Pure Parents

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Very informative. Thanks!   BKH

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>Very informative. Thanks!   BKH

I second the motion!  A great summary of the available data and expert opinion.  Thanks! Erik

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Thirty-nine percent of American parents claim that they were victims of abuse when they were growing up.  Most of those (82%) indicated that they were abused by a family member.  Half of all American parents say they use spanking as a way to discipline their children.  One out of three parents agree that even though they would like to be better at parenting, they do not know how (based on a nationwide telephone survey conducted by the Barna Research Group, Glendale, CA., Feb. and Mar., 1993. KidsPeace A 1995 national survey of America’s little-studied 10- to 13-year olds reveals that nearly half are afraid they might be unhappy, when asked about the future.  More than nine out of 10 preteens always feel loved by their parents.  Among students in the fifth, sixth and seventh grades, 23% say they are not comfortable interacting with their parents on sensitive matters. Among eighth graders, however, 43% make the same claim.  Thirty-five percent say they have difficulty communicating with their parents because they are afraid their parents won’t understand.  KidsPeace According to Murray Straus, a researcher of family violence and co-director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire, the family itself is "the cradle of violence" and "a reduction in the largely taken for granted family violence called spanking is one of the most important steps we can make toward achieving a less violent world."   On  reviewing earlier studies, a group of researchers headed by Zvi Strassberg of Vanderbilt found indications that physically disciplined children became more aggressive than those who had not been spanked. From Strassberg’s study of kindergarten students: The children’s behavior indicated that spanking is associated with higher levels of aggression toward peers.   "It’s important to teach", said Deb Gebeke, North Dakota State, "not to punish.  Most of our efforts should be in teaching children what to do instead of what not to do".   Jordan Riak, Executive Director of Parents and Teachers Against Violence in Education (PTAVE), says:  "You will hear people say, `My parents spanked me because they loved me.  It did me a world of good.’  People who say such things are sealed off from the memory of their childhood feelings as if by a mile-thick concrete wall.  Such people spank their own children and urge others to spank children because, when the whole world appears to be doing it, they feel more comfortable in their predicament and more convinced of the correctness of their behavior.  There is a deep, durable prohibition in every one of us against hurting members of our species, particularly our offspring, so it takes some convincing to overcome it (the prohibition). spanking children.  Spanking only teaches children that when adults get angered or feel pressured, it’s okay to resort to physical force."   Ron L. Pitzer, a family sociologist, University of Minnesota, says: "Physical punishment causes children to focus on themselves and the pain they’re experiencing instead of the effects their behavior had on others.  Children must learn that their actions have hurtful consequences to others.  Children need to develop empathy and compassion.  Physical punishment does not help children develop these traits. Underlying both physical punishment and child abuse is the widespread belief that the use of physical force to punish is an acceptable way to deal with children’s `misbehavior’. Studies from as early as 1957 and as recent as 1993 find that when physical punishment is used, the aggressive behavior of children tends to increase rather than decrease."   Elaine T. Ashcroft, Ph.D., Department of Family and Human between `appropriate’ punishment and `abusive’ punishment.  Both physical and emotional abuse often comes as a result of `lost control’ rather than conscious attack." the power of kindness has greatly increased, and there is a wide-spread suspicion that cruelty and violence are not the instrumentalities of civilization."     The National PTA: "…, `to discipline means to teach.’ Rather than punishment, discipline should be a positive way of helping and guiding children to achieve self-control.  The purpose of discipline, then, is to teach children acceptable behavior so that they will make wise decisions when dealing with problems. Studies have shown that physical punishment, such as hitting and slapping and verbal abuse, are not effective.  While such punishment may seem to get fast results, in the long term it is more harmful than helpful." Jennifer Birckmayer, Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Cornell: "Child development experts usually agree with experienced, effective parents that scolding, slapping, isolating or otherwise punishing.. are not appropriate ways to let children know what they can or cannot do.   An effective disciplinarian is one who teaches through example and directs children in ways that make them feel accepted and competent.  Children learn to be civilized by watching adults behave in civilized ways.  We must also demonstrate how to be caring, compassionate and kind to our own children, to our friends’ children, to children at risk of becoming violent or of becoming victims, etc. — in other words, to all children." Dennis D. Embry, Ph.D., University of Kansas at Lawrence, in a parents and children shows that spanking, scolding, reprimanding and nagging INCREASES the rate of street entries by children."   "Above all, I believe that there should never be any violence" (Astrid Lindgren, author of the Pippi Longstocking books). "Aggression is an obvious form of perpetuating violence in society.  A more subtle form of this is spanking because it takes it’s toll on a child’s self-esteem, dampening his enthusiasm and causing him to be rebellious and uncooperative", Kathryn Kvols, president of the International Network for Children and Families. "I am a part of that non-spanking group, both as mother and as a psychologist.  I believe that spanking – or tapping, or slapping, or cuffing, or shaking, or beating or whipping – children is actually wrong.  I also believe (and hope to show) that far from producing better disciplined people, spanking makes it much more difficult to teach children how to behave."  Penelope Leach "We often use punishment as a form of discipline; but as a teaching technique punishment isn’t very effective."  Thomas R. Lee, Ph.D, Department of Family & Human Development, Utah State. "Don’t hit your children." American Psychological Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics. Is spanking a good form of discipline?  No.  Discipline should help children learn how to control their own behavior.  Spanking is used to directly control children’s behavior.  Spanking does not teach children how to change what they do, as good discipline should.  National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse and Marilyn E. Goodman, Ed.D., College of Education, University of Georgia. _Hitting People Is Wrong – And Children Are People Too_, by Radda Barnen, is a pamphlet published by EPOCH- End Physical Punishment of Children, a national campaign launched in 1989 in the UK. The above are excerpted from the 40+ articles from all over the net that are linked at http://www.cei.net/~rcox/nospan.html Randy Cox The NoSpan King Page http://www.cei.net/~rcox/nospan.html

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