Rodney Stapivic) writes: >I am the mom of an eight-month old. The problem is that my husband >and I have no living relatives nearby, and none of our friends are >willing to babysit our son. This is causing a severe strain on our >marriage. snip > Does anybody have >any ideas about trying to find help for me and my baby? I need a >break, and soon!!
We have had this problem for many years (complicated by the fact that both of our children are handicapped). We advertised in the supermarkets and eventually was able to set up a cooperative sitting service among five families. We got to know all of them fairly well before we did any sitting. Side effect: we made four friends. Mark S. Probert Merrick, New York
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>I am the mom of an eight-month old. The problem is that my husband >and I have no living relatives nearby, and none of our friends are >willing to babysit our son. This is causing a severe strain on our >marriage. Since I am the only one who takes care of him everyday, I >am about to go out of my mind. My husband is never home, and >complains that I am always depressed (which I am!). Does anybody have >any ideas about trying to find help for me and my baby? I need a >break, and soon!! >Thanks in advance! >Patty
Hi Patty, We don’t have any relatives near us either, but we found a couple of resources that have helped a lot. The job service office (same place you go for unemploy- ment and to look for jobs) in our area maintains a list of teenage babysitters, and they’ve been able to give us a list of those that live in our neighborhood, or close by. Also, we have a Child Care Referral service that does something similar for certified and licensed home day care providers. The BEST sources of names for babysitters, though, have been friends from work, activities like karate classes, and church youth groups. Some athletic clubs and YMCAs also offer child care for you while you’re using their facilities. That was great for me, because the exercise helped me feel really good (releases natural endorphines, etc.) AND I would get a break from the little one while doing it, an hour or so 2-3 times a week. Taking exercise classes would also give you a start on a circle of friends from which to get more information about good babysitters. :-) Good luck, Sue Garcia — Sue Garcia *.* Since how I feel is entirely
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I am the mom of an eight-month old. The problem is that my husband and I have no living relatives nearby, and none of our friends are willing to babysit our son. This is causing a severe strain on our marriage. Since I am the only one who takes care of him everyday, I am about to go out of my mind. My husband is never home, and complains that I am always depressed (which I am!). Does anybody have any ideas about trying to find help for me and my baby? I need a break, and soon!! Thanks in advance! Patty
Response:
>> Patty said, "The problem is that my husband and I have no living >relatives nearby, and none of our friends are willing to babysit our
son." Ouch. Sounds like a problem. But, don’t you have friends who also have children, and if not, find a couple. In our town, the Mall has set up a Parenting Room, where you can go in and drop the child off while you shop, or play with your child and interact with other parents. Sounds like you should find a similar group, or start one! Post notices in churches, at Town Hall, in the Pharmacy, and get a Parents Group to meet in donated space. Bring the kids, network, and you will (or should) find at least one nice couple who wouldn’t mind watching an extra for a couple hors on a weekend, knowing you will reciprocate. The option is to find a family willing to adopt the spouse, or find a dealer to take him in trade for a different model… Glenn (Yea, a guy..but I’ve been there with an overworking spouse. That’s why I’m on the computer at night, while she and little one sleep.) "A waist is a terrible thing to mind…" GHFredenbu
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