Question:
Sounds like you had some irresponsible, selfish parents. By the way, for all those saying kids can get grants, etc, guess where that money comes from? Yes, the source of all government handouts: OUR TAX DOLLARS!!! I’m sick of paying high taxes so irresponsible people can have more children than they can afford!
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> My husband and I just had our first child. I was amazed at how many > people are already asking us about how we’re going to pay for college. My > husband paid for his (rather expensive) college education himself and > through scholarships. I got scholarships, loans, and a tiny inheritance > from my great-grandmother. Neither I nor my husband got money from > family, except to pay for books and stuff ocassionally. We both worked > summers and during school. > So why are we expeceted to pay for Lily’s education? I mean, why do > parents feel compelled to pay for college? We’re planning to instill into > her at an early age that she’s expected to go to college and to pay for > it, either by working or by making good high-school grades so she gets > scholarships. I’m wondering if other parents have thought about this. > —
I too paid for my own college education through work, scholarships, and loans. My parents were not in a position to help me out so there was no discussion of the subject (actually, my father wanted to charge my siblings and I rent while still in HS, but that’s another story). BUT, the fact that my parents didn’t have the money is part of what made me eligible for the financial aid I did receive. And that’s how the system should work — the loans and scholarships are available for families without the means. Therefore, if we can afford to help our daughter with her education, I believe we have a responsibility to do so. OTOH, I learned a great deal of self-sufficiency because I didn’t rely on my parents (and they didn’t have an opportunity to attach strings). I have no problem with the financial end of helping our daughter to the extent that we can, but we’ll have to think long and hard about how to do that without compromising her independence. Valerie Lauterbach
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> Sorry, but I feel that telling your little girl she is expected to go to > college AND pay for it herself is a bit much. Nothing like a little > pressure! > Michel
I posted on your side. I was expected to go…no if’s, and’s, or but’s. My parents footed ZERO! I won’t put the same expectation on my children. I won’t be able to pay the whole thing, But by starting the saving now, the money wil go alot further.
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: So why are we expeceted to pay for Lily’s education? I mean, why do : parents feel compelled to pay for college? We’re planning to instill into : her at an early age that she’s expected to go to college and to pay for : it, either by working or by making good high-school grades so she gets : scholarships. I’m wondering if other parents have thought about this. DO you really want your kid to relive the terrible two’s at age 25 in your house? Spiros — Spiros Triantafyllopoulos URL: http://expert.cc.purdue.edu/~strianta School: Graduate Student (CEE), Human Factors Engineering, Purdue University
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> I think that paying for college is a parent’s responsibility > just as insuring that they have other necessities to make > it in life. My husband’s parents did not pay for his > education and we are now saddled with two student loans > that we’ll be paying on till the next millenium. A little > planning and saving now can ensure that your child has > a choice in what college to attend and can focus on > academics rather than working 40+ hours a week to make > ends meet as we both did in college. Not only that, but > some estimates put a college education at $240,000 by the > time a child born this year gets there!
I disagree that it is a parent’s responsibility to pay for college. I put myself through college and graduate school mostly on my own and I am extremely proud of the fact that I did it mostly myself. I did go to a community college in my home town when I was in undergrad and lived at home rent free, but I was expected to pay my own tuition, buy my own books, and pay for my own car and insurance, as well as buy my own clothes. I did receive a couple of small Pell grants, but they were not enough to cover expenses. I took out loans to make up the difference. I lived very very skimpily the entire time I was in school. When I got to grad school, my grandparents helped me some by giving me $100 per month through the 6 years I went, but it was a gift, not an obligation. I went to state schools and did not spend much at all on clothes or eating out or going to movies, etc. In fact my first year I lived in the dorm and worked part time and literally had just $300 per month to live on. Anyway, before this turns into a "I walked ten miles in the snow and it was uphill both ways story", the point I want to make is this: I lived extremely frugally–most of my friends whose parents foot the bill did not. I got all the way through grad school–doctorate level–with a student loan grand total of $7500. I worked part time and still managed to make good grades. It can be done. And for the record, I went to school in the 1980’s, not the 1890’s! We are saving money for our children’s college education–I had it really really hard and think it would have been nice to have a little relief, which is why I want to help with my kids’ education, but they will not go to college without paying at least some of the bill themselves. I think its more meaningful and they are less likely to goof off if they are responsible for paying for a good portion of it. Kelly
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>My husband and I just had our first child. I was amazed at how many >people are already asking us about how we’re going to pay for college. My >husband paid for his (rather expensive) college education himself and >through scholarships. I got scholarships, loans, and a tiny inheritance >from my great-grandmother. Neither I nor my husband got money from >family, except to pay for books and stuff ocassionally. We both worked >summers and during school. >So why are we expeceted to pay for Lily’s education? I mean, why do >parents feel compelled to pay for college? We’re planning to instill into >her at an early age that she’s expected to go to college and to pay for >it, either by working or by making good high-school grades so she gets >scholarships. I’m wondering if other parents have thought about this. >–
Did you and your husband pay for college yourselves because your famlies did not the financial resources or because your parents feel the same way you do? If your daughter gets the message that college is important, shouldn’t she feel as though it is important enough to you that you would be willing to meet her half way? I too was raised with the assumption that I would go to college. It was never really discussed; I was always going to college. My parents and I split the cost of my education. They paid the tution each year, and I was expected to pay for room, board, books, and living expenses. I worked all through college (like yourself) and took out extensive loans to cover the rest. I believe that our children’s education is important enough that we as parents should be willing to help pay for it. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
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I thought I read about a court case recently where a child sued his parents for college costs, and the court ruled that because the family was financially able to pay for college, they were obligated to do so. Anyone else see this?
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> I have to share your sentiment. That was the approach my folks and my > husband’s folks took with us. I’m a lawyer and he has a ph.d. and we paid > our entire way alone. It was hard, but has always been s source of pride for > us. I intend to take the same approach with my children. At the same time, I > also realize that times are changing and the financial part of college > education is changing. That expectation may not be realistic, so I’m trying > to prepare for all alternatives.
I think it is courageous..that you all paid your way, and want your children to do the same. I also paid my way, had loans, worked etc…I think part of that can be expected from and college attendee, however whats the damage in putting 75$ a month into a mutual fund for your child, to go toward your childs future. We began an account, the month our son was born. He is 2 and 1/2. We put it in an aggressive growth mutual fund (made 28% this last year), It will continue to accrue and grow for 16.5 more years. I pay the taxes on it. Our thoughts are to have him use it for college, or training after high school, or to be able to wisely invest it toward setting him up in some sort of future business. This of course won’t cover the entire costs, but, it could help make the difference on the type or quality of education received. His money he earns is his money. This money has strings. Don’t get me wrong this is not his, and will not be used to buy a car or take a trip around the world. I think we will be loose in our interpretation, college is not a must, but setting up for the future and if that is being a doctor great, if it is a carpenter, I’m happy with that too. However if he decides to follow a life of drugs we will not support that. He is our investment too, I can’t understand the you turn 18 and your on your own – no visible lines of support. That is a very scary prospect for any child. I want mine to know that he has the security of a safety net, if he needs one. And whatever his life decisions, as long as they are thought out, will be supported.
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I may have a bit different perpsective on this, as a parent of young children that I hope will be able to attend college when the time comes, and as a professor teaching the people that are there now… 1) Unless you are more than middle-class, it is highly unlikely that you could save enough to pay for college even if you began the day your child was born. Unless something changes, tuition even at relatively bargain schools like Iowa State will simply be beyond what working families can afford. 2) At the moment, relatively little *significant* financial aid is available based on merit. Most is fully or partially need based, and even that consists overwhelmingly of loans or work study, which either saddle a person with huge debts after school, or seriously hamper the time they have to devote to their studies while in school. If, as I predict, college costs soar to the point where very few can afford to go without significant assistance, perhaps we’ll see this change– merit-based aid will have to become more significant in order for colleges to attract high quality students, not just high-income ones. 3) Someone argued that a student values their educational opportunties more if they have sacrificed to gain them. I would agree with this in general–students who have a financial stake in their education as a whole tend to be more highly motivated to get the most out of it, in my experience. But, on the other hand, I see an alarming number of students who frankly aren’t getting that much out of their studies because their work schedules simply don’t allow them enough time to keep up with their coursework. Alas, there are no easy answers or simple formulas. |Craig Weston–Assistant Professor of Music Theory, Composition, | | & Electronic/Computer Music, Iowa State University| | | |WWW: http://www.public.iastate.edu/~cweston/homepage.html |
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My son is 5 and I guess I’m just the opposite as the parents in the initial post – I never considered NOT helping him thru college. I certainly expect him to help (and to take courses that will help him get a good job, not just easy ones), but to force a child to foot the bill is a bit much. Alot of kids in that situation drop out, intending to return, but never do. My husband’s parents didn’t save one penny to help him, and he had the option of going to college and ending up $40,000 in debt after graduating or not going. He chose not going and insists our son have the opportunity he never had. I also have a copy of an IRS (at least, I think it was the IRS) report on how if college costs keep increasing at 2 to 3 times the rate of inflation, by the time my son is 18, a state college tuition will be $150,000 and a private college starting at $350,000. Things today just aren’t as easy as the previous generation. Our public schools are worthless and the opportunity of a cheap college education (one a kid can pay for while working for minimum wage) will be gone. We’re sticking to one child – between paying for private school and saving for college, that’s all we can afford. Alot of people I work with aren’t looking past next month and I don’t see that as a responsible way to be a parent in this day and age. Sorry, but I feel that telling your little girl she is expected to go to college AND pay for it herself is a bit much. Nothing like a little pressure! Michel – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > My husband and I just had our first child. I was amazed at how many > > people are already asking us about how we’re going to pay for college. My > > husband paid for his (rather expensive) college education himself and > > through scholarships. I got scholarships, loans, and a tiny inheritance > > from my great-grandmother. Neither I nor my husband got money from > > family, except to pay for books and stuff ocassionally. We both worked > > summers and during school. > > So why are we expeceted to pay for Lily’s education? I mean, why do > > parents feel compelled to pay for college? We’re planning to instill into > > her at an early age that she’s expected to go to college and to pay for > > it, either by working or by making good high-school grades so she gets > > scholarships. I’m wondering if other parents have thought about this. > > — >With three kids and college for the oldest only four years away, I think >about it a lot! >I put myself through college, and my husband only got a little help, and >we both have graduate degrees. My parents would have helped if they could >have, but they couldn’t. By the time my youngest brother and sister were >going, my folks’ financial position was better, so they were able to help >more. >One of the things you need to understand is that college is getting more >and more expensive (the cost is going up WAY faster than the cost of >living!) and the assistance available has gone down. There are very few >grants, scholarships don’t go very far, and loans now have a 9% interest >rate — with interest beginning right away. I am watching college age >kids make it through now, and, while I had to work hard to get through, >what they are going through is much worse. AND they are finishing with >absurdly high loans. Even state colleges (in many states, these are >excellent) can cost more than is possible or practical for a child to pay >for without being saddled with loans that make it impossible to go into >any field that doesn’t pay extremely well. >I don’t feel that we are "expected" to pay for our kids; and I will >certainly expect them to contribute to the cost. However, we will do what >we can to help as much as we can. And, unless political and other >conditions change quickly, I think that the time is coming when college >will not even be possible for kids whose parents are unable to help. >Marie Houck
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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >My husband and I just had our first child. I was amazed at how many >people are already asking us about how we’re going to pay for college. My >husband paid for his (rather expensive) college education himself and >through scholarships. I got scholarships, loans, and a tiny inheritance >from my great-grandmother. Neither I nor my husband got money from >family, except to pay for books and stuff ocassionally. We both worked >summers and during school. >So why are we expeceted to pay for Lily’s education? I mean, why do >parents feel compelled to pay for college? We’re planning to instill into >her at an early age that she’s expected to go to college and to pay for >it, either by working or by making good high-school grades so she gets >scholarships. I’m wondering if other parents have thought about this. >– > "Remember–no matter where you go, there you are." –Buckaroo Banzai
Hi Phaedra (tell me about your name — it’s interesting) I have to share your sentiment. That was the approach my folks and my husband’s folks took with us. I’m a lawyer and he has a ph.d. and we paid our entire way alone. It was hard, but has always been s source of pride for us. I intend to take the same approach with my children. At the same time, I also realize that times are changing and the financial part of college education is changing. That expectation may not be realistic, so I’m trying to prepare for all alternatives. DCK
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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Newsgroups: alt.parenting.solutions > Path: news2.cais.com!news.cais.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in1.uu.net!world!phae dra > Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA > X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2] > Lines: 17 > My husband and I just had our first child. I was amazed at how many > people are already asking us about how we’re going to pay for college. My > husband paid for his (rather expensive) college education himself and > through scholarships. I got scholarships, loans, and a tiny inheritance > from my great-grandmother. Neither I nor my husband got money from > family, except to pay for books and stuff ocassionally. We both worked > summers and during school. > So why are we expeceted to pay for Lily’s education? I mean, why do > parents feel compelled to pay for college? We’re planning to instill into > her at an early age that she’s expected to go to college and to pay for > it, either by working or by making good high-school grades so she gets > scholarships. I’m wondering if other parents have thought about this. > — > "Remember–no matter where you go, there you are." –Buckaroo Banzai >Dear parents,
I had help from my parents for college but most of the responsibility was placed on me. I think it’s wrong for parents to give their children a free ride because they don’t value it as much and don’t get prepared for life on their own. But I also agree that if you can afford it you should put some money away to lighten your children’s burden. It doesn’t hurt anyone to work part time and summers to learn how to balance responsibilities. If you’re working too much though, you will neglect your studies. Students may need to choose a community college or a less expensive school because of finances, but a properly motivated individual will make the most of any opportunity. Thanks, Terri ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <>< ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
and http://www.kd3bj.ampr.org/~russ/wenner.html <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< ><> <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><
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> > My husband and I just had our first child. I was amazed at how many > people are already asking us about how we’re going to pay for college. My > husband paid for his (rather expensive) college education himself and > through scholarships. I got scholarships, loans, and a tiny inheritance > from my great-grandmother. Neither I nor my husband got money from > family, except to pay for books and stuff ocassionally. We both worked > summers and during school. > So why are we expeceted to pay for Lily’s education? I mean, why do > parents feel compelled to pay for college? We’re planning to instill into > her at an early age that she’s expected to go to college and to pay for > it, either by working or by making good high-school grades so she gets > scholarships. I’m wondering if other parents have thought about this. > —
With three kids and college for the oldest only four years away, I think about it a lot! I put myself through college, and my husband only got a little help, and we both have graduate degrees. My parents would have helped if they could have, but they couldn’t. By the time my youngest brother and sister were going, my folks’ financial position was better, so they were able to help more. One of the things you need to understand is that college is getting more and more expensive (the cost is going up WAY faster than the cost of living!) and the assistance available has gone down. There are very few grants, scholarships don’t go very far, and loans now have a 9% interest rate — with interest beginning right away. I am watching college age kids make it through now, and, while I had to work hard to get through, what they are going through is much worse. AND they are finishing with absurdly high loans. Even state colleges (in many states, these are excellent) can cost more than is possible or practical for a child to pay for without being saddled with loans that make it impossible to go into any field that doesn’t pay extremely well. I don’t feel that we are "expected" to pay for our kids; and I will certainly expect them to contribute to the cost. However, we will do what we can to help as much as we can. And, unless political and other conditions change quickly, I think that the time is coming when college will not even be possible for kids whose parents are unable to help. Marie Houck
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> My husband and I just had our first child. I was amazed at how many > people are already asking us about how we’re going to pay for college. My > husband paid for his (rather expensive) college education himself and > through scholarships. I got scholarships, loans, and a tiny inheritance > from my great-grandmother. Neither I nor my husband got money from > family, except to pay for books and stuff ocassionally. We both worked > summers and during school. > So why are we expeceted to pay for Lily’s education? I mean, why do > parents feel compelled to pay for college? We’re planning to instill into > her at an early age that she’s expected to go to college and to pay for > it, either by working or by making good high-school grades so she gets > scholarships. I’m wondering if other parents have thought about this.
Personally because my parents weren’t able to help me or my brother go through college and university, I’d like to help our son. I found that having to work during high school affected me academically so that I wasn’t quite able to qualify for the scholarships I was trying for. I did get loans to pay for tuition and books however I found I had to work full time during my last year of college as well as maintaining my entire final year workload. It was not an enjoyable time. I’d like our son to be able to enjoy his post secondary education and to concentrate on his studies. I’m not saying we’ll give our son a free ride, because he will be expected to take some of the savings responsibility on himself, however we don’t expect him to do it alone. The old saying about surpassing one’s parents is one that I’d like to see him fulfill. — Brenda Mother of Devon (17 weeks)
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My husband and I just had our first child. I was amazed at how many people are already asking us about how we’re going to pay for college. My husband paid for his (rather expensive) college education himself and through scholarships. I got scholarships, loans, and a tiny inheritance from my great-grandmother. Neither I nor my husband got money from family, except to pay for books and stuff ocassionally. We both worked summers and during school. So why are we expeceted to pay for Lily’s education? I mean, why do parents feel compelled to pay for college? We’re planning to instill into her at an early age that she’s expected to go to college and to pay for it, either by working or by making good high-school grades so she gets scholarships. I’m wondering if other parents have thought about this. — "Remember–no matter where you go, there you are." –Buckaroo Banzai
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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Newsgroups: alt.parenting.solutions > Path: news2.cais.com!news.cais.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in1.uu.net!world!phae dra > Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA > X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2] > Lines: 17 > My husband and I just had our first child. I was amazed at how many > people are already asking us about how we’re going to pay for college. My > husband paid for his (rather expensive) college education himself and > through scholarships. I got scholarships, loans, and a tiny inheritance > from my great-grandmother. Neither I nor my husband got money from > family, except to pay for books and stuff ocassionally. We both worked > summers and during school. > So why are we expeceted to pay for Lily’s education? I mean, why do > parents feel compelled to pay for college? We’re planning to instill into > her at an early age that she’s expected to go to college and to pay for > it, either by working or by making good high-school grades so she gets > scholarships. I’m wondering if other parents have thought about this. > — > "Remember–no matter where you go, there you are." –Buckaroo Banzai
I think that paying for college is a parent’s responsibility just as insuring that they have other necessities to make it in life. My husband’s parents did not pay for his education and we are now saddled with two student loans that we’ll be paying on till the next millenium. A little planning and saving now can ensure that your child has a choice in what college to attend and can focus on academics rather than working 40+ hours a week to make ends meet as we both did in college. Not only that, but some estimates put a college education at $240,000 by the time a child born this year gets there! My parents paid for my college but did expect me to chip in. I worked part time in high school and college and bought my own car and paid for food and spending money. I also paid for a trip to France myself in high school. I never got a "free ride" but my parents did save to take care of my tuition and housing in college. I don’t see this as spoiling at all. Of course, not all parents can afford to save away money for their children; this is a different story.
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