Question:
writes: > So give it up. Ask your children if they’d rather be >in their room quietly with their door open or with it >closed, with their room light on or off, with their night >light on or off, with the radio on softly or off. Ask your >kids if they’d like to hear a bedtime story first or not. >Don’t hold all the cards; cut them in on the action, too
What do you do when you have more than one kid in a room, and one of the kids won’t shut up for anything, even when the other has had enough? I didn’t grow up in this situation, so have no pattern to go on.
Response:
MORE OLDER CHILD BEDTIME PROBLEMS reprinted from PARENTING WITH LOVE AND LOGIC – TEACHING CHILDREN RESPONSIBILITY, by Foster Cline MD and Jim Fay, Pinon Press, 1993 "Time for bed, Sweetie." You say every night. And every night you have to jump through all sorts of hoops before you get any action. It’s always something: "After this program ends." "Can I have something to eat first?" "Read me a story." "But I’m not tired." "There are monsters in my room." When it comes to finding reasons for not crawling under the covers, every child is an Einstein. The fact is, YOU CANNOT MAKE CHILDREN GO TO SLEEP. Their eyes will close and the dreams will descend on them when their body clocks tell them to. All the parental orders in the world can’t make it happen. Different kids require different amounts of sleep. Recent research has shown that brighter children, particu- larly gifted children, may not need as much sleep as others. Too bad. They are bright enough that they may be more of a problem when they’re awake. In reality, God has determined how much sleep kids need – and it varies from child to child. The sad thing with many parents is that they put their children to bed simply to get them out of their hair in the evening. These parents say, "Mommy and Daddy are tired, so it’s time for you kids to go to bed." Ideally, the children should be able to be up and out of their parents’ hair – at the same time. Instead of saying, "This is how much sleep you need every night," the love-and-logic parent says, "This is how much you have an opportunity to sleep at night because you’re in your room." That opportunity can begin at 7:30 or 8:30 or some other time. Allow the child and your need for privacy to determine the time. This takes the heat out of the bedtime battle. In fact, it makes it no battle at all. Bedtime, like many other control issues, can be defused by giving up control. Parents tend to underesti- mate children’s need for just a tiny bit of control. So, when they see their kids going for all the control, they think that’s what the children really want. In reality, all they want is a little control – not the whole enchila- da. So give it up. Ask your children if they’d rather be in their room quietly with their door open or with it closed, with their room light on or off, with their night light on or off, with the radio on softly or off. Ask your kids if they’d like to hear a bedtime story first or not. Don’t hold all the cards; cut them in on the action, too. A discussion of the bedtime issue with your child might sound like this: PARENT: "How much sleep do you think you need at night?" CHILD: "Not very much. I like to be up at night." PARENT: "Is that right? I can understand that. But you know, I’m the type of person who needs eight hours of sleep and about two hours of ‘alone’ time every night. So that’s ten hours when we won’t be together." CHILD: "Oh. Uh-huh." PARENT: "Would you rather my ‘alone’ time start at 8:00 or 8:30? Now, when I start my alone time that means you need to be in your room. You can read if you want, or you can go to sleep. So, which time would you prefer?" CHILD: "I don’t know." PARENT: "Well, if you don’t know, then I’ll probably have to pick a time." CHILD: "Okay, 8:30. Can I have my light on?" PARENT: "Sure." CHILD: "Can I play music?" PARENT: "Yes, as long as I can’t hear it." CHILD: "Do I have to be in bed?" PARENT: "Nope." CHILD: "Can I sleep on the floor?" PARENT: "No problem." Many of us won’t grant this sort of control for fear of the consequences. We’re afraid that little Gary – up till 1:00 a.m., rocking, with his radio and sorting his baseball cards – is going to be one obnoxious little dude in the morning. We’re right, of course. But that doesn’t mean Gary has to be an obnoxious dude around us. It’s the obnoxious- ness we consequence, not the number of hours he sleeps. Don’t think, "Now, he’s obnoxious, therefore, I’ve got to make him sleep more." Do think, "He’s obnoxious, there- fore, I can provide him with a super learning experience." Then say to the child, "You need to spend more time in the recreation room (or in his room, or anywhere, so long as it’s away from you) because you’re cranky." The child will probably say, "Well, I didn’t get enough sleep last night." And your reply? "Good thinking." The lesson will hit home.
[ MOMSIG < 1K ]
Lois E Paul, Executive Director Voice (209) 478-5585 Help The Children FAX (209) 478-5586 41 West Yokuts Avenue, Suite 107 TDD/TTY (209) 478-5685 HTTP://www.adopting.org/htc.html Mother to Helene (27), Erica (26), Thiago (16), Andy (10) and grandmother to Joshua (5), Jessica (5), and ? (due in Dec 96) - All Children Are Gifted…. They Just Open Their Presents At Different Times-
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.